Red flags or NBD?

[Anonymous]

Humor me while I set the scene:

You're in a social setting, a organized event, catered hors d'oeuvre, all the bells and whistles. It's definitely not dating event where you can assume everyone is single (or pretending to be.) It's also not a work-related event, so you don't have to worry about remaining professional or doing anything that would reflect poorly on your employer. It an event in support of a cause you are passionate about, but not a fund raiser. Everyone in attendance is like minded, and this mythical cause is not opposed by any group of people. You're in casual conversation with a three other people, one of whom is a woman who intrigues you. She's attractive, pretty even, great smile. She's dressed in professional attire that flatters her figure, an appropriate level of sex appeal.

Finally, the question:
Over the course of the evening, you learn through natural conversation amongst the group that this woman is single, never married, in her early 40s, and doesn't have children. What assumptions/implicit bias/inferences would you make about this woman based solely on these stats?

[Curmudgeon]

Possibilities:
1. She clearly is not interested in motherhood or children, either because she does not believe she can be a good mother or her career always came first.
2. She might not think she is attractive, even if you say she is.
3. She might have been so picky she drove potential suitors away.

[Asker]

I take your points and see your logic, but there are two major flaws. Re: 1. You assert that she may not interested in motherhood, but then add qualifiers for the only reasons that could be. Did it ever occur to you that she could just not want children? Not because of concern about being a bad mother. Not because she prioritized her job. Not all women are desperate to procreate, despite popular opinion. Re: 3. Again, you assume she wants to be married. And it's her fault she's not because she wasn't willing to settle. Like becoming a mother, not all women want to be married.

[Curmudgeon]

I never said she *had* to be a mother, but she clearly is not interested. I may speculate as to reasons, but I never said she had to do so. It's not for everybody. That said, most women DO tend to be hard wired that way, biology being what it is and we still being here as people what that is. Ditto for pair bonding. It does appear to be something that appeals to most women more than it does to most men. Again, nothing wrong with her being different from that norm, but the norm is what it is.

[Asker]

I've often wondered if the concept of women being "hard wired" to be mothers is somewhat exaggerated. I've seen too many women enter awful marriages that have no hope of lasting, but they can't be the last one to get married or the only one without children. Keeping up with the Joneses definitely plays a part. Heaven forbid, they don't get married, they feel like a failure and their self worth is gone. Pathetic.

[DonkeyDan]

I couldn't make any assumptions about her without knowing more. She might have been unlucky in love or other reasons why she is single and never married. Could be she is committed to her career or even possible that she has emotional baggage and struggles with relationship, maybe she just doesn't believe in marriage and is in between relationships.

[charon142]

I would give it a chance
and start the conversation

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

Always go with your gut

[Anonymous]

Based on the description I may conclude she is a lesbian.

[Anonymous]

Id assume nothing till I got to know her.