Is this sexual coercion?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend frequently says things that make me feel guilty about not having sex with him or about not doing the sexual activities he wants. He says things such as, "You never have sex with me," "You never give me head", "You're not attracted to me anymore," "If I had abs you'd be sexually attracted to me," "I won't have sex with you anymore because you never want it,""I won't bother asking you for sex anymore because you never want it" etc. When I say no to sex he gets angry and storms off, ignores me etc. I've been having a hard time lately and he was even like "I wish I could solve all your problems so you'll be happy and I can fuck you all day everyday" like what?

Even right before my birthday he got all angry at me and started a huge fight because I didn't give him head. I have tried to in the past but lately there has been a strong fishy odour there and I told him I can't do it when it smells like that. We even showered together several times and it still stunk after showering. He was basically like "whatever a little smell is normal" but No other guy I was with has ever stunk like fish especially right after a shower.

He sends me memes like "which crystal will get me head" and stuff like that to make me feel bad about it more.

The other day he started humping my butt and almost put his penis in my butt even though I have explicitly told him I don't want to do that. Then he was like ok let me stick my penis in your vagina even though he had not touched me or done foreplay and I was not wet or turned on. For me it takes a while to get turned on and then I can get turned off by weird behaviour such as trying to shove his dick in my ass when I said no. In the end we didn't have sex and he left all angry. He has said in the past "don't you think you're putting being horny on a pedestal and you should just have sex when you're not horny?"?

Everytime he and I get into a fight about anything (not about sex) he brings up that I don't have sex with him enough

[MrOracle]

I get him wanting to have more sex, but it doesn't sound like he's willing to put in the foreplay time to get you wet and willing, and, to quote Yoda (to him):

Have you actually explained to him that he'd get a lot more sex if he took his time and gave you plenty of foreplay first? I mean, he's an idiot to not know that already, but sometimes even an idiot can learn.

If you've told him, and he's still not doing it, then he's just selfish and/or lazy, and that won't change, so you need to dump him and find a guy who understands how women work.

[Asker]

I have explained this to him many times, and taught him certain things that really turn me on such as neck kissing and biting, and playing with breasts. Sometimes he does them, sometimes he doesn't, sometimes he does them for a few minutes and then moves on. However, even if he does foreplay, I don't feel comfortable going down on him if it smells really unpleasant, and if I skip that then to him, even if we had sex, we didn't, and he continues to say "you never have sex with me". I do not ever ask him to go down on me by the way. Also, since he has been acting like this for so long, I feel like it has lessened my attraction to him a lot, as I am more turned on when I'm with a partner who I feel safe and secure with and feel respected by, and if I start to feel disrespected, degraded or used as a sexual object, my interest is quickly gone. My sexual interest is really tied to emotional intimacy, and I've had bad sexual experiences, so I need to feel that connection and feel like I am respected and if I don't want a certain thing, that will be respected. I need to feel loved and cared for as part of feeling sexual attraction. So now it's even harder for me to stay turned on.

[MrOracle]

Well, based on what you've written, he's selfish and immature, and isn't willing to do his share. Your desires are completely reasonable to me, and I don't blame you a bit for how you feel. I think it's time to move on...

[Anonymous]

He seems to have a lot of growing up to do and needs to learn how to be respectful to a lady. The kinds of things he says are hurtful and disrespectful of someone he is supposed to love. It may be time for you to start planning your exit strategy as I have my doubts things will ever improve.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

Forget sexual coercion, that is straight abusive behavior also... he sounds like an overgrown toddler. If he cannot respect your boundaries there he never will and if you reward him for it then he will know that method will work on you in the future.

[dwiller943]

Yes!!

[Iron_Man]

Get rid of the loser

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

It's not ok to make someone feel guilty about something. If you don't like it, tell him that. HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT IT

And if it winds up in a fight. Then, you need to start thinking about why you're actually with him in the first place

[Asker]

I did have a conversation about it with him, over and over again.. and sometimes he gets mad, sometimes he agrees and says he won't do this coercion anymore. But then he just keeps doing it

[Sabretooth]

yes.