How to stop feeling guilty?

[J3evs]

Hello everyone, I'd Just like to clarify something before I begin this story, I understand if some of you have religious/conservative thought processes. And therefore some of you think i may never be redeemed for what I did and that is okay, I'm not sure if I will ever come over this.

Its okay to call me names, swear at me, shame me, if you feel, your comments won't be deleted.

Now, on with the story, to keep it as short as possible, some Guy in the street approached me, wanted sex, didn't say it out right, invited me to his airbnb to check it out, later revealed he only asked me because i had a Nice ass (I have An extremely low IQ) so i give in to Lies and deceit easily, and give in to pressure as well, I went with him, and we talked. Hè talked about sex and his exes mostly, and was sort of condescending towards me because i was shy. I did really like find him attractive. But I couldn't or wouldn't give in to what i felt because it didn't feel right, fast forward. I couldn't have sex anyway because of my period, and because i wasn't on the pill and had no protection, i ended sleeping with this stranger in his bed and he slept on the coach, i broke his glasses, and then he was anrgy, and said i was just annoying and to Just go. I tried to offer to pay him but he wouldn't take it.

Fast forward 6 months, i found his adress on booking. com i booked a room, pretended to be a cliënt, and then told him. who i really was and that i wanted to pay him for sex because i wanted it so much and couldnt let it go. And i also wanted to finish what i started. I Saw on his booking website a lot of complaints of people and couples complaining that the host was insane and kind of crazy, and he wanted to steal from Them, the rest was positive. I wanted to see for myself and i was aware of all of this.

Fast forward, i actually went through with this, he was Nice, then mean, after sex, then he threatend me when he Saw me again. He never gave back the money.

[normalice]

Usually to stop feeling guilty you figure out how to make amends. If there are no amends to make, because no one was wronged, just move on.

But it sounds like the only person wronged here was you, and it is you who wronged yourself. Perhaps figure out what you need to do to make it up to yourself. Maybe that means ice cream. Maybe that means banging more strangers. Who knows..

[MTC29]

"(I have An extremely low IQ)"

Yet oddly enough, you can form complete sentences, use proper syntax and understand the proper use of paragraphs. All of these are rarely seen on this site, even among those who claim to be college graduates.

It's an interesting narrative... and I'll leave it at that.

[MTC29]

LOL. It's easy for a dumb person to pretend they're smart. It's much tougher for a smart person to pretend that they are dumb. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the story.

[J3evs]

I don't know what you are saying is positive or negative or both, but I wanted to say, glad you enjoyed the story none the less.

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Well I dont know why you went back.. you felt threatened so broke is glasses im assuming.. you offered to pay for his glasses so he must have took money for them in my guess.. you didn't want sex then you did simple as that I dont understand what you feel guilty about..

[J3evs]

Ah no, the glasses were broken on accident, his lights didn't work, i tried to put on my socks, and i somehow stepped on it.

[J3evs]

I guess I feel guilty because I went back, even though i knew that guy was crazy.

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Well the floor is a shitty place to put his glasses.. his fault id say

[J3evs]

I guess perhaps i feel shallow, or naive, or that i was attracted to it, and even went as far to pay for it.

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Nothing to feel guilty about.. it was a stupid move he could have killed you.. but thankfully your alive! Id first try and get tested for STDs its not good to have sex with strangers... dont let any man condemn you abd dont condemn yourself.. you did what you felt was right its in the past now... so try and forget about it just go get tested!

[J3evs]

Owh! We did do it safely, with a condom, and i did get tested, nothing was wrong, i guess i was Just lucky.

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Money can be replaced not your life.. dont worry about it next time just try and be smarter next time!

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Im glad you got tested consider yourself lucky!

[J3evs]

That's why when he approached me on the street and thought i was stalking him away and told me to go to the police, i simply walked away, and thank you for your reply!

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Any man that approaches you that you dont know dont go to his place or in his car.. sex is the only thing on his mind I can pretty much guarantee it.. if you want a fuck buddy than know at least where his cock has been that he doesn't have aids or something

[PeacefulRainDrop]

If something feels not right its not right and to leave immediately for safety

[LiamSawyer]

Why ever did you pay for sex?

[J3evs]

I suppose I feel I didn't deserve him. I wasn't sure if he would accept otherwise.

[Iron_Man]

you have to change your whole life around start praying about it and go to church women don’t pay for sex anyway

[Anonymous]

Did he fuck you good though?

[J3evs]

Neither of us finished so I'd argue no.