Boyfriend always goes soft during sex… help?

[Anonymous]

So me and him have been together for 6 months now. We have a really great relationship but it’s lacking sex. Before him, my ex and I had a lot of sex pretty early into the relationship. But this guy can’t even stay hard. We have tried over multiple times to have sex but he always loses his erection when he’s about to put a condom on and sometimes when I’m going down on him he loses it… me and him have had many conversations about it but nothing is working. not sure what to do at this point. If it matters he’s a virgin and I’m not
he said this happened with his last girlfriend too…

[Sangita93]

There are many possible reasons men go soft during Sex, some are physical – related to his body, and some psychological – related to inner conscious. Different men with erectile dysfunction have different causes. The most common is anxiety. This might happen any time with somebody he really likes, or regularly as part of general anxiety. Best solution is to relax, take time to make out, go down, and fool around before “slide into home.”
Too much booze can go wrong during sex. Alcohol is fun, but it can mess up a man’s bedroom mojo in three different and important ways: In the short term, alcohol causes changes in circulation when consumed in excess - less blood going to the penis, causing weaker erections. In the medium term, most alcoholic beverages are estrogenic, they put more estrogen in the body, leading to a lower testosterone levels. Testosterone drives arousal and erections, so anything that messes with the balance also messes with erectile health. In the long term, damage to the liver from long-term chronic drinking causes or worsen erectile dysfunction. Nobody is saying to quit drinking altogether, but cutting limiting evening drinks to just a couple times each week will help a lot.
Some commonly prescribed antidepressants work by interfering with how your body interacts with hormones and neurotransmitters, causing depression and anxiety, they have a dark side. Talk to doctor if he is using any of them. Work out a plan for lifestyle and diet options that can reduce or eliminate his need for these big pharma moneymakers.
The brain is the largest sex organ, and if it does not get new input once in a while it can stop doing that part of its job. Having too much of the same kind of sex, with the same person can lead to less powerful erections. Try different positions and time to overcome it.
Dopamine is the most important brain chemical when it comes to anything that feels good, including sexual arousal, erections, and orgasms. If the brain’s ability to respond to dopamine gets compromised, erectile function can decrease. the most common reasons are Boredom, Screen addiction, Excessive masturbation or pornography and many more. Cut back or eliminate that cause.
Good relationships equal good sex and bad relationships equal bad sex. If in a good relationship is going through a bad patch, make fixing it a priority.
Erectile health is complex, and relies on a lot of different parts of the body to work. If something is wrong with any of those body parts, it can impact erections. Obesity, metabolic syndrome and high blood pressure are three very common causes of erectile dysfunction and directly impact a body’s physical ability to get hard. Get to the root of the problem, consult a doctor. Using tobacco damages the lining of the blood vessels, reduces blood flow and interferes with erections. Just quit smoking. Identify the most likely culprits, and then find ways to solve them.

[Anonymous]

My first thought was that it was just nervousness and performance anxiety because a lot of inexperienced guys have trouble keeping it up at first but this has been going on for 6 months? That’s unusual and leads me to believe he may have a medical issue or ED….. or he may have some kind of mental block. Maybe he should talk to his doctor about it?

[Asker]

I’m thinking the same and I’m going to tell him to go to a doctor and maybe take viagra. We have a rlly good relationship and I don’t want this to ruin it. thanks for ur response!

[ohshee]

It could be something psychological that he doesn't want to lose his virginity yet maybe he's afraid that he doesn't know what he's doing so he gets it in his head not to do it try this next time when you're laying there doing for play whatever tell him to put his condom on pushing back on his back sit on his hips get your pussy right in the right position and slide yourself forward on his cock and all the way back on his cock don't put much pressure on it tease him a little bit as if your pussy is giving him little butterfly kisses we could very sensual and slowly and time push a little bit harder and deeper look into his eyes and you will be able to tell what he wants without one word if you do what you're doing but seduce him make him want you make him want it bad when you gets hard slide your pussy all the way up spread your legs right in front of them stroke his cock as you push your pussy up and down the full length of his cock get soaking wet sit back and let him push harder deeper sliding your wet pussy all the way to the head of his cock look into his eyes and tell him how bad you want it tell him how bad you want his hard long big thick fat cock inside you tell him you want him to make it hurt reach down and kiss him stick your tongue in his love for your nipples in his mouth whisper and see how bad you want to get fucked right now if he's not going to do it by himself you're going to have to help him do it if you want it done sometimes you have to do it yourself LOL there are many things you can do to get him turned onto will get you turned on the basically in time what you wanted hope is it he wants to do it for you he wants to make it all about you and make sure you have two or three orgasms before he even thinks about it

[TonyV]

Well I was worried that would happen to me, luckily i didn't have that problem.

What have you guys tried to male him more comfortable?
Lights on or off?
You or him partially clothed?

Is there anything he can get off to? Like handjobs or mutual masterbation?

I get him being nervous but he needs to realize you are willing to do it with him and it really isn't that big of a deal, he dosent need to be this nervous but I dont know how to make him not nervous.

Has he said anything to be a problem yet?

[Asker]

I’ve asked him so many times what he problem is and he says “I don’t know”. Like how tf am I supposed to help if he doesent know. And no.. he’s literally the only guy I’ve ever been with that doesent finish with anything… I don’t know what to do anymore starting to think he might be gay? could that be a possibility? He claims he’s not

[TonyV]

I dont think he's gay, I think he is just too nervous/intimidated by the fact that something he's never done before is about to happen and he is way to concerned about the outcome. He needs to realize the only expectation on him is that he tries and that's it, noone expects him to last more than 5 minutes his first time, we all know he's gonna cum early. I'm no sex expert so I don't know, I fell like he's issue is your body, either he's intimidated by the sexy female figure, in which case I would think him exploring and formiliarizing himself with your body would make him realize it's not so scary, so I don't know maybe some spooning till he stops being uncomfortable with that? And I got to ask, what kind of figure do you have? Just ballpark I dont need measurements lol

[Asker]

I’m a really small girl, I’m 4’11 and skinny. I also have curves that are small but fit my body well & I’m fit from working out my whole life. I don’t think attractiveness is an issue in this situation. I think you’re right about him being nervous about finishing too early. I told him many times that it’s okay and normal and he shouldn’t be scared. It just keeps happening over and over and I don’t know if it’s worth it to end the relationship over this :( thanks for ur response

[TonyV]

Only other thought is, I assume you usually take the lead cause you are experienced, well I've heard that makes some guys feel submissive and emasculated, so maybe even tho this hottie is choosing to blow him he somehow feels less like a man cause he's not doing the work?🤷‍♂️ Soma ybe we have a guy who feels the need to be the lead but is also frozen by fear cause he dosent know what to do and thinks it will be the end of the world if he cums early or dosent get you off, which again we know he won't his first time its expected. Its tuff when even he dosent know or won't say what the issue is. But those are my 2 geuss way to nervous or he dosent feel like a man with you taking the lead.

[Asker]

Thank you you have been very helpful!! Hopefully this issue gets resolved!! Maybe I should have him take viagra or have him go to a doctor. I really like him and don’t want things to end because of this. Thanks again!

[Ghostykill3r]

So you guys have done other stuff like blowjobs and touchy feely stuff right? It's kind of weird but try doing some foreplay stuff, and then keep playing with his dick and such while he's putting the condom on. Or maybe put the condom on for him. Obviously talk about all this before and see if he wants to try that. I sometimes have had issues with condoms where I'll be hard, then go to put the condom on and for some reason concentrating on that makes me lose my erection. But I just keep the condom out, do some more foreplay stuff until it's back up, then put the condom on.

[ProCoffeeAntiSleep]

It sounds like nerves, but y’all know you don’t need to be hard to have sex right?
Like obviously there is oral, but also the penis doesn’t stop being sensitive just because its not erect, you can still have stimulation.
Other big note, ejaculation and cuming are not the same thing. I know most straight people thing they are but they aren’t. [Not to be graphic] but it can be difficult to maintain an erection if your taking it from behind as its just not where the blood is going, however I can guarantee that you can still cum from it.
Penetrative sex is probably off the table, but if that the only thing you can think off you may have bigger problems [joke]

[summiter]

It is probably nerves. Maybe start out just giving him handjobs (guys love them) so he will get use to having an orgasm with you.

[spartan55]

I bet he has a mental block about the condom.

[Bluemax]

A question best asked of a doctor.

[oddwaffle]

Tell him to stop masturbating for 2 weeks.

[Bricealan]

If he is your age, (young) it may be anxiety. As an experiment, have him try taking Viagra an hour before you try to fuck. It may just be anxiety. Not that unusual.

I hate condoms and had a hard time (no pun intended) putting them on at times.

[Inexpensivefurniture]

Does/did he watch a lot of porn? Some guys get so used to getting off to porn that they stop finding actual sex arousing, or they have a hard time getting hard/staying hard/finishing with a partner

[Miah02]

Once ya said he a virgin. I think it kinda explains it.
He nervous.
Ya know they little guys don't function right if they mind ain't right

[snackthatsmilesback]

Is he on SSRIs or something? Some medicine can cause that issue. Or could be something up with his testosterone or shit he may need to see a doctor to fix it. Or maybe it's just nerves or stress but if it's been happening 6 months straight and you're trying to help I doubt it's just that.

[Asker]

Thanks for ur answer.. I’ve asked him if he’s depressed or on pills and he said no to both. And yeah not sure why he would be nervous to have sex when we’ve done everything else and has been 6 months.

[exitseven]

If it happens when he jerks off it may be a medical problem. He may need to see a urologist.

[ColoradoKid]

If he is on antidepressants that can cause it. Which I think that it causes depression too.

[KennyG72]

seek professional counseling and see a urologist.

[HawkPerception]

I dunno what to say other than either he has health issues, he may swing the other way and not want to admit it or he's not attracted to you. I'm just ball parking.

[Kabluie]

Tell him to stop wanking his dick when he's alone, that actually causes more issues if he's not experienced, because of sensitivity of his hand going off, , and not inside a condom.

[FloridaWeatherDude]

Three things come to mind. Medical condition (diabetic for example). He's too mentally inside his own head worrying about being a virgin. Finally, he might simply be hiding (and fighting some inner turmoil) over possibly being gay but not wanting to accept or admit it.

[TheFlak38]

I can imagine how boring you are.

[Stevefiveo]

Sounds like it is his problem and nothing to do with you. He should seek a doctor and maybe get some Viagra.

[TheBigGuy9]

He have a drug addiction?
Take medicine for mental illness?
Masturbate too much?


Get some Viagra for him

[moviedude714]

I recommend he see a doctor about this