What do you feel is the longest reasonable time to withhold sex from a spouse?

Question

Man if you ever feel I’m not giving it to you enough, you have the right to divorce me. Lmao. Sex should be one of the best things about marriage. I personally feel a partner should only withhold sex if her period on, if someone is flu-type sick, if you’re mentally distraught because someone close to you died, or whatever prolonged time the doctor says to wait after giving birth. I dont see any other reason to withhold. If we had a long day at work, then coming home to eachother should be the relief. It should be the energy to wake us tf up. If we ever disrespected eachother to the point of no return or if anyone ever cheated, there's no need to withholding sex. Just simply divorce because you’ve striked out and thats not repairable in my opinion. Other than that, I’m not the type to go to bed mad. I always try to fix the shit before then cause i need to be pounded to sleep 🤣 So yea, I look forward to marriage and lots of sex. Anyways, this is my personal opinion. Whats yours?
#FeelFreeToList #ToThePointOfNoReturn

What do you feel is the longest reasonable time to withhold sex from a spouse?

Lliam · Accepted Answer

I agree with you, Des. You said it well.

It's similar to giving someone the silent treatment or storming out instead of engaging in communication. That kind of behavior is both immature and toxic.

There have been questions here on GAG about communication. If two people love each other, they want each other to be happy. They want what's best for each other. If an issue comes up, they discuss it like mature adults. They employ active listening skills in an effort to understand each other's positions. Then they try to come up with a solution or even compromise that satisfies both their needs.

If, as happens on occasion, a conversation gets heated, it is sometimes best to request a time out before you start saying things you may regret. Don't just drop it. Say that you need to think about it but want to come back and resolve it. Agree on a specific date and time to to pick it up again. But before you temporarily pause the debate, let your partner know that you love them so that neither of you goes off in a huff feeling bitter. Tell them flat out "I love you" and mean it. Don't go to bed angry.

The thing is, sometimes during a conversation people get caught up in the heat of the moment. In trying too hard to make their point understood or defend their position, they fail to hear their partner's point. Taking a break gives you a chance to cool off. Sometimes sleeping on and taking time to process the conversation helps to gain perspective. Once calm, I have sometimes been able to see where I went off the rails. Or I see my partner's point more clearly. I also regret getting angry and any pain I caused her. I am much more capable of returning to the conversation with a calm attitude and greater desire to work it out.

Withholding intimacy is far worse than poor communication. It's actually abusive, mean, vengeful. It says "I don't love you". It is a way of hurting someone to the core. It damages the relationship and will lead to its destruction.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

We share the same beliefs here. Of course, there will be some very real, very understandable reasons why someone may not be able to have sex for a short period of time, as you listed, but I believe that in a committed relationship, you are RESPONSIBLE for meeting the sexual needs of your partner and vice versa. That means you should do your best to do so. Again, if you're sick, if you just experienced some trauma, etc., that's understandable, but those are exceptions to the rule, and reasonable ones.

If someone is just withholding sex to manipulate their partner, that's wrong, and in my opinion despicable.

meetkitty123 · Answer

As a hypersexual there are some days I feel like the girl in that clip 🤣. 🤔 Ok quite a few days
I agree with your list of reasons not to have sex in a typical marriage. And it is nice to make up before bed in such a marriage.
I recall in the beginning of my relationship and up to just a bit longer than a year ago we had quite a bit of sex daily to twice a day or every other day. The only time we didn't was if one of us was sick. Being angry didn't necessarily keep us apart for too long. Maybe 3 days tops.
However now things are very different. And I present a situation where one would completely cut off another...
When divorce isn't ideal due to Financial, family and/or religious obligation or restrictions. A marriage of convenience or when a spouse is TERMINATELY ILL OR PERMANENTLY ILL (a severe mental or physical illness or injury) and sexual activity may actually cause harm to a person. I find myself in all mix of all of the above.
About a year ago it came to light my spouse A) Attempted an affair (got caught before hand) B) Gambled over $90,000 (I quit adding by that number). He sold off two properties and used the children's bank savings. This began a heated vicious break up and led to me filing for divorce. I left him. Then about 6mos ago during the heated separation he was diagnosed with a debilitating permanent illness which within time will lead to his passing. In the end we concluded a divorce may not suit us as we would both lose out financially, I would have to relocate my kids. The only place I would be able to afford would be in a bad location with a poor school system and he wouldn't be able to live on his own. Therefore he would end up in a nursing home and the state would take what money he had left to pay for it. So we created an arrangement. We share the home and the bills. My kids have a roof over their heads in a good school system and I became his carefiver. For a couple months I attempted to be his sexual partner at least once a month. It was rather uncomfortable since it felt more as a chore and I no longer loved him in that way. A few weeks ago I officially decided that I will no longer sleep with him. I just can't. First his Illness effects his mentality and he seems lost during the act. Like a teen of over a 100 years ago (naive). Secondly I have become injured one too many times due to his unstableness. His movements were uncoordinated, he is rough, and all over the place. At times he doesn't know how to place himself or know exactly what needs to be done. Once he caused a chair leg to give out and because of his mentality he didn't even realize we were falling over. He's falling over bucking his hips all over the place. I had to hold up his dead weight and support myself all To keep him from smashing his head. my fingers got crushed against the wall and Despite the many times I said stand up or stop or you're falling It didn't sink in. I ended up injuring my back and shoulders as well. Another time during his craze uncornated rough thrashing he ended up penatrating me rectumly and injured me. I bled on and off weeks. I was told by a medic I would need a stitch or two. Then most recently and the deciding factor for me saying no more is because he hurt me again. His craze thrusting actually caused me to go into back spasms. I had to go to the walk-in for my back. He also scratched me internally when he roughly inserted his finger in my rear when he was searching for my vagina. I bled for a few days. I'm done getting hurt and due to his mentality and physical health he shouldn't be involved in sexual activity. Beside the physical risks there's also how it makes me feel emotionally. I don't like the feeling of it being a duty. I don't love him in that way and I don't find him arousing. Over all I can't and I won't anymore. I am cutting him off.

loves2learn · Answer

Tough question these days it is rare if we go a week. But we did have a 4 month dry spell once when we had a rough patch.

TheorionMage · Answer

On the topic of withholding sex, NEVER EVER FORGET
'Nature' made YOU a 'franchised AVATAR' of the Goddess, NOT a unique 'monopoly'.

How many times in your vanity, that you think you can 'play that card'
BEFORE your Spouse is NOT willing to consider a designated ALTERNATE hitter?

You'd need be ONE HELL OF A 'LAY' to muster irrevocable 'brand loyalty'
Romantic intimate infatuation only goes SO far~ ;)

hahahmm · Answer

Everyone has the right not to be in the mood for it... although women often "forget" & assume that they're entitled to sex anytime they wish it.

ShaTTeredMasterpeace · Answer

I don't think sex should be weaponized. It's not something to be withheld. Especially in a marriage. If I was interesting in getting married my husband would know that period days are off days for us. Other than that, we good.

pppppkk · Answer

never. that’s manipulation

dustybiker · Answer

Never use sex as a tool. Communicate.

livin_hi_808 · Answer

Sex should be one of the best things about marriage Extremely naive you are 😂

PeacefulRainDrop · Answer

I dont think thats right at all.. if the one you love is craving it should make a point to satisfy them in the next 48 hours max!

suisuiola · Answer

3 months?

DonkeyDan · Answer

If you're withholding sex from me you better either be sick or dead 🤣🤣

Hans222 · Answer

I've been waiting much longer than a week Desi... my hormones seem to be sleeping hahaha 😉

slatyb · Answer

I agree with you -- partners should generally never withhold sex. Doing so is destructive to the relationship. Sex doesn't take very long, so it's not a question of not having time.

Miristheiss · Answer

That's a tough one.

Probably a few days to a week. It kind of needs to be agreed upon. If life is hectic and neither is trying to initiate it could go longer but if one is longing for the other and reaching out and being told no for several days there would need to be some communication as to why and what is going on. Outside of health reasons or some emergency/trauma there is a large risk of a rift/crack forming in the relationship and resentment will start to grow. 10 straight days of just saying "I'm not in the mood" can start to damage the relationship.

Something is up at that point and they should talk openly and honestly to get it out in the open.

Finchie40 · Answer

If it goes 2 weeks without a valid excuse as to why they don’t want sex , my ass is making my moves to leave and putting myself back on the market , The least sex I will go in a relationship is 3 times a week if it goes under that then see ya lol

LemiaOfChampions · Answer

My pervious two relationships lasted 7 months and 1 year without sex but it depends on the persons lebodo

Agape93 · Answer

Long as you wish

t-8900 · Answer

A week maybe? I mean if she's sick or whatever. Trust me I'm not the one who's be withholding 😂

Dragonpurple · Answer

Reasons you listed are fine, the wrong reason is to punish someone. That means they are trying to control you. Women who refuse to have sex with their man, because of something he did or she is mad at him or a man refusing to have sex with her because of whatever (insert reason) is just stupid.

Those are great ways to actually destroy the relationship. Medical, health or physical issues are good reasons.

humpbackjack · Answer

A WEEK WHAT THE HELL DID SHE SAY A WEEK? Yeah it ain’t cool with holding sex especially cause I from day one have been at least a twice a day kinda a guy I’m talking every days except when I had to go away for a minute but I still talked to her every day

What do you feel is the longest reasonable time to withhold sex from a spouse?

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