Should I tell my boyfriend that I’m not getting pleasure from our sexual encounters?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend and I have been together since July and when we first started dating the sex was amazing but it’s slowly going down hill. There used to be lots of foreplay and kissing before hand and now there’s barely anything going on before the encounter. It’s got to wear he inserts himself before I’m wet and it ends up hurting pretty bad for the first couple of minutes until I do get wet but by the time I start getting enjoyment from it he’s already finishing. Do I need to be upfront with him about or just leave it alone and hope it resolves itself. Because I know it can be sensitive subjects when it comes to telling guys you don’t enjoy what they are doing to you.

[normalice]

Tricky. The safest approach is to figure out a way to adapt. I. e. reward foreplay by giving a blow job during it and keep at it until you are ready. This could result in other problems but in the interim at least it might dawn on him that you have your own ideas. Where it goes from there will rely on him being honest with himself.

But the fact is as he gets older he will have a diminished sex drive. When that happens the desire to make a girl get affected becomes less and less of a priority and just getting off as quickly as possible so he doesn't have to think of it as he goes on with his day becomes more important. If you suspect this is the problem, the solution is to stick to a schedule.

Or it could be, if he has been on "lock down" like the rest of us for these past two years, perhaps he is getting back out into the world and is viewing other women again. This will make his attention wander. Fortunately, the solution to this is also blow jobs. But skilled ones, not just as foreplay.

Telling him is a gamble, though. Insecurity is a huge problem for some men. And for most men, if they are interested in a girl, they will be monitoring for feedback in real time, anyway. You need only to not hide your enjoyment when you enjoy something and he will gravitate towards doing those things. Unless, of course, he is losing interest.

[Asker]

I see where you say reward foreplay with things like blow jobs but literally every time we have sex whether there was foreplay or not he gets a blow job. Blow jobs for him are just kind of an everyday thing as I give them pretty much anytime he wants. I do enjoy giving them to him but at the same time it doesn’t do enough for me to be able to go straight from that to penetration like he usually does

[ScottStevens]

It is very important you have an open discussion on any subject, especially sex even though it is the most difficult.

Think back to when you first started, you needed time to get physically ready. Today you still need time to get physically ready. You have not changed, your body is still the same. It's hard to express this to him, but you need to let him know without some foreplay, insertion is difficult for you.

Im not sure how foreplay works for you, but maybe something as simple as you needing to work him over more, get your mood going, maybe even suggest he do more than kiss your lips, some sensual caresses might work for you. Just plain rolling around feeling each other's skin and kissing is all you need.

Maybe you try to take more control and climb on him rodeo style and gently rub yourself on him to stimulate yourself. I promise that works for guys! Bring his hands up to your breasts while doing this. That most certainly should help you too!

Don't give up if you think the relationship has merit. The sex can return to outstanding if both of you really want it to happen.

[Joeshamo]

Tell him. Kindly though. He needs to know so you guys can work through the problems.

[Lliam]

Absolutely tell him. He might simply be clueless and need a wake up call. Maybe he's inexperienced and needs gentle guidance.
It's always good to communicate about your needs, desires and what feels good. A good lover appreciates that. In fact, he would admire you for it. Bringing you maximum pleasure should bring him maximum pleasure. I cum harder when my woman is in a state of orgasmic rapture.
If that upsets your boyfriend, then it means he isn't the right guy for you and you should move on. Your sexual pleasure is important. It's not all about him.

[Shortman70]

If I was your partner I would want you to say something to me. But I was taught at an early age what things to do and not do. I learned the more pleasure your partner gets, the more pleasure you'll get in return. And if you do a really good job, they'll come back for more. So sit down and have a conversation with him, hopefully it'll lead to a blissful evening of lovemaking or hardcore spank-my-ass and fuck me hard fun. Which ever you desire.

[OlderAndWiser]

If you can't discuss this problem with him, then your relationship does not have a very bright future. And it won't get better without having a discussion.

[ohshee]

You really need to talk to him about it because it's not going to resolve itself is a matter fact it gets worse
See that's why you do foreplay so so you are soaking wet before you even start guys nowadays young guys nowadays there are in such bad shape did most of them just get on get off and go to sleep and call it good that's bull crap I think.

If you're going to do it that way why do you even have a girlfriend you have a girlfriend to please not only sexual pleasing but everything pleasing and if the sex is already going down the hill after what 5 months then just going to keep going that way. Unless you talk to him explain to him what you want. If you have to show him show him.. if you have to teach him teach him.

[Shizunk]

It's perfectly ok to say that. I would focus on the positive side though. Same message, different framing. Tell him what you would like him to do, how you liked what he used to and how important it is to you. No need to frame it negatively, unless he tries to downplay or dismiss your request.

[Pnp4unMe]

Who else should you tell? I would say definitely yes how else is he going to know and it isn't that his responsibility? I guarantee he would appreciate you letting him know what's up and telling him what you do like and what will work because maybe he doesn't have a clue and just think, if you're the one that tells him what works and it works for women oh, you'll be the in 10 years from now when you guys break up and he moved on LOL

[boggboss]

Should have been upfront from the start

[Dargil]

Not unless you want him to go. Telling a partner they don't measure up will end your relationship. I would leave you that day

[Phoenix98]

Of course you should I’d want my partner to.

Just don’t go about it in a way that hurt his feelings or offend him etc. and don’t be vague about it.

communication is important.

[Andres77]

Absolutely, if he's not taking care of business then he needs to know that.

[Yourfriend2021]

It won't resolve itself, you need to talk to him about it.

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes; you should tell him.

[okeydoke]

It won’t resolve itself. Clear communication is always the right way to go.

[Jay3344]

I’d be honest and try and break him of the habit before you start to resent it. Tell him to go slow, remind him of what you need.

[Wise4myage]

Of course how is he supposed to know your not enjoying the sex?

[Stevefiveo]

Yeah, you are definitely going to have to tell him. It should have picked up in this but maybe he is not experienced enough to know. Good luck.

[Morgador]

During sex show him what you like. Say rub my pussy like this baby. Tell him to gently suck you clit. Talk dirty to him by telling him what gets you off

[Twalli]

It won't resolve itself natrually. Typically I cum more quickly during sex than my girlfriend. Yet I don't cum during her blowjobs. To ensure I don't cum before her, she's close to the cusp when we stop foreplay.

[Surely]

Tell him slow down and enjoy the ride.
I have asked some GF’s early in the relationship to slow down and enjoy.
Sex is for both to enjoy!
I guess he figures that he no longer needs to impress.