(19F) I'm a sexually confused virgin that doesn't want to hookup and I don't know what I should do?

[okayk]

So I might be a lesbian, but I might be straight, but I might be bisexual. I was sexually assaulted by a girl as a child, and then by a guy when I was in middle & highschool... so I have some trust issues and don't feel comfortable with hooking up at all. Essentially, I'm in college where everyone is hooking up & telling me to do the same... but I don't want to. I want to be in a relationship & date but nobody (or at least the wrong sort) ever seems to be interested in me. I'm confident, I dress properly, I'm smart, and I'm not bad looking... but I guess I've been alone for so long that I just come across as too independent. I've gone on one date with a guy in college and I just hated it. He held my hand at one point and I nearly cried which is so weird. I've kissed quite a lot of people in college because it's the most I feel comfortable with, and I'm really just trying to see what I like & how to do it in that respect considering I'm single. I hate dating apps, I've tried them in the past. I don't really know what to do.

[Ez-Bri-Z]

They beauty of this is, you don't have to know right away. You have a whole lifetime to explore your sexuality. I'm in my 40s and still trying to learn if I’ll ever be ok with being sexual with a guy. Don't rush into anything just because everyone else is pressuring you to and listen to your gut. If it is telling you it's wrong, then it's wrong. That may change over time, but in the moment it is wrong for you.

Kiss if you like kissing. If you want to just hold hands and see how that goes, then hold hands with both guys and girls and see how it feels to you. If neither work, then just don't do that and try something else like cuddling instead. If that doesn't work, move on to something else. Give yourself time to evaluate how you feel after each interaction.

As for how to meet them, just look around you whether it be school or work or just in public. You have plenty of options to work with. Strike up conversations when they present themselves. Find those with common interests as you. You don't need a dating site to do that.

[laurieluvsit]

You will meet the best people on the planet by volunteering. Try CERT's or a local woman's and children's shelter, etc and with very rare exception you can trust them implicitly. People who give of themselves freely and care about others are those you want to be around and develop relationships with... I AM NOT KIDDING!

You can thank me latter :)

[Grond21]

First, stop listening to your peers. They don't know what they are talking about. Hooking up has a narrative that it's free and fun, but the scientific literature has shown the opposite. It's the cause of massive heartbreak, uncertainty, disappointment, and in some cases a destruction of the ability to form healthy relationships. So set that aside completely.

Next I would recommend that you take some time to figure out who you are. Figure out what your interests are, what kind of personality you have, what kind of personality do you like. And not just sexual interests either. That should allow you a lot of freedom to really come to a place where you can make a decision out of freedom as opposed to out of fear or out of social pressure. And if you can go to therapy for those experiences when you're younger? It should make it that much better

[CaliSir]

First off, never do something your uncomfortable with (at least sexually)!

Second, it might be a good idea to seek counseling before getting into a relationship. A lot of colleges have programs to help people who have experienced sexual assault. As a person who dated someone with trauma and mental health issues, it's can be overwhelming if you're the only person the SO seeks help from. We want to be there to help, but don't necessarily know how.

Finally, don't try and force it. Every successful relationship I've had started when I wasn't even looking for a relationship in the first place. There's something about getting to know someone without the ulterior motive of seeking a romantic partner that lets you find the people you truly connect with.

[chrissykerdock]

give head at least you'll still be in the game that way

[horatiohornblower]

Find a shy guy. They tend to not be pushy in the dating arena. So, you'll have more control over the pace.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Don't let them pressure you into hooking up, and if you aren't interested stand your ground. You will do fine, you just haven't found the right person who can sway your heart.

[Curmudgeon]

"I've gone on one date with a guy in college and I just hated it. He held my hand at one point and I nearly cried which is so weird."

And that is just sad. I bet he was the kindest person you had been with to date.

[PositiveNote]

Hey, okayk, I gotta tell you: you're not the only one who feels this way. I recommend finding a mixed group of guys and girls where you can mix and enjoy yourself w/o the pressure of one on one. In college I found several different groups to join outside of classes, and it really helped me. All you need is time to know how you feel about things. Don't watch others or listen to others, because everyone of us is different. You know what I mean?

[mark000h]

Just meet new people, make friends. Don't worry about your preferences. You'll figure that out. Don't sleep around. Don't go along with the crowd. It's BS. Do your thing, it'll just happen. Get counseling if you need it for your abuse.

[MelonSoda]

I can definitely relate to your past experiences. It's okay to not want to participate in "hook up" culture. Imho, it's pretty dumb. And stop listening to your peers. Most of them just lie to make their own lives sound more interesting anyway. You're fine. No need to rush things. Take your time with these things. If you wanna be in a relationship and do those things, great job~. The right person will come eventually and you'll know when it's right. Good luck to you. <3

[Sophia001]

Do you hate dating

[AmeerX]

Don't give in

[bgreek]

All else fails
Try reading the bible
Hang out with male and f/friends
Maybe goto a strip club
Nothing like a woman giving a lap dance

[2021biguy]

You're still young, don't worry. Just try meeting people and you'll find someone you like.

[Anonymous]

well that means u are asexual so u are not attracted to anyone

[Anonymous]

I also feel the same, wanna talk? I don't know how to text here.