Why are men so afraid of being dominated in the bedroom?

Question

I’m mostly submissive, but I the idea of dominating from time to time because it sounds really sexy to me. When I say “dominate” I don’t mean whipping, spanking, or causing any pain to him.

Sadly, adult films depict dominant women on the more extreme side when really most of us dominant women are more gentle than that.

When I think of dominating a man, in the bedroom, I think of me taking control or telling him what to do.

I imagine a scenario where I tie him to a chair and have my way with him. I sit on his lap, grind on his dick, make out with him, kiss up on his neck, slowly strip off his clothes, rub my tits in his face, tell him to suck my tits, make him motorboat my tits, etc. Then I climb off and slowly make my way down until I’m on my knees. Then I unzip his pants and suck him off until he’s nice and hard for me. Then I untie him, push him onto the bed, and I ride him cowgirl til I cum all over his dick.

Another scenario is similar to the one above but with role playing. In this dominating role play I am the teacher and he is my student. He has to sit in a chair and wait for my instructions. I come out in a sexy teacher outfit and glasses. I instruct him that he is to take an exam. His exam is that I am allowed to do anything I want to him (within his agreed limits), but he is not allowed to touch me the entire time. If he does touch me then he fails the exam and I get to ride his face til I cum.

So men, why’re you not comfortable with being dominated in the bedroom? Would you be okay with doing any of the dominating scenarios I listed above?

ohshee · Accepted Answer

Do you have to understand there's two different types of domination there's the domination of a girl that wants what she wants in bed but then you have the girls just like the dominate that are like the Hulk that are tag team wrestlers he'll pick you up body slam you get on top of you and they want to know why the feds folded up like a taco and why you can't breathe and if you don't do what they want next thing you know you got a wedgie and they're saying who's your daddy are you coming walking out of the bathroom next thing you know they jumped down from the dresser Knock You Down and they're trying to pin you on the floor come on now there's no passion in the NFL and that's what it feels like something will you bouncing off one wall onto the bed rolling up make sure you know she has a hold of you again throwing you back on the bed come charging for you screaming like a wild man. When you wake up on the bed thinking what happened to me I felt like I got hit by a train and you're all tied up. And she's looking at you like you're a T-bone steak that's why we're afraid and I'll bet you $2 right now you're sitting in your room with tag team wrestling clothes on and you wearing a mask over your eyes can you get a picture of a man with a T-bone steak outfit on and you hungry I can hear from your voice from your words LOL

MossyMan · Accepted Answer

To enjoy both roles means for one to be a switch, which is basically just a person without intrinsic inclination who engages in power play for the sake of casual fun.
A true dominant or a submissive will, obviously, feel very uncomfortable acting the opposite role, because it's the very opposite of what they normally derive from sex.

It's like doing consensual non-consent with a sexual abuse victim, quite daft and triggering.

Sarahr123 · Accepted Answer

My first long term boyfriend of seven years had always told me that after marriage I would have to do all the work because apparently he is spoilt in bed and used to it. I don’t know if he was talking shit or what because I was 15 when I met him and he’s pretty much the only boy I have known so closely. We never had sex because I’m a virgin waiting for marriage.

NamerOfStars · Answer

A lot of it is just socialization- the idea that it's somehow a sign of homosexuality or effeminacy to enjoy being on the receiving end of someone else's attention. Maybe it's because so many of the women I'm descended from are awesome, but I genuinely don't understand why being seen as having some feminine traits is supposed to be insulting. I mean, we're all the products of direction interaction between men and women, right?

The other element, as you've noticed, is from porn- people think domination, especially when it's done by women, is the screamy-beaty-bleedy kind, and while that IS an available option, it's only one. I obviously don't know for certain (the next time you're having sex, look around, and you will not see me; not because I'm just THAT good at hiding, but because I'm not there), but I suspect it's also one of the less common kinds.

It's doubly sad, because a lot of guys are quite aroused by the prospect of their woman taking control, at least to SOME degree, and a lot of women would probably enjoy it, too, at least sometimes, but they're both turned off by the extremity of what they see. Reproduction aside, there isn't really a "wrong" way to have sex, so long as everyone involved is happy with it; people tend to think there's a procedure they need to follow. They also tend to think that agreeing to try something once is agreeing to do that thing and that thing only for the rest of their lives.

I think that a lot of women don't really understand just how important sex is to men, and that that's not the same as how important having orgasms is to men- there's a REASON the vast majority of the people you hear talking about their facesitting fantasies are men. A gentler approach to domination- to sexuality in general, really, but one thing at a time- would probably be quite welcome. There's probably an untapped porn market out there. Hmm...

Berethor · Answer

They mainly afraid of gay shit, like strap on, the stuff that you describing is okey.

slatyb · Answer

Sounds like fun to me. Not all men are afraid of that. The ones that are may not be the ones you want.

Kaneki05 · Answer

Fuck. Your hot that's all I have to say lol.

I am a switch but mostly leaning sub so I wouldn't be afraid of such things anyway. But honestly soft dom and more stuff like this is the best.
People who can do both be dom and sub are the best. And who knows why other men wouldn't enjoy this that's mad to me but eh there loss.

JackCarter · Answer

I like how you like both being a dom and sub... Buy for some it's just one... Some are just Sub and can never be good at dominating you Some are just Dom and can never be a sub to anyone

bowenw · Answer

I'm totally okay with being dominated and would love to be part of the scenarios you described. You should consider writing erotica as you are very good at describing the scenario and are obviously very creative.

ByNature1986New · Answer

I would love someone do that to me, including tickling me and forcing me to do things

Massageman · Answer

works for me.

HarryFortis · Answer

I love when my girl dominates. Once while we were making out, she pulled down my shorts, grabbed my dick and pushed me to bed. She sat on my and licked my neck and dry humped. That was super super hot. I saw heaven!

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Lol. Everything you just described sounds fun, and I would totally be down for that. I think what it all comes down to is the terminology that you use. Certain words can have certain connotations, so you probably want to avoid that.

Staximus · Answer

Get on top and ride me hard

oldermale · Answer

Im not afraid, I love being dominated by my friends with benefits's

Stevefiveo · Answer

Those are all sexy scenerios that I would love and I think most guys would too. I think the word dominate makes guys think that you will see them as weak. Maybe just say that you want to be more sexually aggressive and I think that might go over better. I grew up in New York and the girls are a lot more sexually aggressive than the girls in the south where I live now.