Why do women in the west who are involuntarily celibate get pity and support while men who are in the same boat get shamed and ridiculed?

[CasaNorba]

nowadays every time a woman who either just broke up from a relationship or has not had dick for a while everyone feels bad for her and decides to comfort her so called needs. people are always willing to introduce her to other male friends or take them out to bars and clubs to meet other men.

however this is not the case when a man is in the same boat. whenever a man who just broke out of a relationship or hasn't had pussy in a while he gets mocked and ridicule and you rarely here other people he knows having the will to take him out and introduced him to women in order to help him ease the pain.

this is never the case whenever I go visit my native country in the Caribbean. down there even my female relatives and female friends such as the wives and girlfriends of my male friends become eager enough to introduce me to their female friends hoping that they will change my status or at least get me laid. thanks to this there where I'm from you are more likely to find a purse full of money and the streets then running into an incel.

till then I always wondered why is sex and relationships always seem as a game of gladiator for men?

[Bluemax]

I'm actually thinking about writing a mytake about incels and the forever alones.

I haven't found what you said to be the case. When my wife died, about a year later the mothers of my students were coming out of the woodwork to introduce me to their single friends and family. My students little sister offered to marry me herself! She was 4 years old at the time, I think. I thought that was very sweet of her. 😊

The reason why women don't want to set up incels with their friends and family is because incels have serious baggage.

[CasaNorba]

wait a second, a 4 year old wanted to marry you?

[Bluemax]

She might have been three. I forget. But yes, she said, "Don't worry, Mr. [Bluemax]. I'll marry you!" and then she hugged me. She had just found out my wife died. Her family was always kind and loving to me. I have a standing invitation to vacation with them in Hawaii where they now live.

[Bluemax]

Very young Kids will often say they want to marry the strangest people! I've had kids tell me they want to marry their own parents and even cartoon characters.

[CasaNorba]

Sounds a little creepy if you ask me

[Bluemax]

Spoken like someone who hasn't worked around large numbers of young children. I have. They develop crushes on teachers, babysitters, nannies, cartoon characters, dolls, pictures in coloring books, etc.

[cth96190]

Because our matriarchal society hates men and women individually loathe men.
We are tolerated as a useful but irritating utility, but only so long as a woman can benefit.
MGTOW monk is the only viable way forward for men today.
If a man can go his own way without paying tax, that is even better. A man should not contribute to a system that hates him and takes every opportunity to destroy him.

[CasaNorba]

I'm borderline mgtow because I only get laid once a year and that is whenever I get a massage and pay extra for the happy ending. I would of done it more often if I could of afford it. but yeah I agree how much the western society hates us want to exploit us in the same boat. but as much as I disdain and pity them I think its safe to say that incels are just a effect of the cause that relates to the hatred our society has for us

[CasaNorba]

mgtow monk*

[anon1903]

This is me and I dare say I have a pretty good drive but you westerners have such ridiculous outlooks. Not getting laid isn't necessarily bad, no need to shame or pity comfort a person. When the person feels like it, they'll bounce back. What's with the pressure, bro?

[CasaNorba]

a lot of people here think that sex is all that matters in life, that's what porn does to you. and even worst women here in the west like to associate sex with actual relationships which pretty much destroys themselves in the long run

[anon1903]

That's some real messed up thinking right there.

[CasaNorba]

I mean is actually an American thing, not the west in general since a lot of Europeans are ok with sex and accept it as part of life.

[anon1903]

Yes, I've heard a lot related to this from other online users.

[CasaNorba]

American in the other hand are literally terrified of little things such as naked people

[hellionthesagereborn]

Involuntarily celibate isn't really a lack of sex, its lack of a relationship. So while yes sex is apart of it, in reality what they are lacking is intimacy and human connection. That is why it messes them up so much. Problem is we have created a system that makes intimacy and connection almost impossible and everything is superficial. Not having sex isn't a big deal, but not having intimacy and a connection to another person is.

[anon1903]

In psychology class we say : if the individual doesn't have a problem with lack of something, then who are you to judge?

[Bluemax]

@anon1903 "Not getting laid isn't necessarily bad" Well, that depends on the person and their individual temperament. It also depends on the time scale involved. I've known people who have been without sex more than twice as long as you've been alive. Many of them aren't doing too well. My brother counsels such people. He'll tell you, lack of intimacy has some serious challenges. We're not talking about people who have been without it for just a few months or even a few years. We're talking 20, 30, 40, even 50 years.

[hellionthesagereborn]

I don't judge, but involuntarily celibate means that they are single involuntarily i. e. its not because they want to be but because for what ever reason (either they are not attractive, socially awkward or what have you) they simply are not able to find some one.

[Bluemax]

"if the individual doesn't have a problem with lack of something, then who are you to judge?" Quite right, but if an individual *does* have a problem with a lack of something, who are *you* to judge that not having that something isn't bad?

[Bluemax]

@hellionthesagereborn Quite right.

[CasaNorba]

@hellionthesagereborn not saying I disagree with you 100% but I think having sex alone with or without intimacy is more than enough. I mean they dont call prostitution the oldest profession in history for nothing. to me sex and relationships are like eating and dieting. sex itself is eating because obviously as animals we are programmed to eat to survive no matter if what we eat is healthy or not. relationships/intimacy in other hand is much more as dieting because obviously it leans more towards trying to be balanced and healthier by being more selective. till then I think this system wouldn't be so damn superficial if prostitution was legal

[anon1903]

The individual can do therapy with sexologist. There's no need for them to be pitied or shamed, as the question details have depicted.

[Bluemax]

@anon1903 I'm not sure if you are addressing me. By sexologist are you referring to a sexual surrogate? A sex therapist?

[anon1903]

A sex therapist.

[Bluemax]

@anon1903 Therapists will be the first to acknowledge that therapy doesn't always work. Furthermore they will acknowledge that therapy often doesn't help for reasons that are poorly understood and are not always the fault of the client. Ny brother has yet to encounter a sex therapist that knows what to do with disfigured people except perhaps the use of a sexual surrogate.

[anon1903]

So? You'll shame or pity people for not getting laid?

[anon1903]

By negative reinforcement you can get the person to behave a certain way, way of normalcy and evolutionary, but they won't be necessarily happy with it.

[Bluemax]

Neither. I have never shamed someone for not getting laid. I prefer to think I feel compassion for those who don't experience sex. Suppose someone you loved was sad at never having experienced the closeness that love and sex give. When they are crying before you, do you feel no compassion for them? Or do you just tell them that not having sex isn't that bad (which by the way no sex therapist would ever say, as they believe the pain of loneliness is very real) and thereby implying to them that their very understandable sorrow is somehow not valid. When you see someone suffering physical pain do you not feel compassion for them? I sure do. Why is emotional pain any different? Unlike you, sex therapists do not simply dismiss their pain by telling them not having sex isn't all that bad. Unlike you, I don't pretend to have solutions.

[kyleelyn199723]

The only time I see men get mocked about this, is if they complain they can’t find anyone, act desperate , or project their “celibate” sex life. Many men that don’t get sex aren’t necessarily seeking celibacy

[CasaNorba]

the ones who avoid complaining at all cost and speak with honesty get mocked as well. especially by those who are already successful. not that I care cause I stop being one of those people a decade ago

[kyleelyn199723]

No they don’t, because there would be nothing for anything to talk if they just didn’t talk about it 🤷🏻‍♀️ most women do not go around telling people they are celibate.

[kyleelyn199723]

Nothing for anyone to say if they just didn’t talk about it***

[CasaNorba]

you dont need to talk about it. people ask questions you know and trust me when women break up they shout it to the whole world first thing

[kyleelyn199723]

Yeah, I don’t think so lol.

[CasaNorba]

what you think does not influence reality. I seen women who have recently broken up hit the club and parties with their friends the same week they broken up. binge drinking and going home with different dudes all within that same week they broke up

[kyleelyn199723]

That’s their choice 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

[CasaNorba]

no one is saying it isn't their choice. but that alone right there proofs your wrong

[kyleelyn199723]

Let’s use my boyfriend for example: I had no clue he was celibate for 1.5 years. The only time I found out is when me and him got into a heated argument. He told me the last person he hooked up with was 1.5 years ago. I commend him for that, never ever threw him being celibate in his face. He doesn’t need to be celibate and he also gets women.

[kyleelyn199723]

Uhhh no there’s absolute no proof that I’m wrong, you get mocked based on what you talk about. If you aren’t celibate by choice but claiming you are celibate by choice, you have all rights to get mocked. Celibate is a state of mind

[kyleelyn199723]

Getting no women does not equal celibate , that just means you get no women

[CasaNorba]

EXACTLY! he didn't feel like talking about it but he obviously told you because either you ASKED him or you made a comment that compel him to tell it like it is during the argument. you just proof my point once again because again you dont need to talk about it but when people ask you question then you have no choice to either tell it like it is or lie. ps: lying is not always a good choice because that only inspires them to make further assumption about you

[kyleelyn199723]

No I actually didn’t ask him at all. If you don’t know the person asking the questions , the hell does it matter if you lie?

[joeblow123]

@kyleelyn199723 When women mention their problems they get sympathy. When men mention their problems they get ridiculed. That is the difference.

[kyleelyn199723]

@joeblow123 yeah that’s not true but okay. Women get ridiculed also.

[Bluemax]

@kyleelyn199723 "if they complain..." What would an expression of grief be about not having intimate contact with anyone in a way that's not complaining? I've known such people who have not felt the loving touch of their preferred sex in more than twice as long as you've been alive. Their sorrow is very real and very understandable. And I have known almost as many women in this predicament. Yes, they express deep sadness over it. Are they not allowed *any* expression of sadness? I don't believe people who complain about an understandably very lamentable situation should be mocked in any way.

[ronaldo75]

Why are you being dishonest? Men get mocked for not having a woman left and right in western society while women are applauded if they don't want a man, and coddled when they want one and can't find on. He said women who are involuntarily celibate. PLENTY of women are in this situation right now in the west and it's the syndrome of "where are all the good men?" and "wow the only guys who approach me are losers and creeps". Let's not sit here and act like it isn't an epidemic especially among millennials and Gen Z women. His question is why women are allowed to say shit like "there are no good men out there" when in reality they're broken trainwrecks no decent man wants, but when a man is a loser and no woman wants him, he's called an incel, mocked and called all types of questions. That's his question. Don't deflect.

[CasaNorba]

@ronaldo75 thank you! if you read all the comments you will see that she technically tried to deflect 99% of what was said to her. the other 1% just when over her head

[moviedude714]

@ronaldo75 and it also makes sense that men get praised for having sexual partners but women not as much because men are the ones that do the heavy lifting or are the ones that actually work for it to make it happen

[PatriarchalOppressor]

It's called the "empathy gap". Women get empathy and compassion, men do not. This is socially conditioned social behavior. For example, on average, women only suffer a small fraction of the sentencing men get for equal crimes. As another example, men are last in the life boats. The male-only draft is yet another example of socially conditioned male disposability. Men are socially conditioned to be strong and sacrificial on women's behalf. Women are socially conditioned to hate men and exploit men financially. Even though men are the vast majority of dropouts, suicides, homeless, victims of violence and victims of workplace and war deaths and even though men live shorter lives and have worse education outcomes, priority for health, education and welfare is given to women. Often in the media, when there's a tragedy, the number of women affected is highlighted while the affect on men is downplayed.

These things don't happen by accident. Male disposability is socially conditioned through the mainstream media, religion, academia and entertainment.

[hellionthesagereborn]

Because men are never victims, they are never allowed any empathy, they are things to be used and discarded. The moment they stop being useful to a woman is the moment he stops existing in her eyes. Why would a woman EVER care about a guy, celibate or not, if she loses one she just replaces him. This is how its always been and likely always will be.

[joeblow123]

Men allow it. Men allow the abuse. When women pull their crap men let it go. That is why men are in the position they are in.

[CasaNorba]

I can see why prostitution is illegal

[blondfrog]

This is true yes.

[grega239]

Women incels like emma watson get "self married"...