I haven't had sex with my boyfriend because I'm insecure/nervous about getting naked in front of him. How can I get over that?

[Anonymous]

I really want to have sex with my boyfriend, but I'm insecure about my body and am nervous about getting naked in front of him. I'd be nervous about getting naked in front of anyone for the first time regardless, but I'm super nervous around him because of how hot he is. My boyfriend has got a ripped, sexy body. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE that, but it also admittedly does intimidate me when it comes to my own body. I don't think my body is bad. I've actually always kept myself in excellent shape. There are certain parts I think are kind of sexy. However, when I see him naked I think I just pale by comparison. Not only does he look like a Greek God when he's naked (I've seen him), but he's also quite a bit younger then me (I'm 41, he's 26). Part of me wonders if he'll compare me to younger girls he's been with. Comparatively, I've got stretch marks and sags here and there (although my boobs have held up very well, but there's still that fear of comparison).
Part of me thinks it's silly though. He frequently expresses attraction to me. If he had his way we'd have had sex much earlier than now. I know I shouldn't be insecure, but there's just this fear I have that he'll be disappointed in my older body and think 'I can do better than that', which would be devastating to me on many levels (not just my ego).
I haven't told him. I know it's kind of silly and I feel kind of old for having body insecurities. I also feel like I should just know he's attracted to me as he's expressed it many times. I just want to overcome this myself and then have sex. However, I can't figure out how to just get over my insecurity. How can I stop being insecure about getting naked in front of my boyfriend? Thank you!

[MrOracle]

Forgive the bluntness here, but I want to break through this mental block you have.

Do you think that he thinks you just turned 18 yesterday, or is he aware that you're 41?

Do you think that, as a guy, he doesn't already have a very good idea of what your body looks like? Are you aware that this is a superpower that nearly all guys have (to be able to look at a woman's body in clothes and analyze what she looks like naked)?

Do you think he'd be with a 41-year-old if he was only interested in 21-year-old bodies? Do you think he's unaware that they tend to be different?

And here's what it really boils down to: if he has a problem with your body, you're going to lose him either way. If you get naked, and he doesn't like your body, he'll break up with you - but if you keep putting off sex with him, he's ALSO going to break up with you. But if he's fine with your body - as is about 98% likely - then you either have sex with him and everything is fine, OR you don't have sex with him and he breaks up with you.

Out of those 4 scenarios, there's only 1 winner.

Frankly, if you can't handle this pressure, then you have no business being with him in the first place, because you're just wasting everyone's time and energy. The right answer is, the next time he comes over, don't THINK about it - just start taking off your clothes. Once you're naked, you can tell him you've been really nervous about it, but that you know that if you sat around thinking about it, you'd lose your nerve, so you just went and did it. The overwhelming likelihood is that you'll just grow even closer, but in that small chance that he's turned off, then at least you know it now, and don't need to waste more time with him on a relationship that is doomed to fail. There's really no downside - delaying bad news does not make the bad news any better - and usually makes things worse - but I strongly suspect that it's going to be good news, and what a shame it would be to delay that!

[Fireguy17]

Maybe this will help,
make sure the lights are off, so it is dark, wear something that you can leave on while having sex, but will still give access to all of the fun parts.
That way you won't technically be naked, and it may help a bit with your insecurities.
I have never compared one women to another, and I have been with younger and older women.
We are all unique individuals, we all have a history, I have plenty of battle scars from things that have happened to me over the years, but I don't worry about them, it is just part of me.
No one is perfect, and your "greek god" may have some insecurities about his body as well.
You may find that he is either extremely compassionate, and will understand your feelings and try to make you feel comfortable so you can enjoy undressing him with your teeth, or he may end up being a self centered butt peanut and dash your hopes and dreams.
Have you tried talking to him about this, I know it would not be an easy conversation to have, but if he really cares about you it may help to ease your fears somewhat.
Take it slow, and hopefully things will go well.

[ohshee]

So why are you nervous about that I'll tell you what send me a picture I'll tell you if you should be nervous or not you don't even have to send me a picture you don't need to be nervous either look he likes you because you are you he likes you because of the person that's in the inside of you the person you project to him you might be nervous for nothing maybe he has a little Weiner maybe he's nervous at the same time he's probably on on that other question and answer app saying I need help I'm nervous I want to have sex with you the new girlfriend but I'm afraid blah blah blah blah blah blah don't be nervous just do it

[stevie123]

Don't overthink any perceived faults.
I'm sure you are sexy and he wants you as he has expressed.
I would assume that he has had the opportunity to view you in bits and pieces such as seeing you in shorts,
a tee shirt or swimsuit. Don't lose out on intimacy because of fear. We all have had insecurities when first
hooking up but it always went well and much relief was enjoyed thereafter.
Consider the excitement when your hunk and you get busy.
You will then wonder what took you so long. Be brave and share your love with him.

[DonkeyDan]

I don't think he'd be going out with you if he wasn't attracted to an older female body, he must know what to expect and he's still with you. Maybe start by keeping your top on or buy a sexy see-through camisole or teddy with the intention that is stays on. It will give him a look without the detail.

[tzdc21]

If he didn't find you attractive, he wouldn't be dating you. I'm sure he's wanting you naked every chance he gets.

[Miristheiss]

There is no rush for sex. Unless you are married and he is your husband there is no "requirement" to have sex. You can wait. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Now, if you really do want to have sex and this is the only obstacle than you can share it with him... it is best for relationship to have healthy open communication. Don't hide things from each other.

Next, you can try doing in the dark and everything will be feel but no sight. Hopefully from that point you can ease into dim light until you can be in the open light.

Eventually you'll have to just bite the bullet and do it anyway. But that doesn't have to be today.

[Jamie05rhs]

I respectfully disagree. I don't believe in hiding. She should show him her body in the LIGHT and make sure the he likes it before having sex with him. If she has sex with him first and THEN he rejects her for her body, then she's just added to her body count and gotten nothing for it.

[FilmGuy93]

A lot of women like to turn the lights off to feel more comfortable.

[Browneye57]

Instead of focusing on yourself all the time, try focusing on HIM for a change. Gee, what a concept.

[Slayerrrrrrr]

Omg, you're a cougar 🤤
I go wild cougar hunting every now and then, and it's a real treat when they are unshaven💯

Ok, got carried away. I digress...
So do not worry AT ALL. Just seeing you naked will make him hard as a rock and precum. Be more confident since there's other guys like me that find cougars to be sexy as fck😰

[Asker]

I actually really don't like the term 'cougar'. I think it's oversexualized and not at all reflective of a healthy relationship between an older woman and younger man (which certainly do exist)

[Slayerrrrrrr]

Then consider it a lack of a better term; what's important to me is that you realize that you shouldn't be so critical of your physique, love. If he is truly into you he'll make you feel good about yourself. & If he doesn't, tell him to fuck off and get you a guy that appreciates your features cause you don't need that negativity in your life.

[Jamie05rhs]

Why don't you start by going swimming with him? Wear a revealing bikini.

[whatsthereinname]

Start things strip by step

In the dark

Under the sheets

And gradually shedding this inhibitions

[Wise4myage]

Start spending more time naked in your own home, and look at yourself in the mirror and compliment your body.

[TheFlak38]

nice job being a total turn off

[TheBigGuy9]

Drink some alcohol, smoke a joint, whatever.

[Twalli]

Guys like seeing girls naked. We don't even need to be in a relationship to want to see them naked. If a guy likes how you look with clothes on, it'd take a lot for you being naked to make him not like how you look naked. I am pretty sure most girls would be terrified if they actually knew how much we like seeing girls nsked.

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

How do you know he's your boyfriend then

[Zygum]

If you want your boyfriend then obey him, otherwise quit

[Jouth]

the best way to deal with that is to get a metal pants so you never have to take them off

[Jmmmfi4]

Have a few drinks

[Anonymous]

I assume you have been sexually active since your teens

[Anonymous]

Maybe think about it in the reverse? What would you say or do or want if it was him instead of you? Bottom line, guys are visual and he wants/needs to see you. Chances are excellent he won't see you the way you see yourself. "Rip off the Band-Aid" and say "F-it" lol, "who cares" and just do it. Your fears are all in your head. He'll love your naked body! Once you do it also, you'll likely relax very quickly and those feelings will pass. You'll wonder why you were so nervous. And... he'll be nervous also about his own body, it won't just be you. We aren't as vocal about it because it's not "manly", but we can be nervous and insecure as well. We wonder what you think of us.