What do you guys think about sexuality today?

[Anonymous]

I feel like people are doing too much and treating sexuality like a trend. You may say "it's more accepted today" yeah i know years ago i had an older friend killed for it. And i got called every lesbian "insult" you can think of. But all i see lately is peope treating all of this like a trend to feel included. Transgender's started with making their pronouns known because it literally made them sick and depressed to hear them called as what they weren't, so they wanted to make sure you knew. But now people who literally had no problem being called a girl or a boy all their life is now saying my prnouns are "he/she they/ them" and curse people out who don't say that. Then they have like 13 sexualities and they all mean the SAME thing. Straight, gay/lesbian, bi sexual and asexual. I was at a meetup to make friends or connections blah blah.. And some girl was talking about her friend next to her, because she was "shy" and i was trying to get to know her and asked did her friend have a boyfriend or something and she said her friend only like girls so i said "cool she's a lesbian" her friend got mad and spoke for the FIRST time and said she's monosexual... I was at a loss for words i had to Google them walked away. Its literally the same thing and that was the biggest red flag for me EVER. Not to mention a lot of people "gay bait" online and in person. tease you and pretend like they are into you pander to the gay community knowing a lot of them ARE homophobic just to get attention, so i honestly think they see being gay as a trend or something cool, but not the struggles that come along with it And when you call them on it, you are a "homophobic dipshit white supremacist" literally an insult I've gotten for saying i thought something was wrong and i was once called a "wannabe chad" lol its always funny because I'm not white, I'm not a guy, and I'm gay as balls. So what do you guys think about this?

[ludorock]

So this is a really interesting conversation and a very complex one.

I'm in the camp that all these new terms that we have for sexualities are dividing us more than uniting us. This need to feel special and unique and not quite like others, negates the cold, hard fact that everyone's experience is unique, but that doesn't mean that we aren't related to others in some way. We are creating little micro-identities that suit smaller and smaller populations of people and, in that way, are isolating ourselves from each other.

There's a quote from a wonderful, queer author who I can't remember right now that says that but better than I did. I'll see if I can remember it, but basically what she concludes is that these identities end up dividing us, rather than uniting us. The thing is that the queer community in real life is nothing like people experience it online. I've been going to pride celebrations my whole life and there are all kinds of people there just being themselves. Men with breasts, out and proud just the way they are, the leather crowd, bears - queer is just that. Queer.

These little boxes make it so people think there is one right way to be the 'thing' that they are, and there isn't. I've noticed that the crowd that continues these niche identities most fervently, are also people very unaware of their queer history, and are people who often like to sanitize queerness. Bears are at the heart of our culture and the rights we have, the leather gang is at the heart of our culture and the rights we have, people out and proud wearing god knows what? That's queer baby.

My thought is that it's not a big problem. It is a niche problem among a very select group of online young people. And while I don't dislike them for it, I do tend to bristle at it a little bit. I'm Bi, and I am tired of hearing from pan people that means "two genders" or that it "doesn't include trans/nb people" which is horrifically transphobic on their part, and also objectively incorrect.

I guess what it all comes down to is, it's okay to feel like a label doesn't describe you. But the entire point of queerness and the queer community is to break out of those boxes, to break out of these needs for labels and create a world in which there is no "standard" and "deviant" we all just are, and these micro identities are in direct opposition to that.

I am respectful when people tell me their identities, and I use the right labels and I don't fault anyone, but I am a bit tired of the whole thing. But, it's not my place to tell random strangers online to change or that they're wrong, so I just opt for respect and compassion.

[SaoirseS]

This is an excellent and informative comment. Thank you for taking the time to write and post it!

[Asker]

You said it better than i could. I just don't like that ALL OF IT is causing more fights then uniting. Its frustrating it sucks, my mom still doesn't agree with being lesbian or gay etc but she has become abit more accepting since my 14 year old brother came out, but it is still hard to talk to her about anything or do anything. So when i think i can meet other members of the LGBTQ community it gets awkward and frustrating. All i can do is be nice, but if i have a different opinion. I have to be this awful person and be shamed or if i don't know a specfic person i have to as well, and I'm nice but one thing I'm not is a bullshitter. I say what's on my mind, queer or not if someone's doing wrong they are wrong, if they are black or Asian they are wrong, ifthey went through my exact childhood they are STILL wrong, I'm not sticking up for anyone just because i can relate to them even if i know they are guilty of a crime, thats not how it works. You have to be rational. And these conversations along with the other stuff is not fixing anything. I feel like this was a way to divide then to bring us closer im just exhausted.. I kinda lost my point whenever i talk about things like this it just drains me

[Wise4myage]

It seems to be getting crazier by the day.

[Anonymous]

I thought there were only three:heterosexual, bisexual and homosexual.