Are these all the requirements of safe sex? Or did I forget something?

[Anonymous]

• You use - in a heterosexual relationship- birth control like for example the IUD.
• You use condoms, especially if you don’t know each other’s status.
• You can stop using condoms if you have both been tested, you are in a monogamous relationship and you use another form of birth control in a heterosexual relationship.
• You should get tested once a year, before and after each relationship and when you have symptoms. If you have a partner you test results should be discussed.
• You should avoid sex if someone has a weird rash or sores etc.
• If you are in a new relationship you should use a condom for the first three months before you quit.

I do have two questions:

• how do protect yourself from Herpes (in a relationship with no condoms)? The WHO recommends not to get tested for herpes.
• How do you start the conversation about safe sex? I don’t want it to be too heavy if you know what I mean. Maybe something like : ‘Hey, I am currently talking to the doctor about getting the IUD. We should also have/use/get condoms’ and if he wants to stop using the condoms I could say something like ‘only if we both agree not to have sex with somebody else and we both get tested’

Even though I am already in my early 20s and have been in a relationship before, I have never had sex so this conversation is all new to me.

[RearEntryGuy]

I like to commend you for putting in the efforts to know comprehensively about safe sex. I think what you wrote in the details is sufficient.

Forgot anything? Yes.

Key point: It's difficult to maintain a monogamous relationship, especially with soneone who is promiscuous.

It all voice down to trust and acceptance.

Trust as in both got tested, then live by the agreement.

Acceptance is make "breaking up" a part of the "exit clause" of your agreement. This removes the possibility of "cheating" altogether. It's hard to bear when the day comes. But better a broken heart out-front than a broken heart + STD behind each other's back.

[Asker]

I think trust is indeed very important. I would not stop using the condoms if I didn’t trust my partner and if we wasn’t open to getting tested and sharing the results. The reason why it is important to keep getting tested in a relationship is because people do cheat. I don’t think my current boyfriend would cheat but it can still happen of course.

[RearEntryGuy]

Updates: Conversations centering around sex is usually more awkward. For starters, have the will power by repeating "if we're adult enough to have sex, we're adult enough to talk." The rest is business-like: have a meeting agenda. Hence about BC, send a message what you plan to talk about. Then research, meet and talk. (Bring your laptop, have PowerPoint slides helps LOL! Until you're used to sex talk.)

[DonkeyDan]

Yeah that all looks pretty sound.
I shouldn't worry too much about herpes, approximately ⅔ od the golval population have HSV-1 and around 15-20% have HSV-2. There are few long term complications from either version of the virus, and it is very difficult to avoid. Bad outbreak's can ve treated with antiviral drugs but as herpes can't be cured this is very rare. Only in very few cases can herpes cause complications such as viral meningitis, but this is so very rare.
Regarding the discussion of safe sex, it's best to just be upfront about it, many people these days don't like to or expect not to use condoms, so it is very important to be very clear about your position on this.

[Smashingdoozy]

It's pretty much all about trusting your partner.

Also another rule for safe sex is make sure it's consensual.

[Asker]

Yes you’re right!

[MossyMan]

You forgot - don't do oral without barrier methods.
If you are using condoms for the sake of STD prevention, well then you obviously have to do the same with oral.

You can catch most STDs via oral, especially the real stinkers such as herpes and HPV which are very common, technically incurable and sometimes serious health risks.

[Asker]

When I said “using condoms “ I meant during all types of sex. I should have been more clear about that. I know about HPV and luckily I got the three vaccinations back when I was 12.

[kellytheman]

I think you covered all based I always use a condom the first time I have sex with a girl and keep on using until she goes on the pill.

[boobliker]

the only truly safe is not to at all...

[Asker]

True, I meant safer sex

[boobliker]

sorry you have to make your own mind on that!

[In_Trance]

Why would you use condoms for 3 months and quit? I don't get that logic

[Asker]

STD-testing. Most STD’s show up after three months

[In_Trance]

So if you remove protection, it'll show up in month 6...

[Asker]

You should only remove protection if both parties don’t have any STD’s ….

[In_Trance]

And if you don't, you verify that before you have sex... which would mean in this case, the condoms are of no use

[Northernmost84]

HSV is a tricky one, skin to skin contact can transfer the virus, the skin around your vagina and anus is thin and can easily be infected. I would agree with most of your safe sex plan

[Asker]

What would you disagree with?