Is it my fault?

So me and and hubby was making love... we started missionary and than we went into doggy style. After I wanted to go on top. He slowly got soft. He says that when he's on his back he gets soft. I took it personal and got upset. And still couldn't get up. And I was thinking it was me.. especially after having a baby (my body not attractive anymore). We didn't get to finish. I had 4 orgasm and he didn't have none. He just kept saying that it was alright... as long as you are satisfied I'm fine... than he cuddled me to sleep. But that made me feel insecure about myself. Did anyone have this problem before?
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Superb Opinion

  • How old is hubby? Is he in any SSRI medication? The condition you are describing sounds like “anorgasmia” which is an inability to climax. I suffer from the same problem. I can go for an hour and not climax and eventually go soft and the condition is worse in my back than of I were on top.

    The main reason for the condition is a drop in testosterone levels. That usually happens at night. The best time is the morning since that’s when testosterone levels are highest. (You’ve heard of morning wood?)

    You may explore his erotic fantasies together to increase his excitement. Maybe even watch some porn together before intimacy depicting subjects he would be interested in.

    The last thing you want to do is to pressure him. Just like women, men’s performance can suffer because of stress and when stress is about sex, it becomes a vicious cycle and a self fulfilling prophecy. If he says I’m he’s ok, don’t hound him. Just cuddle with him and be supportive. Take that pressure off of him.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Believe what he tells you. Did you try changing positions and did he get hard again? It'll be the PHYSICAL position itself, for whatever reason for him. Has he always had that problem, or is it "new"? But I wouldn't worry about it. You enjoyed your self and he's happy that you are happy (this happens with women and guys, it does with us as well sometimes, it's just not as common). I really doubt it was personal, and when you got upset over it, it would only make that worse! (Like when women don't orgasm), don't take it personally. If you need to think a little selfishly to do this, then do it. Or the alternative is to sit him down and have a heart to heart, but you have to remain calm and not get upset over it. I doubt it's personal though. Example if this was true, most guys wouldn't then tell you it's ok, that they are happy that you're happy, and then cuddle with you! They would simply stop, and probably leave if he found you unattractive.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Seems a strange issue to crop up well into a relationship. If you and he have been married for a while, why would this situation crop up now?
    Women are really worried about their bodies and attractiveness but it's generally not the thing that bothers men. They care more about the woman being active, not passive, and not insecure, and being turned on and attracted to her man.

    I don't know why your husband gets soft when he's on his back. Sounds a bit like he doesn't like that - as he sees it - passive role.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 11
  • Not really like that.

  • He has ED and is trying to hide it. It's not easy for men to admit.

  • This has happened to me a bunch. Usually if I'm pumping really hard I'm not a breath and sweaty I'll lose it but If I could have a couple minutes to catch my breath I'm good to go again.

  • There some positions you like and some you don't. If you want him to cum, do the positions he enjoys.

  • Four orgasm and you complain? WTF?

  • Sex feels good even if you don't orgasm.

  • Guess he doesn't like not being in control

  • It means he likes some positions

  • It happens sometimes. It could be due to medication, blood pressure, exhaustion, stress, or the beginning of ED, which is easily treatable. It isn't you.

  • When you are on top, is your motion primarily horizontal so you can maximize stimulation of your clit?

  • He obviously still loves your body if he wants to have sex with you.
    It doesn't sound normal for a dick to go soft in certain positions. I'd suggest to him to see his doctor about it. It's nothing you've done wrong. Also, are you sure he didn't cum during doggy and the reason he went soft?