I feel like there is something wrong with me. am I crazy? What am i?

For the longest time I have identified as bisexual. I am a genderfluid AFAB. There are times I feel like a girl and other times I dont want to be a girl or guy.

For me I love being with a guy as long as they don't use their dick... I hate giving head. looking at it is intimidating. the thought of it being near my mouth terrifies me. I wish could like it because I like being with men but trying to explain you like the other stuff but not in the mood to give head or be penetrated is not something guys like to hear. I want to say I like it. sometimes I like it, just to please him which is the only reason why i like it is to turn him on more. Most of the time i rather give head if I want to but not all the time. Normally i do it to tease them or to watch them squirm as they want more. I dont like the act i like the response and it is when I am the one in control not having a dick shoved in my face and being told to suck it. That is something i will not tolerate. They can control me but the minute they do that it turns me off. I rather when they dont tell me to do it. I do it on my own with their permission of course. basically i like it when i am the one in control that day but there are times I love when a man just pins me against the wall or tie me down without me telling them to. It is more of the foreplay with guys and I always pictured myself with a guy but the dreams about girls are throwing me off. The one girl i was with i did not like it but who is to say that with all girls. That is why it is confusing. for me I like sexual things just there are times i dont like eating out someone or being penetrated. Its the other stuff for me. like kissing cuddling and my weird kinks in my experience penetration has not felt feel good. I used sex as a punishment for a while, but then i liked girls only when I stopped punishing myself. I then fell for my best guy friend who is gay... which is confusing me again.
I feel like there is something wrong with me. am I crazy? What am i?
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