Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Was I too quick to end it with a guy because sex was bad?

I'm sorry for the long post...

Anyway few months ago I met this guy who is 3 years younger then me. He wasn't my "type" at first, but he has a beautiful face and a very sweet personality. He did everything right from day 1 and showed me in so many ways how much he likes me. So I gave in and we started dating a month ago. Everything with him was perfect! Passionate kisses, touches, just amazing chemistry, I was overflown with lust and excitement, he was in my head all the time. Really a teenage dream, so so sweet. We also talked about sex and everything he said ticked all my boxes (that he loves going down for a long time, that he can do long sessions of penetration, that for him sex it's not just about orgasm but enjoying, etc. etc.) I told him that I like it a bit rough, dirty, and that I like when a man is dominant. I told him I like missionary the most and he said it's same for him. So one night I decided that I want to finally have sex with him... and all went bad.
I think the "turn off" started from the very first thing he did and that's asking me if he can go down on me with a baby-face-puppy-eyes. As if he was asking his mommy for milk. I don't know, it's just the kind of feeling I got. But I said yes of course and he started doing his thing down there... which he was terrible at. He went straight to my clit with full speed as if the hurricane hit me. It was so unpleasant and I pushed him away and told him to slow down! So he slowed down but was still very rough with his tongue so I pushed him away again and told him to be more gentle and to leave clit for now and just focus on my pussy. He said okay and tried again but nothing better. He would do what I told him for 10 seconds and then again be rough and go for my clit. I gave up and told him to just finger me. So he did that and that was also bad. He was very rough and didn't use his fingers at all, he was just massaging my pussy with his whole palm?
Updates:
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So I guided him with that too (literally I had to do it myself first so he watches how to do it, I even assembled his fingers the way they should be and mimicked then motion, but the moment I leave the to him he goes back to "his way"). So I gave up on that too and gave penetration a chance as last resort. And he was so quick with it, in my eyes he looked like a horny dog jumping on the leg, and then he came after 10 minutes.
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Needless to say, I ended up very unsatisfied, and he seemed amazed. He just said that he's sad that I didn't cum, but like next time. Then he fell asleep right away. I cried the whole night. And the next morning I felt so repulsed and turned off that I just wanted him to leave asap.
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Superb Opinion

  • Possibly, but possibly not.

    I suspect what he did is perfect for some women but not for you. (For instance last partner I went down on liked so much tongue pressure on her clit I had to put my tongue over lower teeth and use jaw muscles. People like different stuff).

    he did not seem great at taking suggestions.
    his style seems like it wasn't a turn on for you.

    fixing the first seems like quite a bit of work, discussions outside sex etc. And doing so likely would put him even further behind in having the dominant demeanour you want (when he's second guessing if he's doing the right things). So uphill for sure. Possible to fix? Maybe, but not easily and not necessarily.

    • I couldn't put all in one post, but yeah that was basically it. He is 29. I was so head over heels for him before all that happened and I felt like everything just died. The chemistry I felt for him just gone with the wind... And I just didn't experienced him as "dominant" at all (the way he was humping me and his facial expression and the way he moans like a little girl with peached voice...) felt like I was the dominant one, and I didn't like that... The next day I told him that I'm not okay and that I didn't enjoy it because I think we are very different and no communication. He was very sad about it but said okay and offered friendship... So I don't know, I'm in doubt now that this could've maybe been "fixed"? But he didn't even suggest to work on it... But honestly I don't know if it can be fixed now that I see him a certain way, completely different then from what I like. My ex was very dominant with rough face, big, hairy, deep voice, and he was amazing in sex from day 1. His expressions were "neutral" and he liked putting me in a missionary pinned down while he is like a gorilla on top of me, hold my neck and my hair and look me in the eyes and give very deep occasional moans while pounding me for ages like that. That drove me crazy, I loved it. And I didn't have to guide him through anything, he would take the lead of every position. Well sometimes I would too, but mostly him. and another thing, my ex and I also did a lot of dirty talk during sex, which I also loved. We had a "safe word" for when it's time to finish, he would say "are you mine?" and I say "yes I'm yours" then he says "say it louder" and I would scream "yours papi"... or he would say "show your papi how much you missed him" (because we didn't have sex that often) and it would trigger my orgasm so easily.

    • I guess I just don't know how to develop something like that with someone new? My ex was my first orgasm ever, everyone before him were similar to this guy; very romantic and gentle. I'm now afraid that my ex "ruined" me... How do I communicate what I want in sex if a partner is just not that way? Am I doomed to only look for men who resemble my ex? And if so, how do I know?

    • I don't really know as I haven't solved those problems in my own life - but I'm married so not really a lot of chance to experiment. I think the odds of stumbling on someone just like your ex aren't good, but some are out there. The problem is that the odds someone you're head over heels with is also instantly like that is... bad. So I suspect you will have to communicate what you like. What you're looking for then is someone who also finds that sort of sex hot, so is enthusiastic about moving into that style. You mention this guy lasted 10 minutes - that's also statistically above average. I suspect most men can learn to last longer but it takes regular practice which... requires regular sex with you. So I think just instant like your ex is a lot to expect, similar turn ons and headed toward that type of sex is probably what you're looking for.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yeah you did the right thing.

    I have a thing where unless I am emotional connection, then the sex is not that good.

    it also means the overall relationship can be meh for me.

    Often having a clean break is the best option in these situations.

    • @ Pretty Pink Anon thank you most appreciated

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 11

  • The problem was not JUST that the sex was bad. You were patient and took the time to show him what you wanted and he ignored what you said and what you showed him. I suspect that his behavior in other areas would have been the same if you had given him a chance. He sounds very rigid and inflexible for a young guy.

  • If you fuck up on the sexual compatibility thing you sign yourself up for a lifetime of frustration and anxiety.
    He was likely a virgin. Clueless, and weak. What a grand combination.

    No, find a hot alpha guy that blows your doors off. Otherwise you'll wander off looking for CHAD THUNDERCOCK.

  • I think you were too quick

  • You had to explain so much, you obviously feel guilty.

  • He should have listened when you told him what to do. Rookie mistake. But also a lack of awareness on his part.

  • What I see is a bitch who plays the victim to gain a position of power and just wants to use men.

  • How old is he? If he's over 20 then yeah. Because it probably won't get any better.

    • I couldn't put all in one post, but yeah that was basically it. He is 29. I was so head over heels for him before all that happened and I felt like everything just died. The chemistry I felt for him just gone with the wind... And I just didn't experienced him as "dominant" at all (the way he was humping me and his facial expression and the way he moans like a little girl with peached voice...) felt like I was the dominant one, and I didn't like that... The next day I told him that I'm not okay and that I didn't enjoy it because I think we are very different and no communication. He was very sad about it but said okay and offered friendship... So I don't know, I'm in doubt now that this could've maybe been "fixed"? But he didn't even suggest to work on it... But honestly I don't know if it can be fixed now that I see him a certain way, completely different then from what I like. My ex was very dominant with rough face, big, hairy, deep voice, and he was amazing in sex from day 1. His expressions were "neutral" and he liked putting me in a missionary pinned down while he is like a gorilla on top of me, hold my neck and my hair and look me in the eyes and give very deep occasional moans while pounding me for ages like that. That drove me crazy, I loved it. And I didn't have to guide him through anything, he would take the lead of every position. Well sometimes I would too, but mostly him. And then this guy...

    • Oh and another thing, my ex and I also did a lot of dirty talk during sex, which I also loved. We had a "safe word" for when it's time to finish, he would say "are you mine?" and I say "yes I'm yours" then he says "say it louder" and I would scream "yours papi"... or he would say "show your papi how much you missed him" (because we didn't have sex that often) and it would trigger my orgasm so easily. I guess I just don't know how to develop something like that with someone new? My ex was my first orgasm ever, everyone before him were similar to this guy; very romantic and gentle. I'm now afraid that my ex "ruined" me... How do I communicate what I want in sex if a partner is just not that way? Am I doomed to only look for men who resemble my ex? And if so, how do I know?

    • I didn't catch where you met this guy. You have to understand if your looking to have some fun with someone similar to your ex but not being your ex. Then you have to go where the guy like that hangs out. Understand what I mean? As far as the weirdo you got to let him go. It's for his own good. He can't handle a woman like you.

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  • Surely he deserved a second chance. Seems to me like he was just a little too eager to please you

  • The hardness that did not wet you enough should increase gradually according to the size of the pleasure you get, not all at once.

  • You cried the whole night? Hmm

    Look, you were obviously very put off but pretty much everything this guys did, so ending it was the right thing to do. The fact that you were so repulsed by everything he did, even his facial expressions, tells me there was no hope for this relationship.

    • I couldn't put all in one post, but yeah that was basically it. I cried because I was so head over heels for him before all that happened and I felt like everything just died. The chemistry I felt for him just gone with the wind... And I just didn't experienced him as "dominant" at all (the way he was humping me and his facial expression and the way he moans like a little girl with peached voice...) felt like I was the dominant one, and I didn't like that... The next day I told him that I'm not okay and that I didn't enjoy it because I think we are very different and no communication. He was very sad about it but said okay and offered friendship... So I don't know, I'm in doubt now that this could've maybe been "fixed"? But he didn't even suggest to work on it... But honestly I don't know if it can be fixed now that I see him a certain way, completely different then from what I like. My ex was very dominant with rough face, big, hairy, deep voice, and he was amazing in sex from day 1. His expressions were "neutral" and he liked putting me in a missionary pinned down while he is like a gorilla on top of me, hold my neck and my hair and look me in the eyes and give very deep occasional moans while pounding me for ages like that. That drove me crazy, I loved it. And I didn't have to guide him through anything, he would take the lead of every position. Well sometimes I would too, but mostly him. And then this guy...

    • I couldn't put all in one post, but yeah that was basically it. He is 29. I was so head over heels for him before all that happened and I felt like everything just died. The chemistry I felt for him just gone with the wind... And I just didn't experienced him as "dominant" at all (the way he was humping me and his facial expression and the way he moans like a little girl with peached voice...) felt like I was the dominant one, and I didn't like that... The next day I told him that I'm not okay and that I didn't enjoy it because I think we are very different and no communication. He was very sad about it but said okay and offered friendship... So I don't know, I'm in doubt now that this could've maybe been "fixed"? But he didn't even suggest to work on it... But honestly I don't know if it can be fixed now that I see him a certain way, completely different then from what I like. My ex was very dominant with rough face, big, hairy, deep voice, and he was amazing in sex from day 1. His expressions were "neutral" and he liked putting me in a missionary pinned down while he is like a gorilla on top of me, hold my neck and my hair and look me in the eyes and give very deep occasional moans while pounding me for ages like that. That drove me crazy, I loved it. And I didn't have to guide him through anything, he would take the lead of every position. Well sometimes I would too, but mostly him. And another thing, my ex and I also did a lot of dirty talk during sex, which I also loved. We had a "safe word" for when it's time to finish, he would say "are you mine?" and I say "yes I'm yours" then he says "say it louder" and I would scream "yours papi"... or he would say "show your papi how much you missed him" (because we didn't have sex that often) and it would trigger my orgasm so easily.

    • Wow, poor guy. Sounds like any man you are with now is going to have a difficult time meeting the expectations you have from when you were with your ex. Just so you know, most guys would never do some of the things you just listed when having sex with a woman for the first time because they would be afraid of being accused of rape or assault. If you are looking for a guy to do you like your ex did the first time you are together, you're likely going to be waiting a while. Best of luck.

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  • In this case no I think it was maybe the right choice. Normally, sex can be improved with communication and time (getting to know each other), however you already tried not just talking to him, but giving him directions (points to you for that), and he basically ignored them. The question is why did he do that? Was he just too excited and impatient, or was it that he was too selfish? It sounds like it was a bad sign regardless so in this case, I think it's the right call.

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