Why does a woman’s sexual past matter that much and if it does, why do guys ask?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is always quizzing me on my sexual past and things I did with old boyfriends. It makes me uncomfortable to talk about that to him but he seems to want to know everything. After he pressured me, I admitted that my ex used to cum on my face. It wasn’t something I asked for. I gave him permission just to please him the first couple of times and then he just started doing it routinely on his own. In my mind, I was just being a good girlfriend and taking care of him sexually. Now my boyfriend is cold towards me and says hurtful things, like he doesn’t know if he can live with knowing the future mother of his children did that with someone else. He keeps punishing me over and over. Why does it matter what I did with a prior partner? If he can’t handle hearing about it, then why badger me and drag it out of me in the first place? I don’t understand this at all. What did I do wrong? I feel like we’re falling apart over this.

[Curiousgirl2414]

I see both sides, but he is being unfair to you and not realizing that he asked for this.

As adults, most of us have a sexual past, and if we find out what our current partner has done, especially if we’re in love with them, it can be difficult to get the image out of our head. That’s probably what he’s doing, picturing you with someone else over and over, knowing for sure that it has happened.

That doesn’t mean he’s being logical. It was before him, and you were doing what you were comfortable with in your relationship at that time. But human beings, more often than not, are not logical creatures.

That being said, if your relationship falls apart, he can only blame himself. He asked the questions, he wanted details, and you answered him. Let it be a lesson in the future for your next partner that it is best to avoid this topic entirely, for both parties involved.

[JBlade]

This is why I think it should be asked in the beginning, before establishing a relationship. Sexual past matters to some people and it can cause resentment if asked later on. Should he belittle you because of your past? No, but if it is an issue he will either need to accept it and get over it or you two will need to go your separate ways.


Past matters matters to me personally because of health concerns, the purpose of transparency, and knowing if we share the same values/views about sex and intimacy. I’m not gonna force someone to tell me the truth but if they can’t then it’s not gonna work. I also don’t think it’s fair if I waited to find someone special but they didn’t and did stuff with several other people, it’s a bad deal.

[najekim]

Never asked any of my girlfriends or wives about their sexual past. Wasn't any of my business in the first place unless something came up affecting the current relationship.

[AustinMan]

Don't ask don't tell.

[horatiohornblower]

Definitely, he has issues of his own. All that's relevant from a persons sexual history is if they have and STD or kid. Plus any other pertinent issues that will have an effect on your relationship.

[MrCommodore]

Its a test girl, it's best to never disclose details of past sexual activities to a current partner, as many men dwell on this a lot afterwards, and in their mind its almost like cheating.

If forced, its best to remain vague and act like it was boring and boost your current man's ego by making ex boyfriends out to be lovers with performance issues.

[Bobsyoruncle]

I couldn’t care less how many men a romantic partner has accommodated in her past. The more, the merrier, as far as I’m concerned.

But that doesn’t mean that I won’t ‘ask’...

I very much ENJOY listening to a woman talk about her bedroom exploits.

[AndyOh]

Late to answer this, but here are my thoughts...
If he is immature about a response that he badgered out of you, you can bet that this behavior will happen again and again. He sounds like he is a bit insecure, so you are going to have to deal with that.
If you want to stay with him, look for signs like this, and if he is jealous of who you talk to etc.
And good that you are standing up to his behavior.

[DonkeyDan]

He sounds like he's jealous of the ex if you did things with him that you don't do with your current boyfriend. Personally I love to hear all about a partners past in detail turns me on, it wouldn't piss me off. Are there things that you did with your ex that you won't do with your current boyfriend? He might consider himself inadequate because you don't want to do those things or don't let him. He sounds pretty immature to be fair.

[Asker]

It’s not that at all. I have done everything he’s asked of me. He’s just never asked to do that. It is immature. I mean, I was in a serious relationship at the time. He was my boyfriend. What was I supposed to do?

[VanillaSalt]

Can’t make a whore into a housewife. Or a nicer way of saying that is… ain’t no reason to believe a cheater will stop cheating, an abuser will stop abusing, and a whore will stop whoring.


Your past is what we’ll expect going forward. Besides. From experience you don’t understand the effort men have to put into themselves to get a women. Not wasting all that effort of a failed woman.

[Asker]

Excuse me but I’m not a cheater or a whore. He’s had more sexual partners than I have and failed more times. I was completely monogamous with the 3 partners I’ve had. But I do thank you for the reply. This kind of ignorance gave me the courage to kick him down the road this morning. I believe I wasted my effort on a failed man.

[VanillaSalt]

I don’t believe I called you a whore. If that’s what you got from that maybe your projecting.

[Asker]

Not directly but the implication was clear.

[boggboss]

Because he was insecure and wanting validation not the truth either way he is a idiot meh then again your equally a idiot for staying with someone that is showing he dont respect u

[exitseven]

Some guys feel like they have to compete with all the other guys form your past. Why not tell him why you are with him and how much better he makes you feel. Explain that having your ex cum in your face made you feel bad and you ae glad he id not into that.

[Browneye57]

You're dealing with a boy, not a man. One that jerks off to porn too much - that's where a guy learns about facials. Otherwise it would never occur to them.

Your past is irrelevant, and over-sharing will be to your detriment. As you are starting to see.

[Asker]

I’m never sharing private details like that ever again. It’s not worth it 😔

[Browneye57]

Understand that young women, hell even some older ones but usually they wise up, tend to over-share. For some reason they have this need to verbalize every little thought that pops up in their head. Just don't. And when it comes to sexual history, it has little to no bearing on the current relationship - it's irrelevant. Now if you have a lot of experience, just convey that. "I'll fuck your brains out with the best of them". :) How many and when and what they did is WAY over-sharing.

[Asker]

Good advice. Thanks!

[Browneye57]

On update... Good for you. Stand up for yourself. If he wants you he needs to respect you. Tell him to be grateful you're not a clueless virgin. My second wife was a run-around - worked at a bar and went home with different guys. She was always vague about it, I never wanted details, I didn't really like it, but then again she fucks like a minx and has a sex drive that kept up with mine. I heard 'no' like maybe five times in thirty years. There's pros and cons for everything. I fucked around plenty in my younger years too - changes nothing with my beloved.

[Andres77]

I always enjoyed hearing the graphic details of a girl's past.
First I had to make sure she knew I'd never judge her.
Once she felt comfortable telling me just a few details and seeing how excited I got they'd start telling me more, some to the point of bragging and being proud of all the juicy stuff they did.
The guy has to earn her, all of her, past, present and future.
Any relationship where she'd feel comfortable enough to spill her past was more fun.
Some guys judge and shame and control or use it as an excuse to dump her.
Tread lightly... and good luck.

[JSmuve]

Some guys are territorial with their women. They want to know that a woman's only been sexual with him and for some, finding out about a woman's history is equivalent to her cheating on him in the present. That's how some guys can view it, especially if what she says is more sexual than what he's ever experienced with her. It can make some guys feel inferior or disrespected. Few guys really want to wife up a woman other (many?) guys have jizzed all over. It's like settling for the leftovers.

[Asker]

But the past is the past. No person has a crystal ball and knows whether a relationship will work out, so you can’t know whether to hold back in that relationship because of a future one. It’s unfair and immature, especially when he’s more sexually experienced than me.

[JSmuve]

While I don't disagree about not having a crystal ball and knowing the future, when it comes to women's sexual history, for a lot of guys the past is not just the past.

[Asker]

Men had better hope women don’t start holding them to the same standards 🤷‍♀️

[JSmuve]

I don't think many men have to worry about that. Women tend to be attracted to guys who other women want. So a guy who has a lot of experience and has been with a lot of women is more likely to be seen as desirable than a guy who has no experience because few women wanted him enough.

[Asker]

But men can’t get that experience unless women have sex with them and then they look down on them for it…….. and now maybe you understand why so many women end up with other women. Sometimes it’s just easier to be with something treats you like an equal.

[JSmuve]

Men get looked down by women too for not having enough experience. Women even have a nice little word for it that they like to throw around, "incel". So it does go both ways.

[Asker]

Women don’t avoid incels because they lack experience. They avoid them because of attitude. They have an entitlement mentality and are extremely misogynistic. A change of attitude would benefit them greatly.

[JSmuve]

Then why use the term "incel" and why not something else? It's because they know, at least subconsciously, that a man's value to women is tied to the number of women he can get attracted to him.

[888theGreat]

Past is the past? So you don't mind leaving your kid to be watched by a rapist? I mean gosh dang , he raped women in the past. That shouldn't count now.

[Juxtapose]

He is insecure, duh. Dump him.

[Twalli]

Some girls won't suck dick if their current boyfriend ever had anal with a past girlfriend. There are certain things we just don't like to know happened

[888theGreat]

Never heard that one before. So, you she asked you right off, Boy did you have your dick up some bitches ass before we met? And you said only for one second , and she said that thing ain't coming anywhere near my mouth?

[Twalli]

@888theGreat not someone I know personally, just on here. I can link her here if you want and she's okay with it it.

[LegendaryIcon]

1. If she has std's
2. If she has any babies (unprotected sex, stupidly)
3. If she has any legal trouble right now
4. if she has a current boyfriend/cheating on him with me

[hhhffg7889]

I've just always enjoyed hearing the details

[cjs31380]

Yeah it can be kind of fun

[grega239]

When you buy a car, there's usually information on how many previous owners it had. And the more owners a car had , the shittier its gonna be.

And people with a high body count apparently have a hard time forming a lasting bond, so why would anyone be in a relationship with a person that doesn't truly love them

[Asker]

This situation had absolutely nothing to do with body count. I don’t have a high body count. His is more than triple what mine is. But you’re right. Now that I think about it, he had a lot of miles and was a shitty used model….. and I left him on the side of the road where he belongs.

[grega239]

I assumed it was about body count since thats whats usually meant with" sexual past". So to actually answer your question: i dont care what my partnerdid as long as im not having problems because of it.

[Asker]

No. He pressured me for details about what I did sexually with my ex. When I was honest, he got jealous and started treating me like shit.

[Jouth]

if a girl has thought a out sex before she is unclean

[JesseJayNeak]

What you did in the past will affect your present and future. You didn't tell him and that's why he became suspicious

[lycanthrope3]

dump the thin skinned butt hole, he asked