Sexual Relationships
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Would/Do you struggle if not sexually active for a while or is it quite easy to distract yourself?

Like does it hurt to go some days, weeks, months, years without sex or are you quite content? Do you stay distracted by partaking in other sexual activities like oral, sexting, masturbation, etc? Or do you just focus on work/school/hobbies and manage quite well? Or are you saving yourself for marriage?

—MY ANSWER—
If i have sex outside of marriage, i end up feeling religious guilt and struggle to stay sexually active. So what helps me get by instead is occasionally having my tits sucked or getting fingered or having phone sex. I honestly need to be mentally and aurally (not orally) stimulated as well as emotionally attached rather than physically. I dont even like to masturbate myself. So the struggle isn't too real to withhold from sex as long as i partake in the mental stimulation.

I work like 7-6p most of the time and then i watch shows 7-10p daily, so thats also a good distraction. I don't know the sex itself doesn't cross my mind as much. I do love to joke dirtily and discuss sexual things but I think my sex drive is quite low UNLESS im legit having sex. When i start, i struggle to stop. And i hate that feeling. I hate feeling addicted outside of being married. Once im married, then of course I won't mind doing him all day, every day.
#FeelFreeToList #TheStruggleIsReal #ThereReallyIsNoStruggle
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I'd say I have 6 outta 10 sex drive maybe a 7.

    Having never had sex I work with what I got.

    I always figured if married I'd let myself get worked up for days. I do enjoy a good tease.

    So I probably wouldn't be doing it everyday myself but I could please her everyday depends on what her drive is.

    For me the waiting isn't particularly hard because it's not hard to be addicted to a drug you never try. I will say rather it gets lonely in all the other ways emotionally and such, want someone to spend Christmas with, shop with normal couple things that and the amount of peer and social pressure a guy gets for choosing to wait. But no really temptation.

    • Yea mine is 4/10 unless im horny then 6/10 and if im actually having sex then 20/10 lol. I don't know if i could allow myself to get worked up tho. I do need at least 2 rest days a week cause i feel lots of pain the next day after marathon sex. But thats good you avoid temptation and peer pressure

  • I think the real stimulus happens in the head and seeing and feeling or hearing just helps to imagine it much more powerful and tangible. Sex is a great thing when it is done in case I think it is true and much more satisfying if Efrata does it if people you least like and not just people you met along the way. So when I do not have a partner focus on other things. There is a saying that says about the urge to have sex that if you are hungry he is full and if you are satisfied he is hungry.😄

    • I agree that i seek that emotional connection and then mental stimulation. And its true about one person being satisfied when thenother may not be

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What Girls & Guys Said

14 51

  • The only thing that is going to do anything to make me stop having the crazy and exciting ways to be doing it with who and what I have in mind about sex is the day I am in my grave. You may have be sure that you check if I do and how you can take care of it right away. I'm very open minded and want to experience what I can with the amount of time we have.

  • It drives me crazy after a few months…. feeling empty.

  • Everyone needs some kind of sexual encounters. It's more necessary than one thinks. Even if it's phone sex or a nipple suck and a finger here and there. It releases endorphins into our system and maintains a balance of serenity in our heads. I can go through long dry spells but I can see how it affects me. It starts to affect judgement and how I act towards people. Like now it's been over 2 weeks, I'm already short with people. I also don't really care about life or what goes on around me. I get that FTW attitude.

    • Awww you should care about life

  • I would and I do

  • My sex drive is pretty high and even after I masturbate it just makes me crave actual sex even more. So I struggle a lot and the best distraction for me is either just masturbating so much until I fall sleep or going out and trying to stop thinking about sex

    • Yea falling asleep helps if you're able to fall asleep haha

  • I would struggle, my high sex drive would kill me. I know when I’m super busy at work Or on a business trip I get distracted and can go without for longer periods. I could just masturbate a ton. neither of these are replacements for sex however!
    I would NOT be content if I had to go days , weeks, months without it.

    • I see

  • Is 2 years a long time?

    I was fine until I started talking to a guy who I thought was a friend but started to always goes on about sex.

    It wasn't even on my radar.

    But the more he spoke of it then sent an unsolicited image I found it offended but it did trigger me into feeling something.

    Anyways, he and I no longer speak.

    But I had to feed the beast.

    I don't want to say I regret it because I don't.

    But I wish I was able to mentally overcome that urge to go on until I found someone I loved again.

    You know!

    I will resist a quick thrill again. I really want to find love.

    • 2 years is a good while. Its only hard if you want and miss it. I dont want or miss it. I feel like i dont “need it” unless im married. I easily went 7 years after my first. There was lots of temptation throughout the rest of HS and college but none of those guys took the time to fall in love with eachother before they asked for sex. So in my opinion, that showed what they truly wanted out of me and it became easier to resist. I dated many but didn't give in to any. Then i fell for two doofus who made me fall madly in love. Almost eloped in Vegas with both (not in the same year). But luckily the first showed his true colors and that saved me. The other, he didn't show his true colors til after i caved and had a pregnancy scare (as he’d call it).

    • Oh boy... 7 years. That's crazy. Well I won't say much. Im not judging you, we all have had crazy ex relationships. But they taught us a lot. 😊

    • I’d be okay with not having sex again as long as i get my baby by in vitro or whatever. This year there was a lot of temptation but not as bad as 2019. Either way, I've been doing good. Only one guy this year made me wanna fck the shit out of him but thankfully we ended before i caved

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  • I'm a soon-to-be 25-year-old virgin. Religious but it has nothing to do with my choices. Just never really even realized that you were supposed to have sex in high school and Uni 'cause no one was into me I guess and I really wanted someone special that I could have something special with and it just never really happened. I kinda just assume that I'm too far gone now and it's too late. I'm too well past the "standard age" and I've been dumped after a few dates for being a virgin so I'm just pretty sure it'll never happen. Besides, I'm kinda jealous of some of the women I date who I talk to and they tell me that they've had sex since they were in high school and they've done all this stuff. Occasionally I get the "oh that's so cute/sweet/etc." but it's usually meant in like a "aw, what a cute little kid/boy" kinda way not a "wow, that's so sweet and romantic, I want to be the girl that gets to fuck him and take it". Although this one girl I remember telling me "aw, your girlfriend is gonna be so happy one day".
    Not gonna lie, that kinda got to me. I was told that at 22 and I still remember it. Hope it'd still be true at 25 and not weird or creepy or a red flag.

    As for management? I dunno. As opposed to most of my peers, family and such I just never really felt the need to just go around and fuck everything I saw and I never really thought about those intentions when interacting with women. Even women I REALLY like and honestly want that way and imagine that way like my crush I just know they'd never really want me or find me attractive and it's wayyy too late to happen and I mean, why would such an experienced woman want me? So I just... enjoy what I do have, which is usually a really awesome platonic connection and friendship and really nice emotional depth. I can trust her, I know that. She can trust me, I hope she knows that and we can just be ourselves and get along really well and enjoy laughing and being in each other's company and count on each other when it's needed and I really, really like that.
    I have an extremely high sex drive which is my way of admitting that, yeah, I masturbate a lot. Like a lot. Like when I finally do have sex I'm probably gonna need a woman who wants it a lot. But I do also focus myself on a lot of more productive things. I've gotten a lot of men and women who don't believe me when I tell them the things I enjoy doing or can do and I never really understand why but when I think about it I guess it's probably because they have no time to devote to themselves so they have no time to constantly learning and constantly developing themselves.

    • I'm interested in psychology, tattoos/body modification, music, linguistics, cars, motorcycles, firearms and hunting/tracking, fishing, skating, dancing, poker, origami, writing/reading, taking hikes with my girls (dogs), I grew up on a Ranch around horses and I love exploring random parts of a city and I also love mathematics and patterns. I can play 6 different instruments to professional levels, sing, I can speak 8 languages, 4 of them fluently and I can sort of get by in an additional 3 (if you know the basics of one group it's not hard to get the rest and the Germanics are all similar), I have my handgun and rifle licenses, I've had my driver's license since I was sixteen as is standard here and I've had my motorcycle license since I was 20 and I've been taking cars apart and working on them with my dad, who was a mechanic when he was my age, since I was old enough to talk. Dad started me hunting when I was 12 and I've been doing it since then and I'm no stranger to breaking in Colts back when we had the Ranch. I also spent close to 3 years in finance handling insurance and securities and though I hated it, I enjoyed all the technical aspects and mathematics of it that were often involved and I learned a lot. And ontop of this, I was published in multiple short story and magazine collections when I was 15 and 16 and I later launched an (unsuccessful) publishing startup company in my early-20s that was short-lived but enabled me to self-publish my own debut novel but unfortunately I had to sell the rights when things didn't work out. Hence why most often call bullshit on the shit I've done in my life but I never really understood when it was all happening to me how it was all working to diversify me and make me more broad as a person. I mean, I was still a boy when a lot of it occurred to me, I still am really in a lot of ways. But to me it's just been a series of successive failures.

    • Damn you wrote a lot. You're not “supposed” to have sex in HS and college is a what if. You dont have to follow trends. Learn to set your own. My family didn't know i lost my virginity and they’d constantly peer pressure me to have sex while in college, not realizing the fcked up situation i went through in HS. Some people just expect you to follow what society tries to make a norm But you dont have to do that. You lost me at tattoos, firearms, and dogs but so many people are into those things. Its not hard to come by. Just take caution when opening yourself up to others.

    • Everyone I've met lost their virginity between the ages of 11-19 so forgive me for marking that as the standard norm that I missed out on. My ideal age honestly would've been 17 but, it is what it is I suppose. Would've been really cool to have been able to be the awesome tattooed high school band/church boy with an edge and his first car who gets to drive some awesome gorgeous girl around after pining away at her for so long and thinking about her forever and knowing she's too popular and gorgeous and amazing to ever be with me. Maybe I watch too many 80s movies. "You lost me at tattoos, firearms, and dogs but so many people are into those things. Its not hard to come by. Just take caution when opening yourself up to others." I didn't understand any of this, care to clarify?

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  • For me the only struggle is wanting to feel that Bond that touch that intense killing it just flows through each others body when you become one the other struggle is wanting just to have somebody laid back and just let me please them I want them to use every one of their senses and you feel everything that I do there's just something very beautiful and Powerful about hearing somebody with an out-of-control moan out of breath moan There's Something Beautiful about taking somebody to that place and having to lose all control when they were shy person but when they lose all control and just let it all out one of the most beautiful hottest sexiest things ever the other struggle is having that closeness that Bond looking deep into somebody's eyes and knowing exactly what they're saying to you at any given moment you can hear them so loud and they're not saying one word that form of communication is just beautiful I miss all of that I just miss making it all about somebody please use somebody making them feel something beautiful I think that's why I search out people that like to role-play or even phone sex because I crave that feeling what I also like is when I do have phone sex I have always heard that was better than any real sex I've ever had and to me that is a total turn-on because I feel the same thing at that same moment it's weird how it works but it is very true people wouldn't believe it but I guarantee it's true I think for me the worst part is is wanting all the above it is not in front of me and then coming on to gag and reading some of the questions and answers just makes you just want it so then there's masturbation and it is 10 times more powerful and better if you can do with somebody and please them at the same time other than that lots of work building things doing things to keep busy for sure. I work a lot I have side jobs and I have lots of friends a lot of people for me to help them do something always

    • Yea masturbation is better when someone else is helping out

    • I agree 100% it can become hotter more intense you can feel it deeper and when you can feel the other person their energy it gets even hotter

    • I had this friends with benefits online that we would start doing it together and then we started with the phone and I could get her to orgasm six or seven times and she would just say my God why is it so intense why is it so hot how can you make me feel this way can I try to explain to her that Just Energy you know and I said well it's not me it's you and she said no it's you and she said try this find somebody to have phone sex with and see what they say and tell me because this is better than any real life sex life had in my life it's better than all of us put together and she said and I know what you're thinking good thinking I've had bad sex and I said no I have not thinking that I said to be honest with you I feel the same thing and she said why is that I said I don't know I think it's Just Energy I said I think it's you and she said no it's definitely you she was we do that and see what the person tells you so I did I by accident I found this girl we start talking I was telling her about it and she said let's try it so we did it and she said oh my God that was better than any sex I've ever had I said I know what you mean and it's a trip how that works so intense

  • I don't and won't ever understand having religious guilt about sex outside of marriage but you're doing all that other sexually immoral shit outside of marriage. It doesn't make sense.

    I don't struggle because sex is not that important to me. I struggle more with just wanting affection and a warm body to lay with.

    • Well it makes sense for me. Everyone has a specific relationship with the Lord or none at all. Bt he gets where im coming from, so im okay with that. And yea genuine affection can be hard to come by

    • Desi please don't show off for GaG.

    • Im not showing off. Im being honest that as long as i have porn and phone sex, i can hold out. I stopped waiting til marriage after dez 3 but im still going to feel religious guilt if i have sex again before marriage. I only see sex as a means to procreate. And if i do in vitro then i dont exactly need to have sex again unless im married. Getting fingered and having my tits sucked on feels better for me. Many people have seen me say this stuff repeatedly. And its all apart of the religious guilt i get

  • Like short timeframes are no problem but if its longer it gets hard and its never been months for me so I dont know how Id handle that

  • It's difficult to go without sex for more than a few days. After a while I try to stop thinking about it. But I have quite high sex drive and need regular sexual release. It's difficult to distract myself and I find the constant thoughts about sex distracting. I also get frustrated. If I exercise a lot that helps to dissipate some of the frustration.

    • Oh i see

  • I don't mind it, I know that normally I don't really even have the lust for sex in the first like 6-7 months but I don't know how it's going to be now

    • I agree like i like to makeout and stuff but not thinking too much about sex the first 3-6 months

    • Yeah same, it's not that important to me

  • never ever had a problem not struggle being single...

    whether it was for the first 16 years of my life... or the almost a year time I take between relationships... or nowadays when it's been two years during the pandemia

    to me it's easy like turning on and off a switch... either I'm single or in a relationship, has never bothered me one bit

    • Yea its truly that easy

    • Would/Do you struggle if not sexually active for a while or is it quite easy to distract yourself?

  • @dizzydesii I say it's akin to having a regular back massage—only more addictive. If you are used to being touched on a regular basis, and it feels great say 2-3 times a week, you'll miss it when you don't have it. Sex is like that but on steroids. All I think about is sex if it goes more than two days and I'm a bit older than some! It really never dies down from I hear from older people. You just have more aches and pains later in life to distract you!

    That is why I believe sex should not be the first thing you look for in a relationship. That may not sound right, but from my negative experiences, if sex is what you marry for, you'll find so many reasons it isn't the reason you stay together. Sex is sex and I believe everyone's opinion is right for some, but reserving it doesn't help.

    • Yea im too ticklish for massages. And i dont really like being touched so maybe thats how i can easily deal. I have to be in love with someone to even have sex so its easy not to do it. I wouldn't marry for sex alone but i would feel less guilt if married when having sex. I’d feel free

    • I highly recommend a lengthy sexual relation before marriage—even if it's only with a fiance. I was one who followed the "stay pure" crap that I thought would be best. It just turned out all bad, like stealing a race car and wrecking it. In this day and age, taking time to sort out a sexual relation is a choice, one that I believe should be used to your advantage.

    • I've had sex with 2 of my exes. Even though i may have enjoyed the sex from time to time, i majorly regretted having even wasted 2 years on each of them. So i feel good to go. Sex felt overrated in my opinion compared to the BS outcome

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  • Good question! I have been in my relationship with the same person since early 2009, things can slow down time to time, we have not lost the spark but some seasons like autumn can be really slow , some sickness , work hours and weather changing effects her. So we have toys, some are weird and some are alright, none of us has the thought of dragging a third party into this, we don't seek others outside of our marriage. I don't go crazy, there is porn sites and we have toys, we helps each other and it's all good. Plus i have the gym, so i turn my horniness to gym energy and so far it works fine.

    • Yea i’d rely on my partner and occasionally porn if married. I dont see myself ever wanting to use toys but it works for others. I just have no interest in them

  • I don't have a high sex drive. Whenever I get a boyfriend then I definitely want to have sex. I wouldn't feel guilty about having as much sex as I want to. I don't believe in waiting until marriage to have sex because I'm not very religious or a devout Christian. I'm not an atheist but I just don't take religion that seriously. And I'm not going to let religion guilt me out of having sex.

    The one thing I don't want to do is have children out of wedlock (you already know I don't want children anyway). I don't have a strong urge to have sex but I'm definitely curious about it. I'm patient so I can wait. I keep myself busy and distracted with other things like coming on to this site and I have games on my phone I play.

    I also have student loan payments I have to make soon so that's definitely on my mind.
    I just graduated from college and I have to start job hunting so that's going to occupy my time. I'm also thinking about Christmas now and Christmas movies. I have plenty of distractions and ways to occupy my mind so withholding from sex isn't a big deal to me.

    • Wow yea you definitely have a lot to keep you distracted

    • Yes I do. Sex isn't something I think about too often.

    • Yea its overrated tbh

  • It's hard at first (pun intended) but after awhile without it it basically becomes the norm and I stop being overly sexual until something happens again.

    • Hahaha

  • I don’t need to distract myself. I find sexual intercourse revolting. Yes, one of my exes and I tried multiple times to have sex when we were together but the condom I had was too small and she wanted to do it anyway so I kept cringing while trying to get it in her and quickly gave up. She was not happy at all. Claimed it almost went in once. Eventually she cheated on me for someone who would actually have sex with her.


    I don’t even watch pron. I find that extremely revolting too. Why would I want to watch something that makes me want to throw up? 🤢

    • That's understandable. I like porn but dont really use it to get off. I can watch porn like its a music video. I don't know i like it

  • Ngl I need it daily or I go crazy

    • Daaamn

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