Guys how soon do you expect sex in a new relationship?

[Anonymous]

Ugh, this is so annoying. im a virgin and never been in a relationship. i know. tragic. in all my 22 years. finally had the courage to go out with a guy, and man starts talking about sex after 20 mins. da fuck? this is such a turnoff. like dude, i need to know if you are crazy first before i do anything remotely intimate with you. i am so tired of this crap hookup culture. like will i die alone and never marry just because i won't have sex on the first date?


since i am a virgin, i am honestly kind of scared. i don't want to get any potential STDs from the guy, or get pregnant or hurt. i am so unlucky, so i will probably end up having triplets my first time. i love babies, but ideally i would like to be married and have a good established career and home before i have babies because i want to give them the best opportunities in life.


so the idea of sex after 1 or 2 months just grosses me out. i want to wait at least 3 or 4 months before i get intimate with a guy. would you guys lose interest in a girl if she made you wait? of course, the same guys that expect sex after the first date to see if there's "chemistry" are also the same guys that find it extremely shocking when a woman has had sex with more than 1 man.


look, i need to know that i can trust a man before i get intimate with him. i need to make sure he isn't a fuckboy and just using me and i need to make sure he isn't crazy. is that too much for some of y'all to understand?

****i am not saying all men are like this, it just seems that most are. like when the heck did it become the norm that you have to have sex with every person you date? maybe you have 10 dates with 10 different people, but can't you just be intimate with 2 of them?

[ArchivalMars2]

There's not really a set answer for when a guy expects sex, now a huge number as I'm sure you'll find definitely want to hit the bedroom action ASAP unfortunately. A lot of other guys will also lose interest if it seems like they aren't going to get what they want (in this case being sex) and then move on. Ultimately, these kinds of guys are just in it for the sex and maybe possibly an actual relationship but that's rare and I wouldn't recommend trying anything especially if it's your first time. It's perfectly fine for you to wait 3 or 4 months until you're comfortable with the thought before doing anything sexual with a guy.

Now for me personally I don't see a problem with having sex with a girl within 2-3 months provided she wants to now. If she wanted to wait even longer I'm ok with that. In fact, the first girl I really dated we didn't do anything remotely intimate until almost 6 months later into the relationship. At the time since it was my first real relationship, I think it was best that way because I was nervous as hell about the idea of being naked with a girl much less sex. In the end, I didn't have a problem waiting that long, especially since I was also her first serious boyfriend too so we were in agreement.

In short, I'm ok with waiting 2 or 3 months or so maybe a few more. I'm ok with this simply because I'm very slow to open up with girls, was always against the idea of being vulnerable because I was so intent on being the tough stoic guy. Since then I've gotten a little better at it but it still takes time for me to open up to a girl.

Sorry for typing all this up, hope it helps a little though.

[ohshee]

I don't really expect it but I will talk about it and I would ask when you were ready I would want to be that person because like the question I just answered 98 out of 100 guys are going to make it all about themselves and that's going to turn the girl off and make her never want to do it again I would go as far as saying I love sex I love pleasing and we could even go to roleplay and foreplay can we could do anything and everything except for penetration because I still want to make you have the best orgasm ever do you were 100% ready

[ZS007]

I completely agree with you. My friends have been dating almost two years and I know that there still isn't any action going on. They are around my age as well 19-20. Not religious just taking their time.

[MelonSoda]

If he's talking about it after 20 minutes, he obviously doesn't care about you. He's just trying to get in your pants smh.

[DaveJord]

Well usually 3 to 5 dates in... but if your virgin there shouldn't be any pressure. Especially if you were honest and upfront about being a virgin. But at 22 if you start dating a guy and you don't tell him by the second date your virgin... then yeah he's working toward sext by date 3 to 5.

SO you need to tell him early on, and if he sticks around then he should not be pressuring you for it to quick... but yeah he is going to want sex at some point so you kind of have to make that decision at some point and go for it.

[Leonharted]

I hope this story I'm about to tell helps. When I had been dating the woman who became my wife for a couple of weeks, I tried to move things forward. She stopped me and said, "I'm not that easy."

Well, I looked her dead in the eyes and said, "Well, I AM that easy. So whenever you are ready." We both laughed, and moved on from the awkward moment.

I expect sex when women feel ready to give it. That being said, I think that if you are still a virgin on your wedding day (if you choose to have one), that would be the one and only time where the husband should feel like he is guaranteed some sex. And I think that's an entirely reasonable position for a man to have.

[Vikkrram]

I never had a girlfriend in my life.. but if i liked a girl... from my heart i won't even touch her widout her consent... so forget about sex chatting. And if i don't like a girl... then also i won't do it... coz i don't want that people get uncomfortable coz of me.

[PositiveNote]

Man, I wish there was really an answer that would be "correct." I'll tell you this, especially in the teenage through early 30s, sex is the #1 thing on a guy's mind—no matter what they say! A guy who is being considerate can wait until she is ready, but he cannot wait forever... I'm serious. There's got to be a time of sexual release or we guys can't think straight! Seriously!

[tzdc21]

Guys have a problem with waiting when they know the woman is not a virgin. ESPECIALLY if she's had one night stands and gave it freely to other guys but not to him. Only a virgin is in a proper position to make him wait and for him to be okay with it because you haven't given it to any other guy.

[slatyb]

"and man starts talking about sex after 20 mins." Clueless. I divorced and started dating and never had to talk about sex to get it. After the first date they wanted to be kissed. After three dates women invited me in, or invited themselves to my place.

[LoneWolf21]

I won't have sex with someone until we are in a committed relationship and have been tested for STD's. Make of that what you will.

[SiberFox]

Keep to your morals and standards, make it clear when the subject comes up that you won't bend and don't. The more value you put into your intimacy the more responsible a man will have to be to earn it.

[Fireguy17]

I don't expect it at all.
If it happens, or when it happens it happens.
There really isn't any timetable.
I have had first dates where we end up undressing each other with our teeth, and others where it has taken a month or more.
When the time is right for both is when it will happen.
Don't let yourself get rushed, guilted, or talked into doing something that you are not ready for.
You will know when it is right.

[FunkyMonkee]

As soon as I look at her!!

[Danny_dan92]

It varies from girl to girl. Typically from my experience it can happen by the 2nd or 3rd date.


Some girls do give it up day one though.

[Asker]

2nd or 3rd date? what is that in terms of time? 2nd 3rd week, or 2nd, 3rd month?

[Danny_dan92]

I typically do one date a week, with talking in between. That’s a more grown up thing to do

[Asker]

yikes, 3 weeks is still too soon. why is it too soon? because many guys probably think they'll score after about a month, and then leave. fuckbois. imagine having to have sex with a different person each month. nope. nope.

[Danny_dan92]

It is what it is.

[Seangreen]

Normally I'd say within the first month is pretty good but if the girl was a virgin I would definitely give her some time but she better jerk me off at least in the meantime

[CalogeroValledolmo]

Generally prior to the relationship in order to determine its viability. I wouldn't mind waiting a few dates if the girl was like that, but I've never incidentally waited past, the second date. I live in a city, though.

[BarryLiverstone]

3 months

[BarryLiverstone]

For reasons

[Asker]

3 months? that's awesome and ideal. it seems you are a rarity. some guys expect sex just because they bought the girl a 4 dollar cookie.

[BarryLiverstone]

A 4 dollar cookie sounds good tho, most cookies I buy are like $2 ;) where are you finding these cookies?

[Asker]

i dunno man, taxes are expensive. and 4 dollars sounded better than 2.

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s one reason I like it here in Florida. No state income tax. But ya I’ve learned intercourse should wait for trust and intimacy and that’s going to take at least 90 days to build in a relationship with a stranger

[Asker]

yeah. do you think more guys have the same mindset, or do most expect intimacy after chatting with someone for 1 hour? that's the vibe i get from many of them.

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s going to depend on a few things but my guess is if you chat with guys here for example at certain times many would get sexual quickly. I remember doing so myself as a teenager and it was based in insecurity

[Asker]

thanks :)

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome. You understand why guys try to be sexual early on right?

[Asker]

i have no idea. you said insecurity right?

[BarryLiverstone]

Yea that’s one reason. When I was like 16 I used to worry that because I didn’t have much sexual experience that I needed to brag and throw what I knew at her because she would get bored with me once she discovered I didn’t know a lot about sex. I was a virgin so was insecure and fearful she would leave. There are other reasons guys do that

[linka_pat307]

Do what

[Staximus]

You're an adult now. Adults have sex. Learn to deal with it. Waiting a couple or a few months is normal in some cultures and not in others. If you live in Europe, North or South America, Australia, or Russia, most people your age are not going to wait more than a couple months unless they are very religious. Time to grow up and learn how to not get pregnant and start fucking, or become a lesbian.

[Asker]

wow, what a wise comment from a middle aged man. surprised the younger guys put a lot more thought into it. i am pretty sure i said i would want to "wait a couple months" as well. i said i am not an easy whore and i don't like having sex with a different guy every month because "you're an adult now. learn to deal with it"

[Staximus]

I didn't say just start having sex, I said it's ok to wait, dummy. I don't think you should just have sex with a different guy every month either. If you really want to keep a guy around, you probably should have sex with him after a few months or he will think you are not attracted to him and move on, unless he's really religious or something. If you want a guy to ditch you, don't have sex with him. Sounds like you have some kind of hang up with intimacy or an aversion to sex. Maybe you should talk to a psychologist about it.

[Asker]

no, i just liked the good old days when women didn't have to have sex with 20 men before she met "the one." women get called prudes or sluts. damned if you do and damned if you don't. i am also making a guy get an STD test if he wants any action.

[Wise4myage]

A few months, or when she feels ready.

[bgreek]

So what's the rush?
Just take your time, to find the right person
If you rush into something. You'll hurt yourself

[dudeinohio]

My rule is sex by third date or there is no fourth date.

[Asker]

yeah, maybe once i reach 60 i will no longer care as much about waiting 4 months. besides, would no longer have to worry about potentially ending up pregnant with triplets.

[jahaims]

I don't expect sex

[ellEyeInnKay]

I hope for marraige but i push earlier and it irritates ME, XD