Confused about my feelings for a former tinder fuckbuddy? Am I actually in love with him? Are they actual feelings? or do I just like his attention?

[nocturnalbaby]

So I matched with a guy on tinder early last year (almost 2 years ago now), & he lives in another state, so I matched with him on tinder when I was visiting his state over the weekend.

I only saw him about 5 times last year, because the state he lives in is 3 hours away from me by car, and he didn't have much of a reason to come here, but when he did, he came for something business related, & it was during those visits that we met up to have sex.

The sex was good & pretty kinky & adventurous, I tried a lot of new things for the first time with him, but it was always really quick & rushed, & he always asked me to leave the room straight after & used the excuse that his cousin or boss who came with him was staying in the room next door & was about to come in to discuss something with him.

So we never got to spend any time together, & we also didn't chat outside of our meet ups except for an occasional 'hey' and 'what are you up to', which isn't even a conversation. He even treated me kinda badly, constantly annoying me about whether I had any friends I could bring when I went to see him so we could have a threesome.

We stopped talking about 3 months ago, when he deleted me on snapchat after we had an argument about him cancelling our plan to meet up, in his city.

So I'm just wandering, how did I even fall in love with him or get any sort of feelings for him after only 5 rushed sex sessions, no conversations & no time spent together? are these even feelings? or is it something else? like an obsession or pleasure from feeling desired by him or something?

or could it just be physical attraction? I don't think it is though, because recently I found out he has a girlfriend & that she was possibly his girlfriend all of last year, even when I met up with him, & I started crying cause I felt so hurt. So it's probably not just physical attraction.

[20yearsolder]

It can be a little bit of everything. The excitement of hooking up in general, trying new things that you've never tried before sexually. Physical attraction. From the way it sounds, you didn't spend any quality time just hanging out, cuddling and kissing. Just my opinion most of its because you crave that physical connection

[nocturnalbaby]

yeah it definitely was a mix of everything. I was definitely very physically attracted to him, and even his natural body odour made me feel some sort of romantic connection, and yes, I really enjoyed trying all the new things I've always wanted to do. Yeah, we didn't spend any quality time together sadly. I really wanted to, but he wasn't interested, so I didn't wanna force it. I basically just took what I could, which was just the sex, and yes I did crave the physical attention but I really would have loved some more time to hang out, cuddle & kiss - just something other than sex, but yeah couldn't make it happen.

[Effably]

At a glance it sounds more like you want validation, which he has so far refused to give you. Sort of like if I start telling you right now you can not have icecream. You really can't! No icecream for you! None. Nada. Zilch!

Aaand then, the theory goes you would want it more than you did before. I reckon it is more about your own sense of self-worth than the rushed albeit rather good sex. But it could be anything, if you say it is love that makes it love.

[Wester1967]

Women catch feelings for anyone they’re intimate with. It’s inevitable and rooted in biology. Unless your body count is high in which case you turn in to a soulless husk of a human who could basically care less about anything. My ex wife for example.


Fuckbuddy culture is often sold as “liberation” but its really another form of whoring you out for the benefit of the patriarchs. None of them will care if your feelings come crashing down.

[Anonymous]

Love and physical attraction are one in the same.
You can't love a partner without physical attraction and lust, so obviously the whole concept of romantic love between a man and woman is conditional and flawed.