Sexual Relationships
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Would a selfish lover in bed be a deal breaker for you?

My boyfriend doesn’t reciprocate the same sexual energy as me. I’ve done everything he’s asked and wanted in bed. I did anal and that wasn’t something I really wanted to do but since I knew he wanted to try it and he enjoyed it when we did it, I went along with it, twice and neither were the best experiences. Whenever he wants sex, which is often, I rarely say no and even if I do, we still have sex anyway. I always give him oral. When I’m just off work, tired, fresh out of the shower, I’ll lay down on him and most times I’ll be falling asleep and he’ll still pull his penis out wanting me to go down on him and even when I don’t feel up to it I still do it. He has even whipped it out while I was in the shower, soap all over me. He pulled the shower curtains back and was ready for oral and I gave it to him even though he disrupted me but he refuses to give me oral because he says more things comes out of a woman’s vagina than what comes out of a mans penis and the only way he would get turned on enough to give me oral is if he’s really high or if a girl is giving me oral in a threesome. That’s the only way, he “Might” join in and do it but otherwise he refuses and he says I give him “head” because I actually enjoy it and that that’s why I can’t use that as a reason to why he should reciprocate it. When the truth is, he never asks me if I want to do it or if I actually enjoy it. He just pulls it out and demands it and because I love him and like to see him in a state of pleasure I do it.
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Superb Opinion

  • For me it tends to be more like the girl doesn't enjoy what I do. I don't think I mind if she's a bit selfish in this context (provided she isn't in others) but I do mind if the things I'm trying to make her satisfied aren't working and I can't figure it out even if I ask. I have a bit of an ego like I want to be my girlfriend's (or now, my wife's) sex god. :-D It's very disappointing to me if I can't even after many tries. So I like a girl who thinks I'm a sex god because I figured her body and desires out so well to satisfy them. My wife seems to think I'm one now (although it's probably only her because we got so much practice together).

    • The ultimate thing that I didn't like is starfish. I got a couple in my past. And it's not that their passivity was a turn-off. It's because I couldn't even tell if they liked what I did. They just laid there and gave me no cues to tell if I'm giving them pleasure or not. I wanted them to like what I did and they didn't give me any signs that they did.

    • It's like they were lending their bodies to me for my pleasure when I'm concentrated on theirs. It felt like I was taking and they were giving, when I wanted it to be more like I'm giving or ideally like we're sharing.

Most Helpful Guy

  • "He refuses to give me oral because he says more things comes out of a woman’s vagina than what comes out of a mans penis."

    That should be an automatic deal breaker. Why are you still with this guy?

Most Helpful Girls

  • Definitely a deal breaker. I would be really sexually frustrated, which is not okay. I also really enjoy giving, but it’s not enjoyable anymore when you don’t receive anything back.


    Ask yourself if you could spend the rest of your life with a selfish lover who doesn’t fulfill your sexual desires? No right? You need to talk to him about it. If things still don’t change then you’re not sexually compatible.


    A male who’s not invested in making his woman cum (or cares about her pleasure) is not a man.

  • I think any significant mismatch in libido, desire and willingness to please is going to end up breaking the deal at some stage. If he dies t respond to training then you will have to consider your options.

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 13

  • To me it’s a deal breaker that you expressed your thoughts and he isn’t up to listening about the fact that you would like more oral. That to me is a deal breaker as he isn’t willing to compromise and do things that please you. He needs to put on his big boy pants and realize sex is compromise. Get you a man that wants you to finish before he does 😊

  • Yeah a selfish lover would be a real issue. I can understand people having boundaries and I respect that. But then equally I wouldn't expect to have to be giving the same type of thing in return. It's a 2 way street.

  • Definitely a deal breaker

  • He is selfish, by the way a woman’s vagina is clean, as long as the lady cleans it, and I always eat my ladies pussy, and never had a mouth disease, if anything my mouth is cleaner and refreshing, find a guy who respects ladies

  • If he is selfish with sex he will be selfish in other ways as well. I would have a problem with that.

  • Dump him. God how annoying

  • If she doesn't cum I won't.
    Her pleasure is my priority.
    I'll take care of mine at the end.
    I always focus on hers first.

  • Why do women stay with men that are like that? It doesn't make sense. If a guy loves you he will lick your pussy all the time as long as it's clean.

  • I don't know. Had a girlfriend that would only lay there once. I didn’t mind so much because I controlled everything. And she was super hot… lol

  • Is he aware that urine comes out of the anesthetic tube as semen and thr vagina has a separate area that urine comes out of?

  • Big deal breaker

  • Should never do something you don't want to do, if you dont feel comfortable with it

  • This sounds rapey u don't want to but do anyway?

    Leave find someone that does want to satisfy u

  • Your boyfriend is a classic asshole. Why do women go for and stay with assholes.

  • I bet your boyfriend was the one who pursued you and hit on you

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