Boyfriend watches camgirls. Help?

[Anonymous]

boyfriend told me out of nowhere he saw some busty girl on chaturbate bouncing around. I have very small boobs so I first of all felt quite sad he watches busty girls.

I've told him its okay for him to watch porn but I feel as if camgirls are way more personal and you choose a person more than just a sexual act. I told him it made me feel sad that he can't text me and ask for pictures or videos instead of looking up another girl.

He promised me he wouldn't do it again but he still makes it seem as I'm acting crazy for feeling sad about it. I've tried to explain that watching people have sex and watching a certain person is different to me and him admitting that he's sexually attracted to other girls hurts me. He told me it's normal for people to feel sexually attracted to lots of people but it isn't love. I told him cheating isn't love either but he just got even more mad and told me he doesn't want a girl who thinks like me.

He then started talking about how most guys have favorite pornstars and me liking actors is the same thing (I'm passionate about acting because I'm studying to become an actress). I told him i have no sexual feelings towards actors and that it hurts me to hear him try to make my hobby and interest something sexual.

Afterwards I told him it still hurts to hear him talk about having a type and how the lack of sex in our relationship makes it feel as if I'm not the type he was taking about. He suddenly says he has no type even though he continuously screamed it at me during our fight.

Since then I've told him a lot of times how he shouldn't need a camgirl because he has a girl who is willing to do things for him. I've asked him why having both pornhub and a girlfriend isn't enough but he has no asnwer.

He keeps acting as if I'm taking away all fun from him, but I just feel as if he's trying to turn it against me because he feels guilty. He usually blames me for his mistakes so it wouldn't surprise me.

Sorry for long post.

[Breanna_nonbinary]

Girls grow up with a delusional mental picture that they will find Prince Charming and live happily ever after. Parents try and protect their kids from reality. The reality is men are turned on by women and sex. Many women believe that men can turn off the part of their brain that makes them find other women attractive. This is impossible. It doesn’t matter how much he loves you or how beautiful you are he will always look and be drawn to sex and attractive women. For example, Tiger Woods has money, and a gorgeous wife and yet he still wanted other women. It’s in our biological nature to want to spread our genes.
What this means is that men will look at porn, and will look at girls in bikinis or stare at breasts. If you are insecure about your looks then you should realize that this insecurity isn’t attractive. I’m not saying that you should give him a free pass. But if he’s going to do that then he needs to do it privately. That is just respectful of your feelings. If he seeking to hook up with them then that’s a different matter completely. But just know that we all have biological needs and many times we grow up thinking that those biological needs don’t exist.
Feel free to PM me if you have any other questions.

[Asker]

I know they exist that's not the issue. The issue is he gets mad at me for being sad he looks for other girls to watch instead of asking me for nudes.

[Breanna_nonbinary]

It’s the human condition to want what we don’t have. The grass is always greener. I don’t think you should be sad. Have a little confidence in yourself. At the same time he wouldn’t be getting mad. If we all empathized a little more relationships would work out better. Feeling sad about this will only make you feel bad about yourself. Don’t compare yourself to others. Just be the best you can be.

[Asker]

I don't compare myself to others. I just feel sad that my boyfriend doesn't want me over them... I have no idea what exactly his type is. He just told me he watched big busted women. But knowing my boyfriend would rather watch camgirls than watching me will hurt even if the girls would look exactly like me. But to him I'm not allowed to even experience any feelings at all because why? Probably because when I cry he feels guilty and for some reason that is my fault. I have no dream prince delusions. I don't ask for a bunch of things. I only want the most basic of basics. I want him to love me and want me. If that is too much to ask of a man then I guess no man will ever be good enough for me. Having high standars is better than letting you get used either way. I'm lucky he is romantically a dreamguy. But I wouldn't date a nice guy who is cheating (not saying my boyfriend is) so why should I be fine with my boyfriend wanting others over me even though it's just online.

[Breanna_nonbinary]

My dear even if he watches them that doesn’t mean he gets to have sex with them. Just because he likes big breasts doesn’t mean he doesn’t like yours. If he is preferring to masturbate and cum rather than having sex with you then it’s time you moved onto greener pastures. Whatever you decide you need to understand that you are a beautiful person. That you deserve the best. That confidence in yourself and your looks are more sexy than a woman that constantly requires reassurance from others. Don’t spend your life worrying about things you cannot change. Accept yourself for who you are and be proud that you do the best that you can. There’s no shame in failing. There’s shame in know you didn’t achieve something because you decided you give up or didn’t give it your all.

[btbc92]

Asker. The problem with a lot of you girls, you tolerate bad behavior. Pornography and watching all that stuff, and lusting after people, and him lusting after you is never okay. Now on do you have no self esteem, you have lack of self-worth, and you don't love yourself as a person. He should love you for you, now whether or not you that breast. When guys are like that, it has nothing to do with love, has everything to do with them wanting to get their sexual film. You say you want help with his very quick you already said you don't. If you think this is okay, then you don't need help. If you are not okay with any of this stuff, then you'd better change that mentality you got, you better set the bar high, and you better re-evaluate what in the world is it you are accepting payments because you're accepting things you should not be accepting in your life. Which is why you get treated the way you do. A man that has respect would never treat anybody like that. Not even the woman that he says he wants to get to know. You decide if you want to continue to tolerate that behaviour. Because any man who watches porn, have sex outside of marriage, masturbates, muscles after me, or any woman, or mess around with that stuff being on social media or wherever they go at, is not a man I would pick for a partner. PERIOD. You got a man who doesn't give a damn. And you're being not only too soft, you being too naive, and you don't put your foot down because there's no boundaries. He's not going to respect you if you don't respect yourself by getting out of that kind of relationship.

[btbc92]

What you do not understand specially concern about men is this. 1. Once they have premarital sex you will never be enough. The same it can be for women also why? Because your first experience this was doing just that when you didn't have real commitment. 2. Once they start lusting after other women, you always be considered an option. When they listen to you they lusting after what they can get, when they looked at the women they looking at the possibility of what they can get. They're going to go after their highest chance of getting sex. gentleman will never do that. 3. A man who watches pornography we'll never be able to sexually respect you. There will never be able to truly love you, care about you, cherish you, or whatever it is that you're expecting a man to do. Because pornography teaches them that when a woman gives them everything sexually that means she loves him. Or desires 10. For women when they see pornography, they think receiving sex is a man showing them love and it's not. None of those things are true. Sex and not contact it's just sex. It is about just give them pleasure, and get them when they can get out of it. That's it. It has nothing to do with caring about you. It's about getting fulfillment at least what they think is fulfillment out of it. Because you are a human being that can supply it, they see you as supply and demand. Not a human being.

[btbc92]

You know, you got to really think about this and it's very sad that allows you don't think about this because you think wouldn't be until she was religious, and yet your suffering more than those understands that it's wrong. After reading your other comments, if you're watching porn, you're just as guilty as he is and you can judge him. If you're trying to get your sexual fill just by watching it, you're guilty. He's doing the same thing, he's guilty. You making your relationships only about sex so there you go. You got a guy who cares mainly about sex and he's not caring but everything else. You expecting to get love out of it will then that's where you are naive at, I'm sorry to say. You need to make up your mind and you you need to change internally because you're suffering if you don't repent from that, you don't look at those things, you don't ask God to help and change you, you you going to continue in the same cycle and 2 to get your stuff out of it. You people call this normal, but it's very clear it's not you lie to yourself and you deceive other people. What you decide if you want to live like that. I don't care what anybody wants to call me. I got called religious food all the time, I do not have to tolerate such Behavior. Its whoredoms. God made you who you are the young woman, and he made this man similarly. But it is choice to do sin. And he definitely didn't call for us to be doing all of these things.

[btbc92]

You got small breast that's fine sweetheart that's you. Nothing wrong with you. That's just part of genetics. That's just you. You have them breast or no breast doesn't have anything to do with the fact you were born a woman. The world is about using people. And according to the world you're only as valuable as you have something that people want. And if he likes or wants women with big breasts that's him. If he's with you because you got small one that's on him. But he sees you and use women as objects. So no he don't necessarily have to have a type. It's just that he's conditioned to pornography to desire those women. According to biology in a sense it would make sense why he would because it tells a man if a woman is fertile that's why men go after women without realizing it. And go after us when we are the most fertile to get us pregnant. You got to get down deep to the roof of where this is all coming from, and re-evaluate what your purpose is in this life as a woman. You decide if you want to be a woman of God, or you want to be a woman of the world. Just know that majority of us have to think about this at some point in our life. And I realize that if I'm not truly valued and loved for me, then it doesn't matter what I physically have. I will never be truly loved as long as people think this way of me.

[btbc92]

Other than the fact that he's not stable mind it, and this probably was back all the way into his childhood where he did not have a good upbringing, or he'll acted security and the basic needs that a child needs, he sounds like he also has porn addiction. He's going to need expensive counseling, he's going to need some serious therapy, and he's going to have to get on the program to help him find a source of his addiction, because you don't know what he may have going on. Some kids have been raped, molested, or dealt with a lot of problems growing up and they often end up being exposed to that behavior at a very young age. What they need is serious help. Not a relationship.

[JackofSpades]

I don't know what to tell you sweetheart.

I think I probably would have dropped watching it as soon as I knew it hurt you.

And I can't imagine why the hell he would have brought it up in the first place. He must have known it would make you feel like awful.

I understand why this hurts but I don't think you're boyfriend thinks he's done anything wrong, so I doubt he's going to change any time soon.

You mentioned a lack of sex in your relationship. Has he not slept with you yet or something.

I can't imagine why a man would choose porn over sex with a woman he loves unless he's just scared of actually having sex. In which case porn is his only release at this point.

I don't want to tell you to break up with him because it sounds like you care about him a lot.
But long story short is that he hurt you, he knows he hurt you, he's continuing to hurt you and he doesn't seem to care that much.

So it's really hard to recommend you try and work things out, because even though he says he loves you his actions seem to show otherwise.

[NyceGuyFinishingLast]

People have needs. People will be sexually attracted to other people regardless of relationship status.

Don't get me wrong I completely understand where you are coming from. I get it. Porn is less personal because you can't chat with the person you are watching but you can with a can girl. But, in hindsight your boyfriend is nobody to the cam girl. He is just dollar signs. So think how stupid your boyfriend really looks thinking he is getting a treat.

You have power to get back at him. Since he doesn't care about your feelings or thoughts hold the pussy from him. Let him look stupid pounding his pudd to a girl that he is not even an after thought with. Don't feel bad or left out because he gets his jollies off to a stranger. He should be asking for pics and videos of you because he is supposed to be sexually attracted and into you. Stand your ground, if he didn't want to play ball then tell that knuckle dragger to kick rocks.

[Asker]

Okay I will try this. Thank you!

[loves2learn]

If he’s watching porn instead of having sex with you, that is a problem.

[Asker]

Yeah I figured. I just don't know what to do. He's a good guy outside of that. But it feels like I'm not good enough

[loves2learn]

It’s not that you aren’t good enough it’s that he’s overusing porn and it’s getting in the way of his relationship with you. Maybe ask for some parameters like porn only every other day for certain amounts of time? He’s gotta cut back if it’s interfering with your sex life.

[Asker]

Yeah. He has told me he watches everyday so maybe. But can't really control him either. I get the feeling people think I'm boring and controlling when I talk about such things so I never demand anything. But it's hard to pretend like it's not bothering me.

[loves2learn]

I don’t think it’s demanding or controlling to have a healthy conversation with him and just point out that what’s really bothering you is that porn seems to be getting in the way of your sex lite with him, you care about him, you want to have sex with him and does he think he could cut back in order for that to happen?

[Asker]

But everytime I mention anything he says I'm complaining and manipulating him. I try to be very clear and even tried to show him as objectively as possible what he does when he hurts me (verbally) but he still says it's my fault and never even apologizes even if he told me I'm a psycho (for getting mad). I feel so weak because my words never reach him and I can't even speak a bit louder than usual without him saying I'm screaming. Its always the same thing and it's always my fault. Then the next day he treats me like a princess. We don't fight very often at all so it's not that our relationship is constantly chaos. But still.

[loves2learn]

That is abusive, gaslighting behavior hun. He shouldn’t be treating you like that. If I were you I would try to counter in a very calm voice with “I’m not mad, I’m hurt that porn seems to be more important to you than me, are you willing to work on this with me? I’m not asking you to give up porn entirely...” if he starts gaslighting you call him on it and say you don’t appreciate him twisting things on you like that. My husband used to gaslight me all the time. I hated it. I’m glad he stopped.

[Asker]

Okay. Thank you. I will try that.

[loves2learn]

You’re very welcome.

[Red_Arrow]

Not unusual for guys to watch porn and cam girls. But he should back off since you asked him to. Be happy with the porn and your nudes. Most guys would be happy with the sexual pictures you are providing him. This is certainly something you should think about. It may be wise to move on to a guy that appreciates the woman you are.

[The_Maphio]

If big boobs are a fetish of his, good luck making him stop.
It does not mean that he doesn't like or love you, it just means that boobs are his drug and he needs his fix.
Be honest with him if you can or can't take it though.

[Heiniken]

Mens sexual needs are so damn high that you alone can't meet them. Are you having sex daily? Most young men jack off several times a day, are you helping him with those needs?

Your sex drive is driving 40mph on your drive home, his is doing 200mph+ in a NASCAR race.

[Asker]

I am willing to have sex everyday but he doesn't want me. Need I say more?

[Heiniken]

Then he may not be sexually attracted to you as much as you think/hope for. If you are offering everyday and he's declining (more than 10% of the time) to choose porn over you then your relationship is not working. Its not all about sex but it is too important to ignore.

[Asker]

That's why I've talked to him about it but he says he loves my body and that I'm very sexy and stuff. We do have sex and he says he could have sex everyday, but then denies me everytime I try. It still feels as if "my issue" is his issue and he just won't talk about it.

[Heiniken]

I bet its your just not meeting his needs sexually. The act is important but you also need to be able to communicate about it with him. What are things that actually turn him on? Have you watched porn with him before? From my experiences Id only so no when my female partners asked like 1 in 25 times and its when I have had a super long super tiring day. Usually its the other way around and the mans requests are being denied. Welcome to how we feel.

[Asker]

I asked him what he likes and he says "having sex with you" so yeah that doesn't really help much. We watched porn together but he wouldn't choose anything in front of me.

[MotorcycleMan]

It's a delicate subject. I suspect neither of you is going to change your mind on this one. That gives you the option of putting up with it or moving on.
Generalizing, men tend to separate sex from love a lot more than women do. What he is doing is just fantasizing and masturbating, which are both healthy activities. You will never be his every fantasy. Men like variety. He may fantasize about other women, but this doesn't mean he is cheating and doesn't mean he doesn't love you.
Additional thoughts: Nice that he told you about it and shares this with you. The big fantasy would be for you to be interested as well and maybe play with him while he watches. Since it went down like this however, he will probably continue to watch chaturbate and just not tell you about it.
Also - screaming during a disagreement is completely not cool. Walk away from that until you can both have a level headed discussion.

[Asker]

I just don't understand why he isn't satisfied with having normal pornsites and a girlfriend who he can ask. He has to watch chaturbate too? It's just gross to me to never be satisfied and always greedy. Especially if he chooses porn over me. I guess I'm being a bir selfish. But I want to be his number one. And to me there is no other man who is sexually attractive. The moment I realized I loved him no other man could compare. So to me it is hard to understand why he would want more. He talks about me as if it's amazing he found me, yet he acts as if he doesn't care if he loses me. And seeing as he himself is extremely jealous, it feels unfair that he would not respect my feelings when I feel his attention is on someone else. I am not forced to lose all my male friends, but he actively tells me that he doesn't want me to have any male friends. So to me he's being more unreasonable. Porn is not a must, you can feel happy without it. But having no friends because you can't have male friends and girls don't like you...

[MotorcycleMan]

It may be that you are his number one, but he likes porn too. I see webcams as the same as porn for the most part, but I understand why you don't. It is kind of another level, but he's still not seeing her in person. It's just live porn. From what I have experienced, it is far more common for women to say that because you love him, no other man is attractive to you than it would be for a man to say that. From a man's point of view, that just doesn't make sense in reality. I guess you can let him know how much this bothers you and why this bothers you. He can accept that or not. What he does may clarify your decision on sticking around or not.

[boggboss]

Its hard but simple he dont view it as cheating you do he has listened to why u think its cheating and he dint see it as a food enough reason if he is willing to stop that should be enough if he is not you need to decide if u want to be its this relationship

[Asker]

I don't exactly view it as cheating either. I just dont want him to tell me that I'm ruining his life for getting sad over things like this. Seeing as he seems go grow away from me I want him to want me so I don't waste my time being alone. But it's as if he's always trying to make me dump him (he asks me to do it) to then turn around and give me attention again.

[boggboss]

If u don't view it as cheating im not sure how u could expect him to then stop that aside if he playes games with u like that why are u wasting time in this relationship cool u love him but that dont mean this relationship is going g to work or last

[Asker]

I never really expected him to stop either xD. I just want him to understand my feelings. He can't get mad at me for feeling sad is what I'm saying. But he seems to think my emotions is something I should just hide away. I was very happy that he stopped and told him that. But he answered with how I shouldn't cry over nothing. But I feel insecure about myself when he never wants to see me but he wants to see them.

[boggboss]

OK but him understanding your feelings font mean he will agree or think that makes sense especially if its filed by your insecurities but either way like I said its clear he plays on your weakness and insecurities so meh this is a clustfuck that won't last

[Asker]

I guess. But I always respect his insecurities. That's why it feels so unfair to always be annoying when he complains about everything and I can't even cry before he gets mad.

[boggboss]

Respecting someone's insecurities and entertaining someone's insecurities are differnt

[Asker]

Don't think I fully undestand what that meant based on my previous comment but I always respect his insecurities and try to help him grow from them. He just says my insecurities are my problem and he doesn't have to deal with them. I mean I know that. But in a relationship, shouldn't you help each other feel strong? At least be nice to each other?

[boggboss]

Yes u should build eachother up but for a example let's say he was scared your would cheat so he demanded u are not allowed to talk to other people would u do It I would expect no because thats not only a unrealistic request but that won't help him with his insecurities it just entertains them but like I said its clear this guy dont care about u not with this came girl situation but how he acts and talks too u

[Agape93]

You’re at this again? He can watch what he wants. If you’re this bothered by it, and he won’t be honest with you, then leave him

[Asker]

What? Again? This is the first time this has happened.

[Agape93]

You do realize we’ve talked before about this right?

[Asker]

We haven't but okay •~•

[Agape93]

Except we have hon. We argued for 2 hours about it.

[Asker]

I don't even know you. You've lrobably argued with someone else.

[Agape93]

With the exact same question, almost verbatim? Yeah no. You may not remember me but I remember you.

[Anpu23]

Explain to him that it's the one on one communication. Not the naked or the sexual acts.

[Asker]

I have. But he says it's no big deal to him so I shouldn't see it as a big deal either.

[TheFlak38]

I can imagine how boring you are.

[TheBigGuy9]

After all that and you’re still talking to him? I’d drop him completely and tell him go have fun with cam girls. He’s disgusting. If you’re single, whatever do as you do. If you have a girlfriend, no porn. You shouldn’t put up with that. If you stay with him, he’s only going to control you more. This guy sounds like a classic Narcissist.

[jahaims]

If he isn't interacting I feel like it is the same as porn

[Asker]

I can get that. But at the same time. My boyfriend wouldn't want me to masturbate to someone elses nudes even if i don't know them. So it's as if everything is about him.

[jahaims]

What do you mean someone else's nudes? How did you get them? Do you solicit them from strangers? If you mean just internet porn then he is obviously a hypocrite.

[Asker]

I don't have any nudes. It was an example. He's told me he doesn't want me to look at other guys that's all.

[jahaims]

Well how you got the material and what the material is, is an important factor. But if he is trying to tell you you can't watch porn but he can call him out and fix it or ditch him.

[Asker]

I can watch porn but not guys by themselves. Thats why I've told him it should be the same for him. But he says it's different and talks about how I could get anyone I wanted but he would be single for life without me.

[jahaims]

Yeah that's BS on his part lol. Just keep calling him out

[Asker]

Okay thank you. I'll at least try to make it obvious why he's being unfair.

[Twalli]

I watch camgirls on occasion. I never tip them. That's my line that I won't cross. Obviously I choose who I watch on there (if they're online). Yet I also choose who I watch when I get on porn sites. Unless he's interacting or tipping those camgirls I think there's enough of a disconnect

[Asker]

He told me he only watches but he has lied awfully much last 2 years so I'm having a hard time trusting him right now.

[Twalli]

That's fair, but if he really only watches then it isn't vastly different than porn

[Asker]

Still. Would prefer if he didn't tell me I'm being crazy for feeling sad about it. Never got mad at him. Just told him it made me feel less attractive because he never asks me for any pictures.

[Twalli]

I agree with you, but for me camming and porn are the same as long as I neither tip nor chat with them. You can find reposts of cam shows on porn sites easily.

[Asker]

Yeah well in that case why even look for a site for camgirls if you can find it on pornhub

[Twalli]

For starters you may not know what camgirl's name is. Also the camsite shows the girl live.

[Asker]

Yeah but then you're actively trying to find someone new instead of your partner. If your partner is available and willing to show you some stuff, why choose a camgirl?

[Twalli]

because you seek more that what you have irl. I love my girlfriend to bits and she provides all I need. Yet she's 35, she's not going to look as good as a younger girl. Camgirls generally do, because there's always girls turning 18 every day. If 1 in 1k go into camming then I have a good rotation of young bodies to look at naked.

[Asker]

Which to me feels like the person isn't satisfied and that wouldn't make me happy. If your girlfriend is fine with that then sure. But if my boyfriend says my body isn't good enough for him, I would leave him.

[Twalli]

It's not saying your body isn't good enough, it's saying that younger bodies look better. If he is still hard with you and still enjoys sex over porn then all is good.

[Asker]

Not for me. I wouldn't want someone saying someone is better than me when I'm dating the person.

[Twalli]

Not better, more physically attractive

[Asker]

And to me that is being better so yeah no I wouldn't want that

[Twalli]

Relationships should be more than just physical looks.

[Asker]

Of Course but I wouldn't feel happy if he has to look at other girls yo be satisfied. Looks isn't all so why does he have to watch others then...

[Twalli]

Same reason you don't eat the same food every time. You need some variety.

[Asker]

If I chose to eat an apple I can't just throw it away half eaten for a banan. That would be wasteful.

[In_Trance]

So.. what are you asking here?

[Asker]

Oh right I forgot about that sorry. If it's wrong of me to feel like I do I guess? Not the first thing he says is my issue not his so maybe I'm just a bad person :(

[In_Trance]

Its not a question of being right or wrong. If this is how you feel, that's what matters. If he disagrees, thats a bold statement.

[2021biguy]

He doesn't seem to care about how you feel and that's wrong. You keep trying and it isn't working, he doesn't care about you.

[Asker]

Okay thanks.

[2021biguy]

You're welcome

[Maxnanet]

Small boobs are evenn better

[Curiouss1]

I would be offended… he should have a pic of you to jerk to. Tell him if he is horny to jerk in front of you… help him out

[abhi75757]

Dont worry just send him your nude

[Asker]

He ignore them. Used to have sessions where I would send him nudes and he would say how hot I was and ask for diffrenet poses. Now I try to initiate it but ge ignores and asks about something totally different or just ignores me all together.

[abhi75757]

If i was their as your boyfriend i would never ignore you i would love to see your nudes I think he is least intrested on you any more

[Anonymous]

This is a common issue. Porn could simply be an escape, a way to have a life separate from the relationship, or be a supplement to his sex life. Of course, he could be a porn addict in which case he may benefit from counselling or joining a support group if he wants to change. If your relationship is being negatively affected by his behavior with no hope of it improving and he is not willing to work on it, you will have to consider leaving him.

[Anonymous]

you have every right to feel the way you do. I'd be pissed off too if that was me. he needs to stop with the cam whores and spend more time with you. maybe there's something screwed up and wrong in your relationship with him or he could just be a piece of shit jerkoff

[Anonymous]

Leave the fucker. He doesn't give a shit about you. He will think of all kinds of excuses for his behavior even though you've told him many times about this and that it hurts you. This starts like this then becomes addiction. Don't waste your time with him. He is a douche.