Am I right for getting upset that my boyfriend jerks off to pictures and videos of his ex girlfriend?

[Jessriley]

We have been together for 2 years and we have an 8 month old son together. I found out that when I was 8 months pregnant he was reaching out to his ex. He was telling her he missed her and reassured her that he would still have time for her even though he was having a baby. A week later I caught him jerking off to old pictures and videos of her. He said he would delete everything. A month later I caught him doing it again. I told him it was a deal breaker and he apologized and said they were gone. He did tell me I only care because I am insecure. He said he can jerk off to what he wants. I don’t care if he does it to be I girls he has never been with or watches porn but it really bothers me that he does it to someone he has been with. He has pictures and videos of me and I don’t expect him to use them. I get that he wants to see something different but I am not ok with it being his ex. He did apologize and told me he would stop. I chose to believe him and forgive him. We were doing really well. Recently he has become distant and secretive. Some days he is really into me and other days he seems not interested at all. I said to him the other day I wasn’t accusing him or asking him if he was still jerking off to his ex but I wanted to remind him if I ever found out he is still doing it I will walk away for good. Well he told me he was looking for something in his phone and all of her pictures and videos reappeared and he does not know how to permanently delete them. He admitted to this because he thinks I have his iCloud account info and password (which I do not) I don’t even know why he thinks that. But that makes me feel like he is still getting off to his ex. Am I being Irrational for ending our relationship over this?

Updates:

[Anonymous]

Think about your story here. He tells his ex he misses her and masturbates to videos of her. Then, knowing how much it hurt you, he does it again after promising he’d delete them. Now, fearing you know his iCloud password, he admits the pictures and videos are still there. (It’s very easy to delete files from your iCloud Drive) Clearly he’s not completely over her. If the videos were merely a visual masturbation aid, he could just use random porn. However, he’s specifically using her image which means he’s fantasizing about her. It’s not outright cheating but it is certainly an emotional betrayal. If he cannot let go of his past and fully commit to you, then the relationship is doomed anyway.

[Dazed0N0Confused]

This would bother me to no end, personally, & would end my relationship with him as well. You're right, it is very different than jerking off to porn or photos of chicks he doesn't know.

Im sorry you're going through this, take him to court for child support, be prepared for long court appearances & him getting visitation.

It's not jealousy, it's the fact that he is (was) with YOU not his ex. If i found out my man was jerking off to pictures of his ex, & saying "I'll still make time for you" to her, I'd blow a fuse & it wouldn't be a pretty sight...

[Red_Arrow]

He is not going to be honest with you. He said he was deleting her pictures, but he still has them and still jerks off to them. You told him you would walk away from him, but you did not do that when he continued. You should have done what you said you would do!
Really there is nothing you can do other than choose to live like that forever, or get rid of him. Tough choice because of the kid. But you female friends are right.

[Sweepthelegjonny]

I understand why you’d be upset over it. But you’re drawing all the wrong conclusions. Porn is made in a way so you can “envision” yourself in the role. Sometimes guys can only put themselves in places they’ve already been. It’s still just porn. He’s not cheating, just watching porn he made.

[Starwitch23]

He does things that he knows is going to make you feel bad. Even after giving a chance he still do that. That man is not afraid of you. I don't mean in violent way but that man is not afraid to lose you. If someone who claims to love you does things intentionally that is going to hurt you. Then tell me what is a difference between this person and an enemy?

[DaisyM23]

Yeah it is a problem if it’s too his ex because it means there’s still some kind of attachment there. Plus he’s making it seem like you’re just being insecure. I think you deserve much more and much better

[throwsomecheeseonit]

Irrational if he is only jacking off to her yes. Because men often jack off to unobtainable things. However if she is sending him vids of her doing same and they are both sexually gratifying each other no. Plus it sounds like he hoodwinked girl into believing he would give her time just so he could get pics. Who knows what else he told her. Bottom line if my girl asked me to stop doing something we would hash it out. If it was reasonable then I would stop. If irrational I would explain why.

[A_Bell]

If it was just a picture of someone he didn't know, I wouldn't care. Guys do that.

However, if it is an ex, that is a little much. He's connecting with her in a sexual way and that will bring nothing but trouble in your relationship. It is also disrespectful to you, since this is a "real" person and not a fantasy.

[Twalli]

He still finds her sexually attractive. Nky that odd, since they dated. I can understand why you have an issue with it, and if it was just masturbating to her pictures and videos, I would say you're overreacting. The fact that he does that and flirts with her is the bigger issue in my opinion.

[OutWestBandit]

Wow... thats low man.

Basically why is he with you and not her?
He is just using you as placeholder while he tries to get back with someone else.
Keep someone around for needs, but privately lusts for someone else.
Thats just plain old disrespect.

[Alejandro3000]

i dont know, I've not been in shoes to know why. However, when a girl was pregnant and around me, i felt so good her pheromones were making me feel like I've fallen into a bed of flowers.

[ArztSchlachthof]

Yes, you are right. I would be upset as well if I caught my girlfriend doing some bs like that. He is lying to you and he values his ex more than you, apparently. I'm sorry, though... tough luck

[thotmas97]

Maybe he just wants to see himself having sex, and that’s what he enjoys? I’m trying to spin this in a positive way because otherwise it sounds like he’s more attracted to his ex than you and you have a right to be upset about that.

[CreamySeed]

He’s probably still hung up on his ex, im guessing she dumped him and he wants her back

[SirJohn42]

Yes that is a bit creepy. And his lusting over ex is not a good sign.
Thinking off her and cumming to her. Put your foot down. Make him stop or leave him. Its not healthy for your rekationship.

[pleasestopthis]

You should have ditched this loser as soon as you caught him. Have some self respect.

[red_knight]

Correct me if I'm wrong, that's a form of cheating isn't it?

[Wise4myage]

Absolutely not. Why on earth are you still with this guy? Its obvious he's never gotten over his ex.

[Anonymous]

Yeah definitely, that’s really rude and no regard for your feelings

[jjj101010]

It’s not unreasonable, u recognise he may want to masturbate. There are over 3 billion women on the planet, u have said don’t want to 1, seems fair

[elizamichale1]

not really... i dont think it makes any difference to be honest

[CubaPirate]

Absofuckinglutley, he's lucky he's still your boyfriend

[MaelE]

Wtf? Do people actually do that? It's creepy.

[Caliguy88]

Every guy does it but that should be secret