Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Is a sexually assertive woman a turn on or turn off?

If a “hot” woman is straight forward, not into drama and doesn’t want a serious relationship but would like a regular sex pal and gets hit on by a guy who claims to be looking for the same arrangement. Would he have a problem with her being sexually assertive or dominant when with him? Would he be anxious and thrown off about the nature of her forwardness or by her initiating the sex and saying how wet she is or how bad she wants him? If she kissed him first and told him to touch her would he freak out and avoid this type of woman? Or would this type of female dominance where he doesn’t have to do much work or call the shots be a huge turn on to him? I guess I am asking anyone if this would be a turn on to them? I tried it with him a bit and he seemed so nervous. He listened to me like a child but it was like he was frightened. This is my personality. If I want someone then I take what I want. Obviously with their consent. I don’t want to freak this guy out. He talks big but when we have had sex he seems so intense and stressed in bed. Advice? Would anyone think it is a turn on or off to deal with a woman like me? Should I just keep showing him what I want? Or should I just move on?
0 4

Superb Opinion

  • Most guys would find it a turn on, at least somewhat, but it's something new and unusual, and that can take a little adjustment. It also may seem a little suspicious at first, if he's used to being the one to put in the work to make sex happen. I understand that you're trying to keep things free and easy, but something like "Hey, you're having fun with [specific aspect that you think might be bothering him], right?" probably wouldn't go astray. Give him some time to adjust, make sure he's cool with what you're doing, and he should warm up as he gets used to it.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Depends on the woman (assertiveness level) and the guy (every guy is different and some will be more comfortable than others with different levels of assertiveness). Also could depend on how into you he is also (think of it in the reverse and how you might be or feel with different types of guys in situations like this, it's no different for us).

    Personally you haven't said anything here in your examples that would be a turn off for me, a turn on. But it also depends on her attitude for me. Example I don't want a Dom or woman with that type of behavior. That's the reverse for me, a complete turn off. But, there are some guys that would be really turned on by that also. Have to get to know the specific guy to find out.

    • In your case with this guy, try talking with him about it. You have to find out his thoughts and feelings. We can't answer.

    • I am not a Dom or into the fetish. I just have no problem expressing what I want sexually once our attraction and situation has been established. I think a man should know what he does to me and what I want to do to him. I think I should be able to show him If we are hooking up.

    • Agree. But I can also see the flip side of it. Not many women are like you honestly, so some guys find it "weird" or strange when they meet someone like you, just because it's rare and they aren't used to it. Like I say, every guy is different and talk with them if you're not sure. It also could be other things going on that maybe you think are disinterest or a turn off, but aren't that and something else going on with him? Communication is key! And lacking most of the time lol.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 30

  • A big turn on... did a little bdsm and I was the submissive one... loved it

  • Sexually assertive women aren’t ‘hot’...

    They're SUPER DOOPER FUCKING ULTRA HOT!!!

    I thought that I should clarify that...

  • This could be totally wrong, but there's a chance he could be dealing with traumatic experiences from his past. Don't be discouraged. Probably the best thing would be to have an open and honest conversation and maybe you can get a clearer idea of what he likes and what he wants and hopefully what you guys want matches up but if they don't, they don't.

  • Only if the guy wants the same thing. Or take it as long as he is single and doesn't have any better offers. You will not get a high value that way.

    • What is a “high value”?

    • It's what you need if you don't want to be single for most parts of your life. Your attraction will fail and your sexually assertive moves has to keep finding new men all the time. You will be rejected more and more and end up alone with a high body count.

    • Ha ha ha ha! Thanks for your wisdom.

  • I don't mind it sometimes, but I still like to the be the dominant one sometimes, wouldn't want her to always be dominant. Not a turn off though just maybe not as satisfying if it's not 50/50 Dom situation.

  • Everyone is different and has different tastes when it comes to this kind of thing, so answering whether something is a turn-on or turn-off is only a personal opinion. There are a lot of men who would be totally into that. Find one that compliments your desires and you're that much closer to great sex. Yes, let him know what you want for sure. It will either work or not.

  • Definitely a turn on, so long as she gives me a turn once in awhile.

  • I would love it, to be honest

    Only drawback is that I like married life

  • Very hot

  • Being sexually assertive is a turn on, but wanting casual sex is a turn off.

    Only interested in horny women who aren't commitmentphobic.

  • Not a problem here...

  • That's a huge turn on for me..

  • I only want sex in marriage.

  • The turn off for me is if she doesn't want a relationship first. For me it's Love first, marriage next, and sex third.

  • Serious turn on. Those are the girls I like.

  • It’s a turn on for me but I’m still going to be the dominant one in bed, just don’t shout orders like a drill sergeant, as long as the attraction is there everything will go great knowing you say what you want

  • Sounds hot to me.

  • I like a woman who knows what they want. it wouldn't freak me out. you need to be true to yourself and your own desires. don't repress who you are for someone else

  • Definitely

  • Off. But I'm good with the no drama part.

  • Show More (11)

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