My boyfriend makes me feel like sex is a chore. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and My sex libidos just don’t seem to match up. He was a virgin before me. I had one boyfriend but we were VERY sexually active.

My current boyfriend works a manual job but is also a little overweight. He’s put a bit more weight on recently.

When we have sex or he does any jobs around the house, he gets really really sweaty and puffed. He has made a few comments that make me feel like sex is a chore to him. Things like “I’m doing all the work” or along those lines. He absolutely is not. I do so much to satisfy him and I just feel like he is not into it at all. I’ve done role play, dressed up for him, asked what his fantasy is and re-enacted that. I’ve literally tried so hard only to get a real lacklustre effort back.

It’s getting to the point where I’m a bit frustrated now. I just feel like…if it’s that much of an effort, I’m sure someone else wouldn’t mind filling your spot so to speak!

I don’t want to feel like that because I do love him and he’s very good to me in other ways.

I try and keep myself fit and healthy and encourage him to do the same but he’s eating junk food a lot.

I just don’t know what to do to try and fix it. Should I stop instigating sex?

[cloud9vortex1234]

He's sweating a lot because he's burning off all that blubber. He's out of shape and he's letting himself go even further. His testosterone levels are probably lower because he's overweight which causes him to have less of a Sex Drive. However, you should accept because of the Fat Pride Movement. Some guy needs to make a post about his wife or girlfriend letting themselves go and asking is it worth staying. That's when you will read the hypocrisy. I would ask him the following question. "Do you like Junk Food better than me?"

[Asker]

Yeah I know it must be something like that because my ex was super fit and I don’t remember him sweating everywhere at all

[kellytheman]

Sex should not be a chore and if he not making no effort you might have to find someone that is willing to make a effort. I am not saying go and cheat but if your so sexually fusturated and desperate it might come to that. Maybe he should go to the doctor and see why is sex drive is not matching with your. I say try keep trying instigating sex and maybe you might find something that might make him make sex not a chore but to make you feel good.

[Trex706]

Tell him. Communicate what you said here. If he listens it will change for the better. If not find a new boyfriend

[thotmas97]

For the time being, I think you should. He clearly doesn’t care about your needs. When you roleplay, are you doing it because he asks you?

[Asker]

No I do it to try and spice things up. I also feel like suspenders and Louboutins would do it for most men 🤷🏼‍♀️ that time he couldn’t even finish and he just blamed being tired. He seems to want to make me come but I don’t know if that’s to satisfy his ego

[thotmas97]

Eh I get being tired sometimes, but it sounds like he does that all the time. Is it possible he’s not attracted to you? Or maybe he has some specific sexual fantasy that he won’t tell you? I don't know I’m just coming up with reasons because it’s odd for a guy who not enjoy or press for sex.

[Asker]

He does still want it sometimes. He does very much seem reluctant to tell me fantasies though. I’ve tried to get more out of him but he won’t budge. Maybe I get him drunk and ask him lol. Maybe he isn’t attracted to me. How do I know that? I certainly know he’s making me feel unattractive at the moment

[thotmas97]

You say he’s reluctant to share his fantasies? I think that might be it. Assuming you’re reasonably attractive and you seem very sex positive, it’s possible he’s ashamed of some desires/kinks he has. Can’t know for sure though unless you coax him into revealing it.

[Asker]

He said when drunk he’s self conscious of his body. I know he has stretch marks now he never used to have. Could that be it? As far as I know, I’ve never had any problem attracting a man. I’ve dated lots of conventionally good looking men in the past

[thotmas97]

It’s possible he just thinks he’s overweight, and he’s intimidated by you. Would you consider yourself attractive?

[Asker]

My best male friend tells me I’m an 8/10 and a 9/10 dressed up and I ask him about everything because I completely trust his judgment and he never lies to me so I guess I’m above average looks wise

[thotmas97]

Yeah it could be an insecurity thing. I suggest that you try to make him feel extremely important, at least for one night, and give him whatever you think he wants, and see how he responds. If he doesn’t reciprocate it he might have image problems. Do you think this guy is worth it?

[Asker]

He does giggle like a schoolboy sometimes during it which also puts me off. I don’t know if that could be because he feels awkward or something?

[Asker]

But then at the same time he might say he loves me or something like that

[thotmas97]

I think that’s a sign of severe anxiety. He might be afraid of intimacy I don't know

[Asker]

He does suffer from anxiety!

[thotmas97]

That would be my guess then. My girlfriend sometimes reacts similarly

[Asker]

Well thanks for helping me get to the bottom of the problem. I need to do some reading. I do think the tiredness and weight are contributors too probably

[thotmas97]

Maybe. You could also try to get him in the mood in the morning if he’s too tired at night

[LukeLandy24]

telling him he should join the gym and get fitter

[Wise4myage]

Your sexual chemistry with this guy is out of whack, so it might be best to think about moving on.

[TheFlak38]

you really pick the best ones as I see.

[Asker]

Tell me about it

[Asker]

What would you do?

[IHateBeingaMan]

i didn't have sex until 27, how was it for you and him your first time? as, age of the V-card lost?

[ND4SPD31]

What are u wanting to do? U can follow me/message me if u want. No worries if not.

[Asker]

What would you do

[ND4SPD31]

Well I’d b different then him because I’d want to have sex with u and please u in anyway I could.

[NibirX]

Change him...

[Anonymous]

you might not be a good match with him

[Anonymous]

Did he lose his virginity in his 20s or 30s?

[Asker]

20s just recently

[Opinion Owner]

He is younger than you? My guess is, he was under 25?

[Opinion Owner]

My guess is, you lost your virginity in your teens

[Asker]

No I was older than him

[Opinion Owner]

I didn't have sex until I was 25

[Anonymous]

I think it is up to him getting in shape thing which probably he won't so yeah life is sad sometimes.

[Opinion Owner]

I really wish my girlfriend would have your libido I am very unhappy because she is not seductive at all.

[Anonymous]

What is the problem specifically? Do you mean to say that he doesn't have enough sex drive or is he bad at sex or is it both? If being overweight is the reason of all those problems then he needs to fix that and you need to make it clear to him that you're not satisfied and the relationship could be over if things continue like this.

[Asker]

I’d say that the problem is both. I’m assuming it is the fact he is weightier. He told me when drunk he’s self conscious of his body

[Anonymous]

He needs to get healthy