Sexual Relationships
+1 y

How come everytime I have sex for the first time, the guy has issues getting it fully hard?

So I'm a very sexual person and I sometimes change bedpartners. However when I have sex with a new person, I pretty much always have that they can't get it fully hard. Sometimes after a long time of talking and doing other things in between. Yesterday I was with a guy and he finally got hard after a long time of going down on me. I think it's a mental thing and they sometimes say that they're nervous, but how can I make guys more comfortable? I don't think I'm a very intimidating person, but it happens almost everytime I have sex with a new person. Second time is often fine by the way.
0 2

Superb Opinion

  • Read up on this phenomenon. It's absolutely because men in new sexual situations are TENSE. They are not relaxed.

    Though you'd think that tension is all about getting a penis erect, it IS NOT!!!

    A male has to feel SAFE AND RELAXED to get an erection. An erection is about BLOOD FLOW TO THE PENIS!!! All those capillaries have to be open WIDE.

    Tension causes capillaries and major blood vessels to be shut down and blood flow to be concentrated to essential areas. Penises are NOT essential to life. They are secondary or tertiary.

    So second time around? Perfect. Laugh at that recalcitrant penis... Bet it pops up immediately when you ridicule its reluctance.

    "What? No erection? Well, guess we have to SEND YOU HOME?" Get that guy laughing and see what pops up!

    • Probably the best answer I have ever read, and though I understand the result of having the limp penis, you explained the end result in a very good way. As a 22 year old with a 19 year old in bed in Florida, TWICE in a week with a beautiful girl, during spring break, you can imagine my humiliation. Never have been able to forget that.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I had this happened to me once, the guy was soo heavy on drugs and alcohol. Where did you usually meet the guys, online or IRL?

    • Both. Sometimes they were friends or sometimes I matched on tinder and we hung out a few times. They were definitely never intoxicated so I don't know why this keeps happening.

    • Ok, I find it weird to have sex with my friends sometimes and I can get super nervous with strangers so it could be any reason with those guys. Just remember it isn't your fault, to begin with.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Well, that has been my nemeses since I was 20. Men get nervous about being able to get hard and get in you quickly, and the opposite happens. It is not unusual, and I can swear to it as it has been an embarrassment for me and probably a lot of guys

    • Is there something you can do about it to make it less as the woman? Like making them feel more comfortable or something? How did you get rid of this problem?

    • probably, simply being more comfortable with the women. Hard to know how to resolve it. It seems different with each woman. Hard as a broom handle with one woman, and limp as a rope with another? Not an easy thing to resolve, and it doesn't seem to make a difference, because for all of them, they were very attractive. At times I have to feel comfortable with her

  • Do you think more foreplay would help? Do they still have an issue getting hard if you/they go for round 2 or 3. Maybe start out with a handjob to get them real hard?

    • Even with foreplay they don't get fully hard. It does get better at round 2 or 3 though. Maybe I need to give longer foreplay I don't know.

    • Get totally naked with them and take your time exploring each others bodies.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 21

  • Yeah that's down to stage fright on their part and performance nerves.

  • How much alcohol is involved in first time experiences?

  • You are correct when you said hard-ons are very much a mental thing. Not sure why that keeps, happening..

  • Too much porn, probably.

  • U can't make someone less nervous lol its them thats the issue not u

    • My sister never has this problem, so either I pick the wrong guys or there's something in my vibe right?

    • Yeah could be either

  • Thats good to know. Thanks

  • performance anxiety with guys that are insecure about themselves to begin with.
    if they know you are a wild girl... that might make them feel inadequate from the start.

  • Men are not machines. They're probably nervous.

  • Tees him. Lick is dick. Hold it it your hand and whisper something sexy in his year

  • Maybe you’re extremely unattractive or fat
    Or your p**sy smells horrible!


    Or you’re extremely loose down or your p**sy is grossly open.

    • Definitely not. I'm a sexy beast with a bangin body, always clean and a very tight VAGINA.

    • Yes that’s definitely something an ugly girl would say.

    • Ditto my boy

    • Show All

  • Its seems like an emotional and psychological issues amongst the guys.. maybe you're really beautiful, maybe they're overthinking, maybe they feel they need to perform their best or be ridiculed

  • They are nervous but that wouldn't happen if you are a couple.

  • Nerves and anxiety

  • Men like to be the aggressors... it's part of their DNA... haveing an aggressive woman approach us in very ODD

    • I wouldn't say I'm aggressive at all. Excited maybe, but these men seem to be really excited as well.

  • It's got nothing to do with you not being attractive enough, It's just his body so if you want to help him get hard then try to do whatever he says in the bedroom.

  • Guys are like this. Don't worry about it.

  • he may be nervious or afraid he will be judged

  • It sounds like, and I wonder if, you are intimidatingly beautiful.

  • Because he is like you and he had sex with another woman prior.

  • Ha? what? how do you look? maybe your physical appearance has something to do with it

    • I'm good looking for sure. Many people have told me and I get attention from men all the time. I have an hourglass figure. Big boobs, small waist and thick thighs with a firm butt. I even asked the guys and they said that that was absolutely not the problem. They also always want to see me again/start dating.

    • Then I am sorry to say but noone should have a problem staying hard and getting hard for the 2nd and 3rd time

  • Show More (2)

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