Sexual Relationships
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How can I talk to him about my needs for sex?

I read that women need at least 30 mins of “whole body lovemaking” foreplay before sex and before their vaginas are wet enough to have sex? I know that everyone varies on that but it’s interesting to note.
I always get very wet In about one minute. And because I get so wet so fast, men think I’m ready to fuck after kissing me for 1 minute but mentally I’m not ready yet.
I have had a few men comment on how quickly I get wet, like it’s a very good thing that they didn’t have to waste time with foreplay, and I wish I didn’t actually. I wish it took more time to get wet so they took more time on me.
I always just feel like I’m to “get fucked”
Rather than to be made love to. If that makes any sense. I want a guy to feel my whole body and stare at it, and let me know in what ways he likes about my body even it it makes me uncomfortable because I’m so self conscious. I want that to keep happening every time we have sex so that maybe the reassurance would help me feel less self conscious? Is that just dumb?
I was sexually abused a lot and I never really learned how to have sex for me, only learned how to please. I only know how to make a man feel good, not myself. Never have.
I feel like just a body to be fucked.
I am married now and am just realizing this is why I’m not happy with my sex life. I can’t orgasm unless I’m alone. I can’t help but wonder if my husband doesn’t bother foreplay because he’s used to me, and he knows I can’t orgasm? Does anyone know how I can talk about this with him?
I don’t want to make him feel like he’s bad at sex. I’m just now figuring out, at 25 years old that I should be getting as much pleasure from sex as the guy is. It seems impossible 😞

I would appreciate no sexual comments directed at me in this post. Thanks.
0 1

Superb Opinion

  • I get that it can be a difficult topic to bring up.. but in most long term relationship it makes sense to mix up sex to some extend, regardless if you were fully satisfied in the beginning or not. Your relation develops more or less and so does the sex life. Bringing up that you think more foreplay would be nice should not scare him away (I can personally recommend a full body massage :D). Maybe there is also something new he wants to try out but never mentioned. Having a totally open talk about it can be fun :)

    Also just because you never came having sex with your partner does not mean it will never happen. I think it is good not to chase it, but you are still young and trying out different things can change it.. I personally had 5-7 years of an active sex life (+10 solo activity before that xD) before I could relax in the right way to get there. Totally a mental thing for me, and I needed the experience and maturity/feeling right about myself. You are holding something back when not talking about all your desires, there are still awesome new sides of sex to explore!

    • Those are good ideas thank you. It’s definitely a mental struggle.

Most Helpful Girl

  • "I would appreciate no sexual comments directed at me in this post."

    You asked a sexual question, in the "Sexuality" Topic no less... I think you are going to be disappointed your request goes unnoticed. I hope I am wrong.

    • No some men ask if I want to fuck after I post, or say gross things that are not advise. That’s what I was referring to.

    • Ok! Got it. Just wanted you to be prepared as this is a real possibility. I do hope that is not the case and you find some civil and helpful comments.

Most Helpful Guys

  • You read wrong. People write that shit to make money from idiots. Everyone is different. You talk to him the same way you talk to him about anything else. You let him inside you but can't talk to him? Doesn't that seem backwards?

    • Guess I’m an idiot then😬 I can talk to him, I just don’t want to make him feel bad like he’s bad at sex or like I’ve not liked sex this whole time. It’s a hard subject to talk about for me. A lightbulb went off in my head so I’m unsure how to navigate all this

  • It still confused me how people will have sex but get scared to talk about sex and what they want and enjoy its not even like this is a stranger its your husband lol

    • It’s because it’s a difficult topic FOR ME to talk about. I know my husband won’t judge me I just don’t want to make HIM feel and I’m the process.

    • Make him fee bad* not “feel and I’m the process” lol I hit send before looking

    • Yet if he cares surly he would listen no if u can't talk about it sounds like u may need to go therapy

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 8

  • Talk to him and let him know you want to orgasm with him... but you may have some trouble mentally doing it with him. Plan it for a time when there won't be distractions and you'll have an hour or more.

    It may take some foreplay and time but eventually you can let go and let it go.

    He won't know there is a problem unless you've talked to him about it. If you have before and he has blown you off, not sure there is much you can do other than talk to him about it again.

  • Be positive with your comments. While he's warning you up with foreplay, tell him "I really love what you're doing. Please don't stop."

  • A half hour of uninterrupted oral will start your engine and make you feel loved. Your orgasm will be "full body".

  • foreplay, is the best part. Find a man who agrees

    • I agree! You wouldn’t believe how many guys skip this just cause I’m already wet.




  • You have a mouth, why not use it?
    To talk with your husband
    What do you think?
    Men are mind readers


  • Yes you deserve all Fore play kissing your entire body working his way
    down slide your panties off kiss , lick, suck you to many orgasms . if
    you like him to tongue fuck your ass
    Here for you

  • Tell him how you feel guys are not mind readers tell them your wants and not just go with it

  • Tell him straight...

  • I like a lot of foreplay before sex also, why don’t you tell him how you feel like you did here? He is probably just used to doing it how it’s been done with you all this time, guys like women to be direct with their needs

    • Well I don’t want him to feel bad, and also am worried that the next time we have sex he’s gonna be turned off thinking about how unsatisfied I actually am. That’s probably me overthinking. Also He likes to talk about issues but then immediately try’s to find solutions, and if he can’t find one he wants me to have one. I don’t have any solutions prepared.

    • Just tell him you want more time with foreplay

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