My boyfriend (24m) doesn't last long in bed. Any tips on how I can help without coming off as a jerk?

[Anonymous]

We've been together for about a year now and have sex on a regular basis (at least a few times a week). I enjoy it, my only complaint is that it doesn't actually last that long - maybe two minutes tops before he finishes. I understand that one partner finishing doesn't mean that the sex has to stop there but, frankly, I don't like all the attention being focused on me. It's not that he doesn't want to, I just get too embarrassed to let him do it unless I'm drunk. Even then though, that's a rarity. I'll let him grope me and stuff, that's fine. I just don't like receiving more.

Now, the two minutes is once we actually get to PIV. There's always a bit of making out and either me jerking him off or giving him a bj before that, and that probably lasts around 10-15 minutes or so, give or take. Our positioning hardly ever changes once we get to it, aside from if we start with me on top - and that's just cause I suck and we both get fed up. Don't get me wrong, hands and legs will move but the overall position doesn't change. It's mostly just him going at it for a minute before he finishes. He's fast too, I don't know if that matters. Even if he says he'll go slow or be gentler, or even if I ask, that only lasts for a few seconds before he's jackhammering away again. I feel like it's pointless to ask again, so I usually just take it at that point.

He always apologizes for finishing so quickly, which I always reassure him is fine and that it isn't his fault - which it isn't and makes me feel bad for feeling this way about it. He isn't anywhere close to being new to sex, he's been having it regularly since he was 15, so it's not that. I don't think condoms would help either, as we used those in the beginning of our relationship before I got my IUD and he didn't last any longer back then. He says that he thinks it's just cause he likes me so much (most of the girls he's slept with have just been hookups) and that I "feel great", but I don't know.

[SitBackRelax]

Well neither of you are trying to be uncaring or selfish from what it sounds like and as long as that’s the case, anything can be overcome.

From what it sounds like, he is driving his body too hard and too fast. It’s sort of like being hungry combined with eating the best cake you have ever tasted in your entire life... You can let your appetite get the best of you and literally scoop it all in your mouth at once, and swallow it so fast that you can hardly taste the pleasurable tastes, or you can slow down, take small bites, and just take it all in to prolong the pleasure aka dopamine reaction taking place in your brain. The latter of the two as you can see gives you much more satisfaction and you experience much more out of it but the catch is that it takes self discipline. The same is true in this situation with him. He needs self discipline over his body by slowing down to maybe a quarter of his speed. He also needs to know his body well enough to understand where his point of no return (the moment his body goes over the edge to cum) is so he doesn’t go past that point until he means to.

Most of us guys who are naturally inclined have that powerful animal like urge to get our penis inside the vagina and let our body cum (spill our seed) as soon as possible because it feels so good. But the joy of sex as human beings is to prolong intercourse for that special connection between two people and the ability to just take it all in. If I want, I can make my body cum in under a minute or two as well. But then again, slowing down when I’m close and just enjoying that closeness while looking into a woman’s eyes makes it magical and special. If I do that, I can last over an hour at which point when I finally do allow my body to ejaculate, it’s going to be much more powerful, pleasurable, and messy too. It’s worth it!

So if he needs help initially, I would suggest that he communicate with you on how his body is and how close he is to ejaculation while you get on top for the next few times. You set the pace of thrusts and he does nothing. If he says he is getting close but not yet to the point of no return then you immediately slow down or stop all together, look at him in the eyes, kiss him and tell him how much you love him. Once he says his body is calming down, then start copulation (In/out) motions again. Keep repeating this for a while. Work up to longer times each time you have intercourse. He will start to get the hang of it and enjoy the connection. Once he gains some self discipline and sees the pattern of what you are trying to achieve in prolonging him being inside, have him get on top of you and repeat the same pattern. Both you and him will enjoy much more powerful ejaculations as a result and you will come away from it both feeling much more satisfied.

It will work if he and you are willing.

[boltfox20]

His reasoning is actually fairly sound. How good the sex feels can have a major impact on how long a man can last. Similarly, though, the speed can also be a huge factor, with faster movements usually leading to a faster finish, but sometimes very good, rhythmic, slow movements can be just as exciting and lead to a similar outcome.

I do have a few suggestions for you, however, that may help.

If he has trouble slowing down because of how good it feels, try asking him to "edge" instead. Essentially, when he feels himself getting close to orgasm, have him pull out and return to foreplay for a minute, making sure that nothing touches his penis. After that minute is up, he should be good for another round.

Another option would be to let him finish, let him give you pleasure, then letting him penetrate you, again, once his erection returns. The second time will definitely last longer and will be much more satisfying when he builds back up to his climax.

There is also jumping straight into penetrative sex. If you are giving him hand jobs and blow jobs for 10-15 minutes, that is likely lowering his limit once he is inside you. If you let go of the foreplay and just jump straight into penetrative sex once he is hard enough, he will likely last a lot longer inside you. The down side to this is that the actual act of sex might not last as long, in total.

My last suggestion would be to ask him to completely reverse the order of events. Knowing that he is going to spend a while bringing you to your orgasm, prioritize your own orgasm over his. By the time you have your orgasm, he will be a lot more excited, and likely will have edged a few times. After that, you can resume your usual sexual play, including the hand jobs and blow jobs, ending with him penetrating you. Just make sure to stop your hands or mouth when he gets close to cumming. Make sure he finishes inside you so that he has his full range of pleasure, too. Who knows, maybe you will still be sensitive enough from your last orgasm to have a second one with him.

In any case, good luck figuring this out. I'm sure he is just as eager to make you happy as you are to have more enjoyable sex. :)

[LisaLisa89]

I can certainly recognise that two minutes once you get to PIV, and my fiancé still frequently does the same after 4 years together. Second time around is one thing you've mentioned, and that's what I love!
One thing that we have found has worked, and which has resulted in premature ejaculation being less frequent than it was, is concentrating on the hand and mouth work before getting to intercourse. Allowing masturbation or oral to go on longer has been key, and this has meant giving him three or four goes with my hand or just a couple of times into my mouth and then leave it a minute before repeating. Practising this has helped him hold of his orgasm when we have intercourse.

[DaveJord]

Well damn... I free bad for you. Nope I don't have any tips. But just be as nice as you can about it.

[ChrisMaster69]

Discuss him trying Kegel exercises, yes men can do them and yes they can help with lasting longer.

it’s a fairly simple thing and also has longer term health benefits.

[summiter]

Round 2 or 3 will help but I get that he may not be up to it. They do make some desensitizing gel like a lidocaine gel ( you can get it at any pharmacy) which can help. Try less foreplay on him. Maybe get a good vibrator and have him get you off with it first?

Have you tried giving him a handjob first and letting him get one orgasm out of the way. Then after some foreplay try sex?

[DonkeyDan]

Well there can be a number of reasons for PE, and there are 2 types so it's important to know which type it is first in order to look at the possible causes. Do you know if he has always been like this since he started having sex?

[Miristheiss]

Things to try:

1. Have him masturbate and have a release first. Hopefully after that he won't be as sensitive and he'll last longer.

2. Do lots of foreplay and work on your first... kiss you from head to toe, kiss your neck, caress you everywhere, have him go down on you, have him just work you over, passionate kissing, for 10-30 minutes... whatever to where you are literally on the verge and you can't hold out any longer and then PIV can start. Hopefully if he finishes fast... YOU are also finishing because you were so close.

3. Communicate how close each of you are to finishing while being intimate. If he can feel it is happening to him and he is about to reach the point of no return he can pull out for a moment to calm himself down and then you two can start up again.

[AviatorTom]

You know, 2 minutes of penetration, after he gets hard during foreplay, is about average for many guys.

If you want him to last longer, get him to edge. Use your hand or mouth to get him excited, then stop for a minute or too, before continuing. Do that over and over until he finally cums... try to shoot for him lasting at least 5 minutes. Do that a couple times before your next intercourse and see if he lasts any longer.

You can also ride him and stop after a few seconds, repeating this, the same as with your mouth and hands, to extend the time.

[FunkyMonkee]

Have him try Tantric sex.

[bowenw]

He could be too aroused from the foreplay to last very long. Try letting him focus on arousing you first. When you're ready for PIV arouse him just enough to get him hard, if he isn't already.

[Wester1967]

Let him go. You're getting him off and being insulted by how good you are at it. Go find some Chad who will rail you and treat you like a 304 and kick you to the curb. Let your so called boyfriend find a woman who loves that she gets him off like a champ. Stop being so selfish and entitled and bitter and angry and demanding. Really. Go find a bunch of F boys and stay all the way in the streets.

[Twalli]

If he's dedicated to practicing kegels, he can learn how to orgasm without cumming.

[Zygum]

Are you male or female,? Why your profile picture is male?

[lycanthrope3]

Make sur he cums during foreplay, then procede forwardyou can cum during foreplay too

[DavidB1973]

Do it again

[DoYouBelieveInMagic]

Be reassuring, make him feel safe and let him know that you want to help, not judge

[Anonymous]

Yeah. Step your game up. I always tell her it's not my fault you're so inefficient.

[Anonymous]

Breakup on the way

[Anonymous]

A blow job with anal fingering will help and you won't seem like a jerk. You'll seem like a saint. Fire him up with this as foreplay but don't make him cum. But he sure as hell will.

[Anonymous]

Ask him to jerk off before you have sex.