How can I stop my boyfriends erectile dysfunction from making me upset and angry?

[Anonymous]

I think he has hormone issues because he’s had a lack of testosterone before and he has all the symptoms. To be honest, it’s been an issue since we met a year ago but he is only 26 so I’m finding it very hard. He’s only just going to the doctor now but hasn’t made an appointment yet.

He has reassured me that it’s nothing to do with me and said he worries I will leave him or get fed up. I reassure him that’s not the case because I love him and I really do but it’s very hard.

He seems to have stopped trying now but he is giving me lots of cuddles and kisses. It’s just not the same though. I miss the physical intimacy and I just feel like his friend. I don’t feel desired.

It’s very upsetting because he’s the loveliest man I ever met and I don’t want this to ruin us.
yesterday I felt so angry at him and he hadn’t even done anything

[NamerOfStars]

The key is to remember that it's not his fault. Think of all the stories you've heard of pubescent schoolboys with embarrassing erections called on to solve a problem up in front of the class- those stories exist for a REASON; the penis does what it wants, regardless of your desires or social norms. Truly, it is the outlaw biker of body parts.

Usually, ED's a temporary thing, but if this has been going on for a while, it's probably more serious. That might be what's held him back from seeking medical treatment- admitting that it's not going to go away on its own means admitting that there's something seriously wrong with you, and that can be a hard thing to do, particularly when you're young. I'm 29, and otherwise in pretty good health, but I have sleep apnea at a level of "Yikes!". That's not the official label, but the highest level starts at 30, and mine was 153. I have a CPAP machine that I use religiously, and it takes care of the problem- but I still have to plan things around it, if I'm going to be sleeping somewhere other than at home. It can be very uncomfortable, mentally speaking, to realize that I need this piece of life-saving medical equipment, or I could die.

And that's something that solves the problem, and I use only when I'm asleep. ED is worse, because- well, several reasons, actually, but one of them is that it can caused, or exacerbated, by stress. So your penis stops working when you want it to, and you feel stressed out because you're not satisfying your woman. That makes it worse. So you feel stressed out that she might be unhappy with you and leave you for someone else. That makes it worse. Then seeking treatment becomes difficult with Corona madness, and you feel guilty about seeking medical care for what's ultimately an elective issue. That makes it worse.

So what should you do? Get creative! Work through these feelings WITH him, not despite him. Penis doesn't want to play? Okay. Bring out the tongue and fingers. You want the sensations of penetration? Hand him the dildo and tell him to go to town on you. This isn't saying "Your body's not up to the task? I'll turn to plastic, then"; it's saying "I have faith that you'll get me off whatever you have to do, because that's the kind of devoted man you are". The odds are he feels pretty unhappy about this, too, even if he doesn't show it. He'd probably leap at the chance to get you off another way- if you can make him understand that it's not a rejection of him, but a working through of his difficulties.

And what about him? Well, I don't know if there's a formal scale for degrees of erection (probably not; that's the kind of thing that'd follow you, career-wise, and I don't think anyone wants their name associated with that kind of thing), but it doesn't take much at all to make a blowjob possible. You could also take this as an opportunity to explore his other erogenous zones; most men are surprisingly lazy about that. There are likely quite a few forums and websites where other guys in similar positions discuss this; I don't know any of them, but I'm sure they're out there, and they'll likely have far more, better, and more practical ideas than I do. Don't give up!

[Asker]

So so helpful. Thank you very much

[NamerOfStars]

You're welcome- glad to hear it helped!

[Andres77]

I broke my back in the military and gave had ED problems since.
Viagra helps but it gives me horrible headaches.
So... I had to adjust.
I LOVE giving oral so I focused on upping my skill and fingers and toys and veggies and I bought a harness and a few different sized dildos so she has a variety.
We've given each dildo a name for an actor she has the hots for and she might say one night "I think I'd like Tormund Giantsbane to fuck me tonight." So I'll put on the harness and the fat red dildo and give her what she wants.
People forget that foreplay IS sex too.
I had to get over the fact that my junk doesn't always work. Once I adjusted my attitude we embarked on a new adventure in finding ways to please each other again.
Be patient, no judgement, open your mind to other possibilities.
Good luck.
I hope you both find what you need.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

Keep on encouraging him. Maybe a friend or relative you both trust can try to encourage him too.

[normalice]

My guess is there is some source of despair or existential dread consuming his mind that prevents him from being able to focus on the "here and now." If there is such a thing weighing on him and he's not honest with you about it, that's probably got a lot to do with it.

[DonkeyDan]

Buy him some Viagra.

[Asker]

Don’t know if that’ll work and he still shouldn’t need it

[DonkeyDan]

No he shouldn't you are right, but it might be a temporary fix until he gets the hormone levels sorted out, and yes it should still work, as long as psychologically he can get turned on he should get hard, if the issue is effecting him mentally then it might be more of a problem..

[Asker]

Thanks for your help

[DonkeyDan]

Hope it works out. Look if you need any advice I have a medical background please feel free to message me with any questions and I'll do my best to help you.

[boggboss]

This is crazy you are getting upset with him over somthing he has no control over

[Asker]

But he is ignoring the problem

[Seppel]

He seem to doesn't See that as a problem and I wouldn't too because Sex doesn't mean much to me

[Bricealan]

Well, do the right thing if he is a good man, and be patient. Some men can get a hard-on in Yankee stadium at the 7th inning stretch ! Good for them. We are not all like that. I have had erectile problems since I was in my late teens and early twenties. Had three lack of hard-ons with the same gorgeous girl in Florida -spring break and at her home. Has nothing to do with your attractiveness. My girl was a drop dead beauty.
Be patient, one day he will have a penis like a broom handle.

[hohap]

maybe you can have him go down on you more and play with you sexually
that'll still give you the intimacy

[VDrago14]

The first thing I would suggest is get him to either see his primary physician or a Urologist. They can run tests to make sure it's not a hormone imbalance or issues with his prostate. I had to deal with the same issues and ultimately it was only after going and seeing the doctor that I was able to get things back to where they were before.

[rcljr]

He can get testosterone replacement injections or pills, and Viagra, there’s no excuse

[Browneye57]

You're finding it very hard? I thought you were finding it very soft? LOL

Get a new guy. One with a hard dick. You'll have WAY more fun, I guarantee it.

If you fuck up the sexual compatibility thing you sign yourself up for a lifetime of frustration and anxiety. Don't fuck it up.

[Reverselogic]

Doctors can help him. You just need to get him there somehow.

[Wise4myage]

Show him some articles on low testosterone and hopefully that will work.

[dudeinohio]

He needs to get in to see that Dr.

[Anonymous]

Punch his balls 😜😃

[Anonymous]

Has it occured to you to be supportive?

Right now all you are doing is piling on the pressure which will just make that situation worse, not better.

[Asker]

No I’m keeping it bottled up so he doesn’t know and telling him it’s ok and I can go without but it’s a lie really

[Opinion Owner]

Uh huh.. And you think that this human being, who is fluent in non verbal communication, who is the closest person to you on Earth, who knows you better than anyone else is being fooled by this?

[Asker]

Well I just don’t know how to handle it really. I’ve never experienced this and I’m trying my best but it’s very hard

[Opinion Owner]

Well, you have to communicate properly for a start, its no good keeping things from each other and pretending its not happening. You are bottling things up and presumably becoming resentful, or not if now that could be in the pipeline and he can sense all of this stuff you are feeling and just feels more stressed, more under pressure and this can only feed the problem.

[Opinion Owner]

If he is able to get an erection at all, under any circumstances, my understanding is that that means or certainly suggests that it is a psychological problem.