Sexual Relationships
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My boyfriend has recently started choking me during sex. Is this behaviour normal?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. Sexually we started off small because I was a virgin prior to meeting him. He practices the BDSM and I was open to trying things. We haven’t don’t much kiss, blowjobs, gently pulling my hair and passionate sex? The last month he has switched things up and we have been doing all kinds of different positions. This weekend he got aggressive during sex and applied pressure and would choke me during sex were I would feel pressure in my head and would have shallow breathing. I told him to loosen his grip but continued for a little bit longer and said ‘why it’s much more fun this way’ I was shocked he did it every time we had sex this weekend and I would say the same thing as he would imply I enjoyed it to much for him to stop. This guy never showed aggression towards be before very loving, needy and affectionate. He started to pull my hair really hard too and told him to be more gentle. Is it normal for a guy to flip the switch like this during sex?
0 3

Most Helpful Guys

  • Everything you just said is done the right way my pleasure not pain or not concern I'm going to tell you something right now if he's choking you the wrong way straight on it only takes how to find the pressure it took you out to where you could go if you go to choke you there's a right way and a wrong way. He has to do it from the side or otherwise he can kill you very very easy there are many people in prison right now because it you're having aggressive sex and it got out of control is it mean to hurt person it was an accident it sounds like if your boyfriend is giving rougher and rougher it could very well happen to you you need to speak up you need to talk to her and you need to look up how to do the right thing and it's the same time you have to be careful doing that because then you're giving him the okay to be out of control need to have a talk with him and be very serious about it

  • No it’s wrong for a huge number of reasons.

    first one it’s abuse to you and just make it stop, in fact drop kick him.

    he is not in to BDSM, he is in to Porn.

    BDSM is fuck all like that , it could not be any further if it tried.

    people really need to stop watching porn and understand what BDSM actually means.

    it is not 50 Shades of Shit, it’s not some fetish porn thing.

    Dump him he is dangerous, seriously do not even see him again.

    If you do not dump him (stupid in my opinion), then make it very clear and obvious that if he does that shit again, no sex until he behaves.

    • @ Pretty Pink Anon thank you most appreciated

Most Helpful Girls

  • What’s considered “normal” is open to interpretation. However, sex should be mutually beneficial and both parties should be on board with whatever is happening. Sounds like he’s forcing what he likes on you. If you’re not into choking and hair pulling, then speak up and say so. In the end, it sounds like the two of you just aren’t sexually compatible.

  • Girl, set those boundaries. If he loves and respects you, he will listen and let you set the pace. That's what hubby did for me, I wasn't ready at first but after a while of taking it easy I began to like more. You need him to respect your needs. You may not ever like it, or maybe you will. Only you can decide and he needs to accept that.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 16

  • He was holding back for a while but now he's decided to let his true self out.

    He's a selfish prick. Tell him, "Next time I say to loosen up, I fucking mean it, or we're through."

    Do not put up with this, girl.

    • Right, want she said!

  • Not at all. Put a stop to it unless you are into that submissive thing. That’s a dangerous road girl. I’ve had some experiences that were no good. Take care of yourself.

  • Where did you meet this loser? You should put a stop to this behavior as it can only get worse.

  • Normal? no, but if you are ok with the whole BDSM thing in general then, for your protection create a 'safe word' or 'gesture' per-arranged that means 'stop' instantly.
    If he fails to observe that? Leave right away, it means he has no boundaries and you could wind up dead!!

  • You ask this question anonymously. You know the god damn answer to what is up with a guy choking you during sex. Why do you bother GAG with this shit? You know better. If you are really a "girl' and really between 18 - 24, you damn sure know the answer to this obtuse question. Get a life.

  • He should have loosened his grip immediately when you asked. He shouldn’t have choked you at all without discussing it first. The fact that you felt pressure in your head is telling you that it was physically dangerous. Choking can kill a person within seconds. I would think twice about being with this man especially if he is dismissive of you when you tell him to stop doing things you are not comfortable with.

  • I hate to say it but the "aggressive" things he's been doing are common in porn. As for whether it's "normal", I can't tell you as I don't like those forms of actions, but what I can tell you is many people watch it and I've talked to numerous women who enjoy it. Ultimately, I think sex is defined by the people in the room and not anyone else. What the "norm" is shouldn't have to be applied to you if you don't enjoy it. I apologize if I said too much.

  • I'm not into that stuff but I do know that there's a safe word for a reason.
    The second you're uncomfortable in a situation you say the safe word and he STOPS IMMEDIATELY!
    It has to be consensual and there has to be absolute trust.
    Just wait until he ties you up and then he doesn't stop doing what you don't want him to do.
    You're so screwed.
    If he's doing stuff you don't want then it's no longer a relationship. He owns you. He doesn't respect you.
    You own yourself. Don't allow him to abuse you.
    It's more fun for him to choke you... he doesn't care about your opinion.

  • That's not normal unless its been discussed before hand. You need to talk to him about this.

  • Is he on the Dodgers?

  • it's normal. women love to be bused.

  • It is not normal behavior

  • No, it's not normal. If he really was into BDSM, he'd know consent is crucial, especially with breathplay.

  • If you told him you weren’t enjoying yourself he should have stoped right then in there honestly it sounds like he has rapists tendencies

  • Should watch the show "bonding"

  • I don't think it's normal

  • Are you enjoying this, does it make you feel uncomfortable

  • Not normal unless it’s like a playful

  • Not usually, probably watching porn

  • It's not normal to disrespect someone. If you explicitly told him not to do something and he ignored you, he does not respect you and appears to be only concerned about getting off at your expense.

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