Why would my serious long term boyfriend be searching on escort website for specific porn star/ escorts?

[Anonymous]

Hi - I would appreciate some advice. We have been together over 2 years and are serious. I know my boyfriend watches porn and has abit of an older woman fetish. We are in our 30s. I saw in his search history that he has looked at the escort pages of a couple of escorts who have also appeared in porn online. He has checked out “adult work” and “uk punting” for certain escort porn stars. He hasn’t searched specifically by our city/ local area.

Because of his job and line of work, I really do not think he would be stupid enough to actually go to one. But I am concerned that he has looked up these pages rather than just porn.

Do guys ever look at this stuff out of curiosity? Or is this a sign that he looking to cheat on me with an escort now/ in future and will leave me?

Do men ever look up these websites and specific escorts/ porn for any reason other than to cheat? I feel this is sort of emotional cheating anyway!! I’m sure he wouldn’t be happy if the situation was reversed. I know it is terrible I checked his phone but I don’t know what the hell to do with this information. Thanks

[Markm3212]

definite red flag, but as to whether he cheated or not is not proven. however you bring up a good point of emotionally its not great.

dose he ask for things in the bedroom department that you are not willing to do? or does he have a secret fetish/kink that he is dreaming about? maybe you could ask that and satisfy him by performing what it is he likes (if you are willing naturally)

[Asker]

Thanks for your reply. I feel terrible invading his phone privacy but I was worried as our sex life isn’t as active because of busy work schedules. My gut feeling tells me he would never actually cheat but I was really horrified to see the searches - he seems to have a thing for older women and BBW (of which I am neither). Our sex life is really quite tame and “vanilla” and he has never asked me to do anything or talks about kinks. Whenever I ask him he seems happy with our sex life but I don’t know if he is maybe shy or has other fantasies that I obviously can’t fulfill...

[Markm3212]

have you ever tried to spice things up in the bedroom? maybe you could take the lead on spicing things up? from the way you write it sounds like you are not overly pleased with the antics in the bedroom? maybe you could try spicing things up by either dressing up for him and see what his reaction is? maybe move away from the usual bra and panties and go more into the club/fetish dress, you can pick up some cheap stuff off the net these days. you could also set up a little kinky play where you have a set of restraints set up under the bed, plan a nice meal and evening and when it comes time for the after party, you could go up ahead (2 mins) tie your legs and at least one arm to the restraints (cuffs) and then ask him to do the last one up and tell him in a sexy voice that he can do what ever he wants. this way he may choose to do something different, and allow him to take the lead. this way you will hopefully get an idea of what it is he likes? afterwards you could say how much you enjoyed it and have a sexy chat and see if he comes out more. it could be that whatever it is that he likes he is a little ashamed of and thats why he doesn't open up so easily. i know that it takes me a while before i open up to my partners on my particular kinks.

[MotorcycleMan]

Sometimes it's just a fantasy. Sometimes a man might look into escort advertisements and while the fantasy might be arousing, the reality could be a complete turn-off. Maybe he found a porn star that he finds attractive and looked at her escort pages. All part of the fantasy, but actually going to see her would be a completely different thing.

[Sarahr123]

You chose the wrong boyfriend. Time to break up!

[AviatorTom]

Those other sites are a more realistic kind of porn. I occasionally look at them though I have no desire to actually use them to meet someone for sex.

[Asker]

Thanks I don’t know if it is just curiosity. He also looked at the review pages left by “clients” - why would he want to read those?

[AviatorTom]

Some of the reviews are pretty graphic and a type of written porn. He may also be fantasizing about one of the escorts, and the reviews enhance that fantasy. Remember that it's okay to have fantasies... we all do... but we shouldn't act on them.

[Pterodon]

He has already cheated with one

[bananathunder]

could just be curious and took a look... i'd check back again to see if it is a habit

[Asker]

He has viewed the websites I mentioned more than once

[bananathunder]

well you know the answer then...

[Asker]

I couldn’t see that he has any login or had made any actual contact though. We also live together and I have his work schedule so I can’t imagine he would actually go ahead with this - or am I just deluded?

[iamabadideaama]

I don't think I would ever actually get an escort but I have looked at the websites just for fun or to get off. The fantasy of it can be fun. So it's not a certain sign of cheating, but I wouldn't blame you for seeing it as a red flag.

[Asker]

Hope this isn’t too much info but do guys look at these to masturbate to as opposed to or in addition to porn? I know he has viewed porn videos for both of the escorts in question but it just makes me feel concerned about our future

[Anonymous]

Are you based in the US or outside the US?

[Asker]

Outside. UK

[Opinion Owner]

Just asking because unfortunately that industry is illegal in most of the US