Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Are girls only supposed to give head?

My boyfriend thinks that girls are automatically supposed to give head but when it comes to females getting head the requirements can be bent meaning all the man really has to do is give the pipe usually or give her head occasionally. I don’t like this. Because he’s using the excuse that he isn’t good at giving head for why he doesn’t do it. He did it a couple times when we first got together, but now he doesn’t do it at all and maybe if we are in 69. I don’t want to feel like I can’t get any head from him willingly because he actually wants to and if he feels he isn’t good at doing it, I feel like he should ask me how I like it to be done to please me, since I give him extraordinary head. I want that extraordinary head. He says males usually do all the work anyway and that makes up for the head. Sex is too tough because let’s say he’s packs and it hurts my cervix when he goes too deep. It feels good but it hurts. I feel he doesn’t finger me way I like and let alone the fact that he has nails so it hurts a lot sometimes. How do I tell him this stuff without offending him. Like should I go on strike with him until he finally gives me head willingly?
0 3

Superb Opinion

  • As of my typing this, there are nineteen other answers to your question. I haven't read them, but I will bet you anything that at least half of them are telling you to go Lysistrata on his ass. DON'T. It will only make things worse. A relationship should not be a competition, and it definitely shouldn't be a war. You need to decide, first and foremost, whether you want to try and fix things, or whether it's not worth the trouble. If the latter, cut him loose- there's no point in dragging things out. If the former, you need to engage with him positively; antagonism is just going to drive him further away. You want him licking you willingly, not resentfully or out of a sense of obligation.

    Now this may be generational thing, but when I was learning all this, what I absorbed was that there were three primary ways of stimulating your partner- digitally, orally, and gentially. Some people had an aversion to one or two, but they should be working to overcome that; generally, those three should be standard options. Clearly your boyfriend has learned differently. This doesn't make him a bad person or even necessarily a bad boyfriend, just someone with a bad idea. Or, more likely, a cluster of them; you rarely find one bad idea alone. No, oral sex isn't something that only girls should give (it's not something that only they should receive, either, though you've probably got an answer or two more or less arguing THAT nonsense as well). It sounds like your man isn't particularly versed in the joys of giving pleasure, and possibly (assuming his comment on "the males do all the work" wasn't just a meaningless excuse) that feels he's the one putting in all the effort when it comes to sex- I'm not saying that he IS, but that it's how he FEELS.

    The fix for that part, at least, is easy- get up on top and ride him. If you're the one providing the motive force, you control the speed and the depth of penetration, which could help with the size issue. If he's feeling psychological effects from the pressure as well, then take that up too- don't wait for him to initiate sex; do it yourself. Despite what you might think, most guys really like that; the appeal of a sexually assertive partner isn't limited to women. "Ah!" you may be thinking, "and then I use my more dominant position to tell him to eat me out?". No- not yet. Doing it right then will just make him feel manipulated. The idea here is to open his mind a bit to the idea of changing accepted roles- and, if your chosen position allows for it, to let him see you getting yourself off with him. I don't think women understand just how appealing men find that. If you alternate between bouncing and grinding, you can provide him with stimulation he's probably not used to (most men are very lazy masturbators), and a very powerful orgasm, particularly if he's still intact and has a frenulum to play with.

    Afterwards, assuming he's not zonked out immediately, talk to him about the encounter (if he DOES drop off, you can talk when you wake up, but it's better if you can do it right away- don't push too hard, though). If he enjoyed himself (which he should have), you can push him towards doing more to meet your needs, either subtly (by showing yourself willing to take on more of the burden of the effortful parts of sex) or directly (by asking if he'd be willing to do what it takes to make sure YOU are satisfied. Either way, the idea is engage with him positively- taking a "show, then tell" approach to demonstrate that there's more to be gotten out of sex than you're getting, without necessarily specifying whether that "you're" is singular or plural. It probably won't be instantaneous, but building something better together means he won't just be going down on you willingly, but eagerly.

Most Helpful Guy

  • He's taking a strongly dominant approach with you and it sounds like he has a sadist buried inside too.

    Even if you talked to him I feel there is a good chance it won't change very much.

    Best I can offer is basically what you suggested. Start topping from the bottom. Don't give him head if you don't feel he's earned it. If he complains tell him to go down on you. If he complains about too much work offer to ride him.

    As far as the pain goes. If you need that to stop because it's breaking a boundary then you do need to tell him that and sadly if he doesn't respect that boundary it's time to start looking elsewhere.

    No matter what though and as much as many will deny it sexual compatibility is a big part of relationships. If your needs aren't getting met and your boundaries are being broken then you should find something else.

    • Yes exactly I like head just as much as guys do so I feel it’s just wrong for him to say that. But thank you for replying this means a lot

    • It is wrong. A relationship should be on even grounds. Even a Dom will reward their lover with things they enjoy. Hope you find a balance and all ends well.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I would talk to him first, bluntly and honestly, and see if he hears your concerns. If he doesn’t, then by all means go on strike. Tell him to go jack off in a corner until he’s ready to be an equal partner in the relationship. Oral sex is probably even more important to the female in the relationship because not all of us reach orgasm from penetration alone. We need that to be satisfied. He’s being selfish and using childish reasons to justify it. Frame your argument to him that you’re not sexually satisfied and something has to give or else. Sometimes that lights a fire under them. I’m kind of old fashioned and I believe it is my duty to sexually satisfy my male partner and I rarely turn him down. However, there is no incentive for me to do that if he’s not reciprocating and taking care of me when I need it. Good luck to you.

    • This is really what I needed🙏🏽

  • Stop giving him head if he won't reciprocate. This sort of compliance teaches men it's okay to treat women like dirt and receive without giving anything in return

    • Thank you that’s sounds about right

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 30

  • The answer the main question is no, though it is definitely enjoyable for us when they do.

    As for your issue with him not reciprocating, here is an easy trick I have learned that makes people much more willing to give head. Get really good at acting and, even if he is bad, make it seem like he is a god at giving head. React in a way that makes him feel like he has some kind of power over you when he does it. He'll do it more, I promise.

    No one wants to do something they think they're bad or that the other person isn't enjoying it.

  • There is a lot of room around the cervix that the penis can go into so it does not hit the cervix. Try different positions.
    But as for gals not getting equal treatment for oral, you are right. Seems a lot of guys don't enjoy it as much as us aficionados do! And they cannot be bothered to put in the effort. And too many women simply let the get away with that, giving them blow jobs without insisting on getting oral back.
    There are many guys who love giving oral sex to their gal. You may need to move on to a man who is not acting like a little boy.

  • He sounds like a looser that has a lot to learn about sex. If you give him head he should return the favor every time. Tell him he has to go first and after your orgasm you will blow him. If he does not agree then stick to handjobs or let him get use to jerking off.
    If sex hurts try getting on top so you can control the depth and the speed. Use some lube also it is great!

  • No, you fucking TALK to him about it. Tell him to clip his fucking nails. His excuses are so fucking stupid I can't believe you didn't laugh him out of the room. He is being SELFISH, if you cut off his blowjobs without talking to him about it you run the risk of bigger problems. If he truly cares about you there is no reason he should get mad about discussing sexual preferences. I always have a talk about what we like etc early, like after the first couple times we fuck... it's so simple but almost no one does it.

  • You're here to confirm what you're already thinking and you got a point. Stop giving him head nothing "requires" you to, and make sure he knows why you stopped so that he either fixes it or you can move on to someone who's a better lover

  • Where I lack in skill I compensate for with extreme enthusiasm. As any guy will tell you, a good blow job is more about the girl's desire to suck than her skill at doing so. I would hope girls feel the same way. As for me if you gave me the choice between getting the best blow job ever (even involving multiple girls of supermodel status) or having a woman with a glorious ass sit on my face for days on end while I lick like a sugar starved diabetic child licking his first lollipop, I'm going with choice B. I am absolutely addicted to going down on a woman and what turns me on the most is when she cums while I'm doing it. You don't even have to reciprocate. But if you want to then don't neglect the balls. They love to be played with roughly and doing so will be the quickest way to make me cum.

  • If he can't return the favor he shouldn't get any either

  • It's time for a serious conversation. A relationship is not a sexual service contract. Perhaps if you can't sort it out, it's time to go.

  • He sounds like a lousy, selfish lover. What kind of guy has no problem with being no good at giving head?

  • Yeah thats some bullllshit. Should be equal give in take during sex, otherwise you're just being lazy or selfish

  • Oral is an act of love. You should give and get

  • He is making excuses from being a good boyfriend.

  • For gods sakes woman, if you don't like your guy get a new one. SERIOUSLY. This is going nowhere fast.

  • If I’m not getting, I’m not giving.

    • Exactly

    • Agreed!

  • You should show him how you like to be fingered.. slide a digit up through his balloon knot and let him know how it's done and how you like it.

    As for females only supposed to give head.. your boyfriend is wrong.. anal, tit fucking, he obviously didn't know that along with riding him like a Rhinestone Cowboy are at the top of the list of what supposed to be done...

    Kids these days🤷🏿‍♂️

  • In a perfect world, that would be awesome.

  • I give more head than get for sure. I love going down on girls like crazy.

  • I am really out of date cause giving head was always a girl sucking dick and going down was always on a girl. However you need to set him straight

  • Hell no

  • He should eat you out each time

    • Exactly he says he isn’t good at it. I feel there is nothing wrong with learning as you go. And coming from Me I would say it is pretty simple

    • Simple, if he doesn’t try then don’t try on him

    • Exactly

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