I'm thinking about joining FetLife. Does anyone have any thoughts on that?

[Jamie05rhs]

So, as you all know, I'm single and I'm looking for a Significant Other for a long-term (permanent) relationship. And I haven't had any luck so far. I've had many, many, many, many leads; but they all turn out to be dead ends. And since this isn't horseshoes, close doesn't count.

I feel like I need to shake up my strategy a bit. I need to think outside the box. Maybe I need to do something that I wouldn't normally do.

So that brings us to fetish dating. Specifically, FetLife. It's a website my friend (female) told me about a few years ago. FetLife has been called the Kinky Facebook. Now, while it isn't technically a dating site, you can still meet people there. So, I figure, why not give it a shot?

Well, I will address the negatives first: For one, it's kind of, shall we say, "seedy." And I generally don't go to places that are seedy. Because I wasn't raised that way. It could be bad for one's reputation. Also, I'm somewhat afraid of the potential characters that I may meet there. Frankly, I don't want to become too close to a bunch of weirdos. (No offense.). Lastly, there's the issue of exposure to NSFW material. I'm trying to turn over a new leaf and stay away from nudity these days, so that could be a detriment to my intentions for my lifestyle.

However, there are some potential positives: I could meet a nice girl. One of the benefits of revealing one's sexual preferences is that you can have a more precise match. Granted, none of that really makes a huge difference to me at the end of the day; all I really want is a virgin (like me) and someone who I can get along with personality-wise. Still, matching on kinks couldn't hurt, right? Even though my preferences don't exactly qualify as kinks.
(Now, obviously, there's a risk of her being crazy, but that's something I'll have to deal with when we cross that bridge.)

So what do you all think? Do you think there's potential here? Could this turn out to be a successful venture?

[MrOracle]

I'm going to direct this at ANYONE/EVERYONE interested in FetLife or BDSM in general, so if that's you, then you should probably read this, and if not, then it doesn't really apply to you.

FL is definitely NOT a dating site, but that doesn't mean that people don't occasionally start relationships there (it's happened on GaG too, even though GaG is most certainly not a dating site). But it IS a kink/BDSM site, and if you aren't into those things to at least some degree, you probably won't be comfortable there, or have others be comfortable around you.

Like anywhere else, you're going to run into a lot of people, and most of them are going to be relatively mainstream (as kinky people go), but there are going to be a few who are quite extreme, and those are the ones who will probably stand out to you, and might alarm you or disgust you or offend you. It's helpful to remember that not only are they not the majority, but that they have intentionally segregated themselves from "mainstream" discussion groups (like, say, GaG) and keep their activities on FL. So, they are in the right place, and if you are offended, either move on and focus on other areas of FL, or get off FL entirely. FL has rules, and boundaries, and they may not be what you're used to or what you expect - both in what is and in what isn't allowed - but they're FL's rules, and you need to abide by them if you spend time there.

FL has a lot of discussion - similar in some respects to GaG - but FL is also a site that helps organize get-togethers. There are thousands of local groups, some long-established and some brand new, some very formal and others informal, that meet on a regular basis. These meets are called Munches, as they are usually centered around a meal and are often at restaurants, and while discussions are often kink-related, most Munches are "vanilla" in that they're held in public places, so you shouldn't expect BDSM dress, or toys, or demonstrations, or any of that. There are some exceptions to this rule - Munches that meet in private places, often by invite-only, where you have to be sponsored by an existing member who will be responsible for your behavior - but this is much less common.

There are also many private classes, trainings, and discussions, where demonstrations occur, where products are shown and talked about, people's books are discussed, and so on. These are usually paid classes (they cost money to attend), but they are also usually very informative and useful for those with a real interest in BDSM. Most of these include safety for the participants as a key factor.

It's also generally looked down upon to actively try to use FL as a dating site, or to show up to events with that obvious priority, especially as a male, and especially if you haven't been active in the community for at least a couple of years to have earned some community trust. Guys who don't respect the women or make them feel uncomfortable tend to quickly find themselves dis-invited to meetings and events. No one wants to bring more negative attention to things that many already see in a negative light, so your behavior and attitude is going to be looked at closely in your community when you are new. Not a big deal if you act like a mature adult, but if you don't or can't, things probably won't go well for you.

To be clear, FL is a largely positive place for folks with an interest in BDSM. Yes, like any community of diverse people, there will sometimes be drama, and sometimes that drama can spike and get people shook up, but overall, it's a great place to learn and meet like-minded people in your area.

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks, MrOracle. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't go to any gatherings, because I'm not into "group" activities AT ALL. That's a hard no for me. Also, I'm a very private person.

[Jamie05rhs]

But I'm not worried at all about getting kicked out of anything. I'm a very docile individual; I'm extremely reserved. And I am a rule-follower by nature.

[MrOracle]

Well, you should know that women are STRONGLY encouraged NOT to meet men outside of a Munch or some other public gathering, or to meet men who aren't known to people in their community. Safety is a big concern, and when a new female shows up, in person or online, usually there are other women who will advise them and steer them clear of likely problems or bad practices. I'm not saying it never happens, but it happens much less often than you'd probably imagine. Again, it's not a dating site, and safety and trust are huge components of the community.

[Jamie05rhs]

@MrOracle Okay, well then maybe I'll go to a Munch. But what if someone sees me with the other members of the group and word gets out? People might think I'm a swinger or something. I'm not sure if that's a risk I want to take.

[MrOracle]

This is why you wear normal clothes and there's no toys or demos or any of that. It's just a group of people eating at a restaurant. And, typically, they choose someplace where they can have a separate room. There's usually windows, so it's not completely private or anything, but it allows discussions with some privacy. A Munch is NOT a BDSM dungeon. It's people eating and talking at a restaurant. From any distance, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a work dinner and a BDSM munch, except perhaps that there won't be any young children present.

[Jamie05rhs]

@MrOracle But if you're having discussions, people are going to hear. The waiter -- or, Good lord, God forbid it's a WAITRESS -- is going to hear! It just doesn't sound very safe to me. 🤷

[MrOracle]

For the most part, that's not the case. Either you have a groups of 2 or 3 people talking softly to each other, or there's a more formal discussion, and that usually happens AFTER the meal, so that the wait staff have cleared out. It's not what you seem to be picturing in your head.

[Jamie05rhs]

Hmmm

[Medlife]

@MrOracle I was wondering about FL i wouldn't mind taking the initiative and maybe get to know people who i have something in common.

[MrOracle]

@Medlife That's great. My advice is to create an account with minimal personal information, and simply log in and READ for about 6 months. FL doesn't have the best site layout, and it's going to take you some time to find things and navigate around, but most importantly, just read. Learn how things work there, and about the culture and the activities. There's probably one or several Munches in your local area - find the online groups for them and read those, and try to make friends with some of the other women. They'll help you out and look out for you a bit at first. After 6 months or so, you'll be much better prepared to be interactive there, and you can re-do your profile and start posting more. I would recommend attending a couple of Munches - different ones if you can - so you can get a better idea of what your area has to offer. You may find that one is a much better fit than another, or that one fits your schedule and lifestyle better than another.

[Medlife]

@MrOracle i just did looks interesting. Being different always makes me feel unsafe. Men often retaliate verbally or physically. Women shun. Or both do both. Seems like a safer place. Ill give it a try thanks

[MrOracle]

@Medlife BDSM, especially "organized" BDSM, has a big element of safety and trust, though it's not observed by 100% of those involved. Still, for someone "different", you can find others who share your feelings or people who just respect them and don't think badly of you for them. But DO look out for your safety - it's not that hard to do, but some people (women especially) tend to get really excited and forget about safety and just want to jump right in, and that's where things can sometimes go badly. Safety will become more automatic over time, but in the beginning, it's something you have to think about a little more.

[Medlife]

@MrOracle thank you for your concern thankfully i am not a newbie. Just new in America😁 I have boundaries and priorities and I NEVER let subjects cross them. Am a Dominant and I like to stay that way. Curiosity killed the cat. I am a Doberman🤣

[Super-Sam]

@MrOracle is it free or charge

[MrOracle]

@Super-Sam It's free, but there are paid accounts for additional functionality.

[Medlife]

@Super-Sam you have to donate to be able to view videos and so on. Otherwise it's free

[ChrisMaster69]

The usual reason to join Fetlife is to find out information or help related to a kink you like (or fetish).

therefor when you join, it’s sort of important to understand yourself.

it’s not a place for Vanillas to join and pretend to be something they are not, or have an interest in something they don’t really have.

we used to use it for sorting out Munches and Parties etc.

We then moved to some other more secure ways.

it’s worth joining for a look around and sit back and listen, far too many join and shout out to the room ‘I am SIR HARDDICK BLACK BELT DOM 5th Dan’ type bollox.

it’s a case of listening and when you ask something / posting.

have a read of the guidelines.

https://fetlife.com/guidelines/community-guidelines

Depending where you are, there are also local kink clubs

its not a dating site and until people are happy with you, they may not open up fully, Trust follows us on to BDSM sites lol.

[ChrisMaster69]

@jamie05rhs just noticed @MrOracle post, yeah that’s pretty much covers it.

[Jamie05rhs]

What are Munches?

[Jamie05rhs]

Also, you shouldn't necessarily assume that I'm completely vanilla. I'm 34 years old. I've been around the block a couple of times. I know things. ;)

[Jamie05rhs]

I know what I'm NOT interested in. Does that count?

[Jamie05rhs]

Oops- nevermind. @MrOracle answered the "Munches" question.

[Jamie05rhs]

I just read the entire Community Guidelines (every word), and I have no objection to anything there.

[Mia-Wallace]

@jamie05rhs The virginity condition will narrow your chances down a little too much. But I believe you thought about and prefer that and I respect your choice. This, and the rest of your preferences you talked about, I respect. One thing is clear though, that the kink community is not the best place to look for what you're after, as many other people also said.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Mia-Wallace Cool; thanks.

[Mia-Wallace]

Ah I just realized I posted my reply under the wrong opinion. It should have been under mine. Sorry Chris, I hope you didn't mind. @jamie05rhs welcome.

[ChrisMaster69]

@Mia-Wallace it’s never a problem.

[Super-Sam]

Fetlife is free or charged?

[Jamie05rhs]

@Super-Sam Not sure!

[Mia-Wallace]

Fetlife is good for exploring BDSM, learning about it, mostly. I think MrOracle and chris explained it well enough.

I don't know how kinky you are, but it seems you are after a kinky conservative woman. Or maybe you are just interested in the idea of a "sub", a submissive female in BDSM context, and think it would compliment the traditional dynamic you are after.

Now, if by any chance you believe in that last part, I have to say you are wrong to think they are necessarily connected or complimentary.

A sub, in the BDSM world, is a person (not just a woman) with certain sexual and emotional needs and she (or he) would like a dom to meet her needs. She might like to periodically submit to a dom, or even go 24/7, but might not like to be a wife or mother. A traditional woman on the other hand, is "a woman who believes in, and upholds traditions". Those traditions can include asigned roles as wife and mother. She might be a vanilla sub or not submissive at all, and still desire to be a wife. That would describe many women in my family. Traditional, but not all of them are very submissive or have more unusual needs.

I've seen some conservative men mistake the two, and I can say it's a contributor to their failure to find the woman they so desire to share their lives with.

Now, that doesn't mean very kinky conservaives don't exist. I am one. I mixed my marriage with D/s. I believe in (at least some) traditions and my husband is also my dom.

The question is, how common is this? I don't exactly know.

Since a lot of people in marriages do explore BDSM or at least the bondage side of it a little (mostly light stuff) you would probably see many married couples call themselves "very kinky", but the girl is really just a vanilla sub and the guy is hardly a dom.

In my experience, the kinkier you are, the harder it is to find a partner both into long term monogamous relationship and very kinky sex and D/s, since you belong to a minority. Now add virginity to the equation too, and it probably turns into finding a needle in a haystack.

But again, if you are into mainstream/light stuff, even a lot of vanilla girls are willing to explore them. So you don't need to worry.

As for priorities, I personally always prefered to be in a traditional relationship if I could not satisfy my needs as a submissive, without turning very promiscuous. I prioritize family and children, even though BDSM is a noticable part of my life. But I guess by chance, my partner turned out to be very much into BDSM and so we can enjoy D/s.

I would say if you prioritize family, go where traditional women are and keep BDSM as a bonus that "would be nice if she was into". You may not explore all your kinks, but at least, you will have a wife and children.

Bottom line, you have to understand BDSM community is not exactly filled with conservative virgins. It does accept and it has all kinds of people as it is an acceptant and inclusive community. But in general, it is more common to see people who have no problem having sex outside of a long term relationship.

That is expected, as BDSM is founded on mental and physical exploration and sexual freedom, while traditional marriage is based on control and order, and even suppression of desires for the sake of the institution of family.

You have to deeply understand both, and practice self-control to mix them. You also need luck to find a partner as understanding and kinky as yourself.

[ChrisMaster69]

@mia-wallace wow. That is a really good constructive write up. You covered some really good points. Especially traditional vs the sub aspect. Not just MHG but one of best bits I’ve read in a while.

[Mia-Wallace]

@ChrisMaster69 Thanks Chris. 🙋‍♀️

[Jamie05rhs]

@Mia-Wallace No; I'm not interested in a sub. Subs are annoying. They're never satisfied. You have to treat them disrespectfully or else they won't respect you. I despise those types of women.

[Jamie05rhs]

I'm also not interested in a traditional woman. I don't want a "traditional" relationship. I'm a feminist.

[ChrisMaster69]

@jamie05rhs you have not met a proper sub I’m afraid. If you treat the majority of subs with disrespect, they will emasculate you, Trust RESPECT Honesty and Communication are pretty much the tenets / 4 Pillars of BDSM. A submissive covers a huge range of types, passive, placid, normal acting, bratty, and even almost Dom like. What real world collard sub have you been with? What type?

[Jamie05rhs]

Sorry, @Mia-wallace. I accidentally posted one of my responses to your comment as an "update."

[Jamie05rhs]

@ChrisMaster69. You mean "collared"? Lol. I'm assuming we're not talking about green vegetables. But a sub doesn't have to wear a collar. (Even if many of them do.). That's just a stereotype; right?

[Jamie05rhs]

"Now, that doesn't mean very kinky conservaives don't exist. I am one. I mixed my marriage with D/s. I believe in (at least some) traditions and my husband is also my dom." @mia-wallace That's cool. I'm not judging.

[Jamie05rhs]

@mia-wallace Okay; well, I'm not THAT kinky. So I think it should be fine.

[Jamie05rhs]

@mia-wallace Yeah; my priority is also the marriage relationship. If I don't find someone kinky, NBD. It's not a deal-breaker for me. I just see it as something fun to add a little adventure to the relationship.

[Jamie05rhs]

I don't need to have children, though. I don't care about that.

[Mia-Wallace]

So? What do you want? A vanilla virgin? Virgin Switch? Virgin domme? I don't think you can find many virgin feminists at your age. Usually traditional women value and keep their virginity. That is why I assumed you are after a conservative woman. I'm finding more and more contradictions in what you want. A woman who's not traditional But she's still a virgin She's also switch or dom despite not having explored her sexuality And she is on... FetLife... and wouldn't mind dating. I kind of doubt that combination exists. But I guess trying wouldn't hurt.

[Jamie05rhs]

@mia-wallace And I get the whole thing about BDSM being a sex-positive community; don't worry. I completely understand that. My opinion is that marriage is sex-positive as well; it just has boundaries. Mainly, not having sex with anyone who isn't your spouse! But that's just common sense, in my opinion. ... And yeah, different people have different lifestyles. But you have to be able to say "to each their own" while maintaining your own personal standards, respectfully.

[ChrisMaster69]

@jamie05rhs no it’s not a stereotype and no they don’t have to, A sub if she is happy with the trust she has for her Dom may ask to be or offer herself to be collard. It very much underlines the trust within the relationship, some couples have a wedding ceremony and then a collaring ceremony separately. The main point is, subs are exceptionally deserving of respect, as that is how it all works. The sub Controls a lot of the relationship and very much sets limits, kinks etc, the Dom is there to allow them to experience and live their kink in a safe manner,. If you do join Fetlife, make sure you don’t have the same attitude to subs as you do, you will not only piss off every sub in the discussion / group, you will fuck off every Dom and Domme as well. If it’s in a Group the Group owner, mod etc will very well kick you. I know I would have issued a warning over what you said. Also a lot of people that are in to real life BDSM are historically fairly well educated to very well. This means while we live the real world life and the online life, we tend not to take shit, nor have this attitude of being disrespectful to people.

[Jamie05rhs]

@mia-wallace Sorry I wrote so many comments, but you did write a very long post. lol. (And I thank you for that!)

[Jamie05rhs]

Please bear with me, folks. I am replying to each additional comment as they are received. I appreciate your patience.

[Jamie05rhs]

@mia-wallace "So? What do you want?" I want a girl who is a virgin like me. I don't care if she is a "sub, dom, or switch.". I don't really believe in labels or putting oneself in a box. I AM an egalitarian, though. If that makes a difference. I believe very strongly in the equality of the sexes. And in each partner having an equal say in the relationship. As far as vanilla vs kinky: it's a spectrum; right? It's not a binary thing. And wherever she falls on that spectrum is just fine with me. I will do my best to cater to her needs. (Though I have to say that I do have a limit. There is such a thing as TOO kinky, for me.) "I don't think you can find many virgin feminists at your age.". I fully agree with you. My lived experience has proven that point pretty conclusively. "Usually traditional women value and keep their virginity. That is why I assumed you are after a conservative woman.". Yeah, I know. And it's okay; a lot of people make the same assumption. "I'm finding more and more contradictions in what you want.". Well, no. They're not contradictions. Just conundrums. "She's also switch or dom despite not having explored her sexuality". No; I don't expect her to be any of those things. If she wants to identify a certain way, fine. If not, that is also perfectly okay. "And she is on... FetLife... and wouldn't mind dating.". Well, I didn't say I would necessarily find anyone there. I was just going to look. Out of curiosity. "I kind of doubt that combination exists.". I know. It's less likely statistically. "But I guess trying wouldn't hurt.". Thanks. :)

[Jamie05rhs]

@chrismaster69 "A sub if she is happy with the trust she has for her Dom may ask to be or offer herself to be collared.". That's cool. If she wants to wear a collar, I don't have a problem with that. She can wear whatever she wants. As long as she doesn't get carried away with the whole thing. I want her to know that she is still a human being with full rights as an individual. Plus, being anti-racist and anti-slavery, I wouldn't feel comfortable with someone being in a perpetual state of bondage. Bondage is supposed to be a temporary thing to have fun with during playtime. "The main point is, subs are exceptionally deserving of respect, as that is how it all works.". Oh, I fully agree. We are definitely on the same page there! "The sub Controls a lot of the relationship and very much sets limits, kinks etc, the Dom is there to allow them to experience and live their kink in a safe manner.". Exactly!! Yeah, that's basically the kind of relationship dynamic that I'm looking for. I couldn't have set it better my self. She tells me her fantasies and I make them come true. 👌 "If you do join Fetlife, make sure you don’t have the same attitude to subs as you do". Oh, don't worry. I will keep my opinions to myself. "I know I would have issued a warning over what you said.". Haha. And I would have told you to go fuck off. And then I would have been banned. (LOL JK!) "Also a lot of people that are in to real life BDSM are historically fairly well educated to very well. This means while we live the real world life and the online life, we tend not to take shit, nor have this attitude of being disrespectful to people." Awesome 😎. Yeah, I respect everyone as well.

[VIVANT]

So are you joining bc you want a relationship AND you have fetishes that you want to be upfront with and vise versa, or do you just figure you’ll try your luck for your soul mate on a fetish site?
just wondering if it’s the latter dknt they have specifically sites for finding a life partner?

Either way I se no harm just curious 😊

Msybe try a vanilla site at the same time 😛🤷‍♀️♥️

[VIVANT]

So you gonna answer me 🙄 😂

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT Excellent question; thank you for asking. I honestly don't have a whole lot of fetishes. And everything I do like is within the "normal" range. But here's what I was thinking: I want to marry a virgin, right? That's not a fetish. Well, I suppose it could be for some people; but it certainly isn't for me. ... But wait! Here's where it gets interesting. 😃 If it IS a fetish, then maybe there are women who have that fetish. 🤔 Therefore, I can find one and fulfill her fetish. 🤓 What do you think? Does that sound like a reasonable hypothesis? (Be honest.) "Don't they have specifically sites for finding a life partner?". Yes, but the thing is I don't trust them. I think they may be scams.

[Jamie05rhs]

"So you gonna answer me 🙄 😂". Says the person who ignores all of my messages. Lmao

[VIVANT]

Lol it was a joke bc you liked it without saying anything sorry I don’t mean to not 😕 Hmm actually ok I see your reasoning you may have something there 🤔 Have you spoken to anyone on it about your purpose?

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh-okay. Lol. Thanks! 🤓 No. I haven't even actually gone to the website yet. (I just clicked the link that @chrismaster69 put up in order to read the rules.). This is all still hypothetical and theoretical.

[AmandaYVR]

What da **** ? Jamie I can't believe my eyes.
This is like diving into The Grotto at the Playboy Mansion. You were in the backyard at a casual pool party with girls in sundresses. This is totally incongruous.

As I have said, if you want to mess around and have some fun, some sexual release, do that. But you are not going to find your virgin wife on FetLife. I'm quite sure of that.
Maybe you should treat these two goals/desires as completely separate. They live in you, but finding this in a girl... I don't know, tough.

Exorcise some of that sexual tension with strangers, bring them to light, play with them, and maybe they won't seem like such a monkey on your back?

[Jamie05rhs]

What's The Grotto? Lol

[Jamie05rhs]

@AmandaYVR No, I don't want to "mess around.". At all. SMH. You should know me better than that. I want monogamy only, and nothing before. No "wild oats.". I don't believe in that.

[Jamie05rhs]

I don't believe in "getting it out of your system.". That's completely antithetical to everything I believe about sex and relationships and marriage. I believe in exploring the fullness of yours and your partner's sexuality WITHIN the relationship. (As a team. With consent from both parties.)

[AmandaYVR]

You can read about it.
Think sex orgies inside a manmade cave.
This is a relatively tame image search of it:
www.google.ca/search

[AmandaYVR]

Jamie I agree with Mia and Chris. It's totally incongruous. What you want likely does not exist.

[AmandaYVR]

I'm out.

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh. I see. I didn't know Playboy was like that. They've marketed themselves as the "classy" magazine.

[AmandaYVR]

Omg no. That's just garbage marketing if you've heard that. It's less trashy than Hustler. But it's straight out porn.

[Jamie05rhs]

@AmandaYVR No need to storm off. But oh well. Thanks for stopping by. :). If you wanted a better understanding of what I'm getting at here, you could always just read the questions and answers under the other comments.

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh. Okay. I didn't know that.

[DizzyDesii]

Its a site for fetishes. You're not gonna find that good virgin girl waiting for marriage if thats what you're looking for

[Jamie05rhs]

You don't think there are any virgins on there?

[DizzyDesii]

Only the weirdo guys with a foot fetish lmao

[Jamie05rhs]

@DizzyDesii Lol. Very funny.

[loves2learn]

I highly, highly doubt you will find the nice religious virgin girl you seek on fet life. Seriously. You didn’t think that through.
.
Visit several different churches in your area on Sunday mornings. That is where they are.
.
Go where the girl you are looking for is.

[Jamie05rhs]

Omg. Why do I have to explain this over and over again? 😑. Churches don't have virgins. Churches are for saved sinners. (Not your fault @loves2learn. Thanks for trying. I do appreciate it. <3 )

[Jamie05rhs]

But for the record, I do go to church.

[loves2learn]

There are virgins at church. And I know you do. Try a different one, different pool of possibly single virgin ladies. Just saying.

[loves2learn]

Not sure why you are so against this.

[Jamie05rhs]

@loves2learn Okay; I'll tell you why I'm against it. I don't want to start chatting with a girl in church and then ask her about her sexual history and make her feel uncomfortable.

[loves2learn]

@jamie05rhs but you are comfortable asking a girl about her sexuality in another setting? 🤔 You could look for a purity ring, or whatever those are called.

[loves2learn]

@jamie05rhs - another thought. Why don’t you and the nice girl go out for coffee and talk about it not at church? 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Jamie05rhs]

"but you are comfortable asking a girl about her sexuality in another setting?" No, I'm not. I never talk to girls, period. I leave them alone. I mind my own business.

[Jamie05rhs]

"You could look for a purity ring, or whatever those are called." Well, for one, I don't even know what that is; and two, I wouldn't be able to recognize it if I did see it. I wouldn't know the difference between that and a wedding ring and an engagement ring. Jewelry is just not my forté. Besides, I don't look at people's hands. That's weird.

[Jamie05rhs]

"Why don’t you and the nice girl go out for coffee and talk about it not at church?". That would still have the same effect. It would create an awkward situation.

[loves2learn]

@jamie05rhs I mean this in the nicest way possible; you are your own worst enemy in this endeavor.

[loves2learn]

@jamie05rhs “you are your own worst enemy in this endeavor” did not come from me. It came from Mrloves2learn.

[Jamie05rhs]

Lol okay. I thank him for his input. As well as you.

[loves2learn]

Welcome! Mrloves2learn says this: “you need to get off fet life and G@G and get on Christian Mingle.” You will NEVER get a lady if you do not talk to ladies. And that is a fact. You know I am here to help! But I also speak the truth.

[Red_Arrow]

One reason you have to explain this over an over is because you are wrong. Churches are for people who want to wordship, learn, and get religious guidance. The reasons can be for forgiveness for sins, but also can be for learning the religion, for help maintaining a life that is proper to them, for support from like minded people and giving support. Plus many other reasons which are not due to being a nonvirgin. Also, married people who have sexual relations and are obviously not virgins attend church. No sin going on there.

[loves2learn]

@red_arrow obviously not all people at church are virgins. That is NOT what Mrloves2learn and I said. We said there are more virgin girls at church on Sunday than on fucking fet life. You wanna fight me on that? 🥊 Furthermore, the fact that @jamie05rhs does not talk to girls makes his chances of finding the lady he seeks exactly 0.0001%. I have spoken the truth.

[Jamie05rhs]

"Mrloves2learn says this: “you need to get off fet life and G@G and get on Christian Mingle.” " @loves2learn Okay

[Jamie05rhs]

@Red_Arrow I'm not wrong. You're wrong. You just don't understand because of your age. And why are you bringing up married people? You missed the point entirely. I need someone who is SINGLE, not already married.

[loves2learn]

Indeed. This is the word of Mrloves2learn thanks be to him.

[loves2learn]

@jamie05rhs I *think* @red_arrow ‘s comment was directed at me. I think. He should really use tags.

[Jamie05rhs]

Hmm. Taking into account the context, I think it was to me. But no biggie.

[loves2learn]

@jamie05rhs okie dokie. :)

[Red_Arrow]

Read what I said carefully. Nowhere did I say that all persons at church are virgins. I did say that some are looking for forgiveness, others are looking for guidance, others for communing with like minded people, etc. And in sll that mix there are virgins and nonvirgins. That is for both of you. For @jamie05rhs, your EXACT words were, "Churches don't have virgins.". An as I and @loves2learn and her Mr. have said, they do have virgins, so you are dead wrong. And my age does not matter. What I said is FACT. Why did I bring up married people? I don't care what you want (married or single), you said church is for sinners only and nonvirgin churchgoers who are married are not sinning.

[loves2learn]

Cool, thank you for clearing that up @red_arrow sir

[Jamie05rhs]

@Red_Arrow Exactly. There is a mix. And I for one am not going to be the one to sort out that mess! No siree.

[loves2learn]

@jamie05rhs you seek a place for only virgins. This place does not exist. Doth if you continue this path you will remain alone until your dying days. Not harsh, simple truth.

[Jamie05rhs]

@loves2learn I never said one did exist.

[Jamie05rhs]

I'm simply looking for an appropriate forum where virgins would have the ability to self-identify if they chose to do so.

[loves2learn]

@jamie05rhs huh. You search for the proverbial needle in a haystack.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Red_Arrow Okay, so I was using hyperbole. But what I said was NEARLY correct. Because the only virgins you will find are going to be children. Either that or they have a learning disability. (And no offense to those folks, but that's just not what I'm interested in.)

[Jamie05rhs]

@loves2learn Yes. That is my quest. As impossible as it may be.

[loves2learn]

Ok. @jamie05rhs let’s say you are @red_arrow ‘s age and you still haven’t found that needle. And you look back on your life. Was it worth it?

[Jamie05rhs]

@loves2learn. I won't wait that long.

[Red_Arrow]

"Because the only virgins you will find are going to be children. Either that or they have a learning disability." More hyperbole or are you just wrong? Do you consider nuns to be children or learning disabled?

[loves2learn]

@jamie05rhs there are other virgins too. You are not the only one saving yourself for marriage.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Red_Arrow Um, nuns are "married to Jesus Christ.". Do you even know anything about Catholicism? I mean, damn. I knew that and I'm not even a Catholic.

[Jamie05rhs]

@loves2learn But they're already married. Yes, they saved themselves. But they're taken now.

[Red_Arrow]

@jamie05rhs I know that they are not married to Jesus before they take their vows, and they have to be pure to become a nun. Guess you didn't know as much as you thought.

[loves2learn]

@jamie05rhs they are not “all” taken. Simply not true.

[Jamie05rhs]

@loves2learn They are by the time they get to be my age.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Red_arrow You said nuns. Not "future nuns."

[loves2learn]

@jamie05rhs then go for a 25 yo. Nothing wrong with that.

[Jamie05rhs]

@loves2learn I tried. She wasn't interested.

[loves2learn]

Cool “she” wasn’t interested. Doesn’t mean others won’t be

[Red_Arrow]

@jamie05rhs I said nuns. And the fact that they got there by going through being a "future nun" shows that they were attending church intending to be a nun and not being a sinner during that time, which was my point.

[Jamie05rhs]

@red_arrow Here's something else you may not be aware of: You don't have to be a virgin to be a nun.

[Jamie05rhs]

@loves2learn I generally don't talk to girls that young. I made an exception for her. I think the reason she wasn't interested was because of my age. I think that's a sign. Therefore, I won't be going after any 20-something-year-olds any more.

[loves2learn]

@jamie05rhs OK. That works. Re your update: sounds like it was intended as a reply but I cannot agree more! Also, you say you won’t wait as long as @red_arrow ‘s age. What will you do differently before you are 74? And why are you not doing that now?

[Jamie05rhs]

@loves2learn Thanks! Yes; it was a reply to @mia-wallace. I entered it in the wrong field accidentally.

[loves2learn]

@jamie05rhs no worries, I have done that before too!

[Jamie05rhs]

@loves2learn "you say you won’t wait as long as @Red_Arrow ‘s age. What will you do differently before you are 74? And why are you not doing that now?" If I'm still not married by the time I'm 50, I will make compromises. But that's only because I will be old then, so it won't matter. I think of everything in terms of math, ok? Marriage is for life, obviously. So if you get married young, you will be married to that person for a VERY long time. So the nearer to perfect the match, the better. Because you have to get along with and tolerate each other for all of those decades. But if you get married as an older person (as in, someone eligible to join AARP and receive Social Security), then you won't have to be married to them for as long, because neither one of you is going to be AROUND for that much longer. Lol. So it doesn't matter as much. Plus, older women would probably appreciate the companionship more than younger women. So maybe she will actually love me.

[loves2learn]

@jamie05rhs awwww. OK. Thanks for explaining that.

[Jamie05rhs]

@loves2learn You're welcome. ☺️

[enbyofenvy]

Youd be surprised how many people you run into at a fetish party that you know and interact with everyday. Coworkers, friends, neighbors. It's not "weirdos" as you say, but a collection of everyone from different walks of life, all with a fetish, mostly just bdsm tho with a few smaller select circles for things like waterplay, petplay etc. Im on fetlife myself. Its not exactly for hooking up. Its more of a social and organizational thing, similar to facebook. If you join expecting to find a date or hookup, expect to be disappointed.

[Jamie05rhs]

Hey, @enbyofenvy. Thanks for commenting on my post! I know you're new here and you don't know me that well, but I don't do hookups. At all.

[Jamie05rhs]

What is "waterplay," if I may ask?

[enbyofenvy]

Waterplay is a fetish and one of my hard no's. It involves human urine. Id rather nit go into details on that as its highly sexual and gross but feel free to google it :) and your right i am very new here, still trying to figure out some of the apps features lol

[Jamie05rhs]

Holy shit- lol. That's not water!! 🤣

[Jamie05rhs]

And no problem. Nice to meet you.

[Flower7]

I've never used that site or even heard of it, but from your description, it seems like it would be much, much worse than a normal dating site for finding love. The normal ones are bad enough!

[Jamie05rhs]

Okay. But how would it be worse? You mean the type of people that you would find there? Because that's a possibility. But I wouldn't necessarily judge someone until I get to know who they are. As far as being able to make matches or have conversations, I don't see how it could be any worse. In fact, the "kinky" girls may actually be more open and friendly.

[Flower7]

Because it’s very obviously based on sex. It doesn’t even attempt to make it seem like it’s about love or relationships. I do feel like it wouldn’t attract the right kind of people.

[Jamie05rhs]

@flower7 Yeah, but you can have a brief mature and professional discussion on the sexual matters and then transition into a normal conversation. I don't think one has to be consumed by sexual things.

[Flower7]

It’s always worth a try! I would love to have a review of it.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Flower7 Okay! :)

[VIVANT]

@ Yeah, but you can have a brief mature and professional discussion on the sexual matters and then transition into a normal conversation. I don't think one has to be consumed by sexual things. True but don’t you think maybe people there are going to aim to be confined by sexually things? I agree with you generally but just acknowledge people going to get their kinks off see gonna want to talk about their kinks. I think it’s less find someone who shares my link to build a life with. And more find someone who shared my kinks to get a break from real life. However never say never. Still why not in addition join a rejationship site? Just for a back up 😊 I’m sure there are virgin sites for people waiting I actually know for a fact there are why not try that route?

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT "True but don’t you think maybe people there are going to aim to be confined by sexual things?". Why should they? Are they mindless drones? Have they no imagination at all? "People going to get their kinks off.". I don't think we can assume their intentions. Why can't it just be a normal conversation, with a few tidbits of adult flavor mixed in? (Since taboo subjects are not off limits in that venue. Meaning you are not required to converse about that type of thing. But you are free to do so if you feel so inclined.). For example: "You enjoy performing fellatio? Well, that is just splendid! Because I enjoy having fellatio performed on me! My, what a lovely coincidence. I think you're a delightful person. Cheers! 🙂. ... So, moving along... what do you think about quantitative easing?"

[Jamie05rhs]

"I think it’s less find someone who shares my kink to build a life with. And more find someone who shared my kinks to get a break from real life." Well, I think that's a narrow way of looking at things. And it's quite limiting to the potential outcomes and possibilities which COULD take place! "Still why not in addition join a rejationship site?". I AM on relationship sites. They just suck. Lol "I’m sure there are virgin sites for people waiting I actually know for a fact there are why not try that route?". You know for a "fact," eh? Well, pray tell, where art these sites? 🤨

[Jamie05rhs]

@VIVANT

[TangBang69]

It's actually kind of dead & inactive , especially if you are not in a large city. If you're anything like me, only maybe 1 in 15-20 women even attract me in such sites & the goods gotta be appealing and edible , not blowed out to the point it has graffiti on the walls & big enough to park your car in it. Lot's of hardcore types and array of bdsm, kinks & fetishes. But that's my take, go check it out. The most solid of convictions are those one seeks to build for himself.

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks for sharing your take!

[Gingersnapz74]

Try fetlife, if you don't like it, stop using it. You won't know unless you try.

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks, Ginger!

[Apple1996]

Any girl on there is going to be crazy. Not gonna stop you from joining but you don't seem like the type of guy to go on a website like that for love.

[Jamie05rhs]

Well, I mean, where do you expect me to go? Lol

[Apple1996]

Maybe a online church group 😂

[Jamie05rhs]

Haha. Maybe.

[Apple1996]

Eh church people are crazy too so watch out wherever you go searching

[Jamie05rhs]

Noted! (And believe me; I know!)

[Apple1996]

Lol to that update 😂but did you join a church group?

[Jamie05rhs]

@Apple1996 Lol. And no; I didn't join a church group, either. 🤷 ... Well, technically I'm already in one. But I'm not really interested in anyone there.

[normalice]

You can try. But like any other site that trades in sex it will mostly be horny men looking for hookups resulting in even fewer women that the few there would otherwise be.

[Jamie05rhs]

That's sad. 😔

[slatyb]

Fetlife is not a dating site. But you can use it to find events near you where you might meet someone. Collarspace. com is a dating site.

[Jamie05rhs]

Cool! Thanks for that info!

[slatyb]

Don’t give up on conventional dating sites. I met a kinky woman on match. com who loved bondage.

[slatyb]

It seems to go with high intelligence.

[Jamie05rhs]

@slatyb Nice. Thanks, man.

[fit_and_feminine]

I might do the same I want to try bondage

[ADFSDF1996]

I don’t recommend that website for dating, I don’t even think most Fetlife members use that website to date.

I use to have a fetlife account but I deleted it cause I got bored of that website full of weirdos.

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks, man. by the way, this post was inspired by your previous posts. 👍🤓

[ADFSDF1996]

Thanks for the compliment, which previous post inspired it?

[Jamie05rhs]

@ADFSDF1996 The one where you were talking about FetLife.

[Dargil]

Graphic and thorough. You can talk about and post pics about anything.

[Jamie05rhs]

Cool.

[Dragonpurple]

No idea, never even heard of it until I saw your question but I'd think half the women there are actually men pretending to be women.

Even so, it wouldn't hurt to shake things up and give it a shot.

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks, dude.

[Gwenhwyfar]

I think this is unlikely to work. People go to FetLife to explore sex, not love.

[Jamie05rhs]

Damn. Okay.

[Gwenhwyfar]

I’m really sorry

[Jamie05rhs]

Thank you, @Gwenhwyfar. <3

[nomandik]

I would not recommend for dating but there are a lot of cool people on there if you join one of their groups and actually go to one of their events you might actually find somebody that way but if you just be like a phone internet texting didn't know

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks, man. Personally, I'm not sure about going to an event, because I'm a private person. I don't mind other people knowing that I'm kinky, but it might be weird if they're people I know in real life.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I mean everyone should do whatever makes them comfortable and not be judged by people is the way I see things.. Well, with me I would marry 2 girls, who were Bisexual

[Jamie05rhs]

Fair enough, my friend!

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@jamie05rhs You're Welcome

[Anpu23]

Im in Fet. I wouldn't recommend it if you are looking for a virgin. The site is very sexually open and virginity is just counter intuitive. As for NSFW the images are very insulated from the main group feed.

[Jamie05rhs]

So there are no virgin freaks? I don't know, man. I think you'd be surprised.

[JennBITx]

It is a great way to meet like minds. Take it slow off you do not have experience

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks, Jenn.

[CasuallySamsonite]

FetLife looks really great until you get on there... it's dead. D. E. A. D... maybe because I live in a small town, but the only active posts I've seen in my entire state were several years out of date. Damn shame too.

[Jamie05rhs]

Okay. Why does it have to be geographic, though?