Why does my boyfriend view local girls nudes and sign up for sex chat sites?

This might be a long one so bear with. About a year ago my boyfriend did some things which really don’t sit right with me, and a year on I still think about it and get really anxious and sick at times. Towards the start of our relationship I never had a problem with my boyfriend watching porn, in fact I encouraged it and found it arousing. Further down the line I found out that he has been using sex chat sites and adding sexual accounts on Snapchat to get to nudes. It didn’t seem like you was trying to engage in serious conversation with them, he was just repeatedly asking them to send him nudes and photos of their face. Something else that just crossed the line completely was that he did multiple searches on Google stating that he is looking for nudes from girls in our local area. He was also trying to find apps where girls will send you nudes for free. We had a big argument about this and I nearly broke up with him, but he promised he is going to change and since then I haven’t had any proof that he has done these things again. I decided to forgive him and give him a chance because I love him too much, but I keep getting that got wrenching feeling and I feel like I am just pushing him away because these things keep coming to my mind. I think the real thing I want to know is why he did this, I sent him so many photos and videos and I just feel like I wasn’t enough. His reason was that he did this from boredom and horniness, that when he was home alone his mind wandered on different things. it has made me very insecure and the fact that he was imagining fucking these girls and viewing their dirty photos makes me sick to my stomach. Has anyone been through a similar situation or has anybody got any advice for me? Thanks
Updates:
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I thought I should also mention I am him first girlfriend and he is new to this whole relationship thing. His family is very strict and religious and he has told them about us which proves he is serious about our relationship, I just don’t know how I can move past this. I will be fine for a few months however then I start thinking about his online activities and start getting paranoid again.
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Superb Opinion

  • There are some huge red flags here. Let’s say I’m in love with my girlfriend but I get bored at home. My mind diverts to other things. What other things? Maybe mowing the lawn or reading a book, perhaps working on a hobby or video game. Finding women who live in town that will send me nude pics and show me their face? Seriously? That is a lot different than slipping up and sexting with a stranger who is anonymous. It shows intent to find people who are accessible in real life, no matter what he says.

    I can tell you what his problem is. It is not boredom. It is porn addiction. This afflicts a lot of young men and can be especially severe for those from a strict or religious household where sexuality is suppressed. In the old days they could get married and have sex right out of high school if not sooner, but in modern society they have to somehow control their sex drive through college or hide what they are doing from their family and friends. Online porn is an easy outlet for this. Unfortunately it trains a lot of guys to want constant variety when it comes to women.

    There is another problem. When trust is violated in a relationship, the paranoia you feel does not go away for a long time and might never go away. It is not paranoia; you’re not being paranoid because, after all, he was obviously recently looking to mess around with local girls. What you’re feeling is anxiety about what he will do when you’re not looking.

    What do you do now? I know you have spent a few years with him. That is irrelevant. It is called “sunk cost.” All that matters is the rest of your life and you are still young, so the balance between “history” and “future” should be heavily weighted toward the future. You are also in your prime now when it comes to the ability to attract men, so you need not worry about that.

    You have a decision to make. Maybe this relationship can work. Maybe not. This is not to judge your boyfriend. Porn addiction is common these days. However, he did more than look at naked women. He wanted a face to go with one-on-one interaction and to do that with people living nearby. That is an escalation beyond typical porn addiction that approaches outright cheating. I think at a minimum you should want to see your boyfriend demonstrate enough self-knowledge to admit porn addiction instead of making bullshit excuses like being bored at home. Also, you should probably be in couples counseling. You need to think about whether you are willing to handle that feeling of anxiety for a long time, including when you might be having babies, raising children, are apart due to traveling for work, etc.

    • I asked him multiple times if he has a porn addiction, and he just denies it and says he doesn’t because he has changed since last year. He gave me access to all of his social medias and said I can check his phone any time, because he has nothing to hide anymore because he has stopped all of this. He also told me when he was asking to see their face he was doing it to see if they are real people or bots.

    • I also feel like he has been very honest throughout all of this rather than denying it and hiding it more. He said he wants to focus on me and he doesn’t want to watch porn or go back to any of those old things which he was doing, because now he realises it was wrong. He said that he was horny and it started when he was exploring pop-ups from porn, sex bots adding him on Snapchat etc. To be honest in the start of our relationship we didn’t really discuss any boundaries and although I feel it is common sense. Since this is his first relationship I feel like the lines were blurred a little bit and he didn’t know where to stop.

    • That sounds promising. Sometimes people do change, especially if they’re about to lose something good if they don’t. I hope it works out well.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Because he's very immature and doesn't respect you. Why haven't you dumped him?

    • We have been together for nearly 3 years now and we have conquered a lot together. I feel very attached to him and I do truly love him. I trust that he has changed and so far he hasn’t given me any reason to doubt him but my stomach is still constantly in knots.

    • @wise4myage sounds like warning sirens to me. I’m going to cruise for a new one and keep the current one in case I need a backup plan.

    • @PrettyPriya Very wise Priya.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • ⛔️ Warning 🚨 This is not acceptable behavior in a relationship. My advice is to run…and run fast. If he is looking at other girls nude, and not you, he is not being faithful. Just because he hasn’t done anything yet (I hope) doesn’t mean he won’t. Why else would he be looking at local girls nude? Sorry to hear about your situation and I wish you the best. ❤️

    • Hi thank you for your reply. He said he loves me and he always looks out to me and thinks about me, but his excuse was that when he is bored at home his mind diverts to other things. he said he was just bored and wanted to see if girls from our local area post nudes online? I really want to believe him because most of the time he is honest but I really feel like he betrayed me

    • @asker I really hope what you say is true that he loves you, but people lie. I hope that isn’t the case, but for me personally, I would not tolerate my boyfriend going on dating apps and looking at nude girls in the area. That, to me, screams he is biding his time until he finds someone new. Wish you the best girl ❤️

    • Thank you for mhg! I hope you get this sorted! 🙏❤️

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 1
  • He's probably a sex addict

    • He very well may be, we have sex almost every day so very frequently, however I feel like online cheating doesn’t have much to do with him being a sex addict

  • Girl, leave. He’s basically cheating.