I guess this is more of a rant than a question. I went through a painful divorce in 2019. I've dated and even had a relationship since then but I've been experiencing a lot of frustration lately. I realize that every relationship platonic or otherwise that I've ever had in my life has been because the other person initiated it. So basically My frustration is because I am tired of dating women who I'm not attracted to. I have no problem talking to women I'm not attracted to and these are the women who end up liking me. When I speak to women I'm attracted to and try to initiate something outside the friend zone they get turned off. I'm such a fucking idiot and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know what it is I just say dumb shit and give off a bad vibe. I see men with beautiful girlfriends who they treat horribly. I see beautiful women at the bus stop with their boyfriend who's wearing $200 pairs of sneakers While she's struggling with kids getting ignored. I feel like I have a lot going for me, I work I have my own three bedroom house, I drive a beautiful car, I exercise and am in ok shape physically. I just turn into an idiot whenever I'm attracted to someone. Honestly I have a good life but my loneliness is really casting a big shadow. I figure if some abusive jerk can get a beautiful woman why can't I. If someone were to offer castration for free I'd take it so I would not have this burden, and just focus on what's important. I'm not horny I want someone to eat with and go to the store with and cuddle with. Thankfully I believe in God's will, cuz if I was an atheist I would just think the worst. I'm really hoping things get better for me but let's be honest I'll probably die alone.