Is this a bad technique lol?

[Anonymous]

So in my relationship I was very okay with paying and I would always say “it’s okay I’ll pay” I would say that all the time and my parents were telling me that my boyfriend was very cheap I would always deny this though since I was very conformist. But after the grocery incident (he separated my 5 dollar groceries of only two items from his he did this by using a stick then he proceeded to pay 65 dollars for his) after that that was my limit I guess that was a major turn off for me so now he’s fucked and is going to have to pay for everything 😂 because he kind of made me feel used by doing that. And sex isn’t even that good I don’t think he even tries to get me to cum so he could pay 5 dollars for condoms but he can’t pay 5 dollars for the only two items that i chose that was just wrong. So now I’m just going to immediately say thank you for the food everytime so that he’ll have to pay.

[ohshee]

I feel bad for you. I don't think that's cool. I don't think that's right and I don't think that guy wants to be your boyfriend I think he wants you to be his mother. How could he not be embarrassed there's no way in this world that I could ever do that. Or even allow somebody to do that for me. And the sex thing that is just unreal I'm single right now but when I'm dating somebody in a relationship with somebody there have been times where we had plans to go do something it's been planned out for a long time and if for some reason I have to work late or something happens swear I'm either going to get there later I can't even show up because of work there are times where I will because I stopped at myself and I need to apologize I need to say I'm sorry and thank you for being there for me and I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you so when I make love I make love and I make it all about her I will buy her gifts there are Times Square when making love it is that time to say thank you even though that's the way I do it each and every time but even more so when something crazy happens I don't care if I'm sick with a cold and she wants to fuck I'm still going to make it all about her and I'm still going to make her have the best orgasm ever. So when you say he doesn't try to make you come that just makes me go crazy cuz I don't understand that first of all you're his girlfriend he should be doing that for you anyway but when you buy his way you should be doing it 5 times a day like that making it all about you just to say thank you wash your car and let you sleep in cook dinner give you a bubble bath something I really think you guys using you and I think one of these days you'll end up splitting up but not until you're fed up. And you're not going to do it anymore because it sounds like he's the type of guy that's going to keep doing it until you kick him to the curb

[Anonymous]

So you are entitled to free stuff and when you didn't get it you decided you would become what? Emotionally abusive?

And you think the problem is outside of your mind?

[Asker]

I just get upset when I think about what he did. He’s actually a very sweet guy and my bestfriend but just him doing that was such a turn off for me and made me feel so used

[Asker]

And when I asked people on here they said that he was using me so that didn’t make me feel better. Just this whole situation made me realize how conformist I was and i guess that was my limit because I paid for over 50 percent of stuff like i used to pay a lot

[Opinion Owner]

Look if what you are is a $5 whore and you need this guy to make sure he is gifting you $5 of fruit each week and in exchange he can do whatever he wants to you, just tell him that, then you both know where you stand.

[Asker]

It was embarrassing

[Opinion Owner]

Why?

[Asker]

What he did in the grocery store was a bit humiliating we shopped together and shared a cart but he made me pay my two things separate that was only 5 dollars meanwhile he paid 65 dollars plus the condoms you could imagine how that made me feel. And when i told my family they weren’t very fond of it either.

[Opinion Owner]

You aren't married, so you have no claim to his resources. He is already paying for condoms which if things were equal, you would share the cost of, because you are both using those things together and you both extract the same value from them. You talk about being used, he is the one being used, you are extracting resources from him, ok we might not be talking about large amounts, but the amounts dont matter, the dynamic is the point. Your claim on his resources is based on the idea that you are trading your cunt for his coin and if thats how you both want things to be, then just be honest about it. He might not want to have a whore, some men do, there is no shortage of guys out there who understand very well that if they keep paying for things they can have access to your cunt in exchange. I dont know what your history is, who has paid for what previously etc, but if there is an imbalance there then i suggest you sit down and talk about and agree a figure one way or the other of what is owed and then settle the debt so that you have a clean slate and you then agree what the terms of the relationship are. If you want to be a whore, then be a whore, you can easily extract more resources from some other guy than you will from this guy if thats what you want. If you want an equal partnership with another human being then you have to pay your share or you have to have an agreement which works for both of you and which you have both agreed to. Personally I dont and wouldn't want to pay for sex in anyway, other than emotionally i guess, we all open ourselves up to hurt when we share our feelings etc. I want to be wanted for me, not my coin.

[Asker]

You’re not getting the point I don’t care about his money if I did I wouldn’t even be with him. Just this feels unfair and after sex sometimes i just feel empty. I’m not a whore I’ve only had sex with him in my whole life and I only want to be with him for my whole life. I just felt hirt and embarrassed by what he did it was a bit embarrassing for me too and he went too far by doing that? He’s a sweet guy but I do want him to change that bad habit that he has because my parents told me that I would suffer in the future if this keeps on going on

[Asker]

So i kind of felt like he was benefiting more from this relationship and also I felt like I was the one that’s more in love

[Opinion Owner]

In your mind, what is the basis for your claim on his resources? Why does he have to pay for you?

[Opinion Owner]

Also you are not in a relationship with your parents and he isn't in a relationship with your parents, you have to talk to each other not other people.

[kyleelyn199723]

So you bashed this guy and every way possible, but you are still with him?

[kyleelyn199723]

In every way

[Asker]

I just get upset when I think about what he did. He’s actually a very sweet guy and my bestfriend but just him doing that was such a turn off for me and made me feel so used

[Asker]

And when I asked people on here they said that he was using me so that didn’t make me feel better. Just this whole situation made me realize how conformist I was and i guess that was my limit because I paid for over 50 percent of stuff like i used to pay a lot

[kyleelyn199723]

I feel like you need to let him know about this and talk it through. From what you described of him though I’m not sure if it’s your best interest of staying with him. Seems as if there’s big key factors you don’t like about him

[kyleelyn199723]

I wouldn’t say he is using you. He is just used to you doing things one way

[Asker]

But he’s the sweetest guy that I’ve ever met. He’s become my best friend for almost two years now he’s also my onky sexual experience and stuff and I’ve only been able to open up to him.

[kyleelyn199723]

I think you just need to not bash him then. Your description is very deceiving and I can see why people may have gotten the wrong impression about him in previous questions. I think you need to decide if he is the number one guy you want. You are young obviously and it kind of sounds like you want to experiment more. Been there and done that

[Asker]

I don’t want to experiment more. I want to stay with him he’s the only guy that I want to be with for the rest of my life

[kyleelyn199723]

Also , enough with telling your family what goes on in your relationship. Unless it is abuse in any kind of way, shape or form, you should not be having a goal of painting your s/o as a bad guy.

[kyleelyn199723]

Are you sure about that though? You are trying to paint him as a bad guy to many many people.

[Asker]

No I’m not trying to make him look like a bad giy my family loves him and most of the time that i talk about him it’s about funny stuff or the stuff he likes him doing this left me so confused which is why i told them about it

[Asker]

I’m not just upset and venting this is the only place where I have to vent

[kyleelyn199723]

If me and my man have an argument/disagreement , it stays between us two and we solve it. Not one single person I know has ever painted my man to be the bad guy because I’ll never let that happen

[Asker]

If i was trying to paint him as a bad guy I wouldn’t have been anon.

[kyleelyn199723]

Girl we don’t know you, even if you weren’t anon that wouldn’t make a difference. You said very mean things about your man in the description and then turned it around when people told you “why are you with him then” . You also brought up the same issue to your family, but then mentioned you are bringing it up to everyone but HIM

[kyleelyn199723]

You aren’t bringing it up to him***

[kyleelyn199723]

You don’t need to argue, I am just trying to help you out here.

[Asker]

Thank you just I really am just trying to write down my feelings

[kyleelyn199723]

I understand, just remember if you don’t want people thinking your man is a bad guy, then you should be writing great things about him and then addressing the problem. Do yourself a favor and stop addressing your relationship problems to yourself parents. They do not need to know about what goes on in your relationship unless it’s a threat to your life

[Asker]

Okay thank you

[kyleelyn199723]

Your parents**

[boggboss]

So why are u with him lol I'm not sure what your doing here how u think venting by bashing him will make this situation work or make u happy

[Asker]

Because he’s actually really sweet just this situation was such a turn off to me

[Asker]

So i realized that i was too conformist and I’m going to change that now

[boggboss]

He is a sweet guy yet he dont try to pleasure u in sex and takes advantage of you when spending money

[Asker]

I don’t know if that’s true but at that moment it did feel like it was

[boggboss]

You dont know if that's true yet thats what you are telling strangers online about your partner