Why are virgins girls who prefer non virgin boys not judged at all yet non virgin boys who prefer virgin girls are judged?

Question

If the latter is hypocrisy so is the former.

t-8900 · Accepted Answer

Yes the whole world is full of hypocrites. And in general most women i've run into dont want a virgin man, which is why i started becoming more sexually active. Virginity was, but is no longer apart of my moralistic compass because I've learned to see the person for who they are and past their mistakes. Obviously I wouldn't want to be a woman who mindlessly has a lot of sex with randoms. That's because in doing so I feel that weather guy or girl you're losing a piece of your humanity. There are truly terrific, non-virgin women out there that ARE good people. It's not the be all end all for a marriage to work. It's not even at the top if you're an open minded, down to earth, realistic person.

Let me tell you I've been around non-virgin women and they know how to comfort a man better than a virgin ever could imho. They have perfected their touch. We're not even talking about sex here. They know how to put a man at ease, they know how to spare his feelings and how to filter their mouths, they know the serious pain of break ups, they tend to be more relatable, and I feel like if they really care about the guy they really take the time to understand and can understand him better. That's why actually non-virgin women HAVE become my preference and it's nothing against girls who are virgins. I greatly respect a woman who is a virgin by choice because she stuck to her convictions based on her own beliefs.

However not all women have those beliefs and as such judging them the same way isn't really the way to approach the situation. A person who compromises on their morals all the time is either too undisciplined or something traumatic is going on internally and they need help. The other thing is virgins are HARD to get in general. I mean they play REALLY hard to get and take FOREVER to get commitment from. I could be with a loving wife or I could still be unmarried, searching high and low for said virgin, then spending lots of money and time to win her over, and then having to deal with perhaps some really overbearing in-laws that I honestly am not there for in the first place, likely have to go through certain Rites I dont even believe in, do all this added leg work and then get to where I would have been with a girl who wasn't a virgin. Is the "juice worth the squeeze"? Maybe for some it is but frankly not me tbh. If I am spending a long time courting/dating a woman I want it to be for other reasons.

20yearsolder · Accepted Answer

I don't get it at all, any of it. I don't need to know whether you've lost your virginity or not. If I'm going to have sex with you, it's because I like you for you. Well I think you're great and I'd really like to have sex with you but I need to know are you a virgin or not? Oh shit, you're not a virgin? Well then I guess I can't have sex with you. Pure ignorance in my mind

ludorock · Accepted Answer

I think it comes from the reasons behind such things.

So, when I think of a virgin who wants to be with an experienced person I see someone that wants to make sure the other person knows what they're doing, they're nervous. Whether that person wants to be with a virgin is up to them, obviously they can say no. But they're not seen as a 'prize' and there's no claiming or objectification. Now, there is definitely something hypocritical about "I want someone to be good and take care of me, but I'm inexperienced so I can't provide that back, necessarily", but there's not the weight of historical and current prejudices associated with that. But yeah, absolutely it's hypocritical.

But there is no purity stigma in that direction. So the idea of someone who had had sex wanting a virgin often comes from a place of "if you (usually a woman) have had sex you're worthless, or you are worth less, or you are dirty" or any number of awful stereotypes. Alternatively there's also the view of "I want a virgin because I want to be the first/only/weird territorial thing", all of which are perpetuated by they way religion (specifically Christianity) seeps into culture. People (especially women) who are virgins are seen as above other people in many circumstances. Not everywhere, of course, and not as much as it used to be, but it's still there.

And it's still very present in the hearts of people who would change their dating preferences/who they are attracted to, based on their sexual experience.

LimboOfTheDink · Accepted Answer

Because one is seen as a "lower standard" and the other as a "higher standard" and its okay to hold others to a lower standard than yourself but not okay to hold them to a higher standard than yourself.

Because one is seen as wanting "sexual maturity" and the other as wanting "sexual immaturity." And it's okay to seek someone more mature than you but not okay to seek someone less mature than you.

That's why, generally, I think it's seen that way.

CrazyGirl2 · Answer

Well it’s kinda misogynistic for a man to expect a woman to be a virgin
A virgin woman however… well, she just wants a guy with some experience when she looses her virginity. Nothing wrong with that.

kqueen · Answer

having a virginity preference is considered more icky because it usually involves thinking a woman is tarnished or impure if she has had sex. Which is... messed up on a LOT of levels. Someone preferring to sleep with people that know what they're doing at least has some understandable logic behind it, although I don't in any way condone putting down people who've never had sex.

apokolips · Answer

This is because we live in the era of feminism and "female empowerment". Women are coddled by society and told that no matter what bad decisions you make in life, men are supposed to accept you the way they are. That's why men are judged. It's an unfortunate double standard. When women have standards, it's considered"preferences". But when a man has standards, it's considered "discrimination".

summiter · Answer

I agree with you

Interstate · Answer

People go by the notion that these are the types who only want to be with them to be the first to breech her hymen! When in fact, they should be looking at it from the perspective that she is a pure and proper person who is living her life the way everyone should.

normalice · Answer

This is like asking why does the person who wants to have all the doughnuts get judged but the person giving away his doughnut is not judged. Greed.

qupid911 · Answer

Cause girls wants someone that’s experienced. Sex itself is a learning experience that gets better over time so I feel like it shouldn’t matter who’s the virgin

HighValue · Answer

Because the majority of people in society are hypocritical.  The girls that prefer men that have slept around are then somehow surprised that he cheats.

humpbackjack · Answer

I have never made whether a girl is a virgin or not part of my decision of liking her or not. I think and do things a little different than most but I also think it’s a cultural thing or maybe more of a religion thing really I’ve never given it much thought. For me I’m first attracted by her physical appearance but what keeps me interested is her spirit her inner beauty the vibe she puts off

Razp_Sorbet · Answer

Wanting to be with someone with experience vs wanting to be with someone who is inexperienced. One of these is not like the other. One can be seen as predatory.