I feel like my insecurity is ruining sex for my boyfriend. Any advice?

[Hannah_98]

We've been officially together for about 11 months now and since the beginning, I've been very shy when it comes to sex. I feel like part of it is that this is the first time I've ever been involved with someone like this, but I feel like my own self-perception is feeding into it. I've never been the most confident about my appearance to begin with so, despite him telling me how beautiful and gorgeous he thinks I am, I just have a hard time believing it.

He's much more experienced than I am and, as much as I'm ashamed to admit it, I feel like I'm comparing myself to the other girls he's been with, too. I've never so much as seen any of them but just from what he tells me, it makes me insecure. I feel like they all sound way better than me in almost every way, and it makes me feel like he just settled for me.

I feel like this all plays into our sex life. I still have a hard time voicing my opinion, whether it's asking for something I want or denying something that I don't, all because I'm afraid of what he's going to think. I don't even like indicating if somethings hurts for fear of making him upset in some way, so I'll just try my best to hide it. I know it's not healthy but I can't help it.

My low self-esteem regarding my appearance makes getting completely naked a whole ordeal and certain positions uncomfortable for me. Non-facing positions are probably the best but if it's missionary, I can usually just hide my face in his shoulder or neck. Sometimes though, when I try to cover myself (body or face), he'll actually pin my wrists down just to stop me. I can't even manage to look him in the eye when we're doing it though, so I either look away or close my eyes completely if that's the case.

The only time where I'm not feeling like total crap about myself during sex is when I drink. I'm quite a bit more open and confident then, but I'm new to drinking as well and am struggling with knowing my limits.

[Twalli]

He chose you, he didn't have to. Obviously he likes how you look. Virtually every guy likes how girls look naked. If he doesn't like how you look naked (like your tits or something), he'd find a way to not see it. He clearly isn't doing that. As for sex, everyone has different experience levels. My girlfriend and I know 3 positions (missionary, doggy, and cowgirl). We only have anal in doggy and vaginal in cowgirl. We can have both in missionary. So even though we've had sex well over 100 times, if we got in a relationship with anyone else we'd be inexperienced. So if you're not his second, he knows that sex with you won't be like the sex with other girls. Guys also like to know the sex is as good for the girl as it is for them. You don't tell us, we can't make it better for you. Maybe you react better if it happens in a certain way which makes it feel better for him. I like slapping my girlfriend's ass because she tightens up slightly every time I do it. If she didn't tell me that turns her on I would have never done it. If he doesn't know what makes it better for you, he won't do it.

[buddysboy16]

If it's body insecurity, spend time with yourself naked. When you're all alone and you know no one is going to pop in on you, walk around the house naked. It helps you get more comfortable with your body.

Years ago I tried this and it helped me immensely

[buddysboy16]

I've got other bits of advice but this is the one that really helped me. If you want to talk about it or just have a friendly conversation when you're feeling down, feel free to reach out and send me a dm

[loves2learn]

First of all he needs to stop talking about past relationships. That stops now. Second of all he chose you for a reason. He has been with you for 11 months for a reason. Third thing, please, please see your doctor about anxiety disorder. I had some really, really bizarre body hangups my whole life that stemmed from my undiagnosed anxiety disorder and I had the same exact pattern of drinking too much/better sex when I was your age. ❤️

[kyleelyn199723]

Sex is the best when the person you are with is confident in themselves. I think you need to realize, that if he wasn’t sexually into you, he wouldn’t be with you. In order for a guy to commit to a woman, he basically needs to be sexually attracted. My advice? Order some lingerie. Dress yourself up and make yourself feel sexy. It will be fun for him and you.

[all_hayl]

Maybe hold off on sex for a while.
*gasp*

[townhouse]

communicate ur issure and go from there so u can stop the lingering pain of lossing somthing great

[Anonymous]

I think that time and repeated sexual activities will help you to overcome your shyness.