Girls, is casual sex with guys always slightly scary?

[travellinggi]

I'm a bisexual man, 50s, recently divorced for other reasons and finally tried sex with guys after wondering about it most of my life. Some of it was amazing, some of it was not but it really opened my eyes to what women deal with in ways I never thought of.

For some context, I quickly learned I'm more of a bottom and mostly met guys who identified as straight and mostly fucked women or until they met me, only fucked women. So for this reason, I experienced sex in a way that women do with the very same guys that women have sex with primarily.

What really surprised me was believe it of not, fear! Low level, ever present fear that I had never associated with sex before. Now, I am 6'4, 210 and have always been in decent shape. I have traveled and have no problem walking around any strange city with no worries. I was quickly surprised at how even skinny, smaller men could be very strong. However when I was with stronger, really built guys, I felt like a rag doll and felt almost fragile for the first time since I was a child! It is a hell of a vulnerable, helpless feeling when a guy who can overpower you, sometimes very easily, is on top of you, inside you and in the heat of the moment, looking possessed! You don't know if he will stop if you need him to, even if you discussed it earlier. I never had anything bad really happen but was always aware it could.

So, before, when I was single. If I was horny, I had sex. No thought whatsoever, except, "I got lucky!" Now? I have to make a judgement call, have a backup plan and deal with constant, low level apprehension that things could go wrong... and I don't have to worry about getting pregnant! And I'm a guy! I can only imagine what a 5'2 110 pound woman must feel like!

So, I guess I wonder if this is just something women learn to live with all the time or if it gets easier and you get more confident and less wary over time?

[purplepoppy]

You'd be foolish not to have concerns for your safety, as you say men are stronger and sex puts you in a vulnerable position. Men are like dogs, most just want a stroke and a belly rub but you get the odd dangerous one. So like dogs you have to rely on warning signs and gut instinct before you play with them. Most men consider themselves lucky if they get casual sex and don't want to blow it by being a jerk. Quite often it's the less experienced who think pornhub is an education that are the problem. Once they start asking things about kinks and fetishs it's time to leave.
It's worth remembering that guys are probably just as scared, they risk being ridiculed for small dicks or performance, there's the risk of false rape accusations or finding out she's married etc.

[travellinggi]

Right, good points! I used to worry about performance but worrying about physical safety is new and worse, I think. So true about porn! It's like whatever they see, it's a license to act it out sometimes without even asking!

[SueShe]

Fear is a constant companion for women. Fear of being raped, fear of being molested and sexually assaulted practically 24/7, even within the confinement of your own 4 walls.

Fear is what women must endure from the second they reach puberty until very late in their life because there will always be the one or the other guy that will think that they can attempt to make a pass at them or to want sexual attention.

Being a female is actually a curse because we are all aware that a great number of guys only view us as a prey, a target or an object and not so much as a human being.

You state it yourself

"... if I was horny, I had sex..."

But was the target person coerced or was she always willing and accepting to have sex?

[travellinggi]

Oh it was always with someone willing, never coerced. I could not do that, I could not bring myself to be capable of doing that

[KimmyB]

Well, speaking from my own experience… what you’re saying is exactly true. I’m older than I was, even though I still like going out and being social when I’m looking to meet guys or whatever. But I’ve been in those exact situations where I am essentially putting my trust in the guy who is basically a stranger not to rape me or steal me you know? And I totally get it on the other side of it, I’m sure there’s trust on the guys side that I won’t get pregnant (which is obviously a concern for me). I count myself lucky I’ve never been physically hurt or thrown around but it’s happened more than once where I didn’t want the guy to cum in me and it’s such a helpless feeling when you realize that he’s on top and doing it anyway, so yeah I guess it’s several different types of risks no matter who you are guys or girls…. But I know there’s more good people out there than bad, if that makes sense……….. :o)

[iseekpinetrees]

Yea pretty much. Never know who can flip a switch.

[RebeccaSJ]

Perhaps, but also slightly exciting.