I think I was r@ped? read story first and then read screenshots?

[simone2702]

so me and this guy we’ve fucked several times before, and it was nice. however i went to his house yesterday and i just wanted to chill, i had no intentions of having intercourse, but i never said that i just wanted to chill. a couple of days before he promised me a “professional massage” and so that’s what he gave me, he requested i took my clothes off but leave my underwear on and i did. it was nice and felt relaxing and then all of a sudden i feel he began to insert into me. in my head i was like “oh this is what we’re doing, i don’t really want to do this” but i never said anything. i just let it happen. i kept telling myself i didn’t care and that it’s whatever. he finished on my back and said don’t put my clothes back on, and walked out. but i put back on my underwear and he said “didn’t i just say not to put your clothes off” and teasingly i said “you can take them off again”. and we did it again, he flipped me over where i was on my back, i kept hitting his chest because i was over it. and then i just started crying and asked if i can go home. and he was just frozen and was like are you okay. and i told him that i didn’t really have the intention of intercourse. and that i was already going through things and that i just needed a friend. he said he was sorry and that now he’s scared to try and have intercourse with me. i told him not to feel bad because i didn’t say anything, and i guess said he didn’t feel bad. and i apologized for ruining the night and he shook his head no, like it’s okay, im good. i told my best friend and sister about it and they were like that sounds like r@pe.. and that i need to tell my family. but i don’t want to, i don’t want the guy to get in trouble because i care for him. i told him that, that’s what they considered r@pe. and he said what was sent in the pictures. i just don’t know what to do

[DonkeyDan]

To be fair there was minimal communication between you to even confirm or deny consent, this is a grey area and would only be decided by a court as to if it actually is rape. The fact that you were banging on his chest isn't clear from what you said as if you were clearly telling him to stop or not, but that could have just been the way it was written. If you chose to the would definitely be clear to go to the authorities for them to investigate for rape or sexual assault but it is unclear from what you have said because of the lack of communication between the 2 of you if it would be charged or even go to trial. You have to understand that prosecution will normally only take a case that they have a high chance of winning in court with sufficient evidence, and what you have written here it is ambiguous.

[Birdlegs]

You didn’t make any effort to state your intentions. Obviously a massage with you damn near naked is going to lead to more especially if y’all have already have had sex before. You didn’t say you didn’t want it the first time and the second time you teasingly invited him to go again. He stopped once you hit his chest which means he had no intentions of taking advantage of you he thought you were on the same page as him. I don’t see how he could’ve known your intentions when 1. You didn’t say them 2. You agreed to a “massage” especially without your clothes 3. You invited him for a second round.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

No it wasn't rape and here's why:
"so me and this guy we’ve fucked several times before, and it was nice. however i went to his house yesterday and i just wanted to chill, i had no intentions of having intercourse, but i never said thatyou've had sex with him before and you didn't communicate that you didn't want to have sex that day. Add to that;but i never said anything. i just let it happen. he didn't forcefully hold you down knowingly against your will.. You never said no or stop to give him the opportunity to stop. You can't just let something happen, the person not knowing you didn't want to and then label them a rapist...

[DarkCarousel]

You told him (teasingly/playfully) that he could take your clothes off again.

I’m not trying to sound callous in any way but it doesn’t sound like you communicated your discomfort at the whole situation. And the when he realized you were upset, he stopped.


I’m not denying that you may have uneasy feelings afterwards because of how you say you felt about all of this. But if you claim that he raped you, you’re going to totally ruin his life.

[KrisPW]

No. I think things went further than you wanted this time, but it sounds like it played out like previous times have. You didn’t let him know, and were capable of doing so. And you didn’t say anything about feeling obligated, coerced, or forced. So I don’t think you should feel like you were raped.

[doopayo]

If you didn’t consent that’s rape. You don’t have to apologize, it’s good you talked to a trusted person about this though.

[meetkitty123]

You are right not giving consent could be considered rape. However there is more to it. She did not say no either. the moment she did reject the man stopped. Prior to this The man was not given a clear indication that she was not interested. It only goes to show that it is best regardless if you are male or female to have a rule: no sexual act should be performed until both people verbally say "yes I want this". Regardless if you are male or female If your partner doesn't verbally consent then don't do it. That's the safest thing. but in this particular situation It cannot be called rape without reasonable doubt.

[doopayo]

She shouldn’t have to say no. If she doesn’t say yes than he shouldn’t have furthered, it doesn’t really matter if she explicitly rejects him it’s the fact that she never explicitly expressed consent though

[meetkitty123]

You are right 100% if she didn't say yes he shouldn't have. The problem is There is no single legal definition of consent. Each country state or providence sets its own definition, either in law or through court cases. In some places for a crime to be considered rape, the law still requires coercion, the use of force or threats of force to have been used. So if you live in a location where they go by the old standards of no means no then it will be a difficult case in court. If you live in a location where they go by the new standards Yes means yes then that's more clean cut. This whole thing could have been prevented if he had asked.

[doopayo]

True^

[summiter]

It was against your will. Report him. Did he use a condom?

[Jersey2]

She said no and he stopped.

[haphazard]

Anytime you go to a guy's house and take off your clothes for a massage, you can rest assured he's going to attempt sex with you. It sounds wrong what he did but it's not considered rape since you didn't tell him no.

[iBeowulf]

Guys, if she regrets it, it's rape and you're a sex offender for life.

[Gwenhwyfar]

You were raped

[Gwenhwyfar]

This is awful

[MrOracle]

I'd like to see your math on that.

[Gwenhwyfar]

@MrOracle no math

[MrOracle]

That's exactly the problem. Despite what they try teach in schools, NO ONE actually asks for consent every time you have sex or do something sexual in an ongoing relationship. If you ask women about this, the vast majority will tell you that to do so would be a turn-off. And the majority of women would tell you that they expect men to take the initiative, because she doesn't want to. That's exactly what happened here. Had the OP said "no" or pushed the guy away at the start, it's clear from his later reaction that he'd have stopped immediately. He was clearly very concerned as soon as she expressed any discomfort and checked in with her emotionally, so he obviously cared about her. The problem is that the OP did NOTHING WHATSOEVER to express her desire not to continue, and in the complete absence of any resistance or negative reactions, the guy could only assume that everything was a "go" just like the previous times, when it was. This is why the "get consent every time" policy is unworkable - most women don't want that. Instead, women need to take some responsibility and use their words or gestures. Say "no" or shake your head or push the guy away. Guys can understand that and say to themselves "oh, she's not into this right now" and they'll stop. But guys cannot read minds, and it's unfair and unreasonable to categorize this as rape when on another day, when she was in a different mood, these exact same actions would have been completely fine - welcomed even. A rape accusation can destroy people's entire lives, and clearly the guy had no intentions of doing that. If he had, I'd be the first person wanting him to be punished - but that's not the story here.

[Gwenhwyfar]

@MrOracle you write very articulately. But he still shouldn’t have started fucking her in the middle of what she thought was a regular massage at a time when she didn’t feel in control of the situation.

[MrOracle]

Most girls don't WANT to be in control - they want the MAN to be in control and take the lead. And keep in mind, when he wanted to go a second time, she TEASINGLY said “you can take them off again.” If she'd done ANYTHING to communicate that she didn't want sex the first time around, there's no way she would have done that - and there's no way a guy would have any idea that things weren't completely fine when she spoke and behave that way. It wasn't until near the end of the second round that she gave the first indication that she didn't want to keep going - and he STOPPED IMMEDIATELY and checked in with her, and when she made it clear that something was wrong, he disengaged and tried to take care of her. That is NOT rape. Being in a bad mood, or feeling regret afterwards, is NOT rape. And to throw that word around when it is unwarranted is NOT okay.

[FunkyMonkee]

The fist time he fucked you, you did nothing to stop him so, it wasn't rape. I'm not sure what you meant about hitting his chest but, if that was your way of trying to get him to stop, that would at least be CONSIDERED rape but, the fact that you just stayed there and them told him YOU were sorry for ruining HIS evening kinda makes the potential rape a moot point!! If anything, you ENHANCED his evening several times over!! A rape victim DOESN'T just lie there and let it happen, nor do they APOLOGIZE to the rapist afterwards!!

[Jersey2]

Women expect men to make the first move. Even on here you hear them complaining that he was taking too long. A massage can lead up to sex and I am guessing he brushed by there a few times and kept slowly advancing that’s when you say no, immediately when you want him to stop. When you did, he stopped. Don’t ruin his life because you didn’t say anything. For many it would have been romantic. He stopped when you told him.

[karaspara]

Doesn't sound like rape to me

[AmeerX]

I don't think it was rape

[Aphrodite801]

You were hitting his chest because he wouldn’t get off of you or? That critical part is confusing.

[simone2702]

i was hitting his chest to stop

[Aphrodite801]

But what made you hit him instead of just saying stop

[simone2702]

i was hitting him first and i did say stop but i guess i was too quiet and wasn’t loud enough

[Aphrodite801]

Next time if a guy attempts to enter you or even enters you if you don’t want to do it say stop/take him out. It’s not rape but, the communication was definitely not good enough.

[Aphrodite801]

Also, sounds like the sex was kind of shit I don't know

[justboredtbh]

which screenshot you are talking about?

[simone2702]

yeah i’m sorry they didn’t appear, i thought i was able to post them afterwards, i can send them to you

[meetkitty123]

@simone2702 Id like to see the screenshots please.

[justboredtbh]

@simone2702 sure u can pm me

[YesICan]

This is how false rape allegations/rumors happen that can cost the career/social life or even his freedom.

[Twalli]

You never said no or that you were against it until the second time and as soon as you did he stopped. That's not rape and stopping when you started crying and hitting his chest is exactly what he's supposed to do and what many guys have trouble remembering

[Nick473]

No thats not rape. He was trying to give you a sensual massage and do something you would have enjoyed but because of lack of comunication from both sides things whent wrong. Im certain that he would have stoped if you told him you didn't want that.

[Partaken]

I dont understand. Women know that if a guy had to ask "is it ok if i insert my penis into your vagina right now", "is it ok if i grab your left breast during this intercourse session", etc they would be turned the fuck off

Why can't women just tell their boyfriend they're not in the mood instead of just going along with sex, doing and saying nothing to show they aren't interested, then claiming they were r@ped?

[BeachLuvR97]

It doesn't sound like either of you intended to do something wrong. When something like this happens, and you tell a bunch of other girls, of course they are going to put images in your mind--that's all that we've ever been brought up with since we were kids--men are evil rapists who prey on women. Don't try to tell college feminists this, but that's not always the case. Did he intend to do anything evil? It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like he doesn't know what was going on with you...

[Zygum]

No consensual sex is rape even your boyfriend or husband

[jimmy2]

God that how guys in up in jail

[Anonymous]

He obviously doesn't respect you regardless of what you call it.
You could speak to the police, especially a female officer, to get a clear understanding of what is considered rape in your jurisdiction even if you don't press charges. Some police departments have small community offices where you can drop in and talk.