What is your opinion on reliving the death sex?

[elizamichale1]

Some of you must have remembered my question about someone who passed away just moments after i had sex with them n i asked how to cope with that...
This was the question for reference:

How to react after knowing someone passed away you just had sex with a little earlier?

I am very very thankful to that person's wife who consoled me counseled me and helped me get back to normal when everyone thought i won't become normal ever.

Well now that same person i mean his wife asked me to come to her house and have sex with someone (both i n she knows) in the same way i did with her husband n she would sit next to us and have discussion with her sister as she was doing at that time...

I am pretty confused now what to do because i can't say no to her but i am afraid it can bring back all that trauma to me.
I already started to get those memories back and few times i have had bad instances at work because it all just came back to me and i couldn't perform well and everyone was wondering if that really was me or someone as i am known to be very professional and i am always quoted as an example to my colleagues.

I am asking for help from fellow gagers what should i do and if you think i should do it then how should i ensure that i dont get any trauma again and if i should say no then how should i excuse to the person i am so thankful to.
She says it is his death anniversary but she will never treat it so and instead she will treat it as their wedding anniversary... (I know...)
Now what should i do and also what do you guys do at your anniversary?

[Anonymous]

I voted “(A) Just take more time and think it through.”

You CAN say no to her—you can say…

“I’m sorry, I just don’t feel comfortable doing that…at least at this time…

I am afraid it will bring back all the trauma to me, and I have already started to get those memories back and a few times I have had bad instances at work because it all just came back to me…

Doing that all again at your place is just too much for me right now…I’ll let you know if and when my feelings change.

How about if we instead celebrate his life by having a nice day together out somewhere—like a nice lunch & spa day—and discuss how much he meant to us?”

[elizamichale1]

Yea i did give her few options but she hasn't responded yet

[Opinion Owner]

Ok. So you’ve told her that right now you’re not up to doing it?

[elizamichale1]

No i didn't say no i just suggested for other options

[Opinion Owner]

Ok, well let her know that it’s all still too raw (painful) for you, and you don’t feel comfortable doing that right now… it’s nice to be accommodating to someone else, but not at the expense of your own feelings.

[elizamichale1]

Yea i understand

[Opinion Owner]

Ok be well 🤗

[elizamichale1]

😘😘 thanks

[Opinion Owner]

You’re welcome

[elizamichale1]

😘😘

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for the MHO

[elizamichale1]

😘😘😘😘 ( . ) ( . )

[exitseven]

You can look at this two ways. It can be traumatic and cause you to relive the event in your mind. It can also be a way to you to revisit what happened that day and allow you to process it better. It may help you in the long run.

[elizamichale1]

Well this is what she says that it will help me as well

[exitseven]

Are you afraid? That must have been horrible but revisiting it may help you process it instead of just repressing it.

[elizamichale1]

I hope so n this is what she is telling me

[exitseven]

I hope that it works out for you and you can find some peace.

[elizamichale1]

Hopefully Thanks though

[exitseven]

😊😊😊😊

[elizamichale1]

😊😊

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO

[elizamichale1]

😘😘 ( . ) ( . )

[exitseven]

RE Update: If you have revisited this and you have gotten some closure you should just move on with your life and try to put this thing behind you.

[elizamichale1]

Well its not as such a closure or something i only did it for my aunt but i still miss my uncle n feel for the way he was suddenly gone

[CrazyGirl2]

Yeah…NO! That seems SO unbelievably unhealthy for all involved, that if I were you, I would never have anything to do with that person again! For all you know she may blame you for the death of her husband, and she is playing the “long game” to have YOU killed right after sex! Think about that, it sounds like the plot from a BAD episode of Law and order! However, do you REALLY want the last thing you hear to be that “Kuh-Kung” sound?

[elizamichale1]

Well i actually thought i was the one to blame n she pulled me out of it that it wasn't my fault n all... N no she won't kill me she is just too close hehe

[CrazyGirl2]

Yep… That’s exactly what she wants you to think! (At least that’s what I would do if (I thought) you had fucked my husband to death! I’d definitely make you feel like it wasn’t your fault, and pull you out of the depths of despair. That way you have further to fall when I take it all away from you!) it really is an exercise in evil, as outlined in the hit dramatic masterpiece “Trading Places“ starring Dan Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy. According to that true story, unless you can somehow manage to corner the market on “pork bellies“… You’re screwed!

[elizamichale1]

She is my aunt (my mum's sister)

[CrazyGirl2]

You fucked your uncle?

[CrazyGirl2]

I mean voluntarily? I can hear the banjo in the background

[elizamichale1]

Well she knew uncle loved me n she used to join in as well

[CrazyGirl2]

Oh sure okay 👌

[elizamichale1]

yeah

[NicoletteXO]

Honey. Why do you feel obligated to have sex with someone just because you respect another person? If you feel it could cause trauma, just say no. That's perfectly fine. You're not obligated to do anything. If she reacts poorly, that's on her.

[elizamichale1]

I feel so because it was her husband who passed away last year when i was with him n she saw it all n then she was the one who came to my rescue thatswhy i feel hesitant to say no

[NathanDavis]

if you do this... you will place yourself in the most vulnerable position... which is to let her manipulate you by convincing you that the one thing you do NOT want to do and is already starting to be traumatic for you "will be good for you"

you do need to put a stop to this, don't say no to her... just say that you cannot do this one thing

[elizamichale1]

the only thing is she is very close to me n has helped me over time

[NathanDavis]

yes and that is great, that was great... but this one thing is not going to help you one bit, and furthermore... it will put you at further risk from now on... you should not feel like you owe her your well-being because that is not the case... and if it were the case, you do owe to yourself first, and your family, your friends, your partner if you have one... all of these come first than her nothing and nobody justifies for us to something against ourselves and in detriment of our well-being

[elizamichale1]

i think u make much sense

[NathanDavis]

just look after yourself first and foremost, for your well-being

[elizamichale1]

yea, thanks darling

[DonkeyDan]

You can look at this in 2 ways, either it will bring back the trauma of what happend before, or it would be a good way for you to move past the trauma of the incident, a little like immersion therapy and confront your issues head on. Only you will know how you feel about that.
Let me ask you this, have you had sex since this incident, or have you abstained from sex since then?

[elizamichale1]

This is what she says that it will actually help me.. Yea i couldn't have sex for few months but then i got back to normal n now i am pretty much ok with it... my job is to have lot of sex so i am comfy in that part

[Finchie40]

I don’t see how you having sex with some stranger in front of her is going to help her? That is some twisted shit , if she wants to respect you she would respect your decision of not doing something like that , tell her to move on and tell her the truth that her husband didn’t love her , if he loved her he wouldn’t been fucking you , plain and simple , so tell her to get over herself and move on just like you did , It sounds like she wants revenge on you to be honest to make you degrade yourself in front of her for her gratitude, think of the conversation she had with the guy that she wants you to fuck in front of her , Hey I know a easy girl that will fuck you , the same easy girl that fucked my husband , I want to watch you fuck her brains out and treat her like a whore in front of me. So I can see how my husband fucked her, the thing is he wouldn’t be able to fuck you the way her husband fucked you since he didn’t see how he fucked you , So for your own sanity don’t do it. it sounds like the wife needs counseling

[elizamichale1]

Hehe thanks for that sweetheart But he loved her very dearly i know that for fact n she was ok with him having sex with me.. she even joined in many times n even on that day she was just sitting beside with her sister when we were doing it.. They are close to me thatswhy i know how much they loved each other n me

[Finchie40]

Ok well that changes everything lol

[elizamichale1]

Yeah n thatswhy i m so confused

[Finchie40]

Well it’s your body and your decision , don’t put yourself Into a situation that you already feel that you will regret , your life and feelings is more important then someone else’s

[elizamichale1]

Well thats true though... if it was possible i would have given her my body to use in whatever way but all that problem is the feelings n memories

[Finchie40]

Then you got to do what’s best for you , Life is all about making choices on whether they are good or bad , but all that matters is those choices are made by ourselves not by someone else’s. So the fact that you are asking this question you are already questioning it so in my opinion I say you don’t do it , cuz if you were all about doing it , you wouldn’t be asking this question. Don’t ever let someone convince you to do something you don’t want to do , it’s your life and your feelings something that you will carry with you for the rest of your life, if this wife respects you as a friend and a human being she will respect your decision , if not then she really isn’t a friend. Sometimes in life we have to remove friends that try to steer us in the wrong direction that are against are will. I am sorry I am sounding like a therapist but that’s just the way things go, only you can make your own choices in life no one else can make that decision for you.

[elizamichale1]

Yes u r absolutely right honey I am asking because i am in 2 states of mind

[Finchie40]

And that’s ok and a normal thing when we are pulled in 2 different directions , life comes down to our choice and decisions that we make , what we choose, needs to come down to what’s important in our life , not someone else’s just like committed relationships , you can either be selfish or not selfish and that sort of thing happens a lot in relationships , which most people don’t understand and wonder why they end up single or divorced. Example , if you want love to grow between you and your partner the best thing to do is to make your partner your priority the same they should be making you , sometimes we have to say No to others , friends and family , if it comes down to interfering with your relationship , If a friend tries to take you on a vacation getaway and not including your partner your instant reaction should be to think how your partner would feel if you went on a vacation without them? You might automatically assume they will be fine with it but the reality of it they are not , it’s things like that cause resentments in relationships that most people don’t understand because of their selfish decisions , if you truly loved your partner you would tell that friend sorry , I am not traveling without my partner by my side , friends and family can be a toxin to your relationship especially a marriage , why it’s best to say No to those friends and family when it comes down to decision making , so why I said it’s always best to do what’s best for your life and not for someone else’s expense , you got to do what’s best for you

[elizamichale1]

yes you are right and perfect example there but well i did it in the end i couldnt say no to my aunt she just loves me too much n thankfully i have been ok as well

[Finchie40]

Ok again it came down to your decision and you weren’t forced

[elizamichale1]

no i wasn't i absolutely did it on my own n i am happy about it

[CoolGuy7532]

That sounds like a bad idea. Maybe you should just hang out with her and keep each other company. You could try going to a therapist session with her.

[elizamichale1]

She seems very nice n normal what would i say to therapist

[Rohan-Thanekar]

Hey my love. Please don't mind me saying this. But you need to work on your self. You already had enough. I felt some energy blockages about you. I want to give time for yourself.

Everything you gone thought was for a specific reason. If was necessary in your life to grow your spiritual self.

It's all over now. But it left you a sign to work on yourself spiritually. You need to start meditating. Only you can help yourself. People like me can only show you a path. But you have to walk on it now.

You are a pure hearted person ☺️

[elizamichale1]

u mean i should get into some religious stuff or what

[Rohan-Thanekar]

No. Not religious stuff. I don't believe in that. But I do believe that we all have energy around us... Hey really sorry I am not allowed to talk on this openly😅. If you are interested we can discuss this privately.

[elizamichale1]

not allowed to talk about it lol... really? n sure whereever u think its ok

[Rohan-Thanekar]

It's like knowledge should be given only to one who values & needs the most. May be for you it's time now. But for others they have not yet reached there. They will get it when it's their time

[elizamichale1]

lol wow

[Grond21]

Where's the option to tell her no? Because that's what you should do

[elizamichale1]

And how would i tell her NO coz i really really respect and adore her

[Grond21]

If you respect her, then trust that she will respect you. And be honest with her. Tell her that you're flattered and that you want to help her, because of how much you respect her and adore her, but you can't because of the trauma it brings it to you. Tell her it's not mentally healthy for you

[elizamichale1]

Yea i did tell her that but before i told her so she herself said this to me that she understands what it might do but she said she will be there to help me again n all

[Grond21]

Tell her that you really appreciate her offer to help you, and while it was somewhat helpful last time it's still very traumatic for you. And her help can't take that away

[elizamichale1]

Ummm well i will try

[Grond21]

Just make it clear that you're thankful to her, but it's not an option for you. Hold your ground

[elizamichale1]

Hmm i see

[DiegoO]

Just give her a flat no.

Never ever compromise your mental wellbeing. Reviving what happened will get into your head, and from what I've read, is not something you wish.

[elizamichale1]

Hmm... thanks darling

[moviedude714]

Was this someone who paid for sex?

[elizamichale1]

Well he was really close to me n yes he paid me as well

[moviedude714]

Ya my feelings have softened or changed a lot towards paying for sex, sex with escorts, etc.

[elizamichale1]

What do u mean

[moviedude714]

What I'm saying is that I feel there's nothing wrong with that and even though I've never done that before, it's not out of the question for me

[elizamichale1]

Oh ok

[moviedude714]

My guess is you know of lots of guys who lost their virginity by paying for it

[elizamichale1]

Yea i do

[moviedude714]

I believe the country or place in Europe where it has the most known reputation where escorts or paying for sex is the most legal and regulated, is Amsterdam, Netherlands

[elizamichale1]

And what?

[Cowboy6666]

Voted A
Some pics in that question are fucking hot and gave me boner now :P

[elizamichale1]

cheeky monkey

[FamilyGuy2020]

What I think that you should focus on is the amount of pleasure that you gave him.

[elizamichale1]

Yea thats what i was advised n i m glad i did

[Guardian45]

You went through a traumatic event. You have PTSD. 'Reliving' the event is likely to trigger you. I DON'T recommend you go. Instead find YOUR OWN way to handle it. Do you want to celebrate it? Memorialize it? Or bury it in the past?

This happened to you TOO, NOT just her. Remember you need to take care of yourself, before you can take care of others.

If the Caregiver gets sick, then WHO takes care of The Sick?

[elizamichale1]

I like what you said that who is to take care of the caregiver

[lazermazer]

Well i would fuck your brains out.

[elizamichale1]

lol seems like u would just fuck me anyway without even considering whats going on around u n me

[lazermazer]

I considered and came to the conclusion I want to fall in love with you and then have sex.

[elizamichale1]

Awwww sooo sweeet😘😘😘

[clubmanager]

I hope you enjoyed reliving it

[elizamichale1]

I did

[Tstrbrainer]

I don't know much about it, but if you feel that it would bring back the trauma, then go to a therapist, or talk to that lady about it.

If you feel confident, then you can go

[elizamichale1]

Thanks for the advice darling

[Bklynbadboy12]

Listen you don't owe anybody anything if your not comfortable with it then don't do it. You don't seem at all like you over it at all. Don't do it give yourself time to heal

[elizamichale1]

U know my relationship with them both?

[Bklynbadboy12]

Yes I do I'm gonna message you

[Bklynbadboy12]

So have you decided what your gonna do yet

[elizamichale1]

No not yet tbh

[Bklynbadboy12]

Is this gonna be and older guy if so how old

[elizamichale1]

I am not yet sure who it is going to be She may call her brother i guess

[Bklynbadboy12]

Is he young or old

[elizamichale1]

On the older side

[Bklynbadboy12]

Wow you gotta be losing your mind it almost the same exact situation

[elizamichale1]

Well u know i dont like younger guys anyways

[Bklynbadboy12]

I know you don't but this is a big ask

[elizamichale1]

yea true

[Bklynbadboy12]

What's up boo where have you been

[elizamichale1]

getting fucked lol

[Bklynbadboy12]

Good girl

[elizamichale1]

yes ofcourse

[Bklynbadboy12]

I just messaged you

[Jude_Wills]

I don't want to die

[elizamichale1]

how would u die lol i have had it with more than 1500 guys so dont u worry

[Jude_Wills]

You want to make a world record lol?

[elizamichale1]

i wish i could

[jimmy2]

Did you get in trouble

[elizamichale1]

I had the scariest period of my life coz i couldn't get over the shock of that day