How do I convince my lesbian daughter to have a preference for men?

[Anonymous]

My daughter (19F) had recently came out to me (36F) about her sexuality, and I couldn't be any more disappointed in her than I currently am. She tries her very hardest to dress as a man would. I didn't raise her be this way. I raised her to be a dainty, feminine LADY. She refuses to listen to me when I tell her that she needs to get right with the Lord, and pretends that she doesn't believe in Him any longer. Her lifestyle is leading her down the pathway to Hell. What should I do?

[J2ohhhhh]

You have two options. Push her away from you and your religion or tell her that both you and God loves her as she is. It wouldn't be the first or the last time when religion is adjusted to interest. Before reformation being rich meant that you neglect to help others and your religious life and focus on becoming rich instead. And with reformation they changed it to that if you're rich it means God loves you cus you are a good Christian. There is no single verse in the Bible where it is written that you gotta take everything in a literal meaning. In proverbs it is saying that iron sharpens iron and men sharpens the face of his neighbour. In reality noone sharpens their neighbour's face, this means that people who surround you shape who you become. Similar with adultery. It is really uncertain what adultery is. And the whole sexual thing. Most what we have now is from the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, which was like full time BDSM stuff. But if you don't buy into the authorian bs of the church but read the real text and try to interpret by yourself, you'd see that the problem is not with homosexuality or kinkiness, but making sexuality to the centre of our existence, neglecting our moral and spiritual obligations. If as a good Christian you'd spend 5% of your life with experiencing your sexuality, you could spend it with the same gender if you still follow a moral path and believe in God. Who do you think God would love more someone who spends half of their time with straight sex and don't pray that much or help other people showing a good example of His glory or someone who does all that stuff but only spends 5% of her time with the same gender. Sex is part of life but it isn't all about it, that's the lesson of Sodom and Gomorrah, don't misinterprete it, cut the hateful homophobic shit out and show love and the glory of Him even to the ones who you think are lost the path.

It is easy to be good when everything goes as you want, this is the test of your faith. God gave her free will you cannot take it away. You need to learn humbleness and real faith not just the virtue signalling bullshit that gets you the good networking in the church.

[ohshee]

And who told you it was a pathway to hell your daughter's a disappointment to you because something that she wants you know her the girl the one in the body your daughter her life she wants to try something it's weird that when kids grow up they get in trouble to get disciplined they get put on restriction you basically get held back but once they turn 18 and they're on their own so I guess I should have said they get to make their own choices they get put down to get on restriction disrespected because of a choice that they want to really try or to become pyramid Explorer find out who I am but they're not allowed to do that either I guess huh. I can't tell you what to do. I can understand where you're coming from I mean I would be disappointed for a few minutes but the love and respect I have for my kids either one of them if they ever told me something like this I would have to hug them and say okay it's their choice I can't control them I can't even tell them what to do they have a mind of Their Own it's the foundation that I put into them you would probably understand that if you would have gave responsibility instead of restricting or discipline when they got in trouble but anyway good luck with your daughter just because you don't like something because somebody told you something about hell oh well that's your choice just like her you get to choose who you want to be by the things you say and do that's who you are just like her she gets to choose who she wants to be by the things she says and does we were all given that gift when we are born the gift of choice is more powerful than the word love because we make choices every single day every minute we are awake and take our first step so why are you mad at her again because she chose who she wanted to be you don't want her to be that person you must be the one with all the car because I guess you're the mom. Okay so what kind of power does your daughter get just because you're the mom doesn't mean anything she's the daughter what does that mean

[meetkitty123]

First of all dont get the Lord mixed into this how dare
you tell your daughter her sexual orientation will isolate her from the Lord. During a difficult time like this the last thing you want her to do is to loose her faith in God and if she does its your darn fault!
Besides that you're being hypocritical to say the Lord would reject her. God rejects no one.
The first thing you need to do if you want the girl to hear you is do not attack her and especially nit spiritually.
In fact you probably would have gotten better results if you didn't criticise her. She isn't going to change because you tell her to but she has a better chance of changing if you support her (not that im saying she has to change) if this is just a phase she might be going through you want her to think it out. You want to help her navigate her emotions. By yelling at her and critizing her and telling her she's a disappointment to you is the fastest way to send her running to do the opposite of what you want her to do. And worst if you turn your back on her you may loose her permently and by permently I mean you might drive the girl to suicide. 40% of young adults who do not concider themselves straight have either attempted suicide or contemplated it. So tell me if you had to choose which would you prefer to live this life with a lesbian daughter at your side or to live this life knowing you will never see her again because she took her life?

[Seppel]

Who cares about religion?

[Tamera952]

::Eyeroll:: --- Is this question for real? You don't get to have a say in your daughter's "preference" - which I might add, isn't a preference at all. Preference denotes choice. This sort of thing is hard-wired, & not something you turn on or off like a lightswitch.

So, firstly, why isn't your first knee-jerk reaction to be supportive of her no matter what? - no matter what she wears, or doesn't wear? Second, maybe your bullshit concepts of what's what, & what's important need to be examined? If my "lord" said there was something wrong with the way my daughter was, then I'd think there was something wrong with my "lord" (or his lunatic followers) before I'd think there was something wrong with my daughter, get the difference? See what I mean? You're polluted by some religious mind virus & seeing this through some tainted lenses. Don't make your silly hang-ups your daughter's problem.
Your bullshit is gonna push your daughter away, if it hasn't already.
#1 goal: Your daughter's happiness, period. If you raised her well, suspend your judgement & allow her to make decisions about her life, & keep your 'ideas' about what's proper to yourself, the end.

[kyleelyn199723]

Well this is very sad that you don’t accept your daughter for who she is. May God be over you 😊

[Asker]

It is MY child. Therefore, her life should be the way that I want it to.

[kyleelyn199723]

No she is actually a grown ADULT and can make her own decisions for herself. Good luck with that mindset. Laughable when parents think they have full control over their adult child.

[Asker]

She turned 19 only 6 months ago. She is still an adolescent.

[kyleelyn199723]

By law she is not a child anymore. Over 18 sweetheart

[Asker]

Well, the bible says to obey your parents, regardless of what the "law" says.

[kyleelyn199723]

The Bible also says you shall not judge others 😊 she is NOT you.

[kyleelyn199723]

But congrats for using the Bible to be a toxic parent 😊

[Asker]

Yes, but she is my daughter. I gave her birth to her. She should listen to me.

[kyleelyn199723]

No , that’s not how that works hun 😊

[Asker]

Yes, it is. She didn't slide out og your vagina, did she? No. She did not.

[kyleelyn199723]

And I never said that she had to listen to what I say, but she also doesn’t listen to what you have to say. If I listened to my dead beat of a mother I would be as broke as she is. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Asker]

My darling, I am no deadbeat. Just making sure that my daughter doesn't end up in Hell.

[kyleelyn199723]

Did I say you were a dead beat? No. I said my own mother is a dead beat. I lived in her for 9 months as well and I would be broke as hell if I listened to her in life. You are a pit of your own ignorance because you don’t even choose to read and hear people out 😊

[Rob17792]

no you psycho her life shouldn't be the way you want it to you control freak. It's the way she wants her life to be not the way you want it to be

[Asker]

MY HUSBAND SUPPORTS HER, AND HE CLAIMS TO BE A "CHRISTIAN". MAKES SENSE BECAUSE HIS MOTHER WAS A LESBIAN. HE LETS HIS OWN SPERM separate FROM THE PATH OF JESUS.

[Rob17792]

why don't you take your bible and shove it up your ass

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker he supports her because he is a good parent unlike you. But I’m just going to keep laughing at the fact you think you have control over your adult child. Laughable.

[Asker]

My husband is not a better parents than me if he doesn't care about what the bible says.

[Tamera952]

@Rob17792 LMAO!!! Well said

[Asker]

And I always hated his lesbian of a mother. SHe put this influence on MY daughter.

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker I sure hope you have said that to his mother’s face so she can see what kind of person you are and hopefully he listens to her of divorcing you since she is his mother and he should listen to her since he came out of HER vagina 😉 the irony right?

[Asker]

We don’t see her anymore, and he doesn’t know how I feel about his mother’s disgusting ways.

[Rob17792]

look in the mirror then you'll see who's disgusting

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker like I said, maybe if you actually said how you feel to his mother’s face, maybe she would gain a sense to divorce you and he should listen to her because he came out of her vagina 😉. See how the way you think doesn’t always work out to your benefit?

[kyleelyn199723]

Gain a sense to tell your husband to divorce you*

[t-8900]

This shit cannot be real. Claiming ba daughter has to do what you want because she "slipped out of your vagina"... you can't make up this shit. The sense of entitlement lol. No wonder your daughter laughed in your face. People like you are converting Christians away every day.

[kyleelyn199723]

@t-8900 100% agreed

[SecretsofKB]

What you need to do is love and support your daughter!

Coming out is stressful... trust me. And if you aren't here for her now or soon, you could lose her for a long time if not forever.

On a separate but related note, if there's a god, and they are as good as everyone says they are supposed to be, then your daughter being attracted to women will not get her sent to hell. But you, her mother, not supporting her will land you there.

There is nothing wrong with your daughter! Remember to love and support her!

[Being_a_good_Indian]

Just accept her as she is. She needs your support. Please for god's sake don't force her to have preferences for man.

[NamerOfStars]

You ask the Lord why He made your daughter in a way that He finds objectionable. He didn't create humanity to be slaves, so USE that capacity for reason He gave you and stop assuming that greater power and knowledge somehow makes you LESS accountable for your actions.

Also, get your time machine working- 36 is not more than 45.

[Asker]

I messed up while putting my age in this site.

[Asker]

Idiot.

[NamerOfStars]

... Says the woman who thinks epigenetics are a matter of choice.

[Boromir]

Looks like you’ll be forced to choose between loving your own flesh and blood or an imaginary friend.

Darwin would strongly suggest you love your child.

The choice is yours, and no, I’m not the devil.

[Asker]

I know that God is real, hon. You can’t tell me otherwise.

[PenkWing]

Don’t. Let her live her life. It’s completely natural to have sexual preferences that are different. And there is nothing bad or evil about it.

For you to know: sexual preferences won’t change with convincing. There is no way you can change that. You can only make her feel unloved for what she is.

[Cherry234]

Exactly. And Christian conversion therapy doesn't work either

[--Vi--]

Christianity is about love and acceptance for all, so show a little kindness to your daughter. You probably won't be able to change her sexuality, but you can show her that God loves everyone regardless. Love is the most important thing, and that's all you can do. Let her decide her life.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

I don't believe sexual attraction can be changed, and I don't believe it is a choice. People are attracted to what they are attracted to, and aren't attracted to what they aren't.

There's also not much you can do about another person's religious beliefs, and trying to force it on her will only push her further away.

[purplepoppy]

You need to look where the blame really lies, the lousy crappy dick she's had in the past. You need to hunt down her exs and teach them how to perform properly. Then it's just a matter of them running a train on her until she's straight.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

Hahaha..! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Jamie05rhs]

@purplepoppy That's really offensive. Also, it isn't accurate. It wasn't because of the dick; it was because of the other things (or lack thereof) in the relationship.

[God_of_Thunder]

You could accept her for who she is, and realize that not everyone is going to follow your values, or believe in them.

Just a thought.

[Honesttguy]

Well you seem mentally bit off and so how can you expect your kid to be perfect? Obviously it comes from you.
They brain connection is different when they were born so unless u come out with new tech discovery that can rewire brain then all you can do is learn acceptance that God is teaching you cus right now you failing big time.

[SnakeBoop]

Or... be a better parent.

[TheKweenie]

I think you should only be disappointed in yourself as a person and as well as a parent. This is 2021, where are you?
Be supportive, learn to accept changes. It's okay to not understand her, but just leave her alone and don't bring this God thing in between. My son is 14 and likes to wear women's clothes. He is probably bisexual. It's okay, I support him in whoever he wants to be. The world is cruel, I give him the space and safe environment at least at home.

[ChrisMaster69]

let her live her own life as she sees fit, she can enjoy her sexuality.

What hell has to do with it i don’t know,

you should be happy she is comfortable enough to come out to you.

a lot of kids are terrified of coming out to their parents.

[Novacane]

You can, never force something on your kids to understand your ideals will not be the same as their own, you need to allow them to go on this journey of life and figure things out for themselves if your daughter likes girls don't shame her for it if anything embraces her for it, she is probably already confused because society is telling her that she should like men, and now add her own mother looking down on her, she wants someone to support her and if you are trying to change her it will only push her away more and more. One thing I would be proud of is the day my kids follow their own path and not follow what others told them to do.

[casserolie]

leave her alone? if you believe she's going to hell, which has not been proven as no one actually knows where a dead ass goes after k. o. ing, then let her go to hell. she deserves to do what she wants and live how she wants, she's old enough to make her own decisions. who knows, a lot of people woulf believe you would go to hell for hating your own child's true self

[JustinTimberlegs]

Keep pushing her away so that when other things arise she will feel like she can't turn to her mother or family because they made her feel shameful and broken.

Maybe she will turn to bad company and drugs instead, or maybe she would be self aware and lucky enough to have supportive friends and therapist to guide her through her tough times.

You dont have to agree with her lifestyle but if you keep trying to change her and judge her with the Bible you'll just push her further and further away from you.

It's not about who's right here, it's your relationship with her, will you be there for her or will you push her away. I hope you can put your relationship above all else and show her that you will love her no matter who or what she is. Best of luck!

[summiter]

Just love her as your daughter and be happy that she is happy and comfortable with her sexuality. You can't change her.. just support and love her.

[Twix005]

You can't change nobody & she will never change who she really is... if this is who she feel she really is then its best you let her be. Focus on loving and supporting her. Not tearing her down. I know its something that you don't want but she's practically grown now. THIS IS HER LIFE NOW. There are gay people that are living their best lives right now successful as ever! If she's spreading love and positivity and focused on her goals in life. Then thats not on the path to hell. She living her life the way she want to live it. Your living your life by the Bible the way you want to. I don't believe in religion. But I'm not goin to tell you, your wrong for believing in it because that's your beliefs. she's just a woman finding herself still really young i feel love is the only answer for this situation and i hope both of you come to some kind of understanding I wish healing for the both of you.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

As for your daughter let her love her own life & do her own thing & as they saying goes you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink it.