Would you let your 14 year old daughter. . . ?

Question

This image reminds me of the arguments that I occasionally hear on G@G regarding sexual assault: a woman has the right to dress however she chooses when she goes out in public, or to even walk down the street nude, and that does not authorize anyone to sexually assault her, so. . . don't you DARE tell her that the way she dresses may encourage sexually inappropriate behavior which targets her. If you suggest that she bears any responsibility, however slight, to take steps to protect herself, then you will be condemned to feminist hell!

I think that argument misses the point. If someone steals your car, they are criminally responsible, but you still don't leave the car unlocked and the keys in the ignition when you leave it parked somewhere in public, do you? You don't encourage criminal behavior.

Back to sexual assault. Suppose you had a 14 year old daughter who was at home unsupervised during the summer while school is in recess. She calls you at work and asks if she can invite one of her female friends and two boys to the house so they can all go skinny dipping in the pool. There is a privacy fence and no one else will see them; the kids doing what she proposed is not illegal. Would you give her permission to do that? Would you tell her "absolutely not!"? Would you let her make that decision? If you would not allow her to do this, why not? Her going nude in the presence of boys doesn't authorize them to touch her in any way and she has the right to dress or undress however she chooses, right?

If you choose this as your forum to simply say whatever you want without first addressing the question I asked, your response will be hidden. Please at least begin on topic!

ChrisMaster69 · Accepted Answer

By chance I have a 14 yr old daughter, I am also fairly open with things with her.

there are however some very hard and fast ground rules.

I was writing some of these up today - yes I write the fuckers out.

I have a hot tub, so it’s a possible scenario.

rule 1 is not hot tub use unless an adult trusted by me or my ex is in the house.

the same would hold for the pool.

no alcohol or drugs allowed

no boys allowed unless adult trusted … etc

no going in the garages

no going in my office

no going near gun / archery room…

Never ever open a bottle of wine or whisky from my office, or garage.

wine etc is in kitchen.

now I trust her a lot as she has been taught from a young age how to behave, react, what stuff guys will do and say (I’ve taught her a load on Social Engineering lol).

she has also been doing Kickboxing for about 4 years.

back to the question, it’s all about risk management.

she will at some point go in to Newcastle drinking, wearing usual short skirts etc.

as a parent it’s teaching her to be street wise under controlled conditions.

far to many parents are far too controlling, the kid then leaves home at 18 and goes to their very first party, very first time drunk very first time interacting with men etc.

now by the time she is 16-17, she will have experience far more and I will be able to trust that she can handle herself and take sensible precautions to assess risks in almost any situation.

FunkyMonkee · Accepted Answer

Absolutely right!! She has a right to wear whatever she wants! Same goes for guys! But, she HAS to realize that, just because she holds up that sign once in a while, that DOESN'T mean that, suddenly, every guy that rapes is gonna stop!! She has to realize that what she wears MAY effect what happens to her and that a lot of guys will act upon their sexual urges no matter how much she protests it! It's a give and take situation! Just like if she wars a very revealing top and then expects NOT to get looked at!! "I don't want the attention or guys looking at my tits, which I KNOW they're gonna do, anyway, but I'm still gonna wear my see through top with my nipples sticking out!"
I was discussing rape a few years ago with an ardent feminist and said that it was about the way girls dress. She countered that rape is NEVER about sex, it's about VIOLENCE! I still don't think so!! She's telling me that if an extremely horny guy sees a hot looking girl that is dressed like she WANTS to be fucked, and, he takes her up on it against her wishes, that's about VIOLENCE? I don't THINK so!!! That's mostly about raging hormones!!
Other than guys who have a fetish for chasing after grannies, what are the chances that one would get raped, over the chances a sexy, hot young thing in a micro-mini skirt and a push-up bra would?

btbc92 · Answer

This boils down to what the word of God says about you don't discipline you don't love. I don't care what crap they got going on about their body their choice nonsense. I don't care if they explain about sticking with whatever the heck they want with their parents know they cannot pair it they are under 18 years old, they're living under my roof, they go where would I find and Dima Pro. Nothing wrong with having a little fashion, and wanted to express yourself, but I will warn them to be careful what message they want to send. It ain't about teaching somebody not to rape of person. The point is is understanding the biology of both male and female, and because most boys are being influenced to what in the first place, all the more reason why you need to teach your daughter some dignity and respect the same way boys need to be taught the same way. Because a lot of these females these days, one minute they want the guards attention, next minute they don't. Then they claim they don't want to go looking at the desired of anyway. A lot of these people are confused. And I need to be taught right from wrong, and I need to figure out the source of that confusion besides keeping away toxic messages from your children. All this is is basically Rebellion. As much as I would not mind having my daughter having appropriate friends oh, I for one will not have my daughter unsupervised. Neither what I just have my daughter with just any other parents especially if I don't trust that parents or Old Friends. They are still minors, and I need to have adults present concerning my children parents and if I cannot trust that adult, if I can I trust those friends, neither will I be able to trust my daughter, let alone any of my children being male or female, with people that are going to cause my children harm.

A few months ago I had the same conversation with my sister concerning about her boys. The parents of the females that my nephews had interest in, and already grown to be sexually interested in, have parents that try to set them up where they can have sex together and she would not care. You think I'm going to be happy knowing that this is happening with my nephews? Hell NO. And I told my sister this, as she was scared to become a grandma wuth the boys unmarried. I told her to have more faith and belief in her boys that theu won't do the wrong thing. And forbid them from going. Thank God that never happened, and one of the boys just graduated hugh school.

These people that allow this kind of stuff needs a greater responsibility and accountability for their own negligence and stop blaming everything on their children for something that they may ask at an innocent. Even do not owe them would be innocent and I thought process. You need to show your child that you love them you care about them, and you're not going to have them do anything that's going to cause them harm. It's one thing to have privacy, it's another of your going to be doing something irresponsible. That kind of mess happen because people think it's okay to do these things and it's not okay. They are young, and unlike when the 8 9 10 years old maybe, everybody's homos is Raging, boys especially at least a good majority now is dabbling in pornography more than they did when they were 8 years old, you think I want to put my daughter in Jeopardy? No way in hell. If these things happen to the daughters, I'll look at the parents. Not just a daughter. Because she act like she's grown, sadly sweetheart, then you got to deal with it like an adult.

Ez-Bri-Z · Answer

Hi.

You had to have known I would have posted on something like this lol.

I am balancing my thoughts between being a mother of 2 (including my 6 year old daughter) and being a feminist. I do agree that you should have no say on how my child should dress. I do believe that boys and men should be taught not to approach women in a predatory sense when it comes to things like raising their own "body count" and like 99% of the stuff that comes out of these incels mouths. How a woman dresses gives them no license to attack her. I mean think about it, if a guy is topless at the beach is he asking for it too for showing off too much flesh? Of course not. So holding it against women for what they wear is asinine.

That being said, as a mother who fully understands that there are people out there who do not have my daughters best interests at heart, I would strongly encourage her to minimize her risks. If at 13 if she asks to skinny dip in our pool, the answer is no. Even if all 3 of those kids were on their best behavior (which let's be honest... teenage hormones are a thing) then there are still neighbors around that put all 3 of those children at risk.

If she asks if she can just have friends over to swim in general than yeah probably.

SaanviXOXO · Answer

practically speaking i wouldn't buy my daughter a bikini and panties at this age... she would just have a simple swimsuit for teen girls... and that wouldn't be a problem really... the school in which i studied had a swimming classes till standard 8th.. and till standard 5th boys and girls used to swim together... obviously in the presence of teacher

Screenwriter · Answer

Kids in the throes of hormonal chaos should not be given a carte blanche by their parents to parade around nude. This is an entre to unprotected sex and that's a big no-no.

Kids think they are indestrucible, they'll never get caught, nothing will ever happen to them, they can't get pregnant the first time and a host of fantastical ideas.
It's simply because they're so young and inexperienced.

Parents are the voices of reason and restraint, which kids need because they don't have much restraint.

Biologically speaking 12 year olds are ready to have children. Emotionally, financially and mentally they won't be ready for eight years or more.

If we were all cave people, 12 year olds would be parents in extended families. But civilized humans are spread all over the planet. Parents no longer have grandparents and great grandparents around to help. If 12 year olds are having children, their 24 year old parents are grandparents, 36 year old parent's parents are around and 58 year old great grandparents are also around and relatively young. It's even likely that 70 year old great great great grandparents would have contributions to child care and instruction.

Since this isn't the case, keep the teeny boppers clothed and SUPERVISED. No kids should be in your house partying when you're not home and they're 14 year olds.

TurboKid · Answer

No, and I really take issue with this term, "victim-blaming". I am not blaming the victim when someone places a hand in an alligator's mouth and gets it bitten off. The alligator is clearly the monster here. I'm just trying to recommend not to put our hands in alligator's mouths if we value having hands.

JuliaStyles · Answer

My daughter would be grounded for life. It is parents who didn't give a care that would allow their daughters to wear revealing clothes. But on G@G you have a bunch of raunchy women who live their want to be lives through their daughters so would allow it. Plus they get grand children in the process.

Daniela1982 · Answer

I know, the girl's arguments are "It's her body, she can dress as she likes. It's the guys who should hold themselves in check, no matter what we wear or even if it can be construed as teasing. You don't see money left lying around in plain sight in a bank do you? It might tempt people to steal. I remember someone saying once when he saw a girl dressing provocatively. "How much for sex?" "What?" the girl asked indignantly "I'm not a prostitute!" "Then stop advertising like one." One might say a guy's body is his, he do do what he wants, including rape. But he can't go around hurting people! Well a girl can't go around tempting guys either. And don't give me no guff that it's the guy's problem. He shouldn't look. Well isn't that the reasons girls dress that way, to be seen?

Romans 14:21 It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything to cause your brother to stumble. It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother or sister to fall. It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything else if it might cause another believer to stumble. Dressing like a Ho will most likely cause someone to stumble.

purplepoppy · Answer

A rapist isn't going to sit down for a chat on ethics. He's looking for an excuse to rape and he knows a jury isn't going to readily believe a girl who dresses like a slut.

DaisyM23 · Answer

I mean... I feel like teenagers would do whatever their parents would refuse to allow anyways but not sure

loves2learn · Answer

I work from home. If i had a hypothetical daughter (I’ve been blessed with boys) yes I would. She will do it anyway. My house is a safe place.

Lliam · Answer

A 14 year old might reasonably ask for permission to invite friends over to swim, but they would never in a million years specify skinny dip. If she did, you know it would be code for sex because virtually everybody wears a swim suit when swimming. If you gave permission to the skinny dip request, you know you would be giving her permission to have an orgy.
If, once there, they decided to get naked, it would be for the purpose of messing around sexually. And the entire thing would be mutual.

Unlike a human being, a car can't feel pain, fear, humiliation or anything at all when it gets stolen. So, while the idea of leaving the keys in it can make it easier to steal, stealing it isn't anything like the violent, abusive, degrading act of assaulting and sexually abusing it. Stealing a car isn't anything like assaulting it.

And that's the bottom line. There is no way to justify assaulting another human being. You certainly can't justify it by saying you were horny.

I am grateful for the female gender. The female form is a work of art. It's a gift when women feel comfortable and/or confident enough to look good in public. I might find a hot women in a tight fitting pencil skirt and heels just as attractive as a woman with nice breasts in a tube top or low cut blouse with push up bra. Women in bikinis at the pool or beach are absolutely lovely. But NOTHING gives me the right to treat them like objects that I can take and do what I want with. I HATE the kind of horrible, sub-human men who make women feel fearful or uncomfortable in their own skin. They ruin it for everyone.

Granted some women wear tasteless outfits that make them look like they are advertising sex. So what if they like sex and enjoy being sexy. It's still up to them to consent.

I've seen photos from the 70s of college girls in places like Afghanistan and Iraq wearing conservative western attire - buttoned blouses and knee-length skirts. Was that really so tempting that the women needed to be forced to wear burkas from head to toe?

Are girls who get gang raped in India guilty of wearing sexualized clothing? Not even close.

I reject the idea that men who rape are driven to it by a women's attire. They do it because they are violent and full of rage. They have contempt for women and see them as objects to be vandalized.
I would eliminate such men from the gene pool.

19magic · Answer

No I wouldn't allow it I remember being 18 at my uncles for a couple of weeks and chatting to distant family and this girl, a cousin of mine, was complaining that this gup kept charing at her (about 14 at the time) and my uncle said you should have flashed him you might of gotten free stuff. I was appalled of what I heard that day like omg k... Seriously

MCheetah · Answer

Absolutely not. I don't even want kids, but if I had any, I wouldn't be that much of a sh*tty parent to let my teenage daughter do that. If my daughter even had that kind of mindset, then I'd feel like I already failed her as a parent and would need to take six months off work to home school her to fix the problem.

And that first picture is SO g-ddamn obnoxious! Women should have no responsibility for ANYthing, but at the same time, think men should be responsible for EVERYTHING including not committing "eye rape," but at the same time, want to "smash the patriarchy" and have some female-ruled dystopia of " 'EqUaLiTy' " where men are slaves to feminists? Feminists have such dumb-ass double standards and contradictions. (I did answer the question first before posting this.)

hahahmm · Answer

Of course, I wouldn't allow it.

SaoirseS · Answer

I don't have kids so I honestly don't know for sure how I'd respond until I have to face it. I'd likely say no to the pool party and skinny dipping, just because it probably isn't a good idea for 14 year old mixed teens to run around naked without adult supervision.

FictionalCharacter · Answer

Do you hear yourself?

“you will be condemned to feminist hell!” are you a feminist?

To answer the question, No. I will not allow my 14 year daughter to go skinny dipping with boys. Those hormones from both genders cannot control themselves in that type of environment.

(I can’t believe you compared a rape victim to a car 🤦🏻‍♀️) Take out the ‘wiser’ from your name.

RJJ33666 · Answer

I would actually leave it to her, I mean I can't gurantee that she will listen to me if I tell her not to skinny dip. She is still the owner of her own body, I only have limited amount of authority on what I can tell her to do and what she will do behind my back. But I would definitely tell her to keep the taser close or the pepper spray. And I would have the boys on phone and threaten the living souls out of them.

pjf1958 · Answer

Granted adolescent females mature emotionally, and psychologically faster than their male counterparts. However, an inexperienced 14 year old girl who is allowed to experience for the first time love, (emotional minefield) physical intimacy (along with love, emotionally overwhelming). Her naive expectations will force her to deal with the situation from an inexperienced perspective. She will undoubtably make bad decisions which could haunt her for the rest of her life.

Dragonpurple · Answer

I we told our daughter the same thing, like you said... its not your fault if something happens your a victim.

We explained the unlocked car thing, or unlocked house thing. Just cause you don't lock your car or house doesn't make you responsible for it... anymore than what cloths you wear.

Victim blaming is real.

No I would not allow it, but if she really wanted to... my wife and I would likely say, sure... but we have to be home first. I mean swimming nude is way better than with a suit.

The naturalist lifestyle isn't a big deal... and I've known others who lived it and their children did this. The difference was, the boys and girls were all naturalist and all grew up that way. Nudity wasn't sexual to them.

I'd see an issue if no one was naturalist. Whoever isn't might not have been taught how it works and do something wrong, and it might not just be the boys it could be the girls assaulting the boys.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Regarding the argument at the top.
Look if a woman is dressing like a hoe I sure as hell ain't gonna shy away from saying it.

If you don't want to be gawked at, cat called, assaulted or raped by random ass people then don't like a 5 dollar hoe waiting on the street corner. .

As for two boys skinny dipping in my pool with my daughter and another girl. I'll let that happen when hell freezes over. Ain't no way I would ever allow that to happen.

As for why I wouldn't allow it I was a teenage boy once I know what goes on in their demented little heads.

Two I just wouldn't want two horny ass teenage boys being naked around my underaged barely teen daughter in my eyes if you let that happen your a failure as a parent.

Three I wouldn't allow my daughters to be home alone with a boy much less several when they are clothed, really think I'd allow it when they're naked? If she wanted to play in the pool with her friend and the boys wearing swimming suits while I was there supervising them that would fine.

But alone and naked? No just no not happening.

Would you let your 14 year old daughter. . . ?

Most Helpful Guys

Related Questions

What Girls & Guys Said

Latest Questions