Why can't I feel love for another guy as strongly as my ex?

[110907]

I was in a previous relationship and I absolutely loved him, more than myself, I always put him first no matter what, I gave myself to him and everything. I was in love with him so hard for about a year and it was kinda toxic ngl. But I've tried to date other men and I just don't feel the same way with them for some reason. I don't have the constant urge to know what they are doing or what they are thinking about. I don't think of them during alone time either. Do I just not feel love for these men or is this normal and what I had with the other guy was just toxic?

[MrsTurkleton]

Toxicity in a relationship is weirdly addictive. It’s a common trait for people, usually women, to be drawn to it…. toxic relationships excite us for a while….
It’s also human nature to want what we can’t have, and if your previous relationship was toxic because your ex partner was allusive, there is most likely still something inside you that believes that validation can only come from him.

There will be someone else though. Most likely when you least expect it.

My relationship with my ex was borderline abusive on both sides, but my god, I adored him. That whole time for us was both intoxicating and stupidly cruel…. for some reason neither of us could get out until it reached a point where enough really was enough and it had to be over.

After that had been over for a while, I met this really lovely guy. I wasn’t looking for anyone, it kind of sneaked up on me…. We had a good time together, but for me there was something that was missing. I knew I wasn’t going to move past the point of being fond of him. I was never going like him more than I did. It was what it was and we had fun while it lasted…. but It was linear all the way through.
Whilst I was with him, I met someone else. Nothing happened with us at that time because when I’m with someone, I’m with that person, whether it’s working or not…. but I had met this person with whom I had that magnetic pull with again, and who excites me in the same way as my ex did…. only it’s different because he doesn’t treat me like shit. It’s firey and intese, but in a much less toxic way…. and I never thought I would find that level of intensity again. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to. I thought it was a once in a lifetime thing. Again, I never saw it coming. He just walked up and introduced himself in the street one day, and it was instant.
Don’t worry about having feelings that match up to those that you once had for someone else. A toxic relationship becomes codependency after while, and a lot of those feelings come from that.
Just enjoy each of your relationships for what they are, not what you think they should be.
The next person who gives you all those feelings is coming, but that kind of thing can only happen organically. You can’t force yourself to feel that way about everyone.

[Anonymous]

I know how you feel except for me just thinking about putting myself out there to meet someone knew I feel like I would be cheating on my ex even though he and I haven’t been together in close to a year

I think for you it sounds like your ex was your first love and your first everything for many girls it is extremely hard to forget or even let go off your first love so that could be why you are feeling the way you are

[Morgador]

Your not over him. You were hurt and you don't want to get hurt again, so unconsciously your holding back. You need to grow from your hurt so you can lean from it and apply it to your current relationship.

[Rudon00]

Because I believe you still have attachment to your ex.

[110907]

But I don't know why. I don't want to be with him, at least I don't think. I don't think about him like that anymore

[Rudon00]

It takes time to heal and get back to normalcy after investing one's energy , time and soul into another person life. There will be attachments from your previous bond with him hence they call it soul-ties

[Bobsyoruncle]

The first cut is the deepest,

[Kayla45]

You probably just haven't met the right person yet, it will likely take a while to meet someone as much as you liked your ex. Things like this take time, no need to rush it.