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Was I raped? taken advantage of? How do I forgive myself and move on?

Anonymous
Ok so a hookup from years ago just resurfaced in my mind. Basically this was the second guy I had sex with and the guy went in bone dry and it hurt and I bled. one moment i was like stop then he asked a bit later if he should keep going and I was like yeah whatever. (I had little experience so I believed him when he said I didn't need to be excited and i was just tight, he also thought I was still a virgin or part of the hymen was still there). I always took it as I fucked someone I didn't like much just to get attention and feel wanted and it was just a bad hookup. But after I went to my gyno and she asked me this because she said I had vaginal trauma, and I was like nah. I've changed, but I cringe at the couple of hookups (deceived hookups as well) I had because I had really low-self esteem and was desperate for attention and a relationship. This has bubbled back up and I'm getting some anxiety thinking about this.. so what are your thoughts?
*when I say deceived I mean = the guy said he wanted a relationship then ghosted, like the guy i lost my virginity to for example. my sis once said that's rape by deception, but I mostly cringe at having been so naive in regards to that experience as well.

Thoughts? advice?
Was I raped? taken advantage of? How do I forgive myself and move on?
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