Why do some guys think they’re entitled to sex?

[StormMistress]

Like seriously I’ve dated and befriend so many guys where things are great and peachy but as soon as they realise sex is off the table they get hostile and want nothing to do with me. Some have even said they deserve it considering the effort and money they’ve put into the relationship. Like dude wtf.

[MrOracle]

If sex is off the table, that's something you need to make clear before you even go on a date with a guy. Why? Because sex is one of the primary reasons guys date women and get into relationships with women. I'm not saying it's the ONLY reason, but it's one of the major ones.

Try to imagine you love pasta (maybe you do or don't - I don't know, but pretend you do). You are hungry and are looking forward to your favorite pasta meal, and so you call around to a few Italian restaurants to make a reservation, starting with your favorite restaurant, and when you call them, they say "just so you know, we're out of pasta tonight and for the rest of the month." Now, this restaurant may have some delicious sea food, steaks, chicken, salads, desserts, etc., but you've been looking forward to pasta all week, and you're hungry, and your favorite place tells you that pasta is off the table. Do you still go to that restaurant, or do you find somewhere else to go?

If you go on dates with men, and sex is off the table, and you didn't tell them that from the beginning, it's like if your favorite restaurant took your reservation, sat you down, brought you beverages and bread, took everyone else's order in your group, and only when YOU order do you learn that there's no pasta. That would feel pretty shitty, wouldn't it?

Let me be blunt: you have NO BUSINESS accepting a date with a man that you wouldn't have sex with. I'm not saying that you need to sleep with a guy on the first date, or even the 5th date, and I'm not saying that you might not learn something about him that disqualifies him from sex as you get to know him, but if you know going in that you'd never have sex with this guy, then you should never accept the date, and as an adult, if you aren't willing to have sex with a man you're dating within 2 months at most, then you need to tell him that BEFORE you accept his date offer, so that he can choose to accept that or move on.

If you are doing otherwise, you are USING these men for attention, food, and entertainment in bad faith. Men don't date women for the heck of it, and they don't spend their time, money, and effort on you without looking for something in return. If you aren't adult enough to understand that, then you probably shouldn't be dating. Most 15-year-old girls understand this, so I'm not sure how a 30-year-old doesn't. But you are exactly the type of women that messes it up for other women - this is the behavior that makes men unwilling to take women on dates or even ask women out. You feel completely entitled to take take take from men, but give nothing in return, and them blame men for being upset about it.

Sex is a normal, and EXPECTED part of adult relationships. This is not new information.

[StormMistress]

I mean to be fair I’m not dating a guy without sex in the table. If I was in a relationship I’d want sexual affection too. I mainly mean I want to wait a couple dates to see if we click, have chemistry etc. if we don’t I just end it usually. However some guys get upset about this since they’re put their time and effort into me as they say and got nothing. Also ignore the fact I did the exact same thing.

[MrOracle]

Then you need to be more clear from the start what your expectations are, and what your likely timeline is. And, yeah, there are going to be guys who are just looking for casual sex, and those guys are just going to move on. You have to be able to let them go. But some guys will actually WANT a relationship, but they're going to need to know "I just want to be clear that sex isn't something I take lightly, and even if things go great between us, I might need 6-8 weeks before I'm going to feel comfortable enough to have it with you." That way, if that's too much for him, he knows it up-front, but if he is willing to weight, at least he understands what he's getting himself into and knows that it's not off the table completely and that he's not investing his time and effort in something that was never going to offer any return for him. It's really all about honest communication, and realistic expectations. Part of that is recognizing that far more guys will find you sexually attractive (and thus want sex, and ONLY sex, from you) than those who find you romantically attractive and want a relationship with you. It's your job to filter out the ones you don't want - understanding that you aren't going to change any of them - but you also need to make sure that guys know there IS a path to success, and in what timeframe. You'll be amazed at what a difference that makes.

[angeliclight]

it is not the same, girls want attention guys want sex

[Cathy7734]

I don't understand why two people can date without telling each other if sex is on the table or not. It adds mystery to the relationship. It adds spice to life. So the two people date and intimacy build up over time. Maybe they start holding hands. Then a good night kiss. It's that wonderment of where it's going. If at first, you say sex is on the table after the second date and then plunge forward, you lose a lot of spice.

[MrOracle]

@Cathy7734 Again, I'm not saying you need to say "we can have sex on November 17 at 4:37pm." What I'm saying is that most people today are finding people on hook-up apps (they aren't dating apps despite how they are marketed), and the expectation on those apps is to have sex quickly. I'm saying that if you need some time to figure things out, then you need to tell the guy up-front that he needs to be patient, but that you also understand that his patience isn't infinite. If a guy is just looking for casual sex, he'll likely just move on - which is fine. And if he's actually looking for a relationship, then he's likely going to respect her and appreciate that she acknowledges his needs too. So few women do this that men often feel used and unappreciated - and some women are specifically and intentionally using men that they know they have no desire to have sex with simply for free meals and entertainment (and encouraging other women to do the same), and men don't want to be used anymore than women do.

[kery123]

Sometimes, what makes a guy arousing to us are things like confidence, social dominance, emotional strength, humor, a shared dream, a connection etc. All of which take time to asses. it’s perfectly normal for a woman to want to give a man the chance to prove himself with more than a date. Women don’t want sex for the sake of sex, they want sex with a masculine men who’ll be a stable person in their lives.

[ChiTown33]

@Cathy7734 Be honest. How many women do you honestly think would be ok with a guy asking if sex was on the table lol. Most women would be appalled that he even asked. Lol

[Finchie40]

It’s pretty much how a male is made and wired , most males feel love from sex, it brings closure to us and a way for us to express are feelings to her , when she wants us like we want her we feel loved and appreciated, and that she is attracted to us , when a girl stops giving us sex we start to feel distant from her and that she is up to no good and that she doesn’t love or care for us anymore , when she uses sex as a weapon to get her way it’s a huge turn off to us , We want a girl that makes us feel wanted and appreciated and loyal to us , When a girl can say it’s just sex and it doesn’t mean anything most guys will be turned off from that , it happened to me with a girl that I really liked But I ended up leaving her for someone else cuz of her words . We want a girl that makes us feel loved and wanted and not used , , a girl that stays loyal to us that only wants sex with us and no one else is a girl that we will cherish , unless he is a player and has no feelings at all and just enjoys getting off on random girls But guys experience that with girls as well, that play him , but not all guys and girls are like that , Marriages and relationships fail because sex dies down , when 1 partner says they aren’t in the mood and they have every excuse in the book as to why they don’t want to be affectionate or intimate with them anymore , It’ opening doors for disaster when that occurs , cuz the partner that is left being unfulfilled will more thank likely start having a wandering eye and be attracted to someone that makes them feel appreciated, why so much cheating and affairs occur , if you are a partner that doesn’t love sex and you are never in the mood but you love your partner , you need to stop thinking of yourself and wear your partners shoes , and ask yourself is it fair that I am denying them sex all the time? Cuz your partner might start resenting you and thinking to himself , she doesn’t love me anymore and she is just using me and that I am just here cuz it’s convenient for her or he might think you are plotting to leave his ass for someone else, which will push him further away from you , So that’s why sex is important in relationships, you ever hear the saying , Once he is in the doghouse he will eventually end up in the cathouse , So a loving partner can stop that from happening when they decide to wear their partners shoes instead of just wearing their own. We don’t get into relationships to be single , we get into relationships to be a team that has each other’s backs no matter what , but when 1 partner constantly feels they are giving without receiving they can easily slip

[LookoutBelow]

Emotional immaturity, lack of empathy, societal conditioning... Which includes how you present yourself to them.
If they don't stick around, then you weren't anything to them to begin with. Not a loss, in my opinion.

I think what some men fail to realize is that women don't automatically get wet because there's a hard dick in the vicinity, and their trinkets and favors are useless. Guys who rely on an exchange of goods to get laid don't likely have much else to offer and will see it solely as a transaction; socially acceptable prostitution..

I will say though, there is a big trend with a certain demographic of women who want to be worshipped for their looks while receiving all the resources from men as though those men didn't work for those resources in the first place. The guys who get mad at women who use them should raise their standard of women (and therefore employ a better strategy) or understand that it's part of the game that they play and be better sportsmen about it.
A part of me wonders if we could solve the problem with legal prostitution. Predators aside, I think that a lot of these guys and gals would just handle it that way and not get mixed up with the people who want something more meaningful. Seems to work in Europe.

[StormMistress]

Very good and thought out response! Thankyou.

[PositiveNote]

You are very right, LOBelow.

[Cathy7734]

A lot of women, who I know, talk about how much a guy spent on them on a date. It's almost like a conquest.

[ChiTown33]

This is a well deserved MHO. Many women think we're joking or that it's just sour grapes when we talk about "good diggers". But it's very real. I myself don't draw the interest of many women. So when one does I have to ask myself why. And in good time it's usually revealed she wanted something out of me and was using feminine wiles to try and get it. This has led me to treat just about every woman with suspicion. Which is no different I surmise than the poser of this question.

[LegendaryIcon]

BIASED MHO

[whirled_up_girl]

a lot of good advice here so I'll just add that, yeah, being upfront seems to be best. If I know sex is off the table, I usually tell a guy right away that I just see him as a friend. If it's not off the table I like to at least give an idea like 2 or 3 months before I would know if I'm comfortable. It means being single a lot, yes but it also helps to weed out anyone who is not looking for anything serious and avoids a lot misunderstandings. I realize online dating might be alittle bit different but this is how I did things when I was still meeting guys at social hangouts, and work events etc.

[Teaku94]

You'll come across guys who'll just love you - platonically - for you. But they are hard come across. I have less than 5 ladies who I know will pamper me with love and kindness and respect, and vice-versa, and sex is not a condition for being attracted to each other. And I'm straight, by the way.

[CrazyGirl2]

Because… testosterone? I think you need a friendship diet rich in homosexuals! Honestly, one of the most rewarding thinks in life is taking your bra off at 11:30pm, and NOBODY notices… or even gives a shit! It’s delightful!

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

People can think they're "entitled" to whatever they want.. Don't mean they're going to get it... Making sex an obligation or expectation not only ruins sex, it ruins relationships...

[Joshua_L_Blackmon]

no one makes it that way, unless they married someone that they think didn't really wanted them. in which case I wouldn't marry someone who didn't want me. I have been told.. every single day, before.. so i don't make it that.. but i heard of people who are obligately married and cannot cheat.. and hate themselves and their spouse so much they go years without it. unless their like really old i guess. you can say all day long , well he isn't entitled or what not to sex.. that only recomfirms.. otherwise.. you don't want him.. you dont want to have sex with him.. and he's trapped... and now he's hurt, because the other person doesn't share there heart and feelings.. and she's got to be the victim.. because he wants sex.. but no.. he could never be hurt or have feelings and needs. I am not entitled to sex... and neither people who are married are victims.. of anything but false hoods and broken promises.. but i would only be with someone who really wants to be with me.. otherwise I am not gonna enjoy that person.. in the bed. on the couch at the movies. on the beach , on a walk or anything.. i will further drift apart from them and ultimately do what God doesn't want me to do.. divorce. which is why i won't marry until i find her who will give me with out complaints as i give to her without complaints my lifes work and my heart and soul and i have empathy and sympathy.

[Joshua_L_Blackmon]

so therefore both people of broken marriages are liars..

[purplepoppy]

Because they ARE entitled to it. A guy isn't dating you just so he doesn't have to sit alone in a restaurant.

[Subarugirl]

NO ONE is entitled to sex, it all has to do with consent, if there isn’t any that is rape.

[StormMistress]

@Subarugirl Was gunna say.

[Pillarofhell]

@Subarugirl Dating is consent😂 get mad at me

[Subarugirl]

@Pillarofhell no mean no bud… ever heard of date rape and spousal rape?

[StormMistress]

@Pillarofhell Wow dude so if your dating you can force her to have sex with you regardless of if she wants to or not? That’s pretty sick.

[bsann2015]

@Subarugirl

[bsann2015]

@Subarugirl you go girl. That's the best opinion I've read yet

[wingattebaby16]

they buy me dinner and a movie, and since they paid for it on 1-3 dates, i am Dessert and it is expected that i put out..

when sex is not on the table, yup, they kick me to the curb, often complaining "why did i waste all that money on you when you aren't gonna f**k me?"

[bsann2015]

Perhaps that is all there after and do you really want that sort of person? I know it sounds funny a man prejudice against men but 90% of them are pigs and they can't think with the head that's got the brain in it. Don't let yourself be treated like a piece of meat everybody is better than that. Even if you did give in and let them have sex on the first date they're just going to abandon you anyways because they got what they wanted. Keep your dignity girl and stick to your standards

[Joshua_L_Blackmon]

he's one of 3 men and all dudes want the same thing, lets be honest.. but some want the light at the end of the tunnel and some want whats infront of them. I will not give pick up advice.. i do not do that.. as i have awakened to the fact advice for picking people up doesn't work for a lot of people because free will. ultimately he could be a few things, but also i would ask myself in your shoes.. did you make him feel at all welcome? .. and was your rejection of sex.. a little too strong.. as if he didn't feel wanted. he's not a victim.. none of you are.. but thats something to look at. reject it anyway you want too, but if you hurt someone even if you think their tough as nails they will leave.. there no question. Not saying that was this guys specific reasons.. just something to look out for.

[ChrisMaster69]

It is a pointless situation for a guy to defend or think about.

There is this thing called consent, we can put in as much effort as we want to get into a girls pants, however it comes down to consent.

A girl may believe she should wait for her wedding, or does not want a ‘high body count’ and this current guy she’s decided will push her that way,

guys cannot have girls with low body counts and also feel entitled to sex, sort of like mutually exclusive lol.

Also if you are open with a girl and ask how she thinks everything will pan out, you usually get a good indication if it’s worth hanging around.

if her ‘consent’ bit involves serious amount of commitment and you don’t want to give that effort, then walk away,

Communication really saves that petulant child moment when a girl says sorry changed my mind, no sex.

Equally if you are not getting that communication or it’s unclear, just move on.

[MCheetah]

Why do some guys think they’re entitled to sex? Because they're jerks. Stop talking to "Nice Guys."

Why do some (many) women think they're entitled to literally perfect 10/10 women merely for owning a vagina? Same reason, pretty much: Because they're bitches.

Awful people exist in all shapes, forms, and sizes.

And as said in another comment, your profile here on GAG makes you sound cool and interesting. But then your "huge titties" avatar completely counters that, and will make some men see you as nothing more than sex/wank-off material. And no, you don't get to choose how people will judge you; whether it's an accurate judgment or not. But you can make people focus more on your mind (and Pokemon collecting!) but not displaying big ol' giant mommy-milkers on full display; on GAG or in real life.

[hahahmm]

Because women expect a man to be a personal mental health therapist, car mechanic, plumber, construction worker, delivery man, security guard/human shield, free chauffeur, bug killing expert, window installer, tile setter, luggage handler, circus performer. Meanwhile she just sits there and smiles and says, "we've given each other equal amounts. Why are you upset?"

Now, if you make it clear on day 1 that you only have sex in a committed long term relationship that's different than flirting and teasing like a snake charmer... and then acting dumb when the guy is frustrated. But my guess is that you've been acting dumb.

[devilman666]

Why do some women think they're entitled to sex?

[molonski2]

Why would you possibly not be sleeping with them? Yet you've led them on to invest money and time? And you think they are NOT going to be pissed off? Of course they will be annoyed.
In future , if that is your wish not to be sexual with them in any way. Make it clear in the beginning ! Then they can move on and be with others and not waste their time , of course these guys expect intimacy , it wouldn't work if they didn't. The question is a ludicrous proposal.

[StormMistress]

What I mean is sex is off the table until I can see if we have chemistry which can take 2 or more dates. If we don’t then I end it. I’m not going to waste my time if we don’t click.

[molonski2]

After reading the Question update , it makes far more sense , as long as you make this completely clear to them in the beginning and dont expect anything from them , the tone of the initial question was vastly different in my view. As I said , so long as all know where they stand at the beginning and you are not out to attempt to seek some benefit from same , then its hardly an issue..

[BossThe2nd]

Didn't you get fucked by 3 guys a week ago?

Like, sorry.
But dating you must be a pretty fucking awful deal then when you deny sex to people who spend time, effort and attention on you but throw it away like Halloween candy for others.

[StormMistress]

I want sex if I either find my partner attractive and/or there’s chemistry. The foursome was consensual drunken fun. A relationship I’m perfectly eager to get intimate if there’s chemistry. If there isn’t though it’s just not happening sorry. I’m not fucking someone without chemistry just because we’ve dated a couple times.

[BossThe2nd]

Precisely, so whenever you deny a man sexually you are labeling him inadequate. Why should they keep dating you when you are literally saying that they are inadequate and/or there is no chemistry? They are simply cutting their losses and walking out. I agree, though. Friends aren't entitled to sex, they are your friends so it should be automatically obvious they are inadequate.

[StormMistress]

Well the whole point is to find out if there is chemistry. It can take multiple dates to figure if you both click. If you don’t that’s fine you move on. He isn’t however entitled to anything for the first couple dates though if it doesn’t work out.

[BossThe2nd]

You don't owe them anything, no. But they are "entitled" to have an expectation. I would not want to continue dating someone who needs multiple dates to figure out whether we click either, especially not if I knew that the person is ok with casual sex with randoms from the night club. And I don't mean that as an attack on their character or sexual behavior- I don't care how promiscuous they are. It's just that I want to be deemed at least as adequate as the people they are open to having casual sex with. It's a standard of attraction towards me that a potential partner has to meet. Just like it's a standard for many women for the man to pay for dates. They say it's not "entitlement" buuut if you don't do it she "will lose interest" and you won't get another date.

[StormMistress]

There is a difference between casual sex and wanting a relationship. Casual sex is just for fun. Chemistry is still a factor but since it’s purely a physical one it isn’t a big deal. A relationship you want the person to like you for you, not just your physic. You want an emotional connection as well as a physical one.

[BossThe2nd]

That's totally ass backwards logic but ok.

[TrueConfection]

That's a great question considering guys don't want to be with a woman that had multiple partners, yet women are expected to have sex after a few dinner dates.

[Cathy7734]

Have you ever met a man that just wanted to be friends first without sex? Going out on dates and then eventually holding hands, then good night kisses, etc? Where intimacy builds up over time?

[TrueConfection]

I can't say I have.

[Cathy7734]

Neither have I but I do fantasize about it. I don't know why. At the college I go to it seems to me guys just want to play video games, get high, and have sex.

[TrueConfection]

Hopefully they'll grow out of it. Sex with them probably wouldn't be very good anyway.

[Sofargone93]

Sounds like false advertisement. Women know what men want. When has man ever said no thanks i don't want any pussy. Because you know we won't even waste time. Wholesome women are rare but not extinct.

[nice-girl]

Because he might feel you don't really like him, and if that's the case what's the point in continuing to date you? (I'm not saying this, I am just trying to see a guy's point for view).
And as a lot of people mentioned it is the influence of society and this culture of hook ups. A man in a conservative country doesn't feel entitled to sex outside of marriage. So it depends from the culture and what everyone is doing.
While in western culture if his friends are having sex or telling stories on how they did it on the first date (sometimes fabricated), I guy might feel like there's something wrong with him, or simply why not me?
On the other hand, as some people say, sex too early can affect judgement and make you attached to your partner. This might be bad for both as they might end up in a bad relationship.

[Jackblue]

Are you really from the Caribbean, I traveled a lot in Asia and you are wrong about non-western countries, the men here are at least as bad as American men

[Jackblue]

Are you really from the Caribbean or are you just making that up, because I have spent a lot of time in Asia and the guys there are at least as bad as guys in Western countries

[nice-girl]

@Jackblue No, I'm not from there. I believe there a difference between countries about this topic.

[Lionman95]

Because guys are conditioned by society that sex makes a male a man. Sex is said to be one crucial step to become a man. I say that still being a virgin and always having the feeling that some women or men alike look down on me because of it.
We live in a society where many guys get to know intimacy through so that drives us trying to get this experience as well.

[TonyV]

If we're dating I am intitled, maybe not after the second or third date but if you are for somereason dating and don't plan to have sex I'd leave you too as soon as I learned, be a little upset with you for wasting my time too.

Unless your fine with an open relationship where I can go out and try to hookup every weekend why would I ever date a girl that dosent put out?

Like I really don't understand your goal here.

[StormMistress]

You arnt entitled to anything. Just because you are dating someone doesn’t mean they have to have sex with you. Sex happens naturally. Not because you put in time and effort and deserve to be rewarded. Chemistry is a thing you know.

[TonyV]

You do you but I would never date someone who dosent have sex, I'm not an asexual, so I need to have it from a relationship. 3 months is max I'd wait, if it don't happen by then we break up

[TonyV]

I mean really I have friends to hang out with, so hanging out really isn't enough to justify a relationship, if I have to still go hit on other girls cause my girlfriend is celibate then what's the point of her being my girlfriend? She's just someone who thinks she intitled to influence my decision making at point, thinks she can tell me what to do. So it by like dealing with all the compromises but with nothing special in return that I can't get somewhere else.

[TonyV]

See that makes a big difference lol, got no problem waiting till at least the 3rd date for I to happen, to many women give it up to early then wonder why he leaves. No I thought you meant like months, years dating with no sex.

[EmbraceThePain]

It’s not really entitlement, rather, biology.


Men and women aren’t meant to be just friends.


Men look at women in terms of how desirable she is for child rearing, raising a family, etc.


Not for being “just friends.”


So, you taking sex/intimacy off the table is game over for men.

[PositiveNote]

I am rather disappointed with my brothers who think sex is an entitlement. Not looking at age of respondees, but I think that the more partners you have had, the less you start to think about the woman's view of sex. Guys tend think sex first, and manners or gentlemanly attitude, 2nd and third.

On the other hand, I've always been the gentleman, then I probably get less sex because some women view me as "timid" since I'm not aggressive. I can be aggressive as any man, but I tend to allow women some room to think! Let them fall for me and it's going to be a lot more fun.

[JCrockett]

Because of sexual liberation. Too many women are whores these days. And they've been telling men for years that "women are just as sexual as men." Throw a man into that culture and he'll believe you, and take you up on it. Then if casual sex does not flow freely, he'll act confused and bitter, because he feels misled. If sex is free fun, then he shouldn't need more than a little charm to get it. Which might be nice for his hedonistic whims, but it's bad for him and bad for society, and especially bad for all the women who need to use sex as leverage to get a greater commitment out of a man. She's out of luck if he can just fire up Tinder to get his dick wet. We would all be better off if we returned to more traditional, monogamous, and yes, prudish sexual sensibilities.

[bsann2015]

I myself do not understand it but I find it sickening