Sexual Relationships
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How often do y'all have sex in your relationship? Is there a "normal"?

IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT SEX. I get that but is it normal to be lucky if I get it once a month? He's stopped me from getting on he really only wants oral but won't give it. Cuz he's "waiting for a special day. " he almost is never instigator. I think the last time he was the instigator it was about 5 months ago... also I only remember him being sober 2 of the 12 times we have had sex within the length of our relationship. (Been together 10 months)... I just wanna feel wanted physically by him...
Once a week
Vote A
Every other week
Vote B
Once a month
Vote C
More than once a week
Vote D
Less then once a month
Vote E
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Girl Guy
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Superb Opinion

  • The two girls I dated in my 20s had somewhat different needs. My first girlfriend and I lived together, were sexually active several times a week, but the whole 4 years we were together never had penetrative sex. I believe the word is "issues".

    My second girlfriend never formally moved in but stayed with me most nights. Her appetite was voracious. More times a week than nights she stayed. Over the weekend I often wanted to be called in to work for a rest. Literally morning, noon and night on Saturday and Sunday, usually Friday night and Monday morning before work as well. We were only together a few months. I'd probably have died of dehydration if we'd stayed together longer.

    I've been with my wife 20 years, married for 18 of them. Still don't think we've had as much sex as I did with my second girlfriend.

    I considered answering this anonymously, but what I'm trying to say is that there's no "normal" - only what works for you. My second girlfriend's needs sexually met mine perfectly but outside of the bedroom we were less well matched.

    You need sex in a marriage. It's the glue that helps hold you together, but it's like the two-tube epoxy glues - one is useless without enough of the other. You need communication creating an atmosphere of love & attraction.

    It sounds like he's a selfish jerk frankly. Tell him you need more or you're walking. If he doesn't pick up the pace then leave. You'll regret staying more in 15 years if you're not happy now. You only get one shot at life. Live. Don't just burn oxygen.

Most Helpful Guy

  • This is so wrong the reason why he wants only oral is because he's lazy he's out of shape he's selfish and you do that for him stop doing that for him you should be making it all about you not the other way around he should be wanting to please you eating every time you have sex and that should be every night maybe two times a day.
    If he is not satisfying you today you sure that was not going to do it tomorrow because you just going to keep getting lazier and lazier it's going to be more about him.
    It's a 50/50 relationship and he's not holding up to his part of the deal I feel bad for you there's nothing better did you make it all about the girl and make her have extreme orgasms like she's never had before every single time you make love I can't tell you what to do but I don't know if I was you I couldn't I wouldn't want to be there

Most Helpful Girls

  • Honey, you and this guy ARE NOT SEXUALLY COMPATIBLE.

    If this is a man in his 20s, as you are, he is far off "regular." Average couples in U. S., and I expect the world, have sex a few times a WEEK. This is 18 to 49 year olds.

    The fact that he doesn't instigate is telling. I expect if you didn't initiate, you'd do it even less often.

    Either you discover why this guy doesn't seem to want sex and work it out, or you move on.

    There are factors that could account for disinterest: too much work, excess stress... But if you aren't communicating with him about this, you're already in trouble.

    Couples with positive sex lives TALK about sex. And the fact that he never performs oral sex on YOU sounds incredibly selfish in light of the fact that he always wants said FROM you.

    Sounds like a sexually selfish asshole and you're fed up. This relationship has probably run its course. Let it go. You're not getting what you want and he, clearly, is.

    • I can't conversate about stuff like that anymore. If I try it is met with anger and I shut down due to trauma response. We uses to be able to conversate about absolutely everything. Now everything I bring up with our relationship is 95% of the time only responded to with anger by him. He gave me a 30 second tease of oral. But still wants to "Wait for a special day". If I say no to giving oral he gets distant and irritable with me for a while and he'll barely kiss me. It feels like are lips don't even touch its over in 2 -3 seconds and he turns his head away as a way of telling me to "move away". His reason is he's getting old and in to much pain most of the time to do anything but then asked for oral righrt after. When we had gotten together I was very upfront about what I needed/wanted. Especially with the sex life. Also I ended up becoming friends-ish with his ex and she asked me about details and when I'm in a pertinent state I will ramble about everything and she said it doesn't sound like him with her and every other relationship she knew about he was wanting it a couple times a week, giving oral very often cuz "he loves doing it". She told me that it sounds like he doesn't actually want me just by the way he never responded to any pictures (clean or dirty) pics he looks at them then leaves it on read like I never sent anything. At times I truly believe that He settled for me because I take the role of a step parent to his kids and submissive in bed... if he asks I do and like I said if I don't I end up shutting down and give in because of my trauma response from past abuse. It caused Me to be scared of the emotional abuse I will receive if I continue to decline him

    • Go to counseling to END this relationship. This man has settled and he's using you. It's clear he's not sexually interested in you and he IS abusing you. You must save yourself and get out. Please. Start this counseling immediately and start packing your bags when you can. Solicit help from family and friends to leave this horrible man and TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF and love yourself. You deserve far better than this. Good luck.

  • Of course you want to feel wanted physically from him and you absolutely are entitled to feel that way. its a horrible feeling like you want someone more than they want you or to feel like they don't want you in that way. In a relationship you should feel like you are getting your physical/sexual needs met. No its not all about sex at all but its definitely a factor of the relationship and very important. From what you're saying, he kinda seems to care about his needs and not yours ( wanting oral but not giving it) like wtf is that about? How is that fair?

    • Also I don't know if there's a normal amount... I guess it depends on who you're with. With one of my exes we did it like maybe once or twice or week then with another ex it was everyday or at least every 2nd day for 6 years. So I guess it depends on you and the person you're with.

    • Why is she entitled to feel wanted?

    • @grega239 ahh because everyone wants to feel wanted by their partner

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What Girls & Guys Said

35 56

  • isn't it supposed to be once a day or at least 3 times a week?

  • If i wasn't religiously guilt tripping myself, it would be 4+ days a week, 3+ times a day. But sometimes i can't see the fun for long in sexing while unmarried

    • So just get married. There's no guilt if you're not sinning.

    • @Jamie05rhs you say it like i haven't been trying/wanting to 💀 I was practically engaged

    • @DizzyDesii I didn't say you weren't trying.

  • I don't know what to say about your current relationship.. Has he always been this way?

    He could have a low drive at the start, or he's taking medication (or depression) that's dampening his sex drive.

  • Twice a week is our norm. Usually, spaced out say Sunday morning and Wednesday evening but not on a particular schedule. I also usually will give him a bj sometime during the week to help him out.

  • Sorry, I can't actually help because I am in early teens and never had sex myself.
    But he sounds like he only cares about himself.

    • You're right !

  • WTF are you still with this guy? He's a drunk, he's selfish, and he doesn't even want you physically. How many of your fingers must he cut off before you decide to leave him?

    My girlfriend and I usually have sex at least three times per week.

  • I think you should be having sex multiple times a day in the beginning of a relationship. After a few years, this should plateau at 2-3 times a week on average. If it gets to anything less than once a week, you have a problem on your hands.

  • I think more than once a week is the best amount.

  • Sometimes 2x a day on the weekends

  • I have sex two or three times a week. It used to be more but with us both working and having teenage children who are up later these days we get it when we can, usually on those days when they are at school and we are both at home. I do have a crazy high sex drive and would happily have it every day but it's not realistic for this to happen so I just masturbate a lot. We do tend to use a lot of sex toys but we've been together for nearly 20 years so spicing it up a bit I think is normal.

    Your partner sounds like a bit of an ass, if I was you I would ditch him and find somebody who is more in tune with your needs so you can still have regular sex after ten years, not just ten months.

  • We like to enjoy at least once a day.

    • Same

  • Less than once a month at the beginning sounds like there is a problem. Things change after ten years, not everyone does it even weekly, but this frequency is something I reached right before a breakup when I simply didn't want it anymore.

  • I shoot for about twice a week. There's times where I'm near insatiable, too. It wouldn't be odd to go a week or two without either, though.

  • You describe yourself being treated as a puppet. I hope you gather the courage to leave him.

  • Maybe he's depressed. This can happen with people when they are depressed. I can't say what is normal, but I would be understanding about this.
    I also don't think he's gay as it's not a taboo anyone or why would he be with you?

  • At least a few times a week is normal

  • I don´t think there is a normal and I don´t think there should a normal because sex is the most intimate point of a relationship. That´s something that can´t be generalized and therefore something you decide with your partner.

  • This will only gets worse.. even with men who want to save it till marriage you must understand that desire and passion is still in them. Self restraint is not really self restraint when you don't want i!

    Lady you say he sleeps facing the other side and pushing you away and barely sober when you meet him. You say it's a new relationship. News flash.. it will only gets worse.

    This man is full of red flag and I heard way too many stories where he's not sleeping with his girl because he's getting sex somewhere else. You can willingly chose to want MN who doesn't want you and wait for a hope that will never become a reality. Good luck in not getting your heart broken by this douch

  • Usually, 2-3 times per week

  • Wow, what the hell is wrong with him? In a relationship it's usually 3-4 tines a week. In a new relationship when we've started having sex it will be sex all the time, we would have had as much sex in the first week and a half as you've had for the whole 10 months. He's a selfish dick, only wanting oral from you and not giving it, what an asshole.
    Get shot and move on to someone who wants to fuck your brains out.

    • Maybe one day. I just want this to work but we can't communicate about issues and he dosent seem into me like he says and that's not fair

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