How do I get people to take male rape victims seriously?

[Anonymous]

Trigger warning: rape


When I was 25. I had a girlfriend that I broke up with. I continued sleeping with her as friends with benefits's for awhile. We both agreed that it was best because we were good in bed, but bad as a couple. She still had feelings for months and months, cried sometimes. I didn't know how to support her, and she didn't want to stop what we were doing. Then I started dating a new girlfriend and decided to just stay friends. New girlfriend was fine with it. Ex came over to visit my mom and I. My mom left and my ex started begging me for sex. I kept telling her "no I have a girlfriend now." She kept saying "what she doesn't know won't hurt her." Then she randomly shoved me on the bed and straddled me. She was very heavy and I couldn't get her off of me. She was also strong. I struggled and yelled "rape" but she just slapped me across the face and said "shut up you know you like it." She somehow got my clothes off and proceeded to rape me. I only got her off by pretending I had a change of heart and she let me "get on top." I used the opportunity to escape. She started crying and I ran to the other room. Any time I mention this I am dismissed and told "shut up you are a guy, guys like that." Or that "you should have fought back men are stronger." Or "guys can't be raped if they like it. If you were hard then you liked it." They ignore that your body getting excited for sex does not mean you want the sex in your mind. You can be turned on when being raped and still not be happy its happening.

[DonkeyDan]

I've talked about this on here before but I'm not going to go into detail here, but when I was fresh out of college in my first job, my 50 year old female divorced boss basically used her position of power and raped me several times during the 6 months I was there. It was a complex situation as to way I couldn't leave the job. I also way sexually harassed by multiple other women in the office. By the way it was an all female office. Anyway nobody believed me not even my friends. People just assume because we are men we just want sex whenever and wherever is dishing it out and that just isn't true. I felt so ashamed that I was allowing it to happen, I just didn't feel I had any choice at the time.

[loves2learn]

That must have been a very dark place to be feeling you had no other choice. I am sorry that happened to you.

[DonkeyDan]

It was a rough ride, no pun intended ☹️. Luckily I managed to get out after 6 months. It's quite complicated but basically I was stupid and told her something I should never have and she used it against me. After that I very much only ever spoke to colleagues about work matters never anything personal. Has made working life difficult at times. It's not so bad now as I've got over most of my trust issues, but some of it will always be there. It turned me into something of a sceptic which in actual fact has been beneficial over the years.

[loves2learn]

What a tough way to learn that lesson.

[DonkeyDan]

I've always said what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

[bartivo]

No idea. But I agree it is a problem and a thing that happens

[Anonymous]

Wow, I am so sorry that that happened to you. It is unfortunate that it is not taken seriously. And she definitely sounds like she has a lot of problems to have done that to you. I think you should talk to someone you know about it to get help for the trauma that you went through.

[Asker]

If anyone would take me seriously I would. Most people act like it's no big deal or that I am lying.

[Opinion Owner]

My heart hurts for you and all the other men who have gone through this and haven’t been taken seriously. We can’t change how other people think, unfortunately. I guess the best that you could do is raise awareness by talking to others about what happened to you? That is if you’re okay with that. But I do think you need to see a new therapist who is willing to listen and help you get through that trauma. Because you should never have to hold that in just because you’re a male.

[loves2learn]

Men being raped is absolutely possible and a thing. You are not wrong. Men who are raped often feel betrayed by their bodies. The erection is a biological response separate from consent. I believe you and I am sorry that happened to you.

[Asker]

Thank you. No one else believes me and my therapist is no help. I don't know how to feel about it. I'll never forget about it.

[loves2learn]

You need a new therapist. You experienced trauma and need support to heal.

[loves2learn]

@ asker feel free to follow me and pm me. I would be happy to help you with a healing plan.

[ChrisMaster69]

What did the police say when you reported it?

[Gwenhwyfar]

That’s horrible. I’m sorry that happened to you. Have you talked to anyone irl about what happened?