How to Improve Sexual Relationship when Asexual?

[Anonymous]

Hi guys, I am asexual, but considered "sex-positive" as in I am willing to be intimate with someone. The sex is different than I would imagine sexual people have. Unlike others, I am unable to be turned on, don't feel physically good during any sexual activity, and don't become horny/think about sex. Despite this, I don't mind engaging in sex with my partner because I know it makes him feel good and happy. After a year, the sex does not seem to make my partner happy though. He says it's difficult for him to enjoy sex as much when he knows it brings me no physical pleasure. I've tried fairly hard to make things enjoyable as much as possible for him by incorporating toys and lingerie while actively participating in the sex so it doesn't feel one-sided. I'm struggling though because it just feels that I am going to eventually lose my boyfriend due to my asexuality. I honestly thought this was the first relationship I've had that my asexuality wasn't going to end a relationship. Is there anything I can do on my end, or is this pretty much just a clear indication of my relationship ending in the future?

[kyleelyn199723]

Honestly speaking, I know you love your boyfriend but it just seems like in the end it’s not going to work. You both need to be sexually compatible and no matter how much people say it’s not important, that kind of compatibility is important. You shouldn’t need to put yourself through something like that and your boyfriend shouldn’t need to not have an unfulfilled sex life to his needs.

[Spookydood]

This answer right here. Might be a hard pill to swallow but it's true.

[kyleelyn199723]

@Spookydood yes not sure how long they have been dating, but she’s very very lucky this guy hasn’t left her because men typically get hurt egos when the sex isn’t genuine and a girl is putting on an act and faking. Sex is a bonding moment that needs to be mutual

[Asker]

We've been dating for a year and half. I've been very transparent with him telling him that I'm not feeling any pleasure. I don't fake moan or anything. I just do things I know will make him feel good.

[Spookydood]

I don't think sex is always a bonding moment, sometimes you're just doing what's natural. In a relationship, though, it's definitely a pillar you'd be wise not to forget. There are times it's exactly as you describe.

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker yeah honeymoon stage tends to wear off after some time and then reality hits of if the relationship will truly work or not. Your boyfriend is probably deeply in love with you, but he does need someone that feels the same about sex. I know you most likely don’t fake moan, but there is always in his head that you are only having sex with him because he wants it.

[kyleelyn199723]

@Spooky you are right. Sometimes it’s just a quick experience but when stuff gets spicy , it turns into a bonding moment

[Ninani]

Most people enjoy giving their partner pleasure as much as receiving it. Acting the part doesn't fulfill his need to be intimate and share the sexual experience.

[Spookydood]

Yeah, sorry anon. Pretty much what kylee said. It's gonna be a rough rode unless you learn to act

[Yourfriend2021]

You might want to try eating herbal supplements because your hormones are off.

[Berethor]

Your partner don't appreciate your efforts, sounds like you are already doing above and beyond as was is expected from you as an asexual. Sure your partner would prefer to be in relationship with a sexual girl, but he knows that you are asexual girl, also girls tend to be less sexual than guys, so he can't be sure that he would be able to find a girl that would had a better sex with him than you.

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AManIsAlwaysEager

[Rachel794]

Why would you want to, as an asexual?

[Asker]

Being asexual doesn't equal an aversion to sex

[Rachel794]

:) :) :)

[Rachel794]

💜💟💖