Am I right for getting upset that my boyfriend jerks off to pictures and videos of his ex girlfriend?

[Jessriley]

We have been together for 2 years and we have an 8 month old son together. I found out that when I was 8 months pregnant he was reaching out to his ex. He was telling her he missed her and reassured her that he would still have time for her even though he was having a baby. A week later I caught him jerking off to old pictures and videos of her. He said he would delete everything. A month later I caught him doing it again. I told him it was a deal breaker and he apologized and said they were gone. He did tell me I only care because I am insecure. He said he can jerk off to what he wants. I don’t care if he does it to be I girls he has never been with or watches porn but it really bothers me that he does it to someone he has been with. He has pictures and videos of me and I don’t expect him to use them. I get that he wants to see something different but I am not ok with it being his ex. He did apologize and told me he would stop. I chose to believe him and forgive him. We were doing really well. Recently he has become distant and secretive. Some days he is really into me and other days he seems not interested at all. I said to him the other day I wasn’t accusing him or asking him if he was still jerking off to his ex but I wanted to remind him if I ever found out he is still doing it I will walk away for good. Well he told me he was looking for something in his phone and all of her pictures and videos reappeared and he does not know how to permanently delete them. He admitted to this because he thinks I have his iCloud account info and password (which I do not) I don’t even know why he thinks that. But that makes me feel like he is still getting off to his ex. Am I being Irrational for ending our relationship over this?

[Anonymous]

Think about your story here. He tells his ex he misses her and masturbates to videos of her. Then, knowing how much it hurt you, he does it again after promising he’d delete them. Now, fearing you know his iCloud password, he admits the pictures and videos are still there. (It’s very easy to delete files from your iCloud Drive) Clearly he’s not completely over her. If the videos were merely a visual masturbation aid, he could just use random porn. However, he’s specifically using her image which means he’s fantasizing about her. It’s not outright cheating but it is certainly an emotional betrayal. If he cannot let go of his past and fully commit to you, then the relationship is doomed anyway.

[Jessriley]

You’re right. I was thinking this. I wanted to see what others thought of it. Thank you

[Dazed0N0Confused]

This would bother me to no end, personally, & would end my relationship with him as well. You're right, it is very different than jerking off to porn or photos of chicks he doesn't know.

Im sorry you're going through this, take him to court for child support, be prepared for long court appearances & him getting visitation.

It's not jealousy, it's the fact that he is (was) with YOU not his ex. If i found out my man was jerking off to pictures of his ex, & saying "I'll still make time for you" to her, I'd blow a fuse & it wouldn't be a pretty sight...

[Red_Arrow]

He is not going to be honest with you. He said he was deleting her pictures, but he still has them and still jerks off to them. You told him you would walk away from him, but you did not do that when he continued. You should have done what you said you would do!
Really there is nothing you can do other than choose to live like that forever, or get rid of him. Tough choice because of the kid. But you female friends are right.

[Jessriley]

I think the problem was I convinced myself that every guy would do this. But if they don’t all do this then yes I need to do what I said and walk away

[Red_Arrow]

There are other guys that would do that, but most would not! He is an ass!!! Sorry for you, but you need to cut the ties, which will be rough. A single mom is not easy.

[Sweepthelegjonny]

I understand why you’d be upset over it. But you’re drawing all the wrong conclusions. Porn is made in a way so you can “envision” yourself in the role. Sometimes guys can only put themselves in places they’ve already been. It’s still just porn. He’s not cheating, just watching porn he made.

[Jessriley]

I understand that. But he has a lot of videos of me and him too. I know it’s ridiculous to ask that he only gets off to me so I wouldn’t ask him to do that. But is it really too much to ask him to stop getting off to him and his ex if it hurts me?

[Sweepthelegjonny]

You keep seeing it as something being done to upset you. It’s got extremely little to do with you. When I was in a relationship with a very skinny chick, I watched a lot of thick girl porn. Because it was something different. Not better, not more appealing, just different.

[DaisyM23]

Yeah it is a problem if it’s too his ex because it means there’s still some kind of attachment there. Plus he’s making it seem like you’re just being insecure. I think you deserve much more and much better

[Jessriley]

Thank you

[A_Bell]

If it was just a picture of someone he didn't know, I wouldn't care. Guys do that.

However, if it is an ex, that is a little much. He's connecting with her in a sexual way and that will bring nothing but trouble in your relationship. It is also disrespectful to you, since this is a "real" person and not a fantasy.

[ArztSchlachthof]

Yes, you are right. I would be upset as well if I caught my girlfriend doing some bs like that. He is lying to you and he values his ex more than you, apparently. I'm sorry, though... tough luck

[MaelE]

Wtf? Do people actually do that? It's creepy.

[elizamichale1]

not really... i dont think it makes any difference to be honest

[Alejandro3000]

i dont know, I've not been in shoes to know why. However, when a girl was pregnant and around me, i felt so good her pheromones were making me feel like I've fallen into a bed of flowers.

[pleasestopthis]

You should have ditched this loser as soon as you caught him. Have some self respect.

[OutWestBandit]

Wow... thats low man.

Basically why is he with you and not her?
He is just using you as placeholder while he tries to get back with someone else.
Keep someone around for needs, but privately lusts for someone else.
Thats just plain old disrespect.

[SouthGeorgiaGirl]

Just a picture

[Jenngirl00]

That’s a deal breaker

[thotmas97]

Maybe he just wants to see himself having sex, and that’s what he enjoys? I’m trying to spin this in a positive way because otherwise it sounds like he’s more attracted to his ex than you and you have a right to be upset about that.

[Jessriley]

I thought of that but he does have videos of me and him too. The first time I caught him it was just her picture he had up on his t. v. while he was jerking off.

[thotmas97]

Hmm that sounds like that latter. My girlfriend for example has a fantasy where she gets off to seeing herself have sex or masturbate, so I thought maybe that was it, but if it’s just his ex it’s probably because he’s either cheating (I really hope not) or fantasizing about going back to her.

[Jessriley]

I wanted a guy’s opinion because all of my friends that I told said get rid of him. I wanted to ask a guy to see if this is normal or if there are guys out there that would not do this kind of thing. If I am in another relationship is this something that I should worry about

[thotmas97]

I wouldn’t do it, I’d stick to porn at least instead of that. Tbh I think it’s pretty disrespectful, even if it’s just a fantasy he has.

[Jessriley]

She left him for another guy. He told me he used to cheat on her but once she cheated on him and left him he said he hated her. He has only had negative things to say about her but I think you are right and he still has feelings for her. We actually knew each other back in high school. I got married to someone else had 3 kids and my husband passed away. I ran into my current boyfriend a year after my husband passed. I just feel like he used that against me and he tried to use me to get over her

[Jessriley]

Thank you. That helps. I kept saying it was disrespectful.

[thotmas97]

I have this mantra and maybe it’s not entirely accurate but still; once a cheater, always a cheater. I don’t want to put any additional strain on your relationship but I really don’t trust him if he’s willing to go that far to hide the fact that he’s masturbating to his ex.

[Jessriley]

You are not putting any more strain on it by saying that. I have thought that too.

[Starwitch23]

He does things that he knows is going to make you feel bad. Even after giving a chance he still do that. That man is not afraid of you. I don't mean in violent way but that man is not afraid to lose you. If someone who claims to love you does things intentionally that is going to hurt you. Then tell me what is a difference between this person and an enemy?

[Jessriley]

You are 100% right

[throwsomecheeseonit]

Irrational if he is only jacking off to her yes. Because men often jack off to unobtainable things. However if she is sending him vids of her doing same and they are both sexually gratifying each other no. Plus it sounds like he hoodwinked girl into believing he would give her time just so he could get pics. Who knows what else he told her. Bottom line if my girl asked me to stop doing something we would hash it out. If it was reasonable then I would stop. If irrational I would explain why.

[Wise4myage]

Absolutely not. Why on earth are you still with this guy? Its obvious he's never gotten over his ex.

[TheFlak38]

I can imagine how boring you are if he does that.

[Caliguy88]

Every guy does it but that should be secret

[SirJohn42]

Yes that is a bit creepy. And his lusting over ex is not a good sign.
Thinking off her and cumming to her. Put your foot down. Make him stop or leave him. Its not healthy for your rekationship.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

You have a right to be upset.

[Twalli]

He still finds her sexually attractive. Nky that odd, since they dated. I can understand why you have an issue with it, and if it was just masturbating to her pictures and videos, I would say you're overreacting. The fact that he does that and flirts with her is the bigger issue in my opinion.

[Jessriley]

So I only found out about the talking because I kept having this dream he was cheating on me with her. I was pregnant at the time so I kept telling myself it’s just the pregnancy. He was over one night and gave my daughter his phone while he went to the bathroom. He gave me his passcode to his phone when we first got together. I never once thought about going through his phone. I didn’t want to do that. But my daughter threw his phone across the room and I picked it up to give it to him and then I thought about my dreams and ended up going through it. I know that was wrong but that’s when I found the texts. He was also saying thank you for finally responding to me and she was very short he just kept going. so you are right that’s the bigger issue. He also had her name saved as someone else. I have no idea when the talking started or if it even ever stopped. I haven’t gone through his phone ever since

[red_knight]

Correct me if I'm wrong, that's a form of cheating isn't it?