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I miss sex with my ex who doesn’t deserve me what do I do?

Anonymous
I already knew the last time I saw him that I would never forget it. I was in love with him and I didn’t want to let go. The last time we slept together I didn’t know it would be the last time or else I would have made it the most memorable experience. But I haven’t had sex in 3 years. I then 24 in a few weeks and for months in end-no years-I have shoved the thought of sex out of my mind. I forgot what it was like and felt like a virgin again. For a long time I forgot what i felt because I didn’t attempt to think about it. Everytime I did so much as kiss a man I would have a flashback of my ex. Well he reached out to and j have him the cold shoulder months ago. I knew he wanted me back but I ignored him. I felt good, I felt comfortable in my decision. After all, he didn’t deserve me after what he did. But today, after being tuned out from sex for so long, something triggered a memory of his finger in my mouth. Then I started to remember the hair pulling, the spanking, the choking, the dirty talk, and after it all hit me like a ton of bricks that I had actually done those things I felt turned on for the first time in years without watching a dirty video. I wasn’t trying to prime myself to meet my needs, this time I was hit with a realization that it was something I missed a lot. Suddenly after years it’s like I vividly remembered the amazing sex we used to have and the thought struck me that I could hit him up. I was afraid though. I wished I could be somebody else for a day so I could meet him and sleep with him without the embarrassment of actually missing him in any way shape or form. But the only way to get that again is to reconcile our differences which will never happen
I miss sex with my ex who doesn’t deserve me what do I do?
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