My longterm, live-in boyfriend agreed to download less porn but instead just got better at hiding it. What do I do?

[Isitworthit]

We’ve been together 4 years. I was doing an assignment for him and had to download a form. When I went to the downloads folder to retrieve it, I found a lot of porn. Looking at the dates, I noticed he does it EVERY day I’m out of the house working and he stays home (he works part time). He knows I got cheated on by my past several boyfriends (all over 1 year, hurtful). I try hard not to be paranoid and overly insecure, but I don’t think you can blame me for being a little extra cautious. Anyway one of the reasons it bothers me is that it’s not sex, but nudes of other girls and videos playing with themselves. He says he likes amateurs so it’s not even pornstars but realistic girls with bodies like mine, and now that the suspicion is there i can’t help but wonder if they were requested/sent directly. I tried to ignore it because I know every guy watches porn even if in a relationship, but it’s affecting us. We had sex 4x/week at least, but now I’m feeling insecure and when he closes his eyes during sex I can’t help but think he’s imagining one of those girls. So, we had a difficult conversation where I expressed how and why it hurts me. I asked him to tell me about any fantasies/ things he wanted to try, or if he wanted to make a porn blog or OnlyFans with me. He said he understood and agreed to watch less often. The next week I snooped to check. I saw he had done it that same day we had the conversation and the next 3 days I was at work. I also found an account to a cam girl website, which is obviously just as or more hurtful than amateur nude selfies. I guess I didn’t cover my tracks because a few days later I checked again and not only had he deleted everything in his downloads folder, but he started clearing his trash bin every day. So basically he lied and just got better at hiding it, and now I can’t help but wonder what else he’s hiding. I don’t like the downhill slope this is taking, but I feel ignored and disrespected. Advice?

[Anonymous]

yeah. Quit trying to police him. All men look at porn, relationship or not. Do you send nudes to strangers online? Most women do not. Its commercial sites. Men are visually driven. And news-he probably IS imagining other women when you have sex. Most men do after being with someone a while (most females too). It has nothing to do with "cheating" it is just how men are built. Your distress is about your insecurity. Hot women are NOT trying to poach your boyfriend, if they were porn would be unnecessary.

[jaybee281]

To be honest - I did the same with my exes but I was honest about it - I told them truly why I did it - There are certain things in porn that are different to real life sex - That's how fantasies work - I could never get that in real life whether it's with one of them or you or whomever - So no it doesn't I'm not satisfied nor that I don't love you and will leave you any minute now - It's just what I've already said - It's different because it's just fantasies..

[SnakeBoop]

firstly, more fool you and him,
porn isn't anything. i've been cheated on too. so what, its porn girl. chill.
but he was an idiot to entertain your insecurity and promise something he couldn't fulfill. and then to especially hide it instead of just being honest.

[Apple1996]

Stop caring about his porn habits. That is something you can't control

[summiter]

I don't know if it is going to get any better. Is he jerking off to the porn he watches also?
I would continue to have open and honest conversations with him about it. Let him know that it bothers you. If he won't change then you have some important decisions to make. Are you still having sex 4X/week or has it gone down a bit?

[mark000h]

Sounds like he has a major porn addiction.

[boggboss]

Meh not much to say past u tried to set a rule and he agreed to keep u happy but not wanted to actually do it so now u will have to talk to him again and essentially say how u don't trust him as that seems to be the issue here

[boggboss]

Its always going to be hard especially if u are insecure like u are I do feel u need to get to the core of your issues tho as if its so bad u think him closing his eyes during sex means he is thinking if other girls this relationship ain't gonna last

[Isitworthit]

Thank u. I’ve been cheated on consecutively, by just about every guy I’ve been with (6+). Shortest relationship was a year, so not flings where cheating wouldn’t be as hurtful. I think it’d be hard for anyone to not to be at least a little insecure after that.. the thing is, I am generally confident but when it comes to sexuality I am a bit weary because of it. And my boyfriend knows this. I am attractive, fit and have a pretty high sex drive so it’s always just wondering why that’s not enough to sexually satisfy. Like we’ll have sex in the morning before I leave to work, and then he’ll watch porn again anyway while I’m away? We’ve been together 4+ years so I’m trying to not continue my mind’s slippery slope, but the lying and hiding doesn’t help because I have seen those red flags many times before. Doesn’t mean it will escalate to actual cheating, but how am I to get reassurance if I’m being lied to? I wasn’t expecting the behavior to stop, just lessen especially while we have very regular sex. He agreed to that but didn’t make any changes, just hides it better.

[Avicenna]

TBH, you seem very insecure, but if his behavior is a dealbreaker, you should end things.

[Isitworthit]

Yes, I accept that I’m insecure and that’s my own problem to deal with. But do you think his lying is then justified because he’s trying to protect my feelings? Or do you think it’s still fucked up that he’s lying to me and isn’t even trying to change the behavior? I didn’t ask him to Stop watching, and the fact that he did it that same day we had the conversation is hurtful. Am I just not being patient enough?

[Avicenna]

Give it some time. I imagine it's hard to stop cold turkey.

[Citizenkirk]

Watch it with him 😂😉

[Dargil]

Empty the folder and don't tell him.

[Staximus]

I could see how this would make you feel less desired. Some guys are just addicted to porn, and some guys are looking for some strange. If he's not cheating on you, then maybe he's just a porn addict. Let him watch you masturbate or something

[badboy-hey]

C'mon let that boy have some fun on his own.

[noohair]

I believe you have legitimate issues. Lying is very bad. He might have an addiction and that is another issue. All the best to you.

[TallAnon]

Watching porn is normal, if you keep pressuring him, he'll leave you.

[PeterSmith1983]

Apparently he still doesn't hide well enough

[888theGreat]

break up city

[hockeyfan87]

Porn is just a masturbatory tool for guys like a back scratcher if your back is itchy or a vibrator for women. It has nothing to do with his feelings for you and even if I had sex everyday I’d still probably watch porn. It’s a good quick fix when you’re horny.

Unlike what most women think, guys aren’t looking at porn thinking “oh man I wish I was with her instead of my gf” they’re literally just like oh that’s hot then they’re done.

[Inevitable_opening68]

Try this grabporn. me/.../